Are there others out there that are fulltime mothers to their step kids?

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Katy - posted on 07/04/2009

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Yep my boys are 5 and 6 now, been with them since they were 2 and 31/2, and have provided them with a brother who is 7mths (I thought I was having him, but they tell me he is theirs!!) Was a bit of a custody thing she was trying to get full time care back but that was resolved when BM went "away" for 4 months, and officially signed full care to us. Has been difficult off and on, now pretty much stable she sees boys every other weekend and has two more boys too care for the rest of the time. Only frustrating when she favours the oldest over the other, and asks the oldest to live with her (which is not his choice yet) but not the younger. He doesn't notice much yet only 5yrs, but he will and it will be heartbreaking to watch. Any advice?

Deirdre - posted on 07/04/2009

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I am a full time mom to 2 step children aged 14 and 16. Their mom left months ago, so that's when my step daughter moved in and we've always had primary residence of my step son. It's hard on the kids with the transition, but they are coping very well!

My step-daughter told us the other day that she wants to stay here permantly because she is happier here now!

[deleted account]

I have been a step mom for 10 years. I meet her when she was 2, and now at 12 yrs old she is living with us. It is amazing :)

Sandra - posted on 07/03/2009

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I am a full time step mom to my husbands 2 boys (aged 20 and 15) their mother has legal and full custody over them but they chose to live with us 8 years ago, we have since moved 2000 km away from her and there is no effort made on her side to see them, no birthday gift, no xmas gifts, just accasional phone call.

Jamie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Hey everyone!!! I dont mean to get off the subject, but I am a mother to my ss and i have a daughter.how do you all get some much time with your setp kids. my step son is 3 going on 4 and all we have wanted from day one is 50/50. we have him 40% now and want more time. we constantly have problems with bio mom at drop offs and my ss got bit by a dog on her visit a long story to tell so i wont get into that i will just say she made my ss go through some horrible series of shots when he didnt need them just so she could protect herself and the court did nothing. even though she is not great to my ss we have always tryed to be fair and only ask for 50/50. i dont think thats wrong.?.? well can anyone give me some advise on how to get more time.

Kim - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Samantha:

I am a full time step mom to my boyfriends 3 kids ages 15, 13 & 11 as well as full time mom to my 3 ages 8, 7 & 2 - he works offshore so for 2 weeks out of the month I am the one & only for all 6! In August he will be switching to 3 weeks on & 3 weeks off! I have only lived with him for a year & his 15 & 11 year old daughters are now wanting to go live with their mom (less rule not that I have too many) - any help or advice???



Wow, that's quite the bunch you've got there!  I am a step mom to my hubby's 2 kids ages 6 and 7, I have a 16 year old of my own and we now have a 7mo old baby girl together.  4 is a handful, I can't imagine 6 with that many teens!  Have you had discussions with your BF about how he feels about the girls moving with mom?  You didn't mention the legality of the situation, so I don't know what the custody order is.  The other fact to consider is that you are not yet married to your fella so not a 'legal' step mom and that can make it tricky if BM puts up a fight to have them move with her.  Is their mom fit to be raising kids?  Personally, my kids' BM is very unstable and immature.  She is not capable of raising kids and has many issues going on in her life.  That being said, I still wish she would keep her promises to have them come visit (she lives in TX we live in OR) because a week or two break would be welcome to me.  It is very busy and challenging being a full time stay at home mom especially to step kids.  Perhaps a trial run is in order?  I don't know what your geographical distance is between your family and the BM but maybe they'd like to go 'live' with her for a summer and see how that works out for all 3 of them?  The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence so to speak, perhaps they will realize they have it pretty good and want to come home.  How does the BM feel about this (assuming she's aware of their wishes)?  That is a tough decision to have to make, I wish you and your family all the best!



 



On a side note, you mention your BF works 'off shore' but you don't mention what he does.  It almost sounds like National Guard...If it is military like my hubby (Army for 11 years) may I suggest a book for you called "Married to the Military, A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends and Women in Uniform."   Good luck!!!  

[deleted account]

I am a full time step mom to my boyfriends 3 kids ages 15, 13 & 11 as well as full time mom to my 3 ages 8, 7 & 2 - he works offshore so for 2 weeks out of the month I am the one & only for all 6! In August he will be switching to 3 weeks on & 3 weeks off! I have only lived with him for a year & his 15 & 11 year old daughters are now wanting to go live with their mom (less rule not that I have too many) - any help or advice???

Dawn - posted on 07/01/2009

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I have had my boyfriends son since school let out! He will be living with us for the school year this coming fall. It's tiring considering I don't have kids of my own, so this is new to me but I love it! He is a great kid, very well manored.

Melissa - posted on 07/01/2009

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I'm the mom of 4 step-children. All 4 lived with us until a few years ago when 2 moved out when they turned 18 and the other two age 16 and 12 still live with us. The mother of all 4 kids died of breast cancer in 1998. Being a step-mother is the hardest and most challenging but very rewarding.



I also have 2 boys of my own with my step-kids father. We treat all the kids like they are all the same. The bonding and love is different but no less.

Kim - posted on 07/01/2009

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Quoting Rachel:

I have been with my hubby for almost 8 years. We have been married almost 4. I am a full time mom to his 14 year old. He has an 11 year old who shuffles back and forth from his mom to us every week. He has a 16 year old step daughter that I play mom to as well....She is his ex-wife's child by someone else, but he raised her since she was 9 months old, so he is the only daddy she has...I love them to death, but sometimes it gets really hard not having any of your own. I love them, but it's not the same...People say they love them like their own, but is that really ever truely possible when you have none to compare it too??



Loving your step children and bonding with them, I have realized, are different things.  I think most step moms would be ashamed to admit that they do feel differently about their bio kids than their step kids.  It's not a matter of LOVING them less its a matter of BONDING because they are different than you.  I married my hubby this past Spring after dating then living together for over a year and he has full custody of his 2 kids, Alex age 6 and Jacqulynn age 7.  I have a 16 year old of my own and we have a baby girl together, almost 7 months.  I too am a full time stay at home mom.  I love ALL my kids to death.  I grew up with my dad and step mom and only have half & step siblings so to me that is the norm.  I think that gaining children that were a bit older (they were 5 and 6 when we met) makes the bonding process a bit longer.  In the beginning they still had their "BM loyalty" and I got the "you're not my mommy" statements a lot.  I had the perfect response, which I think surprised them because they were expecting an argument..."you're right, I'm not your mommy but I am your step-mom now and I am the grown up and you do have to mind me."  But I won't lie, it stings to hear them say things like that.  Things were tough for them before I came into their lives.  BM is unstable and fought with dad a lot and went out & partied a lot.  They have a younger half sister whom BM became pregnant with while dad was deployed to Iraq.  She currently lives in Texas, we live in Oregon and she is supposed to be able to see them whenver she wants as long as she pays the expenses (it's the court order).  She keeps promising to fly them down but hasn't so of course we have to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts from broken promises.  She hasn't seen them in over 2 years but she talks to them on the phone about once a week.  I could go on and on about her but basically, she's an immature, unstable, pathological liar who parties like it's going out of style and uses whoever she can to get what she wants.  She never misses an opportunity to remind them that SHE is their mommy and gets upset at them if they refer to me as "mom" or "mamaKim."  Mostly they call me Kim or mama Kim.   I think they would call me mom or mommy if it weren't for the gult trips they are subjected to, which again, prolongs that bonding process.  My SD called me "mommy" the other day and his sister said "no, she's not our mommy, she's mamaKim."  I don't put any pressure on them to call me mom, I just let them decide what they want to call me.  It's a bonding process for them too.  I am realizing that because of their "programming" before I became their SM they behave differently and have different personaly quirks that my bio children wouldn't have because I didn't raise them from the beginning.  Sometimes I feel myself being a bit harder on them because I'm trying to overcompensate for them "not being like me."  If that makes sense.  They were never made to eat healthy or use proper forms of English and I find myself struggling with them on a regular basis to eat healthy foods and speak properly, not something I had to go through with my bio-son.  Alex, my 6 yr old SS, has had some serious behavioral issues that we are working very hard at helping him work out.  We even worked with a specialist through school and his teacher.  I work very hard at making sure they know they are loved and this is a safe, healthy environment and we have seen drastic improvement from both of them but still have a long way to go.  We know that in time (it's already started happening) that they will see their BM for who she really is and know who was there for them and supported them and raised them.  Being with their dad and I is the best thing that could have ever happend to them.  We love them dearly and they have a stable environment to learn and grow in and the more time that goes by, the more we bond and the easier it is.   Does anyone else have a similar situation or feel the same way? 

Amy - posted on 07/01/2009

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I am full time mommy to my SD. I have had her since she was 8 and now she is 15! She is just wonderful, nd my hubby and I have our son who is Autistic and she loves her little brother and is such a wonderful big sister. She has her time with her mom, but calls me mom and is always so ready to come home! I wouldn't have it any other way!

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2009

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I am a full time SM to a 13 year old. His Mom sees him on Sundays but only has a few overnights a year. I have been fulltime for almost two years. Previously he was living with his bio grandma.

Erika - posted on 06/30/2009

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Hi. I'm a full time mom to my step daughter who will be 4 in september, have been since she was 2 and a half :) We have primary custody, she goes with her bio mom 2 weekends a month and 2 weeks outta the year, otherwise she's with us. I love her as if she were my own... My husband and i also have a 3 month old daughter together. My kids are awesome and i love them both very much. How old are yours?

Kris - posted on 06/29/2009

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Hi everyone. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to my own post. I have 3 wonderful children. Scott 9, Katie 6 and Ryenne 3. Scott and Katie are my husbands children from a previous marriage and Ryenne is mine from a previous relationship. I am a fulltime stay home mom to our kids and the older kids see their mom one weekend a month. They are suppose to go every other weekend but that rarely happens. Their mom is a nice person and she loves her kids but goes back and forth about how involved she is. One minute she is asking to take the kids whenever she is now working and the next she is too busy to take them on her scheduled weekend. I love having the kids with us as much as possible but it does get a little frustrating when we try and keep the kids on the same schedule with their other parents. I came from a home where there were many divorces and I know what it is like to be in the kids shoes as far as wanting my parents to get along and not having drama. My husband and I want what is best for our kids and so we find the balancing act between being 100% involved to letting the other parents in a delicate one. When I initially inquired about their being others out there like me I was having a difficult day but I have had many great days since. So I guess you take the good with the bad. But I am very happy to have recevied all your replies and look forward to having this network to corrispond with and lean on for support.

Angela - posted on 06/29/2009

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Yes I am a full time step mom to my boy friends 4 kids. Plus I have 2 kids from my first marriage and we have 2 together. We have the yours, mine, & ours going on in our family. We have been together for 4 years and the kids have been gradually moving in with us as problems have arose with the biological mom. She gets visitation, but I get all the benefits. I wouldn't change my crazy situation for anything. There are a lot of challenges, but you have to face them head on and take care of them as they arise.

Melissa - posted on 06/28/2009

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I am a full time SM to my SS who is 5. He sees his BM every other weekend during the school year and every other week during the summer. Hubby and I have a little girl who is 7 weeks old as well.

Carolina - posted on 06/24/2009

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Yes I am a full-time mother and step mother. We met when our boys were 2 years old. I have to say it has not been easy..i still say it is the hardest job in the world. He is mother see's him every other weekend so because she is a part of his life in some way i cant parent him as if i was his real mom. I get to do everything else but when it comes to dicipline i cant do much. This i have to say is the hardest part of all..becuase i have my own son and its tough to dicipline one and not the other.

Susan - posted on 06/23/2009

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I am also a full time mommy to my step sons. I have two sons of my own and three step sons. I have raised my husbands sons since they were 1,2, and 3. It has been almost five years now. When we first got together my husband was in the middle of a custody battle with his ex already. Of corse he won. We were married and the boys moved in with us...I definetly wouldn't have it any other way. When the kids do go visit with there "mother" they cry for me. My husband works away from home and I am the only one that has really been here for all of these kids. I used to be really jealous that there real mom gets all the time in the world to do whatever she wants, but I guess I've come to realize thats why they love me so much cause i'm always here for them while shes running around partying. She has never taken the kids to the denist, doctor, vacation, school programs, etc....I love each and everyone of my boys and I'm so happy to have them ALL!!!

