Would You Do the Same If You Were Me?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I have a one-year-old son with my boyfriend of six years. I am twenty-five and he will be thirty in September. I am a SAHM mom and work my job as a bartender on Friday and Saturday. He works at an $8.00/hr job almost every day from 10am-6pm. The bills are NEVER paid on time and in full and he is constantly asking me to ask a family member to take care of unpaid bills. I would like to go back to work a few more days out of the week but he does not want me to and he hasn't said it, but I'm certain it's because he just doesn't want to watch the baby. He hangs out with his friends and smokes weed all day and lacks the ambition to go out and find a better paying job. He has several bills that his widowed mother pays for him and we are in WIC and food stamps. Every time I go ANYWHERE (work, shopping, errands) he always wants me to hurry up and come home but he can stay out until 3 or 4am and that's completely okay to him.

I will be done with school and seeking a job in nearby Austin, where I ant to raise my son. I think what is best for my little boy is that he goes to live with my parents in Georgia for the remainder of the year. I can move in with my aunt who is okay with this whole idea. I can obtain another job in the meantime to help myself save for a car and look for a new place for my son and I. My mother has not met my son yet and I thought this would be a great opportunity for my baby to bond with her and play catch up with my life. I need a fresh start and gain complete financial independence in my ideal city with a career.

I want so much out of life for myself and my son. It saddens me that his father claims he does too, but has done nothing but wait to see if something falls in his lap so he doesn't to have to work do anything. My mother sent me to live with her mom when I was one so that she could join the Army. She always said it was the best decision she made for her family and I know she would totally be supportive of this, but I'm scared. I truly feel that now is the best time for everyone. No more trying and trying to make myself happy in this relationship, my son is still little so I can get a sort of second chance to get my life in better shape to care for him alone and my mother would love the time spent with her grandson. I just feel so scared about it all. Would you do the same if you had to?

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Dana - posted on 05/15/2015

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hmm I wouldn't do any of the above. I was in this exact situation in my past. No degree, cocktail waitressing and got pregnant. Father was same go-out every night kind of guy. As soon as I got pregnant I immediately saw my glim future and started community college that same month. I went to community college until I couldn't fit behind the desk as I was 9 mos pregnant. Cocktail waitressed until the last minute. I did have a period where I got state assistance for medical etc while I went to school. I continued to waitress and go to school after the baby and eventually my elderly dad moved in with me and helped watch my daughter. I ended the relationship with the dad of baby when she was very young, prior to 1 year old. I eventually got accepted to USC, got financial aid that helped with bills, got low income daycare etc. graduated USC when my daughter was 6. then got into telecom sales, then acct management of telecom accts, then got a job in payments industry (at PayPal) as a manager and long story short from being a single mother on gov aid in the late 90's I now make over $200k a year, my daughter in the above story has now graduated from college , I run an international payments company that is based in CHina and have worked for MasterCard, PayPal and several other top payment co's. Oh and the lame brain dad came to his senses when our daughter was about 13, we got married and now have a second daughter that is 11 and he is a great dad and husband- but you have to put your foot down and don't keep around a bum. I would not ship your son off with your parents while you sort our your life- you sort out your life with your son, he will it appreciate you for it later- he needs to bond with you now not his grandmother. Just my 2 cents.

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