Would it offend you if your biological child called their SM Mom?

Kyleigh - posted on 05/16/2011 ( 111 moms have responded )

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This is a hot question for alot of people. Wasn't sure what your thoughts were.

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Kimberly - posted on 05/18/2011

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No, because I know who I am to my children. I think women who get offended have issues with "ownership". When I was younger, my father remarried when I was 10 and for the longest I refused to call my step-mother "Mom", but then one day it just came out. My mother was initially offended, but I believe it was because she and I didn't have a good relationship. My step-mother, who has since divorced my father, and I still call her mama, is a great woman, who has only shown me love and acceptance from the very beginning. And that is what children need. NOT CONFLICT because the adults are unsure of themselves.

Linda - posted on 05/18/2011

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I have a SD (now 28) and SS (now 27) who were raised by their bio dad and me. I came into their lives when they were 9 and 10. Prior to that bio mom & dad shared custody 50/50...pretty much. When my SD was around 12 she started calling me "Mom" out of the blue. I felt honored. It didn't last long, however, so I figure either her bio mom or her brother put the kabosh on it. Their bio mom had wanted them to live with us so she could have her freedom, so she could "find herself" and I was happy to help raise them. I volunteered in their school, was on boards for their sports teams, gave them b-day parties...the whole nine yards. Their bio mom had them every other weekend, unless she had plans with the latest boyfriend...in which case she would arrange with the kids to stay home, without asking us. She bought them things, took them on vacations....we called her the Disneyland Mom. We did the disciplining , went to teacher conferences...I was the one who took them to the DMV when they tested for their drivers' licenses. We took my SD to look at colleges and when it came time to move her, her "Mom" decided she would do that. When I questioned why, she said she guessed that we could "tag along" if we wanted to.

Anyway...I don't feel she deserves the status of "Mom", but I understand that she will always be "Mom" in their hearts. I never expected them to call me that because it feels weird to me.

I don't have an issue with any SK calling their SM "Mom" if she's the one who is stepping up to the plate.

[deleted account]

Well being on the other side, I'll tell you what offends ME. Having two bio kids and being told "mom" is not my name. My fiancé told me just the other day his ex was bitching at him because apparently his daughter went back to her house and referred to me in some manner as mom. He said his ex's complaint to him was that my name is NOT mom. Well excuse me, this is MY home and I have children--my name IS mom here, whether BM likes it or not. We have never once told my fiancé's daughter to call me mom, and my fiancé ALWAYS refers to me by name when speaking directly to his daughter, but of course he is going to refer to me as "mom" for our boys. And of course they are going to address me as "mom." His daughter is bound to endure a little confusion on this issue, it's not personal at all-she never addresses me in person as "mom" and she will certainly understand the difference eventually. For someone to sit there and say a woman's name, who has two kids, is NOT mom in her own home is just petty, jealous, and bitchy.  Again- this is my home and my sons' home 100% of the time. I am not her mom, she is not asked to call me mom, but my name IS also mom here, so she IS going to hear it...a lot... and we are not going to just stop referring to me as mom in front of her with our boys. And I think to make a fuss over the innocent, inevitable confusion of a small child is just petty. 

For those situations some of you have mentioned, where the children are older, I think it should be whatever the child feels comfortable with. I don't think they should ever be told to call a stepparent mom or dad, but if they conciously choose to on their own I would think that's a great sign and the bio parent should feel confident of the care their child is receiving.

Caitlin - posted on 05/23/2011

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As a stepmother and bio mom, I think that if people would allow their children to have a close relationship and support your child's decsions, if they want to call her 'mom' then support it. It's a very confusing thing for a child, they feel like they're in the middle of two people and if they get close with step mom it could make their bio mom hurt. A child in this situation is going through enough stress of having two families without added stress of not knowing how to act around either without causing hurt. My stepson calls me mommy, but he also calls his mom that. When he is around both of us, he calls me Mommy Catie to avoid confusion and since she is the first mommy. He didn't call me mom until my youngest was born and I refered to myself as mommy, and he picked it up. He was not coerced or forced into it, and I never made a big deal of it. It's stepMOM, and it's not an easy job and usually has no benefits as although you act like the mom at all times the child is with you, he will still feel most likely feel the true mother connection only with his biomom. Give stepmoms a break! Support your child, and make sure to keep communication open between both families so you can speak about concerns like these without either party feeling attacked or alone in the matter.

