"you're sooo Lucky"

Melissa - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 96 moms have responded )

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OK moms is it just me or does it really bug you when other working moms say "you're sooo lucky to be able to stay at home!" I mean, I am! I know that, there's nothing I'd rather be doing than spending every day with my daughter, but its not "luck" it's a choice and it's sacrafices!
I could understand if this was coming from a mom who HAD to work, but somehow hearing a mom who lives in a big house with 2 cars and all the fancy things telling me I'm "lucky" to be ABLE to stay at home just bugs me.
I feel like saying its not luck its a choice! we have CHOSEN to live on ONE income in an apartment with ONE car on a strict budget SO I can stay home with our baby.
How do you guys feel when moms who chose to work outside the home tell you you're lucky??

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Hilary - posted on 11/05/2010

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I've been "lucky" enough to be able to be at home for all my kids, the eldest is now 12 and the youngest ones are almost 5, but as I sit here with one of them ill with tonsillitis, I know I would struggle to be here for her if I had a job and others were relying on me. My husband has a good job, it means we have what we need and don't have to wonder how I will pay for the groceries this week. But we make sacrifices too, so no the kids dont get everything they want, but they get everything they need, and I can replace clothing etc when its necessary and buy treats once in a while. But we have to save for the big stuff, holidays etc. I tend to get more of the "aren't you bored?" variety of comments, but just because I don't have a paid job doesn't mean I don't have one at all. My job is to look after my family and our home and make sure everything is clean and tidy and food is prepared. It's to go to school and see the plays and school events, and have them know that Mummy will be there to collect them from school, or if they're poorly, Mummy will sit and cuddle them for as long as they need, not just for the spare time I have. All very old fashioned but it works for us and thats what is the most important thing, what works for one family doesn't work for all. Working Mums make their own choices for their own circumstances and often feel free to comment on the ones who have made different decisions, but if you look at it the other way, are there many SAHMs who would rather hand their kids over to a nursery and go out to work and then say the working mums are lucky?, I don't meet many, if any at all. Without generalising too much, so much store is set by the material goods we possess, people want more and more all the time and the children in society are the ones that are bearing the consequences. I feel lucky that our circumstances are such that I don't have to go out to work, but it irritates me when people live under the illusion that SAHMs sit around watching daytime tv and drink coffee cos thats not how it is in my world. And just before I climb down off my soapbox, I believe from the bottom of my heart that a Mum's place is looking after her family, partner and kids both, there will always be situations where its impossible, but working to buy "stuff" to make up to your kids for not being there when they need you is certainly not why I had my children. Sorry if I've upset anyone but I feel very passionate about this :)

Kinga - posted on 11/16/2010

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Bonnie - I don't agree with your comment - some moms really do HAVE to work - wether it be paying back tuition, or previous medical bills. I am currently on mat leave and am considering staying home, and that would mean my husband and i would have to sell our house and move - that's a huge decision.

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@Heather, yes a mom whose family has two new vehicles, a motorcycle, a house that costs almost twice as much as mine, and designer clothes has made the comment to me. And her husband has the same job as my husband. So the comment can be a little irksome coming from that context.

The comment coming from someone who must work to keep a roof over her child's head and nutritional food on the table and basic clothing on her child's back doesn't bother me. I do realize that I am "lucky" that my husband makes enough for us to have the basic necessities. Yes, we do sacrifice. Yes, it is hard work to make it happen. But we are blessed nonetheless.

@Leslie, I often felt the same way as your children when I was a child. But we had tons of family time and I now have precious memories because my parents put family over career and money. Yes, we were sheltered, clothed, fed, and had a few little luxeries. But it was sad when several of my friends got a child sized Barbie Jeep for Christmas and I got just a Barbie (plus a few other inexpensive things of course). But I look back at all the memories I have, and the Barbie Jeep pales in comparison. That is why I chose to stay home for now. I want my daughter to have love above things. Your children will realize it all in due time! =)

Alice - posted on 11/26/2010

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I feel sad for them. I usually tell smile and say it really isn't luck, just a choice my husband & I made together before we got married. I worked before the babies were born, even got into a spot where my husband thought we needed the extra money so I worked mornings him nights for 17 months - he wanted me back home before the end of the first week lol! I tell them my story and ask them what is really keeping them from staying home. Then I offer advice based on what they say. One girl told me they just couldn't make it on one income, so I helped her break down her expenses & see where the money was going... she found out that her daycare and extra gas costs almost equaled her income! It made her realize that she could "make it" and I love to open up people's eyes so they can choose what they want instead of feel like they are trapped.

