Whats the best way to deal with Future Step daughter issue?

Marie - posted on 06/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My future step daughter visits us, but does not speak to me at all. I try to engage a conversation with her, only to be completely ignored. This has been going on for the last year. It's to the point that I hate when she comes over because I am feeling uncomfortable in my own home. When I brougt this up at first, my fiance said it was because she is shy. So I have kept trying, not in your face trying. I come to find out last night that she has told him that she does not like me, does not want to like me and will never like me. He and I have rented a cabin for the holiday and she wanted to come too, he told her no, then told me that WOULD BE THE LAST TIME HE TOLD HER NO. I am at my wits end? Any suggestions????

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Brittney - posted on 06/27/2012

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Not letting her go to the cabin reinforces her feelings that you are trying to take her dad and she is going to hate you more. Just let her go. Your the adult she is a child. Don't play her game. Kill her with kindness and she will have no choice but to like you or look like an ass. And if she want's to look like an ass, let her. But you will always be in the wrong if you give in to this. You can ignore her back if you want, but don't be mean or try to keep her from her dad or family trips. You should call her today and tell her you want her to come. Feeling uncomfortable while she is there is something you will have to get over or deal with if you want to make it work with her father. He will always be her father first and your husband/boyfriend second.

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Marie - posted on 06/27/2012

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That would work, however there is only one bed and I don't think he would be open to that, sitting her down and having a talk with her. My fiance travels alot with his job, he just got back after being gone a month and will be leaving again on the 8th. This will be the only time he and I can get away for a few days and have some alone time to get a way and relax a bit. He planned this as a surprise for me. We have asked her to come for holidays only to be shot down. The only time she contacts him, or me for that matter is when she is having issues with her mother. On one trip he was on, she texted me and asked if she could come over for a few days even though my dad is gone. Things with her mother were bad and she said it would give us a chance to get to know eachother better. I was thrilled and told her so. I went shopping and got all of her favorite stuff and she never called or texted telling me she wasn't coming.

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

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I would let her come to the cabin you rented and you sit down the three of you and find out why she feels the way she does it could be something simple that the two of you can get past, just remember when talking to her be friendly and understand she may be afraid you are stealing her dad from her or that you are going to try and be her mom. It could also be that she thinks you don't like her, so I really a good heart to heart is in order, excluding her from family holidays is only going to reinforce her opinion of you. Be the bigger person tell your future hubby to call his daughter and say yes we would love to have you come.

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