Leah - posted on 06/23/2009

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Hi! Although my 3 are actually niece and nephews by marriage, we have had full custody of them for 4 1/2 years. It's amazing and crazy and sometimes hard to deal with their parents, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Denise - posted on 06/22/2009

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We have custody of my two step kids. They are a handful. I do everything for them. My husband just does his own thing. Unless he doesnt like how i punish them. I still do what I need to do because they need to respect me and my house. His daughter just moved in 3 weeks ago. We fight on a daily bases. I have learned one thing in cousenling that works with my own daughter who is 8. His daughter is 11. If they are arguing with me just walk away and say this conversation is over. My daughter was blown away and didnt now what to say when I did this to her. And now she doesnt argu with me as much. GOOD LUCK

Kristin - posted on 06/18/2009

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Hi! I am a full time mom to my step son. My husband and I have been married for a year but have been together for 6 yrs total. My stepson was 2 when I met him, as he is now 8. They grow so fast! I wouldn't want my life any other way!

Debra - posted on 06/18/2009

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I am a step mom to my now husband of 3 years to his 11 and 12 year old,we have been together for 8 years. I also have 2 children so we have always parented them and raised them together .When we got together he had full custudy of his and I of mine so they where3,4,5 and 6. The children have been raised together and visit there alternative parents every second weekend.The kids act like siblings and we are a family in every sense of the word,don't get me wrong we have had issues and as they get older they will often try to play the biological parent when they think iy isn't going the way they had hoped.

Desirae - posted on 06/18/2009

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Hi. Im a full time mom to my SD who is 7. My husband has primary physical custody of her. My hubby just recently went back to active duty and as been away and it about to get deployed. So that makes me her only parent around. Its definitely an experience. I love her so much and couldn't imagine my life without her in it.

Suzanne - posted on 06/16/2009

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HI, I'm Sue and like many others I too am a full time step mom. My husband and I use to team drive 18 wheelers, then the call came my SD at age 7 yrs. had decided she wanted to live with us. We came home, she moved in, we got new jobs (so she could have a stable home life) and we've all been together ever since. She's 16 yrs. old now. I also have 2 grown sons and we're raising a granddaughter. But the kids aren't his or mine, They are OUR kids! And we love them very much!

Arlene - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hi, I have been a full time step mom for the past 12 yrs.I have a 14 yr old daughter and my son will turn 12 soon, I got them when he was 2 mos old and she almost 3. We also have a bio daughter that is 9 yrs. old. I love them like they were all my own. Although I have to admit that the relationship with my teenage daughter could and should be a lot better after all these years. BM destroyed that child with all the things she saw, heard, and was fed.

Christine - posted on 06/16/2009

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I am a full-time mom to my husband's 2 kids from his first wife and now our child together. He's been a single dad to them since they were two and three. Now they are 10 and 11 and I couldn't love them more if I had carried them myself. If fact, I kid that my daughter (11) is proof that in order for a child to be your "payback", they don't have to be bio!

Heidi - posted on 06/16/2009

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Well my stepson has been with us fulltime for the past 6 out of 8 years. Before that he was with us one week and with his mom one week. He is now 18 and still lives with us and his mother has nothing to do with him, and hasn't now for over 2 years. I also have 2 other boys that are ages 10 and 4.

Jane - posted on 06/16/2009

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Yes I am full time mum to my step son aged 6 I have been with my partner since my step son was 3 his own mum comes once a week for a couple of hours to see him

Nicole - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Laura:

My husbands ex has seen her daughters 2 times in all the years he and I have been together. Believe me, she's NO kind of mother. So I am the full time (and only REAL) mom my two teenage girls have. They've been with us since they were 7 and 9.



i'm in the same boat. biomom has no contact with SD. it's tough being the real mom.

Brandy - posted on 06/14/2009

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I am a full time mom to my 2 step daughters who are 8 and 7 their birth mother has only seen them a few times since the youngest was a year old im the only mom they know we also have 3 other children with a total of 5 kids and my husband is deployed in Iraq for 10 months it's hard some days but I love it and would not have it any other way.