I work at home now, full-time - which is awesome! We make more than we did when we were both working outside and my job is helping people, which I usually do anyways lol!
I always feel sad when someone (who really could) says they "can't" and I'm "lucky" - no, I'm blessed and I hope they figure out an avenue to follow their heart instead of the crowd.

Jo - posted on 11/22/2010

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We have had many people tell me and my man "Jodi is SO lucky that you let her stay at home." I usually reply with "Yea, it's pure luck that I have been able to personally see every first with my son and go endless days and nights without sleep, or a break. Doing dishes and laundry day in and day out. Mopping, sweeping, vacuuming... and getting to eat instead of buy new clothes. Yea... that's DEFINITELY some awesome LUCK." I usually say it jokingly and lightly... I love being home with my son and giving up some things other women prefer to have is nothing to me... I'm lucky to have support and have a family that makes being a stay at home mom easy and fun...

Devon usually replies with some joke about how I'm lucky he kept me at all, let alone lets me stay at home lol (he usually gets a kick in the shin for that one)

I don't think staying at home or going to work has anything to do with luck or priviledge... it's choices we make. Some people can afford to stay home with no problems, some people make sacrifices to stay home, some people have to work for whatever reason and some people WANT to work. I think EVERY person should appreciate that they are able to do what they want to do... and the people that do what they HAVE to do, they have to appreciate that they have the opportunity to do what they have to do......... and the people who stuggle to get by, who barely make it... we all need to be more compassionate to their struggle - with the slightest change or wrong choice ANY of us could be in the exact same position that they are in.

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Shelley - posted on 09/17/2012

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I have been a SAHM who works. I had an online job and it stopped me going crazy. I'd have done it for free to get the intellectual stimulation. I feel sorry for mums who have to work in jobs they don't enjoy who would rather be at home and also mums who don't get the intellectual stimulation they want. It's not being at home or working, it's doing what you choose and value. BUT I'm not willing to waste these early years with my child. My daughter is worth more to me than a big house.



I think you're lucky because you've got your head screwed on, nothing is more valuable than your child.

Sarah - posted on 11/22/2010

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As much as I love being home with my kids, I do not love stressing over finances and having to pick and choose which bills will be paid this month. I don't consider myself lucky to have been laid off 2 years ago =\
I am a full time student too,though, so my husband can one day be the stay at home parent by choice :)

Charlie - posted on 11/22/2010

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I think it is a luxury that many cannot afford in this economy , I do feel lucky , have a little compassion for those that struggle .

Leah - posted on 11/22/2010

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It actually is lucky for you to get to stay home with your child. There are some moms who aren't able to do that at all and wish they could. I really wouldn't let it bother you. If someone told me that I would say "Thank you!"

Dawn - posted on 11/19/2010

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You have no idea how much it pisses me off to hear that. I happen to have 2 special needs children and I really didn't have the option of working when they were young because of dr appoints and school appoints and just having to deal with their other needs.

We make do on less than many because its what is best for our children. I hate working mothers who seem to purposely attempt to make me feel bad or guilty about being a stay at home mom. Especially the ones who have designer cloths fancy cars big houses and stuff like that and say oh we just can't afford for me to stay at home. Well maybe they could if she didn't blow a couple hundred dollars a month on her hair, nails, and clothing.

The only thing I hate more is the people who assume that I'm a stay at home mom I must have tons of free time and nothing to do. Teachers who assume I should be volunteering for everything are some of the worst about that.

