custody issues

Shannon - posted on 07/27/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My husband and I live in Michigan, and his children live between Georgia and Alabama. Their mother does not let him speak to the children more than once or twice each year, and only for about 5 minutes at a time. He calls often, and she refuses to return phone calls. She is in an abusive marriage in Georgia, so she moves the kids to Alabama every time something happens in Georgia. Then she gets back together with her husband and moves the kids back to Georgia. Sometimes she enrolls them in a new school for a single day. There is no stability in the kids' lives aside from the time they spend in the summer with us. (She wouldn't even allow them to come to Michigan if she had any legal reason to stop it. This year when he picked them up, she actually called the police to stop him from taking the kids for visitations. Fortunately, the police forced her to let him take them.) When we have the kids for summer, they have a wonderful time. Their mother ruins that by forcing the kids to call her at least 3 times each day. When they get off the phone with their mother, they are usually crying and wanting to go back to where she is at because she makes them ridiculous promises that she never keeps. We would like to gain custody of the kids so they have a chance to live in a loving, stable home with their 5 step-siblings. Unfortunately, the Southern states always seem to lean toward the mother in custody issues. Any advice on how to convince a judge that we should have custody? HELP!

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Luzenia - posted on 07/29/2009

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you are wrong i live in TN and i can tell you from experience that the "mother" card does not work any more you and your husband need to record the phone calls get records of when you call and her not returning them you need to take the children to counseling when you have them you need to find out where they go to school and if she does not keep you up to date it is called "no parent contact" or something like that you do not have to make them call her 3 times a day 1 is enough and if the situations persist you can take the recordings to Child Services. my husband and i have custody of his children and i can tell you it never ends we have had them for over a year and she keeps on taking us back to court but thank the lord that courts no longer side with the mother she is abusing the children emotionally and that is bad and will follow them for life you if you need any more advise PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know i know what you are going through i know how hard it is but you can make things better because judges are now looking at the children and what is best for them even itf that means not being with their birth mother full timw

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Retta - posted on 05/29/2012

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WOW! you have really narrowed it down, my husband and I have had plenty of problems with his children mother, she keeps the kids away, not calling him at all, only when they want something, well when she does, (she is not over him) she uses the children as pawns, and when she can not get her way she gets upset...changes her number, and sometimes move away! she has turned the children against him due to me and the children we share together. She does not buy them anything, from food, clothes, most of the year they have to live with people cause she can't keep her rent pais......he pays child support faithfully. One incident she sent the kids to us in the spring a few years ago, and she took them out school, she made up a horrible lie, saying the kids were being tooken away from her, they came with the clothes on their backs, they looked poor! Shoes, were to little, or had holes in them clothes were dirty and holy......the kids were ages 10, 14, 12, and 17 they did not know how to hang their clothes up, when to take baths. One day out the blue their mother told us she was coming to get them, my husband called the local sheriff and she told him he had to give the kids back, we registered them in school and everything, these kids were turning into good kids, that fianlly had a stabled home, and now we have to give them back. My husband told her he even pays child support. Now we are trying to get a lawyer to get the youngest who is now 12, he has it terribily bad! Your advice just made it comforting to know we have a chance, and their is still some hope for us to get custody of him...Thanks so much! I know your post help many

Retta - posted on 05/29/2012

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Wow! who would have known this case is so similar to me and my husband's case.....the mother of his children would not allow them to see nor talk to him....but the sad part is they are all over the age of 11, the youngest is 12 and the oldest is 22.....there are for, but he can only gain custody of the 12 year old, and 16 year old. She make's them promises of coming each year to INDIANA with us and when they get out of school, we no longer here anything about them coming, she moves from place to place, she gets child support but expects my husband to either send extra money, or send boxes of clothes and food, while her monies go on her addiction, boyfriend and no good family members....I honestly do not understand the court systems??????? It is very ridiculous that good men are not allowed to have visititation let alone go get there children out of a bad situation, they are looked at as the bad guy! I have heard that in GEORGIA, the court systems are more on father's side, I'm not sure this is true, but it is worth a try to call a lawyer in your state as well as GEORGIA. Also, call the schools to where the children did attend get records of their attendence, ask your lawyer to pull up the different addresses to where she has lived and get a record of those......Just PRAY HARD! Something has to give and we can't just keep allowing DEADBEAT mother's to get away with not taking CARE OF THESE KIDS....good luck!

Kayce - posted on 08/01/2009

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just remembered something else she is supposed to give you notice of when she is moving and where your sk's will be living a address, telephone number, and every way to contact her and his children. that right there is breaking the custody order and the order can be revised. usually you have to go to court where the first custody order was put in. or if there isnt one where the child reside. if i think of anything else i will respond again lol.