Brandy - posted on 06/14/2009

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I am the full-time mom to my SD since she was three. She will be 11 on June 30th. Her BM only shows up when it is convenient for her and whatever man she is with at the time. Sadly I’m okay for my SD when she disappears from the face of the earth but upon her resurrection I’m suppose to pretend as if I don’t exist. Her resurrection happens once every 2-3 years for roughly a few months. During these few months everytime she opens her mouth you know its a lie and she has nothing but negative things to say about me, the one female who has never left her daughter side. Per court order she has to spend time with her so my husband honors that sometime in that 2-3 months. She says such hurtful things such as calling her names and my SD overheard her telling her current boyfriend that she would rather work than spend time with her. She just finished a week with her and returned home with stress-bumps all over. When does the biological parent stop being in the best interest of the child?? Step parents should have more rights! Is it Is there anyone else out there who goes through this?

Kortney - posted on 06/13/2009

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Yes! I have a 10 year step son. (We also have a 3 yr old together) When i met my husband they shared custody. But as time went on she stopped calling and coming to get him. She seen him a few times last year but stopped calling when we told her if she was going to leave him with a 14 year all night so she could go to a party not to bother picking him up. She yelled at me and told me not to tell her how to rais her son. (Even though see hadn't seen him for 4 years) She has not called since. I find it is better to not have her in the picture a lot less drama. It just sucks for my step son because he knows he has a mother and that she has 3 other children that live with her.

Dina - posted on 06/12/2009

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Yes, My step kids live with us full-time and only see their birth mom every other weekend. Of coarse they have to be retrained soon as they walk back in the door. but I think we're all used to it by now.

Melinda - posted on 06/12/2009

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My husband and I have 6 children total, two which are his from a previous marriage. My husband had primary custody of both boys ages 15 and 12. The 12 year old last year moved to his mother's after a period where she was claiming that the boys were not getting enough attention. Hard to believe since the 15 year old still lives with us fulltime. We are blessed as our oldest just graduated with honors and the rest of the kids are doing very well in school and are involved in many activities. Being a step parent is in my opinion harder than being a parent to my own children. Not because of the kids but the threats, false statements and conflicts that an ex-partner can make that creates financial hardships, interruptions with sibling bonds and parental relationships. I just need to keep reminding myself that they will turn 18 years some day and the kids will know the truth. My job is to be supportive and understanding, not to talk bad about their mom even when she is making things difficult and that will teach the boys more than she ever will.

Beth - posted on 06/12/2009

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I am the full-time step mother of a 12 year old boy that came to us 2 years ago from a physically and sexually abusive mother and boyfriend. Once he got here we found out the abuse had started at age 3 and continued up until we gained custody at age 10. He has been a barrage of mental and emotional problems and in and out of psychiatric facilities. He is much more then we bargined for as we have a special needs 6 year old. At his point we are not sure if we can even safely keep him. We are doing our best and trying to keep our chin up.

Debra - posted on 06/11/2009

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Hi Kris. How are you? Yes, Iam a full time stay at home mom to my step children. My husband has had custody of them off & on for almost 5 years, But he has had custody of them for 3 years. And as of Monday their mother only has Supervised Visits and No over nights. How about you?

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2009

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I have been with my hubby for almost 8 years. We have been married almost 4. I am a full time mom to his 14 year old. He has an 11 year old who shuffles back and forth from his mom to us every week. He has a 16 year old step daughter that I play mom to as well....She is his ex-wife's child by someone else, but he raised her since she was 9 months old, so he is the only daddy she has...I love them to death, but sometimes it gets really hard not having any of your own. I love them, but it's not the same...People say they love them like their own, but is that really ever truely possible when you have none to compare it too??