Alicia - posted on 11/18/2010

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I agree. I am a SAHM and I love it, but yes if I could afford for my daughter to go to daycare we would have a big house and 2 cars and such. But We make our sacrifices. We buy lots of stuff like clothes for second hand stores and toys are only new from reletives. But our daughter doesn't care where her stuff comes from as long as she gets to be with mommy all day

Shari - posted on 11/18/2010

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I think what it comes down to is that we all have the same choices to make when we have children, and the people who are making these comments may feel that they would have been happier had they made another choice for themselves. Other peoples comments are generally based on their thoughts in that moment not on our thoughts or the choices that we made. It may come not have come across well, but I can assure you it was not ment to upset you. When people are happy with the choices they make for themselves the don't look at others with envy. I have come to realize that people generally have good intentions. When someone's comment bothers me I have found that it is ME who has something that needs to be worked on. That person was simply stating their point of view. I ask myself if I'm happy with my own decision and the answer to that question frees me from feeling bothered by the comment. Ending drama in my life is what I'm all about. = )

Neneng - posted on 11/17/2010

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Being a SAHM for 16 years, I dont care anymore what they say... lucky or not lucky I've chose to be a SAHM, and I'm proud to be one. What bugged me is that, why you guys always compare working mom to a SAHM. The same, there are advantage and disadvantage being a working mom or a Stay At Home Mom...But please whatever you choose... learn to love it and dont regret of whatever decision you made. Thanks and God bless!

Tash - posted on 11/16/2010

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Sorry one more thing, most working mums, or atleast I, also have to do all the household duties I would be doing if I were at home. I stil have to cook, clean, fit in medical appts, stay up all night when she's unsettled/sick and go to work in the morning ( like the 2 months straight my almost 2 yr old was waking up atleast 8 times a night), there are also no sick days when you are working and the primary caregiver for your child. Childcare does not take sick children so even though I might be off on a sick day at work I am caring for my child. I celebrated a couple of months ago when I had my first day all to myself since she was born 2 years ago. So yeah my point is even though I work "part time" I'm still a full-time mum, no holidays, no days off, on call 24/7, same or more expectations, same responsibilities!!

Tash - posted on 11/16/2010

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Now I have read most of the comments and I have been on all sides of this situation. I myself was a stay at home mum for my daughters first year, me and my husband saved as much as we could before OUR daughter was born. I did go back to work 2 days a week after a year because we needed my income due to financial commitments I/he/we made before contemplating children. What somepeople need to acknowledge here is that parenting is a partnership, sure I would have liked to stay home a bit longer but it's not just my decision it's a joint decision based on a myriad of things, made with my husband. He would love to spend more time with our daughter to but if he gave up his job (you can't just cut hours/days) we would lose everything and I definitely would have to work full-time just to cover our commitments and we wouldn't be able to rent/put a roof over our heads. I'm sure if I pushed the point I could have stayed home but how could I justify making my husband work his job and not contribute financially. I now work 3 days per week and it's a happy balance for US. I am able to meet our commitments, my husband is able to have a few little luxuries that he deserves for working so hard and for the sacrifices he's made. I am able to give my daughter the things that she needs and some things I like to give her because I never had them as a child.
When I was growing up my father and mum separated and my mother had to work full time to keep a roof over our heads, I remember many times mum not being able to put food on the table and having to visit grandma to borrow some.
I do take exception to the "some childcare" and "raising my own kids" my daughter goes to a carefully selected and quite expensive community child care because the people were lovely, they treat her like their own and it feels like they are family. No one person ever raises their child alone, would you say to your husband he wasn't raising his child cause he's at work? Then don't say it to a
Mum who works and tries to do her best. Childcare is an ideal safe, stimulating and social experience that children need, I have children in my mothers group that would greatly benefit from some structured social interaction with children outside our/their mum's existing circle. I am raising my daughter is conjunction with my husband, our immediate family and our child care and my daughter is well adjusted for it, she is confident and playful and she knows who her parents are. I have a confidence in myself that I did not have when I stayed at home and she will benefit from growing up with a
Mum who has a sense of self outside the home (I know from experience cause my mum did not).
No option is easy/lucky and all the choices have sacrifices, people just need to be aware it's not always that persons choice, even that mum who has the designer clothes or whatever it may be a choice between job or no job and so with the job she is able to meet her joint commitments and have a little extra for herself, she is probably trying to reach out to you or at the very least express to you that she admires what you are able to do. maybe next time have a conversation and finds out her whole situation before judging her on one sentence and what you see on the outside because that's what it seems you are wanting her to do.

Stephanie - posted on 11/16/2010

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I am polite and just tell them that I am a 'Domestic Goddess'; I take care of our boys, my home, run erronds, meet delivery people and wait for repairmen when neccessary. I do get top see our boys grow up, I also have to make time to eat, keep numerious lists to stay organized, get up in the middle of the night to handle a teething toddler and still have to be up early to take boys to school and start 'working.'

