Anger has cost me my family... Again.

JR - posted on 03/13/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I met long ago when we were teenagers, we fell madly in love then I went off to the Marines. 16 years went by then she found me online. We talked to each other every day for over a year. I even flew to see her and her two children from a non existent sperm donor. The kids loved me and I loved them. One boy, one girl. 13 & 14 years old.
In any case things were all going well until I lost my temper after the boy stormed off into his room slamming his door. I went in and grabbed him, I wanted to shake some sense into him but honestly I just lost control. I slapped him without really realizing, didn't even stop when the mom got in between. Even though the entire episode only lasted a few seconds and no real physical damage was done im afraid the mental damage is pretty bad. Especially since the boy had serious mental issues like attempts on his own life when he was 7. The mom said that the doctors told her 2 years ago he was fine, so she stopped taking him to counseling and just spent money on sports and fancy clothes. At this point. I'm out of the house, just decided to leave and that this wasn't going to work. We were supposed to be married at the end of March, but now all that's canceled.

I realize my anger is the ultimate cause of all this, I'm so disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to be this way and it's cost me everything.

The only silver lining is that I have my own son from another relationship (they were supposed to move out here where I am but the mother couldn't). I want to use this entire experience as a lesson that I need to never forget. Anger < love and will cost me everything. So I've been reading and researching anger management these past few days.

I have been communicating with my former fiance but she has told me that I can't come bask home now, not until her son is ready. I understand that. I really loved her son, or so I thought. I myself have do much to learn about me that I don't even think I know how to love. I've been told that I can't love others until I learn to love myself. I thought I was doing this but apparently I'm not.

I read somewhere on this site that men are just grown boys and father's need coaching just like boys do. Can't even argue with that.

I'm so sad that I've hurt my girl, her kids, her family. Embarrassed her and everything yet she still has love for me and I for her and her kids, but afraid it's too late and love has nothing to do with it anymore.

I am trying to come to grips with what I've lost but am looking forward to bring with my own son, I have to tell him why not getting married to the woman I waited to introduce him to. I have to explain why I am alone. I know he has anger in him too, so if all this hurt I've caused can leave to be the father my son needs than maybe it was all for the best.

I still love my once to be family but I've gone to far to go back and done to much to I've on.

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Deanna - posted on 04/08/2015

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There is always forgiveness. Step kids push us to our limits. I only wish my finace was so understanding. He is much like urs. And we fight non stop about his mean destructive son. 3 weeks his son mafe it two days in school. Because the rest he was kicked out. Due to anger mean behavior like kicking biting screaming and of course lying. Hes only in kindergarten. Ugh. Keep up with ur anger management. Involve ur son in it to help his anger. Prove to her u are trying and she will forgive

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