bio mom hasn't called in 3 months and this is my theory... what do you think?

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

So, as many of you know from some of my other posts, my daughter;s bio mom hasn't called in a little over 3 months now. At first we thought it was because she is mad that my husband refuses to sign a paper saying she can record all phone conversations, but then we also realized that she hadn't called for 6 weeks before he said he wouldn't sign the paper. So now, with the help of my 2 best friends, I have a new theory and I want to know if it makes any sense to any of you. I also want to know if you have any ideas on why this woman is basically ignoring her daughter.

We think she's not calling because she wants to give up custody, but she doesn't want to look like the "bad guy" to her daughter by just signing over her rights. We think that in her head, silence is better than saying "I don't want you" and giving up the fight. We got this theory from a blog she posted on Myspace:

"Thursday, May 21, 2009

Loving or letting go?

What do you do when you love someone so much that you know that you can never make them truley happy? Im not talking about my husband. My daughter never chose to have me as a mother. I love her and I want whats best for her. Im stuck in a situation where I feel like I cant ever give her the kind of life she deserves. I feel like ill always be a burdon to her. Sometimes I feel like the best thing I can personally do for her is to not be a part of her life. "

That is the EXACT blog (I did not change a thing... yes, her grammar and spelling really are that horrible... it is torture for me [the gramar queen according to all who know me] to read anything she writes!). What do you all think? I am just reading way too much into it all?


View replies by

[deleted account]

my husband's family is fairly well off and has offered to help with the costs for a lawyer, but we have decided to not hire a lawyer just yet. However, we have consulted with one. He said that in the state of California (where we live) if one parent has NO contact (no email, text messages, phone calls, anything) for 1 full year their rights can get stripped. Of course, the other parent will get a notification telling them there will be a court hearing to determine if those rights should be stripped, but he said in CAlifornia the judges take lask of contact very seriously and the other parent has to have a really good excuse to keep their rights.

Unfortunately, the bm called on friday, so we have to start over with the whole no contact countdown, but we have not heard from her since even though my daughter has called her three times today and twice yesterday, plus she emailed her bm yesterday and again today (I saved all the emails for our records to show that we are making an effort). I also emailed a few pictures to the bm yesterday (like I do at least twice a month).

Another thing that will be on our side when all this comes to a head is the fact that the bm has not paid one penny of child support. We were nice and only requested $100 per month and it was supposed to start in July, but she has not sent anything yet. The lawyer we consulted said that is a crucial thing to keep track of as it shows "lack of mothering and responsibility" that is then added onto the no contact evidence.

Hopefully this will all get taken care of next time we go to court (hopefully soon, we turned in the paperwork for a new hearing two weeks ago and we are waiting to hear back from the court for our date). I just want this all to be over and done with and I want my family to be happy and whole without the negativity this deranged woman brings into my life.

Nichole - posted on 09/06/2009




Wow! Its like I'm reading all about my stepson's bio mom. Crazy to think there are actually other people out there just like her. For us, we have just come to accept that the bio mom is just plain odd. She will go for months and I mean months without a phone call or anything (we live in the same town). There has been several occasions when we have been out and she just flat out ignores my step son, its beyond crazy! She has been on and off of meth for the past 7 yrs and things are always the same with her. One minute she is sweet as pie and we can all get along perfectly fine, she will call and wants to visit with my son and then its completely the opposite, just totally out of the blue. Just some advice about that whole abandonment thing, we went 9 mos w/no contact at all, and we couldn't do anything. She also has a daughter with another ex husband, she did not see her for 2 years. Her ex filed the papers and she still got to keep her rights, then right after she won.. she went to prison and she's been in since April. The judge is absolutely nuts for allowing her to keep her rights, so honestly that whole abandonment thing is a lot harder than what they make it out to be.

[deleted account]

So, we finally heard form BM last night. She called to wish her daughter a happy birthday... at 9:50 pm!!! That's 11:50 her time since she lives 1600 miles away! I almost told her Sasha was asleep (she wasn't, we let her stay up and watched movies together), but then I thought it was best to be the bigger person. It was so hard for me to hear Sasha tell her bm "I love you" after no contact for 3 months though. It was like suddenly all was forgiven and it tore my heart to pieces! I could not sit there and listen in so I had to go back to the bedroom and wait for the conversation to be over. My hubby sat right there though and hear everything the bm said and he says it really sounds like she is on some kind of drugs and/or seriously depressed. i am just sick and tired of this woman interfering in my life and thinking she can do whatever the hell she wants with no consequences!!! when we go back to court we are going to ask the judge to make her take drug tests before she is allowed visitation (a test before EVERY visitation) to make sure she is not on something. It is just so frigg'n frustrating!!! grrrr.....

Sherri - posted on 09/04/2009




I'd say you're theory is probably right. be there for you SD and let bio mom do her thing.... it's probably best that way.... I wish that was my situation.

[deleted account]

We have tried to help her multiple ways on multiple occasions and she refuses to admit that she even needs it. She lives over 1600 miles away (she chose to move away with some guy she met on the internet) and now blames me for the fact that she lives so far away and she is so alone while her husband is deployed (he's in the Army). This is just one of many blogs that she has posted that makes me question whether she really wants to be a mother at all. In another one she mentiond that she "would rather be a good liver than have one" meaning she drinks a lot and knows she's destroying her liver, but doesn't care as long as people around her thinks she's fun. She also recently went behind her husband's back and sold his car to buy a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder convertible, and they live in Kansas - where it's snowing 7 months out of the year - NOT a safe car for a child (by the way, my dream car is a 1966 Mustang convertible, but I will not even think about getting one until my children are grown up and don't need to ride with me everywhere simply for the safety issue, so my problem is not just about her, it's about the car itself). We also think she is on some sort of drugs as last time we saw her her eyes were all sunken in and she was super pale. She is also down to weighing 98 pounds (she's almost 25 years old) and we are pretty sure she has bipolar (she once told me she was on medication for it, but I don't know if that was true or not as we had told her that she couldn't see her daughter at all unless she got it looked into and taken care of). I just really don't know what to do about her anymore except be glad that she hasn't called in 3 months. Every time she used to call my daughter would act like a total brat for at least a few hours and sometimes even into the next day. It was getting so bad that even her teachers were noticing it and asking me about her moods. I just really hope that either she continues to not call for 9 more months (then we can claim abandonment and her rights are automatically forfeited) or she cleans up her act and decided to a) accept our help or b) give her child up.

oh, and don't worry about your grammar... it's mostly her spelling that gets to me since it makes anything she writes so hard to read and understand :P

by the way, today is Sasha's 7th birthday... do you think her BM has called yet? No... it's 4:40... we'll just have to wait and see I guess...

Shannon - posted on 09/04/2009




i don't know, maybe she is loaded, or her husband has other plans that don't involve her daughter?my grammar sucks also, hope its not to offensive. i am a step mom and i adopted my other step child. and my adopted sons mother is totally loaded and signed over her rights to me. but i have never heard of a mother doing that without being high. have you?and what situation is she stuck in? what situation could possibly make you want to let go of your child? because niether one of my kids am i the bio mother to and i would die before i let go. Maybe the bio mom needs help?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms