Would you want to go back to work if you could?

Rita - posted on 07/02/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I'm a SAHM and I wonder to myself all the time what it would be like to go back to work. I'm pregnant now so even if I did go back to work, it wouldn't be for at least another year. I worked at a tanning salon before I met my husband, so it's not like I was on a career path necessarily, but I really enjoyed working. The satisfaction of getting out of the house and providing for myself while helping others look beautiful was fun for me.

Any moms out there that used to work or were you always a SAHM? If you could go back to work, would you go? What kind of work did you used to do?

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Rachel - posted on 07/07/2013

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Not even remotely! Ugh! I have four kids, oldest is ten, youngest just turned three. And I am loving this season of my life. When my oldest was one, I went back to work for a few months. I loved my job. Like you, it wasn't anything spectacular, but I was really good at it, and got a lot of satisfaction from it. When I went back, I just felt like it wasn't nearly as important as what I was missing. My heart wasn't in it. When my baby is in school, I plan to volunteer. When they are all older, I'll put a solid two decades into our retirement fund. But now, I want to savour every precious moment. Daycare is just not good enough for my kids.
That being said, I have girls nights, I have frequent date nights where my folks can watch the kids, and I have regular playdates. Not to mention, my kids are getting older. Right now I'm reading them the Harry Potter series, rather than the years I had to read cuddles the cow over and over. Their projects are actually fun for me now. That'll take time, but it has been so worth the sacrifice.
You'll still be very employable when your kids are older. I don't understand at all why Joy would find it so daunting. I love the adage "you love what you serve". If being a SAHM isn't working, assess your life first. Maybe there are some sacrifices you could be making to better serve your role- and in turn bring greater rewards from it. Your kids deserve your best shot at it first, before you decide to share them with a loveless daycare, and make them share you with a meaningless job- because unless that job provides basic necessities, there is no career more important than your kids. You are replaceable everywhere. Would you rather be replaced at tanning salon attendant or mommy? And if you don't think you can be replaced as mommy, you need to read "Hold onto Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld. There is an epidemic of children who have turned to their peers for the acceptance they should be finding with parents. Read the book. Know what's at stake.

Sarah - posted on 07/05/2013

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I think no matter if you work or don't work you miss the other "side". I work from home, so I do get to stay home with my kids, but I am not a true stay home mom. I can't get together with my friends for lunch or volunteer at the school or watch my son play baseball as all his games are during the day on weekdays. These are things stay at home moms are able to do. As for working moms that don't work at home....they have daycare, so are able to catch an adult lunch with friends, get a work out in before picking up their kids from daycare, stop at the grocery store before getting their kids. Some people say I have the dream job....I am able to work, but also be at home. I love it and love what I do, but I do miss things on both sides that others are able to do that I can't do.

Something you may want to look into is finding a hobby you can do when your husband is able to watch the kids that will allow you to do some of the things you enjoy and gets you out of the house for a few hours.

Or looking into a part time job that might be flexible and work around your husband's schedule. This would allow you to work but also keep it to where there is always a parent around caring for the kids.

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Laura - posted on 07/25/2013

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Have you ever thought of doing direct sales? I am an Independent Consultant for a highly reputable and respected clinical skin care line, and most of the others I know in my company are stay at home moms. They work when they can, but with 8-10 hours a week they make enough to contribute to the household income, or make enough to fund their little "mommy splurges". If you're interested, I'd love to talk more about it with anyone here. It's really a great opportunity to be your own boss, make your own hours and still make some extra money! Email me and we can set aside some time to chat. ljamersonrf@gmail.com!!

Ellen - posted on 07/18/2013

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I stayed at home from two weeks before my Daughter was born, until my son was a little over one year old. I worked at McDonald's before, and got a job at the University as a Staff Associate after. Now I am a SAHG (Stay at home Grandma). We are raising two of our grandsons, ages 6 and 3. We can't afford to get them into day care, and I'm really not sure of my ability to get a job again after being out of the 'job force' since 2008. I would love to be working and bringing in money. I do miss being out and doing something besides being home with the boys. But then I wonder how I would keep up with everything at home if I were working. For contact with other adults and income, I would love to be working. For the love of the boys and my Husband, I love being at home for them all the time.

Om - posted on 07/14/2013

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It's just too bad that our society/cultures doesn't have more opportunities for part time/flexible schedule work. I had a great job working part time, however I had to quit. The hours were goofy I worked everyday Monday thru Thursday 8am-1pm and Friday 8am to noon. I asked my supervisors at the time if I could work three full 8 hour working days a week and they refused! I was unproductive in my work being there for only 5 hours at a time and my son at the time 18 months(he's now 3, and we have a 4 month old) he wasn't doing well in daycare because I picked him up at naptime and he refused to nap at home. Also the gas and full time rates for childcare for a part time job didn't make sense, it got to be very expensive very quickly and due to my employers refusal to allow me three 8 hour working days I was forced to quit. I just couldn't work that kind of schedule too expensive! And at the time we knew we wanted a second child and my salary was not going to allow me to pay for two children full time daycare rates for a part time job. Furthermore, my employer sometimes wanted me stay late and I just couldn't do that with little ones. I do wish I could have continued to work and have balance in my life but our culture doesn't value family, employers expect you to put them first vs your family. We don't even give paid maternity leave! As a result I had to opt out of the work force while raising young children. We are not rich by any means and my dh works a lot of OT and we watch our spending, no vacations rarely eating out and date night is at home after the little ones are in bed. Yes I made the sacrifiece to stay home, some days are harder than others, but in the end I feel like I made the right choice because if I was working I will never get that time back with my children and I'd be paying someone else to raise them. I think no child should be in daycare for 50+ hours a week and it's sad that some parents have to do this.

Lisa - posted on 07/13/2013

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I've done both. When my older two daughters were small, I had no choice but to work. Their father--who is no longer in the picture--was violent, so, I threw him out. I honestly didn't feel guilty about working and putting myself through school. I saw it as providing a bright future for myself and my girls. Two years later, I reunited with an old friend, (we had always liked one another, but, for whatever reason before that point, it just wasn't the right time to start a relationship.). We started dating 9 years ago, got married 8 years ago, and I've been a sahm ever since. We've added to out brood as well, another daughter who will be 4, and our 11 month old son. And, instead of longing for a career, I am happy I get to hang out with all of my amazing, intelligent and funny kids. I've always been the go-with-the-flow type. So, if I needed to go back to work tomorrow, I'd be fine with it, and if not, I'd be okay with that, too. But, I could use a spa day. :)

Mimi - posted on 07/12/2013

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Hi Rita,
I'm a mom of a 6 year old son and I am expecting at the end of the year. I am currently a SAH mom. By trade, I am a catastrophe claims adjuster and I used to travel 100% of my job (until the end of my pregnancy with my first child). I did go back to work after 8 weeks (w/baby and my Mom in tow), but things were different and the travel was too hard on them. I worked 12 hr days & went back to the hotel and felt like I worked another 6 hrs dealing with an infant who was still on breastmilk (Felt like I was always nursing or pumping milk). Anyway, I decided to leave that job a month after returning.

I didn't work for about 9 months, but really needed employment and found a job in a call center (hated it). When an opportunity came for me to work Claims again, I jumped on it and did it for 2-1/2 years. After a certain point, I couldn't stand the job anymore and needed to be there more for my child, through some of his challenges, so I decided to leave my job and care for him -- while pursuing a graduate degree.

As many have stated, I missed the social interaction and I have done some Contract work (temporary) a few times since. Overall, I enjoyed being available for my child, but I too still need to make an income to help with the household. Now that I'm pregnant again, things are a bit tougher finding work...but I did find a home-based opportunity that I love.

Over the last few years, healthy living has become important to me and I have gone up and down in weight loss and fitness. I allowed things to get in my way and derail me from continuous progress in my weight loss journeys. After finding out I was pregnant again, my life took an unexpected toll. Had a horrible 1st trimester in which I lost 10 lbs due to constant nausea and such. Had no energy and was beat down. I could not provide anything for my child due to this.

I was soon introduced to the 90 Day Challenge which is a nutritional based approach to weight management and my husband and I decided to make some changes to our lifestyle for the betterment of our family. I'm close to 40 and with one on the way, health is even more important than ever. I know have more energy while supplementing my meals with a nutritional shake. While I am not looking to lose weight, I think the Challenge is helping me to make smarter "eating" choices and is helping me to gain only what is needed for the pregnancy. I have more energy than ever and I can even do moderate exercise again. This 90 Day Challenge we have embarked on has allowed me to help share a method for healthier living, better habits, and even provided me with a business opportunity. The 90 Day Challenge community is full of supporting individuals and I am inspired. It makes me want to share and help others get healthy (the same way we are trying to be). If you are interested in finding out more, email me at crumpmurphy@gmail.com. Not trying to bombard this site like I'm pushing a business opportunity, but will share with anyone interested in managing their nutrition, health or fitness or who is looking for another option. I'm hoping that this allows me to not return to the workforce after the new baby arrives -- or at least allows me to remain job-optional.

Bottom Line: Determine what you are truly missing, look into opportunities to fill those voids, and take a chance to be happy. You will find the balance. Your family won't suffer when you find the balance and they have a happy mom as well.

Angel - posted on 07/09/2013

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I am so desperate for some non mommy time, I would do just about any job... Even going back to school would be a nice break...
I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years & I am done! As soon as my husband has completed his career move, waiting on a promotion, I am going back to school to become a nurse, & I can't wait!!!
I never meant to be or wanted to be a SAHM for this long, I thought a year, maybe 2, but now I feel trapped...
Anyway, about one more year & I'm done, woohoo! :)

Jacinda - posted on 07/06/2013

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I once was a SAHM for more than 3 years, from my pregnant period until my girl was 2 years old. To be honest, I have to say that it was a hard time back to career and for almost a whole week my head ached every day because of the information flood I didn't touch for those years. But as you fit it again,everything is smooth. So it is miserable just during the change moments.
My experience tells me that it is not important that whether you work or not ,but the most important thing is you should have the ability to go back to career anytime you need.

Alisha - posted on 07/05/2013

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I was a corporate gal before having my first baby, Emma! I quickly gave up my full time JOB and turned SAHM! For 6 years I've enjoyed being home and raising now 2 beautiful children, 6 and 3. Recently I added to my SAHM and started my own business to have some self fulfillment! I'm 4 months into owning my own business..working on my own terms and still full time SAHM!!! Best of Both worlds! Now I'm a better version of myself, mom and wife!

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When my son was little, I flipped and flopped so much on the work issue I never thought I'd find peace. Before he was born, I'd planned to just continue working, but then I missed him so tremendously, and I just didn't have the time to manage work, house, husband, and baby--I was spread too thin.
I stopped working to stay at home and I SUCKED at the sahm gig. I went crazy being home all day, we'd always kept a housekeeper so while I could keep the house tidy, I had no idea how to actually clean it. I was so starved for social interaction when hubby came home I talked until he was sick of hearing me and started staying at work later and later. I also felt worthless and lacked purpose--everyday was the same. So I went back to work, but decided to work mostly from home, going into the office only as needed.....that didn't work either. Even though we had a nanny there to watch J, I worried every time he cried, and I couldn't focus on work when he was happy because I wanted to play with him. Also, my time was so fragmented that I just wasn't getting much done.

I tried working and staying at home several times, different approaches each go around, and eventually found peace.

I missed the social interaction, sense of purpose and fulfillment of work, but I needed to work on my own terms, not catering to clients, because that was the only way I was going to have the time with my family I so desperately wanted WHEN I wanted it. YOu have to figure out what you needed from work, and figure out how to get the same fulfillment as a sahm.

For me, volunteering was the answer. When J was a toddler, we focused on things we could do together: adopt a grandparent, throw holiday parties at nursing and hospice houses, deliver meals on wheels, etc. Through that work, I made connections that helped me take on bigger roles once J started school. I am now a major leader in our Homelessness Foundation. I was homeless as a child, so this is dear to my heart and I get a huge sense of fulfillment by making a difference for children who are in the situation I grew up in. I've spearheaded a program to help homeless mothers get and retain employment, I organize fundraising and awareness events, I set up corporate sponsors, and we are now working on a nutrition program for SNAP beneficiaries.

In order to support myself financially (and rid myself of the temptation to keep going back to work when staying at home got tough) I sold my businesses and purchased an office building to lease out. A property manager handles all of it, so all I have to do is occasional accounting and taxes--less than 20 hours a year. My husband supports us fine on his own income, we don't really *need* the office building income, but having it makes me feel like I contribute, and like I could survive if I needed to support myself completely (though I don't think I make nearly enough to actually support myself for very long...I'd probably have to get a job if something happened).

Figure out what you miss from work, and find a way to get it while staying at home.

Joy - posted on 07/02/2013

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Hi Rita, I'm a mom of four small children.. my eldest is 9 and my youngest is 3 years old. The thought of going back to work is heaven for me... like your sentiments I like getting out of the house and providing for myself... For someone like me who stayed home for 10 years going out there and looking for work seems to be very challenging. Since you are a starting your family I suggest once your baby is a bit old enough to be left to a nanny go ahead and continue a career do not wait too long until the baby grown up like what I did.


Hope this helps.

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