Difficult Step-Kids Please Help

[deleted account] ( no moms have responded yet )

I'm at a loss and joined this site because I don't know where else to turn. No one understand my frustration and my relationship is taking a huge toll. Me and my fiance have been together for a total of 4 years, this October being 5yrs. I have two boys from a previous relationship, ages 9yr and 4yrs. He has 2 kids from a previous as well ages 11 & 10. And we have a daughter together that just turned 2. His two kids live with their mother whom runs a bar and seems to pawn the kids off every chance she gets and makes her grandfather do all the pick ups and drop offs and everything in between. I went to all the pickups/drop off for the first three years and never saw her once. My first time meeting her was last year on Halloween. She tried for the first two years to break us up with making indecent passes at my fiance which he immediately ignored and put her in her place. We have been living together for the last three years. The kids come over every now and again on the weekends. The kids seem to not have any structure and when they come over are never prepared, do not bring appropriate clothing. They never bring adequate shoes. They come over and ransack the house, make a disaster and do not have any respect for boundaries. His daughter wears my shoes without asking and in his own words, "nosey." She is always in adult drama on whose with who or who is mad at who. I try to be fair but I have raised my kids to act a certain way, like when we go to someones house they dont jump on everything or "make themself at home." But his kick off their shoes the second their in the door and jump on whatever. I try to teach them they need to be prepared when they come over but when I get on to them I'm the evil step parent and my fiance doesn't understand, he thinks I'm just being mean because "they're not mine." They came over with poison ivy and crawled into my sons bed. The last time, his son came over with nothing but house slippers, no shoes. It was raining outside for the past two days and we wanted to take them all bowling. So I got all the kids dressed in tennis hoes and jeans and his son comes out wearing gym shorts and cotton house slippers, in the mud. Says he didn't bring any shoes or other clothes for the whole weekend. Of course this infuriates me because I keep trying to tell them to come prepared. My fiance says his son didnt have any shoes becasue his tennis shoes sole was coming off and he was going to buy him some the next day. In my head why wouldn't his son at least wear some sort of decent shoe UNTIL he gets his new ones? So we go out with everyone looking decent as dressed prepared for the weather and his son is in gym shorts a shirt and hose slippers that are soaking wet. After bowling we go to a drive thru and his son is very overindulgent whose at 155lbs and always orders double. He orders 2 quesadillas. Which i don't find necessary. But once again this is the line in the sand. I'm once again being mean. I just don't know what else to do. I'm always being made out to be the mean one but it seems like his kids get to run and do whatever they want and could do no wrong by him. If I get onto his kids I'm just being mean, not trying to teach them. As of now my fiance flushed his ring down the toilet and packed his belongings. Because I "don't treat his kids like my own." When does it get better?

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