Ivy - posted on 06/10/2009

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I have been a full time mom to my 2 ss for almost a yr now, ages 9 and 11. My husband has joint primary custody. They have been through alot in their short lives and it's taking alot of adjusting for all of us. I have been with thier dad since they were 1 and 2 1/2. We used to only get to see them every six months or so and the was if their bm wanted to let us see them. We fought long and hard to get custody of them and made them both a promise that no one would ever hurt them again. They oldest has a learning disability, ADHD, and ODD, so it has been quite a struggle. He has come a long way since moving in with us and seems to be adjusting well to all the new rules at our house. The yougest is doing great also and only has a hard time after a wknd visit with bm, she makes him promises and then never follows thru. Once he's home with us, the next day he is fine and doesn't ever talk about her until he sees her again. They both say they miss her, but feel safer with us. She just recently took them for a wknd visit for the first time since last Nov. and is to get them for 2 wks in the summer. If we had our way, they wouldn't go for that long. My husband has told them that if she hurts them in any way, that they should tell us. We only want them to be safe. Sorry for rambling on, but no matter how hard it gets, I wouldn't change a thing, they are my world. Being a stepmom can be hard at times, but it's worth it

Christine - posted on 06/10/2009

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I'm a full mom to my 2 sd's one 12 and 10. the 12 yr old wants to live with us the other doesn't. she misses her mom, don't blame her. been mom for 2 yrs now. got custody at same time I found out I was pregnant with our daughter and I have a 10 yr old from my prev. marriage. and I love all of them as they were my own sometimes I forget they have a real mom. what can I say they are all my kids.

Vicki - posted on 06/09/2009

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I am a full time mom to two stepchildren,ages 15 daughter and 12 son.I have been married to their dad for 6 years.We also have pretty much raised our granddaughter,she is now 3.I also have 3 grown children,29,25,19.We have had alot of stressful moments,but I love all of the children and feel very blessed.My step children's mom died when they were 3yrs and 6months.They did not have a mother figure until they were 9 and 6.It has taken alot of adjusting for everyone,but we are still working on it.

Amanda - posted on 06/08/2009

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I have been full time mom to my sk's since they were 1 and 2. They are now 3 and 5, no one could ever tell me they aren't mine and no one could ever convince them I'm not their mommy. My hubby has joint legal and primary physical custody. They are supposed to see their bm every other weekend, but she never really cared much about the visits and now she hasn't even ask to see them in almost a year. It's sad that a mother could care so little about her own children, but my husband and I both think the kids are happier and healthier now with her out of the picture. We also have a 1 year old son together and are expecting a little girl in October. I stay home and I am busy busy, but I love having them all. In my mind DNA really means nothing.

Sylvia - posted on 06/08/2009

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Yes I am a full time mother to my step son my husband has full custody and he visits his mom 2 or 3 times a month

Tia - posted on 06/08/2009

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I have been full time mom to my three step-daughters for 3 years now. My husband has had full custody since the day thier mom decided to walk out on them, she now only sees them every other weekend. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage and my husband and I have a baby together, so that makes 5 little girls, my oldest is 7, his girls are 7, 6, &5, and our baby just turned 1. I think of them as my own and we are a very happy family. I feel bad for them that thier mother doesn't want anything to do with them unless she has to. We just reasure them that thier daddy and I both love them very much. I have a feeling that when they get older they will make up thier own minds about how they feel about thier mother.

Nancy - posted on 06/08/2009

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Wish there was a job title that goes with "full-time mom to three stepchildren and one of my own". People often ask what I "do" and it seems like "stay at-home mom" doesn't do it justice. There is a lot of extra work involved in raising another mother's children. And I'm not just talking laundry!

Most people assume that when I say "my husband has kids from a previous marriage" it means they live with their mom, and we may see them on weekends. But for us it's a full-time situation.

We all need to give ourselves a pat on the back for the work we do!

Joanna - posted on 06/08/2009

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Hi! As of 3 weeks ago this Wed, I have become a full time step-mom to my 5 year old SD. My SD has deserved to live with husband and I from the beginning... thankfully, the court saw it that way, too. She is now safe, stable, and healthy... me, on the other hand, I am constantly tired - I never realized I could get so much done in one day! :-) But, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2009

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Yup! I am a full-time mom to my SD who is eight. My hubby has had sole custody since he split with his ex (SD was six months), and we have been together for four years. She sees her BM every second weekend, but it is not the healthiest relationship. I feel very blessed to have her, and I can see the positive influence I've had on her life.... :)

Angela - posted on 06/08/2009

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Hi I am full time mom to my 11 year old SS as well as full time mom to my 3 kids. My husband has had full placement of our son since he was 3.

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