How do I reconnect with my Step Grandparents?

User - posted on 08/09/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm 27 and have been very happily married for four years. My parents divorced when I was 2. My dad remarried when I was 12.

I had a pretty good relationship with my stepmom until I was in college. Things got very rocky between my father and my stepmother, and I can't honestly say that I made it easier for her during that time. In fact, I probably provoked my dad too much (he's rather eccentric and can be insensitive). However, I was supportive of her after their divorce (it happened in my early 20's), and went out of my way to bring her meals and connect. But it wasn't reciprocated. Years later, I invited her to my wedding, but she didn't come - even though growing up she would constantly tell me how much she loved me and considered me her 'heart' daughter, not a 'stepdaughter.' Cheesy, I know, but also endearing. It's hard to feel like it was coming from the heart now that I'm older and we have no relationship.

I wish her the best and hope to reconnect, but I'm not sure if me reaching out again will be welcome. Now that I'm older and distant from it I know it wasn't easy for her, and I deeply feel bad for the things that happened - not only with my father, but how our relationship went down.

More than that, though, I want to get back in touch with my stepgrandparents. I went through all of middle school, high school, and early college spending holidays with them, calling them "Grandfather" and "Grandmother", going on fishing trips, receiving gifts from them. They truly cared about me like one of their own grandchildren. Because I was older when the divorce happened, I didn't really have any contact information, I'm not sure they had mine, and now it's been years since I've seen and talked to them. They are getting much older now and I really want to reconnect. But they've never reached out, so maybe I should leave them alone? Would I be bothering them? I at least want to make sure they know that I'm doing well, am married, and am very thankful of their love when I was younger. But would this be awkward for them and be painful?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do.

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Sarah - posted on 08/09/2015

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Your stepmother likely did not attend your wedding because she felt it would make the other guests uncomfortable; especially your own mother and father. If you can contact her thru email or regular mail, tell her just what you wrote in your final paragraph. That all of these people were special to you and you'd like to reconnect. Offer to have them over and invite them to bring pictures to share. If she shuts you down, then I'd say let it go.

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