Caitlin - posted on 05/23/2011

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Also, let me put this out there for all of the moms answering... If your kids had a stepmom in their lives, would you want that woman to treat them inferior to her own children? By having this fear of letting our children call another woman by 'mom' we are severing a possibly great bond between them. Your child is never going to forget that you are their mother. Ever. Even if you die, leave for years, or they call another woman 'mommy'. They know. Allow them to have this bond, so that the stepmother can feel a bond and connection with them, because wouldn't you want her to treat them as well as her own children? She should be given as much respect as you are by your children, and comments about how she's 'not their mom' will only push a wall between them, or between you and your child.

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111 Comments

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Amanda - posted on 06/17/2011

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I agree with Brandi but also you don't become a mom just by giving birth however by simply marrying a man with kids you are not simply a mom either

[deleted account]

Wow Kimberly! I guess that I do have OWNERSHIP issues. I mean after all I carried them for 40 weeks. I gave birth to them. They are MY CHILDREN not anyone else’s




Carrying and giving birth to a child doesnt make you a mom.... whats that saying, "Any man can make a baby but it takes a dad to raise one" something like that. Its your actions in the years that follow that make you a mom. Mom is not a tittle your entitled to just because you gave birth, unless you actually step up to the plate.

Temper - posted on 06/16/2011

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I'm not in this situation but it would offend me. I have a very close friend who is in this situation & it offends her, thank goodness her kids don't do this. What happened with her is that the step mom, who is not really a step mom. She is just the girl friend, asked my friends kids to call her mom! That I think more than anyting is weird. I think calling them by their name should be just fine!

Amanda - posted on 06/15/2011

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I have responded to this post a couple of times before I am a stepchild as well as a single parent. Personally I never called either of my stepparents Mom or Dad I called them Lee and Mary, I do believe it is a matter of respect because we ( my brother and I) have a mom and dad.
Likewise I would not be ok with my son calling someone else mom but I would also NEVER allow or encourage my son to call someone else dad.
Yes children can be loved by many many people and they can have multiple father/mother figures in their lives. I have three "Dads" (my mom's 2nd husband is still in our lives).
However there is a difference when both Biological parents are involved and supporting the child as opposed to one or both being missing. In which case you are correct whoever raises and care for that child is their mom or dad.

Jodie - posted on 05/31/2011

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I wouldn't like it but it depends on the child and their age. I had a foster daughter who called her birth father and step-father dad because she got confused and kept calling her birth father by his name instead of dad. She found it easier and less confusing when she called both men 'dad'. Her birth father didn't like it so she didn't refer to her step-father as dad around her birth father.

It might be worth sitting your child(ren) down and discussing it with them. Might be the same situation as my foster daughter so might be worth you coming up with an idea like Marthie Du Plessis said about (you being mummy and the step mum being mama with her name)

Marthie - posted on 05/31/2011

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My mother looked after our neighbour's little girl since she was 6 months old (while her mother worked), and she really became part of our family - visitng other family and our friends on a regular basis. When she started talking she immediately distinguished between my mom and her own by calling her mother Mommy and my mother Mamma Linda. She is 27 now and is still calling them that. The mother was okay with it, and I guess as long as the biological mother is okay with it, it shows that the SM or replacement mom, is also doing a good job. Which is ultimately what you want.

[deleted account]

Was it forced?? if the child is doing it on their own, then it is their choice. you have to be confident and know the strength of the relationship with your child. It may bother you but if it is something they want to do then u could let them. I think I would be offended but I don't really know how I would feel because it has not happened. is this happening partly because SM is over stepping boundaries as step mom and trying to be mom?? I leave it up to my SD to call me what she wants. If she started calling me mom I KNOW that the world would come to an end, he mom would FREAK! Sorry I do not have better advice!

Candyce - posted on 05/30/2011

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Depends. How well do I know the biomom? Was it forced? Of course I know my child knows who his mother is, so if it's simply a title of respect that HE chose, I don't think I would mind too much, other than the initial clenching of the heart. My stepdaughter doesn't call me mom, but she's the only child who can call me by my full name, without a preceding "Ms" or "Mrs". I call my stepmothers by their full names, but will sometimes call them mom, ma, mama, or mother - then again, my mother's dead, so I don't have to worry about offending her. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my SD calling me mom, but that's her call, and hers alone. The name used ought to be the one chosen and mutually agreed upon by the child and stepparent.

Erica - posted on 05/30/2011

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I have only one "Mom" but many "moms". Does that make sense? Growing up we called our bff's moms mom as well (some of them anyway). I call my SM mom, but NOT around my Mom. My inlaws have also told me I can call them mom and dad. Which is nice because it took me forever to learn how to pronounce their names. My MIL is Chinese and my FIL is Vietnamese. So it's just easier to call them mom and dad.

Megan - posted on 05/29/2011

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Im a SM of 3 and Mama to 2!! And yes it would hurt me devastate me as well if my bios called their SM "Mommie." You just dont do that, but if BM wasn't in the picture because I know alot of cases of situations that deal with the CUSTODIAL parent not wanting the children around the non custodial parent it hurts and its just not right to do that morally

Amber - posted on 05/29/2011

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Personally I think it isn't right to call your step mom "Mom" if your birth mother is still in the picture. My Fiance has a step mother and he calls her by her first name, and his birth mother is still "Mom". It doesn't change how he sees his step mother, she has been a motherly influence in his life for a very long time, its just really more respectful to his birth mother that he calls his step mother by her first name and not "Mom". I would feel the same way if my daughter ever had a step mother and called her "Mom". I am her Mother and I always will be, and you only have one Mom. A Mother gives birth to you (or adopts you), a Mother raises you, a Mother would do anything for you. Just being married to your father does not make a woman your Mother.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/29/2011

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Yes, of course. It's my damn kid. However, I'd get over it. Unless she was a worthless pile of steaming cow dung then I'd stay mad just because I hate her LOL so I hope I never end up in that situation..... I don't want to worry about a 2nd 'mom' in my kids life. That is me. I had kids, I raised them, was up all hours of the night feeding them..... get your own.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/29/2011

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Thanks Mom Megs I thought so! I will have my attrny check into this! maybe my bio child can get some therapy soon

Megan - posted on 05/29/2011

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You might be surprised at how many Custodial parents use fear amongst children ( younger) if called the Step parent by their name!

Dori - posted on 05/29/2011

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when i found out that my kids called their SM not just mom but mommy i was really hurt because ith their SD when they called him daddy i correct them he's papa daddys in Edmonton plus the fact that i know the SM does nothing remotely "motherly"with them so hurt yes and a tad p-offed as well

Kyleigh - posted on 05/29/2011

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if the parent is active i see a BIG problem with trying to teach the SKs to call SM "mom," but if the BM is active BM should be called mom , mommy. nothing ever forced!!!!!

[deleted account]

I have a 5 year old Out there living in a nother family. That family has 2 boys, the couple is married and a very respectable family. My daughter calls the boys her brothers, and the parents are "mommy" and "daddy" when she speaks to them. The Catch is, its her Anty and Uncle, and her 2 male cousins.
My answer to your question is No. It doesn't offend me because that little girl has a mommy and a daddy and thats a perfect structure for a little child to grow up in. As a parent its easy to be selfish, and sefless. My desicion apoon why she's in that situation to have another family raise her is my own. But my decision to accept that she is going to call them mommy and daddy is my own as well.
Perhaps you being offended is part of your healing process, you must be going through a transition. As do i everyday. Some days are hell, some days i dont even consider i have that daughter out there. and some days i think of how lucky i am to know that she is in the right place. Not a day goes by where i regret my decision to where she is. ♥ Each day is each day. and tomorrows a new day. When you think about it offending you, try try to think how important it is for a little child to have that fortune to say mommy or daddy and that they feel the saftey in their life when they can say mommy or daddy.

