Proper Wedding Etiquette

Yellow - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

63

81

6

What do you think a stepmother's role should be in the wedding of their step-son/daughter?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Stepmom - posted on 06/01/2011

29

227

25

Those articles sound a little biased if you ask me. Honestly you have to be a little bit careful with some "Step" articles because I have found that many times biomoms with vendettas are writing them (sometimes not all the time).
I hope everything works out for you and your family has a wonderful blessed wedding day! :)

Becky - posted on 11/25/2016

3

0

0

Your comment: "What I wish step moms would consider is that when they marry a man with kids regardless if she has her own or not is that life is not fair. It was not fair to the kids when their parents broke up and it was not fair to the spouse that stayed faithful or worked on things got the raw end of the deal. But as the SM in the situation you should expect the unexpected at times good or bad."

Sounds very condescending to me, as if we have no idea that life is not fair or do not know how to take the good with the bad! What?

Most women I know who are both bio-moms and step-moms say the step-mom part is the most difficult.

This is why I prefer the term dad's wife to step-mom, because that is her main role, to be a wife to her husband. If there is no way dad's wife is going to be treated like dad's wife or spouse at the wedding, then she should at least be given a heads-up so she can back out, or maybe her husband will want to back out too. I sure would not want to go to a wedding where my spouse was going to be treated like the invisible woman or man.

Ev, don't take it personally. It actually sounds like you did a good job at your children's weddings. Karen was just sounding off or noting that this certainly does not happen at all weddings, where dad's wife is actually treated like dad's wife.

Karpelt1 - posted on 11/05/2015

23

0

0

To survive it. Newsflash—SMs or dad’s wife are not the docile wallflowers in the year 2015 that everyone thinks they are supposed to be. Most of these so-called etiquette rules were written around the turn of the last century, the 1900s. Time to throw those rules out the window and treat everyone with respect and treat all couples as they couples they are. SM's role at the wedding is to be herself, bless the bride and groom, and hang out with her spouse—just like all the other married couples do at a wedding.

9 Comments

View replies by

Karpelt1 - posted on 10/04/2017

23

0

0

Ev, you asked for further opinions, and then when they were given, went into attack mode and tried to act like SMs just don’t get it. We get it just fine. Since you took each one of my paragraphs I wrote and basically overwrote with your opinion (below) attempting to point out how worthless my suggestions were in every case, I’m imagining you’re an alpha female, who went out of her way to make sure her children were PAS’d against their father, and of course his wife. No surprise there.

And, please, no more examples from you of what went on in your situation and how you did everything perfectly and everyone else just plain sucked. We get it already.

If anyone wants to truly get a view of what it feels like to be in a step-parent's shoes, sometimes, take a looksee:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_pYN7PA...

Karpelt1 - posted on 10/01/2017

23

0

0

You see these posts a lot Ev, because it is easy for SM to be left out of the wedding period, and I'm not talking about SM simply not getting a corsage. I'm talking about plans being made for SM's husband, without anyone giving neither SM nor dad a heads up on it or asking his permission. The plan could be for SM's husband and his ex- to walk down the aisle together, sit together, be the only ones allowed in any wedding pictures, and so on. All of this planned for months ahead of time without dad being remotely kept in the loop.

I'd suggest if a SM plans to attend, either be prepared for the above or try to find out what the plan is, but a warning there too. I have heard of dad and his wife (SM) being told one thing about the plans and then once they arrive, the plan is changed at the last second, with SM having to sit in the back or, in one case, at the barbecue pit while DH and his ex- are expected to hang out modeling husband and wife for the entire series of events.

Some try to justify this by saying that mom and dad are just acting as parents at the event, but you don't see parents Uncle Joe and his ex- hanging out together rather than Uncle Joe and his current wife, or you don't see anyone else being hooked up as parents vs. husband and wife at weddings or at any event, really. Money has nothing to do with it either, because no one is seated at a wedding by what funds they contributed. It certainly is OK for son or SS to sit up front with his girlfriend of 3 months, for instance. And, the fact that these plans seem to be made without checking with dad first, at least, not only reeks of an intentional set-up, but a malicious one as well.

Weddings are about couples and marriage. DH and his wife are a couple and are married. Why in God's name would anyone think it would even remotely be okay to ignore someone else's marriage altogether at a wedding or any event!? Hook someone up with someone other than their spouse, without EITHER husband nor wife giving any input on the matter nor permission?

Karpelt1 - posted on 11/24/2016

23

0

0

I decided to delete my other posts and offer this advice, instead. Advice I found on another website. That way, I'll fit the stereotype better.

Best thing for step-mom to do at weddings--either go looking like Sofía Vergara in a red dress and play the flaming 2nd wife to the max., or avoid the whole thing and plan a spa day with friends, people who actually care about you.

Kfkelly - posted on 03/06/2016

6

0

0

It really depends on the relationship with the stepchild. Etiquette would say that the stepparent, as spouse of parent, is invited if parent invited. Everything else depends. Some stepparents have been accepted as family by the child, some not so much. Some stepkids were grown and out of the house before stepparent came along, some saw the spouse of the stepparent infrequently.

Lori - posted on 08/25/2013

1

0

0

Parents of the groom host the rehersal dinner. The MOB AND FOB need to be gracious.

Yellow - posted on 05/19/2011

63

81

6

I guess both. I have just read a couple of online articles that a stepmother/stepfather should just take the backseat to the entire wedding and the mother and father of the bride/groom are the only ones that really should be apart of it... including seating during the ceremony... the articles state that the stepmother/stepfather should sit a few rows back without the birth mother/father... even if they are remarried, which to me is a little rude. Even though the stepmother/stepfather are not biological parents to the children, they should not asked to be sit separate and away from their spouse, I feel it is disrespectful. ALL parties should put whatever BS and hate aside for that one day for their children... I also agree that it is whatever the bride/groom would like... I just wanted some feedback

Stepmom - posted on 05/18/2011

29

227

25

Whatever role your stepchild wants it to be.
I've seen the groom walk both his mom and then his stepmother up the aisle as part of the wedding.
Are you asking in regards to the actual wedding or the preparations?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms