Young Mothers living with the inlaws,how do you like it?

Mayra - posted on 02/17/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am a 24 y/o mother of a 3 y/o toddler girl.Hubby and I used to have our own place but decided (his decision,not quite mine but i figured i couldnt be selfish) to move into his parents house again after leaving due to drama,now we are back and things changed alot because they saw that we could make it out there without them.Now we're back and I HATE it! I hate the fact I can't cook what im in the mood for,clean whenever I want,have ppl over and ugh..so many things that really tick me off!!!! On top of that I am a stay at home mom at the moment and sometimes it's overwhelming.I feel i am the only only in this situation and it sucks!Anyone in the same situation?If so,how do u deal with this? At times I feel like giving up and leaving this place.ugh! I just hope we are apreciated.I'll leave the day I hear one more "rumor" or any back talking..

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Lisa - posted on 02/17/2010

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Hi Mayra, I live next door to my inlaws. We have their house and they live in the grannyflat. I gave in to this suggestion from my husband cuz he convinced me that it was for the best. I dont agree! Financially maybe but emotionally not at all! We had our own place but moved out and rented it due to bad neighbours. I am a stay at home mother to a 7mth old and the inlaws love it. They want to see her all the time and my husband takes her over there without telling me. Its so frustrating having them always at the doorstep wanted one thing or another.

Make plans, to move out. Keep a goal of when you would like to move out. Give yourself some hope. Thats all i can do to stay sane
Lisa xo

Crystal - posted on 02/17/2010

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I'm 21 years old. I'm a stay at home mom to my 20 month old son. Due to have my second child in May and live with my in-laws.Living with my in-laws is by far the most hated thing ever. Don't get me wrong I love them they are great people for letting us live here. But I just want my own place. to where i can do my own things. Like you said. Clean,cook without someone telling me im doing it wrong or telling me not to do it becuase its not my house. And going by someone else rules other then my own pretty much sucks. and then you get thoes rude comments to where they tell how to raise your own child. there are days where i get so fed up with it that i think we would be better in family shelter. but i know i don't want my son in a place like that. So i suffer so my son can have everything he needs in a house.

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Cassie - posted on 03/02/2010

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my inlaws are actually really nice people granted i'm further away from my family and friends and cant see them as much plus we live out in the country but i do feel bad for your predicament sweety

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2010

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im 20 with an 18 month old son and i live with my bf and his mother. im not as restricted as you might be. im the one who does most of the cleaning and cooking but when it comes to discipling my son [time outs] his mom trys to tell me to put the tv on for him to watch and i always tell her no because that wouldnt be much of a punishment now would it. he wouldnt learn anything from that experience. and on top of it we have a language barrier as well. i only speak english and she speaks korean.

Vanessa - posted on 03/01/2010

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its nOt easy but sometimes you just gotta sacrifice a little. i know that once we move out everything will be fine between my fiance and i because with all the craziness and drama that goes on in our house we seem to be fighting alot we never faught before but for some reason we fight almost everyday and that adds to my stress and makes things hardern on our relationship:(

Mayra - posted on 02/18/2010

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thank you so much for your advice it was really helpfull to hear f=your side

Vanessa - posted on 02/17/2010

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hi! I'm 22 abOut to turn 23 on the 23rd, I have a 3 month old and live with my fiances parents; it's not them that make it bad it's his sister she's 19 and expecting a baby; we got along great when were first dating but as we got engaged everything with her became a competiton; she wanted her bf to purpose after we annouced our engagement last year; if I bought something she had to go out and try to get something better. I don't cook or clean here because I tried once and she got angry. but yet she complains that I don't contribute any?? we have our own bathroom so the only time I come out of my room is when bAby is hungry or myself or when I put him in his swing. she honestly is jealous of not only me but my son aswell she tells there younger brother and sister who are 12 & 13 that they better spoil her daughter and if she's crying for them they better give back our son so she can go with them. I seriously do notike her but I tolerate her because she is my fiances sister. we are trying to save to move out on our own i can't wait to get the heck outta here she drives me insane:/