Like other stay at home mommys, we have a budget, my husband makes good money, so I can stay home; I will go back to work in a few years once our youngest starts school. Right now, I work long hours, no vacation time or overtime pay. 'luck' has nothing to do with it, its just how thing have worked out. I am blessed to be able to spend extra time with our toddler and be able to pick up kids if they get sick, I can hit the grocery store when its less crowed, etc. I am a mom.

Dawnetta - posted on 11/16/2010

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I do feel lucky to have the patience, stamina, confidence & interest to be here with my little one. I also am so grateful that my husband supports this decision, since it takes 2! Imagine having to do all that you do in a day & when they get home having to battle with or feel demeaned by a non-supportive spouse that you are not bringing in $! Who knows what obstacles they have. You don't want all that drama Between you & your friends & it's really not their business how much $ you have or don't have. I would tell them that most days I do feel Really lucky & that some days the sacrifices you make to make it possible feel more overwhelming.

Krystle - posted on 11/16/2010

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Heather, you said it perfectly! I know I am lucky that I don't *have* to work, but it comes with sacrifices, and to hear that from a working mom with all those luxuries is annoying.

I also hear a lot, "oh you must be sssoooo bored staying at home all the time" - I'm like, "No I'm not, sounds like someone is jealous!" lol

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2010

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I hear ya girl!! I am a mother of 3.. live in an apt..and we struggle tomake ends meet! I love my kids and love being home.. I run a small daycare out of my home to help with the income... but my job is the hardest ever.. the things we love about being a mom are the very things we dread and are exhausted by!! But the days when my lil one makes me laugh or says a new word.. i am blessed that I got to be there :) the rich moms who sahm.. were stay at homes wives before.. there lives havent changed.. they will just hire someone when they need a break! I was a Nanny for years.. so I know those types;) We as moms just have to do what works for us! and our family;) have a great holiday !

Candyce - posted on 11/16/2010

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I'm soooo with you on this one! On one level, I'm glad I can be the one to raise my son, instill a moral compass in him, and take care of his education. On the other hand, it drives me absolutely WILD when people automatically assume I sit on my ass all day, that I'm the luckiest chick in the world (when we don't even have furniture other than beds and a cheap couch), etc. I hate hearing from my family (shoot, even my husband, thinking he's giving me a compliment) that they wish they could stay home all day, they wish they didn't have to deal with a boss and coworkers. Well damn, I wish I could cut a paycheck, get vacation, days off, sick days, and all the rest. Would you rather deal with a pissy boss or a whiny preschooler? Write a report or wipe butts after a stomach bug? Get stuck in traffic or constantly do the same cooking and cleaning and teaching and cooking and cleaning and teaching? It's most definitely worth it, but good sweet lord, it's frustrating! I could deal with the frustration a bit better if I got paid for it, or didn't have it thrown in my face that I "don't work". Apparently it's only work if you get a check, Who knew? K, done venting, lol.

Blessed Be

Michele - posted on 11/16/2010

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Wow!! I had to go into this post to check it to see if it was one I had written a couple months ago that somehow resurfaced. Here is some info about me on my Facebook page....I created it after I received the "lucky" comment one too many times.

As far as being a traditionalist. I believe it is important for mommy and daddy to be married if they are having children. Ideally, one of the parents cares for that child while the other goes to work to provide for the family. It is the rare situation where daycare would be necessary. I believe most do it to continue a lifestyle that is not in the best interest of their children. Having two new cars, a housekeeper, vacations, satellite TV, a lawn service, and the best cell phone package, are not valid reasons to abandon one's parental responsibility. No one, other than the parent has same vested interest in seeing that child develop properly. Parenting is much more than facilitating snack and nap times and making sure they don't hurt themselves.

My husband and I made sacrifices to do the SAHM thing. It took planning from the moment we met. Not buying a house that took two incomes, cutting our own grass, buying used cars, shopping with coupons, choosing driving trips rather than expensive ones with airfare, having just a few channels instead of 500, etc.

Thanks for posting for those of us who know we all make our own "luck,"

Lexann - posted on 11/16/2010

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@ Carmina & Emma - if you are bored because you are with children all day, there are mom's groups and other things you can do to get out of the house. Try "meetup.com" to find a local SAHM's group in your area.

