Would you confront your husband if you found an inappropriate Facebook post to an old girlfriend?

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Nancy - posted on 06/19/2011

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Definitely. Last year while my hubby and I were still living in different countries and old friend popped back into his life. He asked me if it was okay with me and I told him I was but with conditions. She violated the conditions and my warning bell went off so I told him I was no longer ok with their friendship. He removed her from his facebook account and has had no further contact. My hubby knows that my trust in him is more important than anything else in this world and he isn't willing to risk that for anyone.

The reality is, your hubby has to look at his priorities and ask himself if he is willing to risk his wife's trust just to feel good about himself. There are plenty of temptations out there but only the self respecting man runs away from it!!!

Krystal - posted on 06/21/2011

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I would say something. Depending on how inappropriate the message is would depend on how foreful I approach the situation. If it bothers you and does not edify the marriage than I say yes, you have every right to say something and should.

[deleted account]

How can you seriously blame facebook for causing affairs? Does it whisper into influenced ears that they have to cheat lol? Cheating happens when someone cant control themselves and their actions. Maybe people should start taking responsibility for what they do and stop blaming other people or social networking sites for their stupidity.

Carrie - posted on 07/06/2011

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I sure would, I would keep it too and if he denies it I would show it.

Heather - posted on 06/22/2011

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yes i would. i had a similar incident happen the year we got ogether he left up his old myspace page and when i went to go back to my page it took me to his messages where him and an old flame were talking. its very uncomfortable no matter what anyone says.

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Stacey - posted on 01/27/2013

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would you consider it innappropriate for a husband to encourage an ex to chat on facebook even after she defriended him and to say something like im thinking of taking a trip home to where she lives without my wife and son because there not inerested in comming trying to encourage her to say hey lets get together with making it seem like it was the other womens idea

Carrie - posted on 07/29/2011

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I would and have. I'm a jealous, and I snoop because my husband has a lot of female friends, and a lot of them he's dated, or fooled around with. He got all pissed b/c I snooped and got off topic about the IM he was having with 1of his female friends. It also didn't help that he stayed the night over at her place. (They just started talking again, and he went to see her after work, and lost track of time and got to tired to drive home)
He say's he didn't do anything, and wouldn't rick losing me and his daughter...
But I keep an eye on his facebook, and his phone, along with knowing the time he works and gets off...

Angela - posted on 07/27/2011

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Yes I would! My opinion, I think the past is the past. That why we all move on to the future.

[deleted account]

If you never say a thing, you will always wonder and feel like he could wander at anytime and you'll be spying and feeling worse. My advice is "Hunny I came across a posting on your fb page and it made me feel super self conscious about your intentions.... and go on about how sad and all those other emotions you had. But listen patiently to his response and think about your response carefully. I think a guy has to see it from your perspective in order to understand. Don't scream or yell this never helps any situation get better, just makes you look out of control.

Toni - posted on 06/22/2011

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This could go either way. It could come back on you for have "trust issues" and snooping through his stuff. Although, if you are friends with your husband and he posted it on her wall, then it is public to all and you never had to look at his stuff. Either way, i would!

[deleted account]

You could always say.. Guess what Honey? I found an old boyfriend on FB, isnt it wonderful to be able to connect with people who have slipped out of your inner circle.

I bet a comment like that will get him thinking in a hurry!

Annie - posted on 06/21/2011

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My husband akss me to check his fb for him. Which makes me feel like is isn't afraid of what I might find. But, YES I would confront him! At least let him plead his case before you go over board.

[deleted account]

First describe "found". Was it posted publicly or were you snooping? If you were snooping thats a problem. Second I would confront him but not attack! Tell him how it made you feel and have no expectations of how he will respond. Try saying I and not saying you. Its hard but that way he doesnt feel attacked. Good luck hun

Keri - posted on 06/21/2011

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Always confront, do it respectively and calmly, but do it. Its just as much for your sanity, because your imagination can run wild, and it might not be necessary to allow it to do that. Trust and honesty is very important in every relationship.

Jaimee - posted on 06/20/2011

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I would ask about the post? He should not be posting inappropriate things to old girlfriends or anyone of the opposite sex when being married...That is not right. If you have children, wait until they are not around.

Chandra - posted on 06/20/2011

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You bet I would! I am pretty sure that my hubby would NEVER do that - he only has contact with 1 ex anyway, and I am friends with her now too. But he knows I am VERY self-conscious and paranoid about it - even though he has NEVER given me any reason to be!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2011

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No matter what is going on, if you are uncomfortable with a situation, it needs to be addressed. I know this is much easier said than done, and I myself struggle with it at times, but one of the most important aspects of a marriage is trust. Maybe he can put your mind at ease, maybe not. You never know unless you ask him. Just don't go off accusing him of anything. Just tell him that you saw the stuff he wrote, it made you feel uncomfortable and you want to know a little more about what was going on.

Erin - posted on 06/20/2011

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People had affairs before FB. If they want to do it, they'll find a way.

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011

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I agree, it's people misusing social networking not the social network itself that causes problems.

Christy - posted on 06/19/2011

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Absolutely. FB is known for causing affairs emotional and physical. My husband and I have a zero tolerance policy. We share all our passwords. On FB, we are not in contact with old flames...period. These are simply precautionary measures for keeping our marriage strong.

My husband and I used a program by Dr. Willard Harley who is an amazing marriage counselor. He has written several books. I recommend: "Surviving an Affair" & "His Needs, Her Needs" & "Love Busters." Read them together and implement everything he teaches immediately. You will both benefit from it. You will not have to worry about him wandering to other women, and he will have his needs filled by you.

I bought our books used off amazon.com to save money! Don't delay! Seriously, your marriage needs help. I'm almost a marriage counselor and I can tell you from experience with my own marriage. Do it now!

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011

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YES. Old girlfriends have no business talking to my husband, he would shit if I was still talking to my exes inappropriately or privately on facebook. I don't care if they're friends but whatever they say they can say on each other's wall.

Jenni - posted on 06/19/2011

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What are their nicknames for each other? Were you aware he was talking to her or was he trying to hide it?



I personally would lay the ground rules about it if you're uncomfortable with it. You shouldn't have to worry about him talking to ex lovers. I think there are very few exceptions where this would be ok in a marriage. As in you both have a relationship/friendship with her and that they've had an ongoing friendship for a long time. It does happen, people break up and remain friends. But I can see if you're being left out then it would definitely be uncomfortable for you and I wouldn't feel right about it either. Also, would he be comfortable with you talking to an ex boyfriend of yours and having a friendship with him?



"but I know from experience that you certainly cannot make someone stay if they want to leave."

--yes, true enough... but would you want to let it play itself out and waste time, or get to the bottom of it so you can make a decision on how to proceed?

The thing about some people is they will have their cake and eat it too. If you allow him to, he will never make the decision himself... he will just keep on doing what he's doing.

[deleted account]

Maybe I'm more sensitive than most because my ex-husband abandoned me and my 5 kids for someone he met on the internet, but i thought it was inappropriate because he was referring to a private joke and cute nicknames they called each other. It did make me uncomfortable, but I know from experience that you certainly cannot make someone stay if they want to leave.

Blackwood - posted on 06/19/2011

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yes, I always think if you are in a commited relationship, you should never let or lead anyone to believe you are interested. Accepting something inappropriate from someone weather a pic or if they didn't respond accordly to a comment would not be okay with me. It's your right to confront him if it's something that you are uncomfrotable with.

Corinne - posted on 06/19/2011

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If it makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to him. Had a similar issue a while back and hubby hadn't realised how bad it looked until I turned it back on him ie: if I'd said that to x. Men don't think like us :)

[deleted account]

erm....Yes i would! Bloody facebook, causes so many problems. It has a lot to answer for..

Facebook... or any other social networking site for that matter has nothing to answer for. Facebook doesnt "make" a spouse cheat, said spouse has a problem with self control and obviously doesnt care enough about what he/she has and is willing to risk it for a fling. My husband has ex's on his, so do I. He has girls on his that he works with and see's EVERY day if he were to be dumb enough to cheat with one of them I damn sur ewouldnt be blaming facebook, Id be layin every inch of blame on HIM and the home wrecking you know what.

Tinker1987 - posted on 06/18/2011

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absoloutly,via texting and computer chit chat gets out of hand very fast.

Kelly - posted on 06/18/2011

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Absolutely confront him or let it fester... no need to be angry though easy enough to explain that it makes you uncomfortable... and keep an eye in the future...then pursue it from there.

Chanda - posted on 06/18/2011

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If it made you uncomfortable, then you need to talk to him about it. Not sure if "confront" is the right word. I guess it would depend on what was said. Either way, if something bothers you, you should talk about it. Communication is the key to any lasting relationship.

Sara - posted on 06/18/2011

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Oh yes I would confront him! And there would be some screaming also. He'd be sleeping on the couch for a while. That's BS.

Hayley - posted on 06/18/2011

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erm....Yes i would! Bloody facebook, causes so many problems. It has a lot to answer for..

Laura - posted on 06/18/2011

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heck yes I would! My husband does have ex girlfriends on his facebook, but he doesn't talk to them at all. One did actually try to reconnect with him and he was visibly weird about it. He wrote back to her to sort of put closer to the conversation, but he wanted me to read it over before he sent anything. So lucky for me, he is the one who makes me keep tabs on him!

Amie - posted on 06/18/2011

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I would ask him about it. As Jessica's post points out - he may not have viewed it as inappropriate. If it bothers you though, you need to talk about it.

Jenni - posted on 06/18/2011

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I would definitely inquire about something I found suspicious. I'm just not the type of person who can let something like that weigh on my mind. It would depend a lot on what was said exactly. If it's possible there's a misunderstanding on my part or if it's point blank inappropriate.
Personally, I think in most cases talking to an ex is opening a can of worms. There are exceptions for me.
My husband's ex from university is an awesome chick. I like her. They've been friends since they broke up (almost 10 years now). They aren't close, she lives about 3 hours away but they catch up on FB every now and then or she'll take us out to dinner when she visits family in our city once a year. There's nothing to be suspicious about, all their conversations are completely innocent. They talk more like brother and sister than anything else and probably only once or twice a year. She's always respectful. Now if he just started talking to an ex out of the blue and tried to hide it from me, I'd question him about it.
Like Liz asked, Define inappropriate?

Chrystal - posted on 06/18/2011

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Yes I would most definitely confront him. If he didn't tell you about it than that means he hid it from you. And marriage should be based upon trust and communication. Again I would most definitely confront him about it. Good luck:)

Jessica - posted on 06/18/2011

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I would, I did and he said "It was harmless". It was actually a chat. He didn't really think there was anything wrong with it. We had a good conversation and I explained how it made me feel and he seemed to understand. I still get angry/disappointed inside when I think about it.....

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