Yvonne - posted on 02/17/2010

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I am in the same boat. My husband and I had moved out of state and after 4 years we wanted to return home, the only way to do so was to move in with my inlaws until we find jobs and a place to live. My inlaws are great, they try not to get involved in our business, but as much as they try it still happens and that's fine, its expected. We have had some issues were we have our son disciplined in a certain manner, and the grandparents are changing the rules up a little. It's very difficult, we went from having our own house and being free to do as we please to sharing a single room with our son and having to be mindful of others, not being able to come and go as we please or even having company. We just have to make the best of it, I am grateful they opened their home to us. it's as difficult for them as it is for us I'm sure.

Cookie - posted on 02/17/2010

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I always feel overwhelmed and sometimes felt like screaming,don't ever give that's what they want to happen they want to see you fail always keep your head up and never let anyone see that you are tired sit down and talk to hubby and tell him how you feel about everything and see how he reacts don't get mad talk camly and see the outcome beacuse I am a mother of 5and I used to be in the same situation but you have to be strong good luck

Annie - posted on 02/17/2010

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Been there, done that, for 7 months and boy did it feel like forever! My hubby, 2 kids (1 and 2 at the time) moved back in with the in-laws so we could save up to buy a house instead of rent. There were times when I had to think of the fact that we were going to have it so much better when we bought a house to keep myself sane and keep my MIL alive! lol My problem with her is that she's such a controlling person and she constantly undermined my parental decisions-- that's a No-No! I got so mad sometimes that I could do nothing but sob hot tears to keep from letting my harsh words fly. And she bitched to her sisters about how I just didn't appreciate everything she was doing and blahblahblah. Let me tell you we get along SO much better now that I don't depend on her for anything. I finally did put my foot down on a lot of things and when we got our house and moved out, we started to get along really well. It's hard enough to live with your own parents and even hubby sometimes, even though they're people you can tell where to go when you have to! But living with someone around whom you have to constantly tip-toe and bite your tongue, it's too much stress and your child will actually suffer from it eventually. Especially the undermining thing-- your daughter needs to see unity among her adult role-models. If your MIL is back-talking and challenging your decisions in front of her (and 3-year-olds pick up on this stuff), she's going to think that it's okay for her to do the same. Demanding to get your own place with your husband and your daughter isn't being selfish, it's actually you being a mom and standing up for what's right for your family. Be strong and don't let yourself be a doormat! ♥

Charity - posted on 02/17/2010

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I was in a similar situation when I was 20 years old. I had just had my first child, Merlyn. During my pregnancy I had complications, so I couldn't work or clean or anything. Anyways, My ex-husband and I lived at his mothers' house. After having Merlyn, I felt like I was supposed to do everything, cooking, cleaning all of it, because no one else would. It probably wasn't that way, but it felt like it at the time. I finally had to tell my MIL, that Chris and I had to move out. It was just time for us to be our own little family. She completely agreed. At the same time she tried to lay huge guilt trips on us. her and I get along great now, but we didn't back then, she now realizes I wasn't trying to take away her grandson, but that I was just trying to be an adult and a good mother to my child. Maybe your MIL just doesn't understand where you're coming from. You can try to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Maybe in some ways she just feels like you're taking her son, when you're really not. Just explain everything calmly coolly. Also talk to your husband about it being time to be your own couple and boss! I hope it helps. Charity

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i am sorry you are in this situation. I couldn't imagine living with my in laws. you say that you moved back because he wanted to, and you don't want to be selfish? If you are unhappy, which clearly you are, then it is time to be SELFISH because if you stay, you will be angry and hold some resentment...this will not be good for your relationship...so being selfish is sometime a good thing, when the end results mean that you are happier and your relationship is better off.

you didn't say why you are there. If it is because of lack of money, stay for awhile until you can save up for your own place. If you have the money to be on your own, it is probably for the best.

sit down and talk to your husband, and explain to him your concerns. your job is to take care of your daughter, and a happy mom is a good mom...if you are unhappy there do whats best for you.

good luck

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