Shiree - posted on 11/16/2010

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Ha! i know i am lucky to be able to stay at home with my daughter but its at a huge expense!! we are soo broke we barely manage from week to week and always trying to find a bit of extra cash somewhere so we can get little things like nappies milk bread.

Irene - posted on 11/15/2010

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This is true. Yes, I am lucky, but being a stay at home mom is work, there is no break. They always want your attention. You want 5 minutes forget it. At a paid job at least you get a lunch time and breaks. When you are at home, sometimes you are lucky to shower and eat a proper meal. So I chose to stay at home, it is tougher, since yes we are on one income. The good part is that it is not a stranger looking after my kids, and I do not miss out on little things that I would have if they were at daycare. But I check the budget, I cut costs, I do not go on lavish vacations, etc do stay at home.

Laura - posted on 11/15/2010

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I am very blessed to stay at home I love spending quality time with my son but I do get stir crazy sometimes. My sons father is a dead beat dad hasnt seen him. I am in a position I have to stay at home due to a health problem, and need a surgery to fix it but insurance wont pay for it. I am going to school also on top of it all. I still wouldn't change the fact I am home with my son. My mom and dad worked full time jobs and was raised most of the time by my aunt or babysitter when I was young. I am blessed because my boyfriend who is daddy to my son has a high enough paying job for me to stay home, and finish my schooling so once I get my degree I can still stay at home and run my own business. I plan on have a part time job when he is in preschool though to make a little extra income if my health allows it.

Susan - posted on 11/15/2010

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Just consider the source, smile, and go on, honey. Sometimes that's all you can do.

Kimberli - posted on 11/12/2010

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Honestly it really rubs my nerves raw hearing it. I know I am lucky to get to spend every day around my beautiful children but yeah it also comes with ALOT of sacrifices. Everyday I think about how much easier things would be if we had two incomes even with the price of child care. But I also think about everything I would be missing. It is definitely a choice and not just something I lucked into.

Kristi - posted on 11/12/2010

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I think some women who decide to go back to work are envious and others want to return to their 'normal' lives. It used to bother me but I know that the decision for me to be at home with my children is what my husband and I feel is best. I really do my best to ignore the comments and reassure myself that it is their issue and not mine.

Tina - posted on 11/12/2010

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personally I havent had too many issues with this but for me and my husband it honestly the best decision for my family with 3 kids and a fourth on the way wed spend more in daycare then what I would make. I do consider myself lucky cuz I love to be with my kids but we make a lot of sacrifices for our kids...any extra money we have goes to them. So yes in my opinion im lucky but some people consider it lucky to have fancy things so I guess it just sepends on your point of view

Megan - posted on 11/12/2010

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so annoying! Right up there with mom's who work outside the home and treat our staying at home like it isn't work at all. Like we are lazy or something.

Heather - posted on 11/12/2010

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For people out there in the world who think SAHM aren't contributing to their households, I look at it this way. Given my level of education and skill set at this time in my life, I could probably get a job that would pay me just enough to cover the cost of putting my kids in daycare so really what's the point? If we really needed money and I had to work then I would but I don't have to work to support my family since my husband has a good job so I stay at home and care for my kids. I agree that it is a choice that comes with sacrifices and blessings so "luck" really doesn't have anything to do with it.

Wendy - posted on 11/12/2010

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I am a SAHM, and let me tell you, i feel from all of you. we made huge scrifices as well, and this statement from people who could probably easily afford to have mom stay at home, annoys me intensely, i feel for the moms who are not in that position in any way. My peeve is the friends who look at me and believe i am not contributing to our house in any way because i am at home with my kids all the time. I have been told on many occasions that they believe it would be more fair to my husband if i worked. Yet my children excel at school and achieve at everything they do. But they wonder why their children do not excel and then they live in thes huge expensive houses that are too big for them any way and they move past one another like they do not exist. and the children each have their own au pairs etc etc. that part drives me nuts.

Sara - posted on 11/11/2010

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They can b lucky .come over and change my kids butt.feed her.give her a bath.put up with her crying.while i go make a few bucks.i call that a break .they can come over and think they are lucky anyday.

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2010

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150% w. Hilary. we are lucky to be able to find a way to make it work off of one income, but of you have mentioned - it involves sacrafice. I do it for my daughter. While I treasure every moment with her and am aware that i am one of the "lucky" ones - sometimes I do feel that working, in many respects, could be more fulfilling ... but i brought a little being into this world and if given the choice (which i know isn't always possible) .,.. i'll put my needs aside for what's best for my daughter.