Alicia - posted on 05/29/2011

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depends on the situation. in the case of an absent parent (mother or father), and a child wanted to call their stepparent mom or dad, no issue. if it weren't my own child, and i saw another child referring to their stepparent as mom or dad, and the biological parents didn't care, no issue. me personally? yes it would offend me. if it were my own child instigating it, then i would probably not say anything. however, i have a friend whose ex's new gf insists that their three year old call her mom. BIG ISSUE!

Kylie - posted on 05/28/2011

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i think its okay if the real mother is not involved. but if the real mother is then i dont like it, but its really all up to the child. my daughters real father is not in the piccture and wants nothing to do with her, but my fiancee has been with me almost my whole pregnancy, was there when i gave birth and has been with us since. so i suspect when shes old enough to understand she'll probably end up calling him dad, we'll have to wait and see :)

Talania - posted on 05/28/2011

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I see both sides of the equation, I have a StepDad who I have called Dad as long as I can remember. My real Dad was killed when I was only 6 weeks old. My Step Dad has been my Dad since I was around 4 years old. My parents never kept me from "knowing" who my real father was and I spent my summers with my Biological Fathers parents but to me my Step Dad was and always will be Dad. When we talked about my bio dad it was Daddy, so I guess there was a distinction. Now for the other side of the coin, my 1st husband and I divorced and It is a gut reaction even after 11 years to hear them refer to their step mom as mom sometimes but it is their choice and I feel that they should be able to decide what to call their family members. When they talk to me about her they always use her first name and when they talk to her about me, they say "their mom". I learned a long time ago, if you make a big deal about it, they tend to dig in their heels or they feel guilty and torn. I would prefer my children feel safe and unafraid to use mom, mary or whatever they have deemed appropriate. I also have 2 step daughters, one calls me Mom and the other calls me Tal, it was their choice and no one forced them into anything and that is how it should be in my opinion, the child's choice.

Valerie - posted on 05/27/2011

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i have lived this situation as the kid. my parents got divorced whey i was 3 and my mom remarried when i was 5. i chose to call my step father dad and still do to this very day. no one made me and i know it bothered my father when i was younger. but i think he understands it now. he has been around my whole life but so has my step dad and i look at them both as my father. they both supported me and comforted me. both yelled at and grounded me and they both love me and care about me like i am their own. my step mom didnt come into the picture till i was 13 and i call her by her first name cause im not nearly as close with her. being a mother i can see why it would be irritating. i think it would bother me slightly if i ever fell into that situation. but having been on the other side depending on the circumstances i would understand it.

Rachel - posted on 05/27/2011

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My son calls my husband dad and his biological dad dad so I don't thtink that it would worry me to much about him calling someone else mum aslong as it is his choice and he is not being forced into it.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/26/2011

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if BIO mom was an active role in their life yes I can see the BM getting mad, however, if she isn't an active role i can see where MOM would be the SM ...the person who stepped up. thanks for sharin

Jasmine - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'M JUST STATING MY OPINION NOT FOR NO ONE TO LIKE WHAT I'M SAYING OR TO RESPOND TO MY COMMENT CAUSE I WAS JUST STATING MY OPINION I WAS NOT RESPONDING TO NOBODY ELSE'S COMMENT CAUSE I DNT CARE HOW NOBODY ELSE FEELS ABOUT THE SITUATION THATS JUST HOW I FEEL I KNOW HOW FEMALES ARE THESE DAYS THEY TAKE BEING A SM WAY TO FAR BUT IM NOT GON GET INTO ALL THAT I DONE SEEN IT ALL,I DON'T LIKE SOME OF THE THINGS I'VE SEEN,I'VE SEEN SOME VERY NICE AN SWEET STEP MOMS LIKE MY MOTHER IS TO HER STEP CHILDREN, HOW SHE IS I THINK ALL SM'S SHOULD BE THAT WAY SOME SP NEED TO TAKE NOTES ON HW TO BE A SP SERIOSLY... BUT I'M NOT IN THAT SITUATION AN DNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SM OR BEING A SM FOR A VERY LONG TIME I WAS JUST SAYING IF I WAS IN THAT SITUATION THATS HOW IT WOULD BE MY SON WILL JUST TELL DA SM HW HE FEELS BT NOT GO OFF ABOUT THE SITUATION JUST LET HER KNOW YOU'RE NOT MY MOM I ONLY HAVE ONE AN THATS THE LOVELY WOMAN WHO BIRTH ME AN THATS RAISING ME,THATS IT, TRUST MY SON WILL LET ME KNOW EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON AN ESPECIALLY IF HE DOES NOT LIKE WHATS GOING ON YEAH THEY CAN BE COOL AN DO FUN THINGS AN TREAT MY SON RIGHT,HAVE RESPECT FOR MY SON,HE'LL WILL HAVE RESPECT FOR HER 2 AS LONG AS SHE DOES NOT CROSS THE LINE IN STAY IN HER PLACE,DON'T DO CERTAIN THINGS ROUND MY SON I;MA VERY OVER PROTECTIVE MOM, I DON'T PLAY ABOUT MY SON....BUT FOR NW AN A VERY LONG TIME FROM NOW I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SITUATION SO I'M GOOD

Ditas Irene - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm not a stepmom, so I can't really say how I'll feel. But here in my country, having been both under the Spanish and Americans, the way out people have had with this is to use different terms. I have a friend with a child from her ex-bf who is still on good terms with him, who recently married. Both ex and new hubby know each other and have no bad blood between them. The son calls his biological father "Dad" and the stepfather "Papa". Last time I saw him, I told him: "Wow, you are blessed! A Daddy and a Papa who both love you very much!" (We [my husband and I] were protective of "Mom and Dad" only when my mother-in-law, after I gave birth to our twins, asked that we be called Mama & Papa so that THEY can be called Mom & Dad, and my parents Nanay & Tatay [Filipino terms that I use for them], because we knew the request was being done out of a denial of their age & status [my parents didn't like the idea either: they loved being called Lolo & Lola]). Gosh, I wonder what would happen if the Japanese had stayed long enough to influence our language...

Beth - posted on 05/24/2011

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Not sure. Probably, but I wouldn't make waves because I wouldn't want my child to feel conflcted. Kids shouldn't have to feel like they have to pick sides.

Kathleen - posted on 05/24/2011

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I had a SM growing up and I called her Mom. So I have no problems with my kids calling their SM Mom. Doesn't bother me. I just leave it up to my kids, I will not fight about something so silly. The more love, and family the better ;)

Dayquita - posted on 05/24/2011

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It depends on the circumstances. I've been with my SM since I was 2 years old so for me she is my mom no questions asked. I barely know my biological one and she had made no effort to communicate or get in touch with me and when I tried she had some priorities (such as whoever was her partner at that time kids). It's ironic how she could't take care of her own and still was trying to please someone else's. It's hard for me to think about that situation with my son since my husband and I have a wonderful relationship and like I said, it depends on the circumstances. I guess it looks more "easy" when you have one when you are younger (like in my case) than when you get one while you are a teenager.

Erica - posted on 05/24/2011

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I guess I would mind in my position because I have raise my daughter all her life n her bio father has not , my husband has raised her since she was four and she calls him daddy ( she is 13 next month) but in our position he is ever bit of her daddy! As a mother I would have a hard time with it.