Kayce - posted on 08/01/2009

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also supeona all the school records of when they are enrolled and how long of each school. it shows she doesnt have there best intrest in mind for there education and the moving around isnt a stable home. the kids dont know where they are going to be from one minute to the next.

Kayce - posted on 08/01/2009

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I live in NC and what we did was we documented everything. Everytime we called, every email that was sent, we recorded every voicemail and record every conversation on the phone. My husband got primary custody of his daughter. It is very expensive but it is worth every penny. Her moving the kids around, in a abusive relationship, and not letting the father have contact with the kids and putting them in the middle of the custody battle any judge will look at that and give you custody. My sd's BM is very controlling and micromanges my sd life and tried to do it to my husband. After doing 30 hours in court and this is the second custody battle we got primary and her every other weekend. All I can say is dont let him give up. He needs to keep calling he needs to write letters and you need to document EVERYTHING. Document everything that you do with the children. Take pictures of your home and of you with the kids and how happy they are. Record all telephone calls between the kids and the mother to show how she is being with them and how it affects them. Good luck to you and I hope you get the kids. How old are they by the way because in some states the kids can make the choice on which parent they want to live with. Also, you can always send social services to do a surpise inspection. I do not know how the house conditions are but they will also look for physical abuse on the mother and talk to the kids to see if there is any in the house.

Christine - posted on 08/01/2009

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If everything you are saying is fact there should be no having to convince the judge common sense illustrates that these kids are better off with you. I dont believe the whole mom is better boloney. My husband has sole custody of his two children and was raising them all alone until we met. Their mother needs to quit being so selfish and realize what is best for them. I am not sure how things work in the states. But I know we had to file at our local court house and then hand deliver all correspondance to her. Telling her when and where court was. And for us finding her was the hardest part. Best of luck. I hope this all works out for you.

Alisha - posted on 07/31/2009

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My heart goes out to you. I feel for those kids. I hope that things will work out. I am sorry but I cannot think of anything to help you out at this moment, Just hearing your story makes me sick to my stomach. When I have a clear head tomorrow maybe I can post some tips as I have been through a serious custody battle myself and still going through it. One thing I can say right now is research as much as you can on the internet about your husbands rights to those kids. I do not believe you have to get a lawyer where she supposedly lives whether Alabama or Georgia. I think you can hire local as long as he or she is willing to cross state lines or make phone calls across statelines.

Shannon - posted on 07/28/2009

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I am not sure where their state of residence is! When we called a few attorneys, we were told it is where the children have resided for the past 3 consecutive years. Since they have been flip-flopped back and forth between Georgia and Alabama AT LEAST 5 times each year, they haven't lived anywhere for three consecutive years. The bio mom doesn't even contact us to let us know about the move until weeks or even months later, and she never petitions the court for permission. The original order was through a court in Alabama, so I would assume that would be where we'd have to go through? If it came right down to it, we would definitely do everything we could do to keep her from returning the kids to Georgia because it seems like that is where the major problems occur. We just want to do what's right for the kids. It's hard when you don't know where the kids are. For the past two years, it was the plan to pick up the kids in Georgia for summer visitations, but less than a week before the scheduled date, their mother called and told my husband he would have to pick up the kids in Alabama. We are supposed to take them back down south next week, and we don't even know which state we will have to go to! It's heartbreaking.

Julie - posted on 07/27/2009

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I agree with Robin, document everything. Where is the original custody order located? That can help. If you can get the children to talk about their lives at home with bio mom, and document it or video it so a judge can get a full vision of the madness she provides.



We went through this last year, and thankfully the judge was not all about mom, but more of the well being of the child.

Robin - posted on 07/27/2009

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Document, document, document! We live in Texas and are also in the middle of a custody suit over my husbands 9 year old son. While many states favor the mother over the father, there are still judges out there who put the best interests of the child first. If you decide to pursue this you will need to find a lawyer in their home state to work with as the courts require you to file in the child's home jurisdiction. If you can document the abusive home situation, the moving around and the school hopping you will have a much better position to get custody changed, especially if your home is stable. I'm not saying it's easy, but it can be done. Be warned it is extremely expensive! Take whatever the lawyer tells you and double it, at least. All this aside, if you're doing this because you know in your heart it is the best thing for the children then pursue it with everything you have.



PS - when the kids are with you remember that it's your rules! Don't allow the children to talk until you set down some ground rules for her. We only allow BM to speak with SS twice a week, just like my husband gets in the divorce agreement and we monitor the calls to make sure that she is not abusing the privilege and upsetting him. Good luck!

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