Lynne - posted on 11/11/2010

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I think you might try to understand that just like these other moms don't know the story behind your situation - you don't know theirs either. It seems you are being a little judgmental of their situation. Many people already had the home, cars, etc before having kids. Now they are doing the responsible thing by continuing to pay for them - it's not so easy just to sell a home and "downsize" these days. So while I completely understand you have made choices to be where you are - sometimes choices are made before people know what they want and not all choices can be easily undone. I think the best thing to do is be grateful that you are content with where you are in your life and always ASSUME positive intent. Unless someone is really being snotty, assume the comment is made as a compliment to your lifestyle and let it roll off your back.

Katie - posted on 11/10/2010

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I've never gotten that comment, LOL!! Kind of the opposite, actually; many of my g.f.s, whether they have kids or not, think I'm nuts to make the choice to just stay home! They seem to a.) know it involves a fair share of sacrifice, and b.) realize it really is just as much work as any other job, if not moreso. The only exception is my godmother, who is a wonderful woman, but does tend to take a "must be nice," kind of tone when she asks me if I have any plans to take a "real" job. Which, of course, annoys me. :)

Randi - posted on 11/10/2010

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Oh boy...It depends on who it comes from and how it's followed on whether this botthers me or not. When it has come from some "material happy" people that MUST have the "good stuff" in life. (as the like to put it). Ya know, designer cloths, for them and thier kids, fancy house with all fancy decor, etc. And they follow it with, "it must be so nice to sleep in, and not have to do anything, and just play withyour kids, and not really have much for house work cause your always there picking it up after you use it. I just cant imagine that." (This coming from a mom who HAS to have the "it" style, and a house keeper, etc.) Even other moms. Have said that stuff. And it makes me SOOO darn mad! I do NOT get to sleep in. I do NOT get to just sit around, I have house work, to do, teaching/playing with my child to do, extra errands to do, etc. I do not get to just sleep and sit. It is a sacrafice we make, so that I can stay at home with our two boys. One is in 1st grade now, and the other isnt in school yet.

We live in a teeny mfg. home. that we had to build a nice second room onto. (As little as it may be we still keep it clean and welcoming, but we'd sure love to have a home like some of the "your so lucky" moms). Our house and clothing, is all second hand from Goodwill, Salvation Army, or given to us from freinds who clean out thier closets, for us AND our boys. If anyone gets anything brand new, it's on clearence at like Ross or Walmart, and it's usually some good jeans for my hubby for work, or my oldest for school, since my youngest gets his brothers hand me downs. Our house decor is all second hand/yard sale, etc. And it is clean, nice, and works well. We had one vehicle, till a month ago, we found an old beat up truck so that we'd have a second rig, incase I need the car certain days, so that my husband can get to work. He only needs that, on days his carpool ride, isnt going to work. So that helps a LOT. But, these are the choices we had to make and sacrafices we have had to make, so that I can stay at home to take care of our kids.

If it wasnt for the help and support of my in laws, we may not even be doing this well. They let us live on thier property in the second home, and we pay for the insurance/taxes yearly on the house thats it (besides the basics like power, phone, net etc, we do pay those). Other wise we wouldnt survive. My husband lost his job, and on one income that is devistating. He got a good job in Alaska, and due to family difficulties and thier lack of work for him, he came home to get a job. HUGE cut in income, though honestly it was all that great with him up there and gone so much as it is. Now we're back to a much lower/tighter income, and we've had to cut back again. NO it's not easy, but yes I'm lucky, in the fact that I am home with my kids. And I am the one taking care of them. Though, I am looking for work and trying to go back now becuase un fortunatley we are that spot where I have to for us to survive so our bills get paid.

My husband works his back end off to take care of us, but I now have to help for us to make it. I worked for a little over a year with a new born and a 2 1/2 year old...the job I had BARELY covered day care and gas in a second rig. So I quit and came home, now with my youngets being 3 1/2 and only needing part time day care (my mom in law said she'd keep him 2 to 3 days a week to help us save money since she's retired). I can reasonable afford to go back to work and help pay our bills....