Jasmine - posted on 05/24/2011

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YES BECAUSE MY SON ONLY HAVE ONE MAMA CALLIN THEM MA IS OUT OF THE QUESTION NO SIR NOT HAVIN IT AND THEY BETTER NOT EXPECT MY CHILD TO CALL THEM MOM PERIOD OR ITS GOIN TO BE A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM BELIEVE THAT SHE DONT HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO RESPECT THAT... MY CHILD WILL TELL ME EVERYTHING AN HE KNOWS HE ONLY HAVE ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER AN THATS (ME) HE WILL LET HER KNOW POINT BLANK PERIOD (YOU NOT MY MAMA MY MAMA NAME IS JASMINE BROWN) AND DONT TRY TO BE MY MAMA I DONT CARE IF THEY'RE IN PUBLIC OR NOT THATS HOW IT IS OH WELL IF SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT WHO CARES( WE DON'T )....

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2011

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@ Alana I'm a step mom and Mom too. Maybe because we are in both positions we see it differently. I've always been a huge support of my daughter's step mom. Because I know being a step mom can be a very hard job.

My SD's mom is not in her life at all. My SD was so happy to be able to tell kids who her mom was once we got engaged. We sat down with both girls and asked my daughter if she would share me with SD and told SD if she wanted to she could call me mom and I would be happy and proud to be her mom. They were 3 1/2 at the time. I felt blessed to be able to give that to her. The look on her face the year before my husband and I got married when kids would ask who her mommy was was so heart breaking! I love being her mom.

My ex had a girl friend years ago that used to force our 2 year old to call her mom. That pissed me off. They weren't married and it wasn't my daughter's choice and I think she even told my 2 year old that I wasn't her mom anymore. That's what my daughter would come back saying when she came home from her dad's. And on drop offs when just the girl friend would bring her home she told me she loves my daughter and wishes I wasn't in the picture. I tried talking with my ex about it but he wouldn't listen to me we really weren't on speaking terms. Once they broke up I told him. So in that situation I would be livid.

I want my daughter's current step mom to love her and care for her and sacrifice for her as a mom would. But now that she has her own son she really could careless about our daughter. Which is sad. And it hurts our daughter deeply. Every time she comes back from her dad's she talks about it. I think even if they don't live full time with one parent they should still feel like they are home and loved completely.

Tina - posted on 05/24/2011

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I would raise hell if any of my kids ever called anyone else mom. I carried them, I gave birth to them. I am their mom. No one else has the right to take that title. Luckily me and my husband are still married so I don't have to worry about it.

Alana - posted on 05/24/2011

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Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm a mom and a stepmom. I have 2 of my own and my husband has 2 from a previous marriage. My 2 stepchildren call me mom and that's okay with me, their mom didn't want to be mom, she said she wasn't ready to be a mom or a wife, main reason she started cheating and they got a divorce. My point is I am and always will be mom to them no matter what! They are great kids and if their biological mom only wants to see them Sat. evening to Sun. evening that's fine with me also. I never told them to call me mom, they asked if they could and I told them that they had to ask their dad if it was okay, my daughter (biological) calls my husband dad sometimes but I always told her it is up to her. I think it should be up to the kids if they feel close enough to the stepmom and they want to I don't think anybody should stop them. Just my opinion. I never felt so loved from All of my kids! Mommy loves you guys!!!!

Chana - posted on 05/24/2011

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To Cortney: Most bio moms get mad if the step is mean; they get mad if the step is nice. You can't please them. But you're not raising the other parent"
I am still with my children’s father so I do not have first hand experience but I think that it is attitudes like that that makes it hard. She is no more the evil bio mom than you are the no good stepparent. To say that MOST BIOMOMS feel that way is untrue, that you can not please us. Sure we would get mad if you were mean to our kids. Who wouldn’t? I can not see that it would make a mom mad if you where nice to her child. Unless you where doing something with the child that did not go along with the parenting choices of the mother and father. When it comes to making choices for the child that has to come from their parents. If you have an opinion then you need to speak to you husband (the father). Also how is name calling in any manner not disrespectful?

Cortney - posted on 05/24/2011

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To everyone saying that a child is confused by calling more than one person mom or dad is incorrect. Just like saying that a child learning more than one language is confusing. It's not, unless that's not the norm for the child (we are NOT speaking about the parents or stepparents). The command heirarchy is what the child needs to learn with all this (father, mother, stepfather, stepmother). As a stepmom I don't have to agree with anything. Stepmoms are always put on the bottom of the totempole since long time ago which is unfair. We are people too. It takes a village to raise a child, including the village idiot. Now whatever you "feel' about the biological or step, you can't sully the other's reputation. Most bio mom's get mad if the step is mean; they get mad if the step is nice. You can't please them. But you're not raising the other parent, you're raising the child and everyone needs to do their best. So the name-calling is the least of the issues, as long as it's not disrespectful.

Cortney - posted on 05/24/2011

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Arianne P - my MIL always told me that if you are uncomfortable in your own house (as husband OR wife) then it's time for some changes. Sounds like your SD needs to spend either more time with her father and less with you, or stay at her mother's longer or your husband needs to step in and correct that issue. There is no reason why you are uncomfortable in your own house. You work, pay the bills, extend yourself, you earned the right to make your home a haven and when it's not, it's time for a change.

Cortney - posted on 05/24/2011

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No. Because it doesn't change my relationship with my child. My bestfriend called her father and her stepdad Dad. If my father had played the role of dad I'd have called him and my stepdad Dad. It's a title like Mister, Doctor, Judge. Just because you don't like a judge doesn't mean you can call him what you want. It's disrespectful otherwise. Plus the biological parent is third-party to their child's relationship with anyone. And as long as the other biological parent has permitted the relationship, unless there is abuse happening, it's not for you to decide. If you see an REAL issue, you bring it up to the other parent, then the child as they are they are your points of contact. If they don't see the problem, then you have to leave it alone. It's just YOUR issue now. Pray and give that issue to God.

Jackie - posted on 05/24/2011

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No it would not bother me. My son has a couple of friends of mine that he calls mom & their children call me mom. I know he knows who is #1 mom is & am glad he has that relationship with them, afterall it takes a village to raise a child : )

Jackie - posted on 05/24/2011

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No it would not bother me. My son has a couple of friends of mine that he calls mom & their children call me mom. I know he knows who is #1 mom is & am glad he has that relationship with them, afterall it takes a village to raise a child : )

Sarah - posted on 05/23/2011

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As a mother and stepmother it would kinda suck to hear my child call someone else mom. But with that said, that is MY personal issue and what your stepchild calls you or what your child calls their step parent should be something the child decides, with POSITIVE, HEALTHY input from the bioparents and stepparent as needed. If the child does not want to call you mom that is okay. But as one of the child's parents, in other words one of the people responsible for the care, education, wellbeing, safety, and security of the child financially, emotionally, and physically the child should have a special name for you.

Kathren - posted on 05/23/2011

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Yes, because they only have one mom and that's the one that brought them into this world.

Jamie - posted on 05/23/2011

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yes because they only have one mom and shouldnt have to call his stepmom mom. Because He knows who his mom and and its not the stepmom.

Chana - posted on 05/23/2011

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To Arianne: I agree with you. You deserve to be treated better than that! It is something that needs to be addressed by you and her parents. I am not saying that the SM should not have a close and loving realtionship with the SK. If my husband and i split up i would want that for them. You can never have enough people in your life to care about you. I am just saying that I am the only mom.

Sandy - posted on 05/23/2011

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My stepson's mother goes bat$h!t crazy (yelling, punishing, guilt, etc.) when he even mentions me as his stepmom/mother. She insists he refer to me as "his father's wife" instead.

However, I never encouraged him to call me his "mom/mother," because I'm his stepmother. To insist a stepchild call you mom, especially when the biological (or first) mother is still in the picture is self serving. It can also unnecessarily confuse very young children, and cause family drama which considering some people though is sometimes unavoidable.

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