I have gotten that "your so lucky" followed by GOOD CHOICE, or It's only right that MOM takes care of her kids, and not some one else, or I was blessed enough to do that too! GOOD FOR YOU!, It sure isn't easy but it's worth it!. Now those are the ones I love to get!

Andrea - posted on 11/10/2010

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Why don't you tell them that? Tell them you are lucky to have such a supportive partner that understands you and that understands the sacrifices you both make. I tell people we are not rich and its a struggle everyday, but we are so much happier with me home. We chose this for our family and I don't complain.

Melissa - posted on 11/10/2010

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To be honest regardless of how someone lives they should be aloud to live it.... you should take this as a complaint...I'm SAHM and knew from the get go I would be and it has been a struggle but I would not be mad at someone that had all the luxuries and had to work! I think they probably had all of those things before they had children... would you sell your home, car, or anything extra?? I wouldn't and didn't! I know people that live in huge houses and small houses and most of them have to work... it's just about how you want to live and what you want out of life. This does not make them a bad parent!

Amber - posted on 11/10/2010

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You know, I really think it depends where you live as to the comments you get. I'm a new stay at home Mom (my daughter is 10 and a half months) and I don't get many comments, but I get the look. When someone asks me what I do and I say I'm a SAHM, they usually say "oh" or something like that and look at me like its something to be ashamed of. Like I'm lazy for choosing to stay at home and raise my daughter. The thought of someone else hearing her first word, or seeing her take her first step, or comforting her when she has a bad day is a thought I can't stand. I know there are many working Mom's out that and kudos to them, but that's not me. It made the most sense for us that I stay home so that's what I'm doing. I am NOT ashamed, I am NOT lazy for staying home, I am just doing what my instincts, my heart and my brain are all telling me to do. In return, I get some of the most precious and amazing moments with my daughter that I wouldn't get any other way. (Not to mention, starting soon I'll be both working and staying home with my daughter as I'll be babysitting two children on top of my own to make some income. I find it odd that alot of other stay at home Mom's with just one child don't do the same.)

User - posted on 11/09/2010

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I totally agree,i get so bored of bieng stay at home mom and wish to get a job that can pay childcare but my hubby is deploying soon,and im gonna be nuts bieng with a toddler and a baby for 6 months ,thinking bout school but dont know if I can do online or can afford daycare .i need suggestions

Bianca - posted on 11/09/2010

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I have this convo with one of my best friends, she is a working mum and i am sahm, we live in a rented house - she and her husband own theirs and have the two flash cars LOL.. I would work now my daughter is a little older but am also grateful I have a choice. I say brush it off, get on with your life and who CARES what people think!!

Yard - posted on 11/09/2010

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you are so right Melissa! Luck has nothing to do with our CHOICE of staying at home to be full time moms. Maybe they say lucky because they think financially we do not need to work as our loving husband can provide the bacon...well, we all have to make sacrifices with the choices we make, i made my choice to be SAHM and sacrificed a lot.

Micky - posted on 11/09/2010

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My mother was a single mother and managed to be home all day for me. Get ready for school, pick me up for lunch, pick me up after school and she did it by working a night job as a bartender.My grandfather was a strange and grumpy man but he was there while she was at work. I had an amazing childhood because my mother jumped through hoops to be there for me all day. She wasn't the typical SAHM but I'd venture to say that she did one better. She's a better person than I could hope to be and the best mother I know and could have been blessed to have.

Chancey - posted on 11/09/2010

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Nope, no luck invovled. I made sure to get involved with a man who wanted his wife at home with the children and who was on a job path that would allow it. We waited to have our children until 90% of our debt was paid off and he had a secure job. We also made back up plans should something happen to that job b/c well, you just never know.

-for the record it only bothers me when ppl who can stay at home say this.

Kell - posted on 11/09/2010

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It only bugs me when other mums say they don't have a choice about staying home. Everyone has the choice! I am at home with Xan through the day and now that he's 2-y-o and sleeping through the night, I have an evening job 4 nights a week. On those nights my hubby bathes him and puts him to bed. He understands that in the daytime Daddy "works and earnes pennies" and that some nights Mummy does too, but he looks forward to Daddy-exclusive time.

We have made sacrifices, but the way we see it, it's worth it. It's an investment in our son's future. He's a sociable, self-assured, secure little boy and he has he benefit of time with his Mummy and Daddy both exclusively and together as a family and we wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, we struggle a little sometimes, but it's worth it and we're well aware that we chose this. We made the decision and we went for it. We were fortunate in that we didn't have to downsize anything (I'll point out that my hubby doesn't make a fortune - he's a postie and i was an admin assistant, now I work some evenings in a bookies to help make ends meet!). I know some people might not be able to get past the idea of paying the mortgage on their bigger homes or having 2 cars (we only have one, but then, I don't drive anyway so we walk or take the bus everywhere), but we would have downsized if neccessary.

Candi - posted on 11/08/2010

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when I mention being crunched for time, my friend says, "yeah but you're home all day." UGH!!!! No, i am not. True I don't have a paying job outside my home, but I am definately NOT home all day eating bon bons watching The Young & the Restless!! I do lots of things. I hold a chair on the PTA for the middle school, I hold 2 volunteer positions at the museum, I am a comittee member of the Boy Scouts as well as the camp planner/organizer for them. I have 3 children. My daughters have 4 days of dance class, my son has Boy Scouts and 2 days of swimming, my son also has intramurals and weekly orthodontist appointments. I have 3 pets to take care of, a house to clean,and meals to prepare. My husband works from 2pm-1am, so all of the evening activities are on me. Its a hassle sometimes, but if I worked my kids wouldn't be able to enjoy all of these activites. I enjoy being able to be so involved in what they do. Yes I had plans for my life, but things happen. My husband is in the Army and the Army is choosing other things for us which makes it difficult for me to complete any task, so I just go with the flow and make it work to my advantage. My husband is very supportive in all I do, although he worries I am taking on too much at times. If I wasn't so busy, I wouldn't be happy

Candace - posted on 11/08/2010

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I understand this completely. I too am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter. But part of that reason is because I'm disabled. So am I lucky that I'm ill, suffer chronic pain, and spend my life medicated to the gills? I know that I'm fortunate to be able to be a stay at home parent for my child. You're right. Many of those families probably could have a stay at home parent, but they don't feel like they can live without the luxuries that they have grown accustomed to. So I'll tell you this. You ARE lucky. Because you know that having mommy is more important to your child than having money. And your child is lucky too.

Iysha - posted on 11/08/2010

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I used to work outside the home and i liked it WAY better than being a SAHM. Sure i like that I get to sleep in til 9 and calmly get breakfast for my daughter and i like that i can spend lots of time with my daughter BUT, i get bored. I have no friends and no family around and my husband works 2 jobs back to back...he leaves the house at 6am and comes home at 10pm. It isnt my ideal situation. The reasoning behind it is that we are new to the area, we dont know anybody well enought to watch my daughter, my husband is scared of childcare since my daughter cant tell us what is going on there (he had care givers that were mean to him) and since we moved here for his job, i'm stuck at home. I can see that moms that work outside the home think it's lucky...most people hate their jobs, I hated my job...until i had nobody to talk to but a little one that cant really talk yet and was forced to take care of stupid pets. Ok, so the cat is smart but hates the dog and the dog is a dummy who wants to play with the cat...I'm not an animal person. lol. So, for me...being at home was not my choice, it was a necessity. I can only work outside the home if I can bring in more income than my husband including the expenses for child care. With no degree and no experience in anything but the medical field...i dont have much options, nobody will hire a girl to work in their medical office that isnt certified. I say moms who work outside of the home are lucky...they have a job, have a place to go to that challenges their mind/body and where they can interact with grown ups. They can also come home and enjoy their children and have quality time to play, snuggle or whatever. They dont have to spend all their time home, and they dont live at their place of work, they have both worlds...they can have a job and be mommy and be wife...not just mommy. Hopefully once my daughter's old enough I can go back to school so we can have the lives we want. I think child care is good...especially since I cant give my daughter friends to play with.

If i was told i was lucky for being a SAHM, I'd share how "lucky" I am and then say that they have all the luck!

[deleted account]

I get that occasionally and I just reply back with; "Yes I am aren't I?" If I feel really bitchy I even throw in the line of "Why don't you all downsize an little and you can do the same?" as well. That one is a sure show stopper so I wouldn't suggest using it unless you really want to piss they person off. However, like you I am just sick of hearing it. We don't CHOOSE to be lower middle class. We want to have one parent home with our kids at all times for hundreds of reasons and if that offends someone we don't really care.

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