So hurt that I've shut down.

Sherri - posted on 04/02/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I feel bad for saying this, or even feeling it. My 14 year old SS is such a nightmare. Steals, lies, refuses to do homework or chores. It got so bad that he was even refusing to do his own laundry- all he cared about was going to live with his mother. We wouldn't let this happen because there's ZERO rules, boundaries or ANY kind of discipline at his mothers.

We've tried everything with this kid- 4 years of counselling, support, rewards, bribery, punishments, bought him a cell phone hoping he would strive to keep it, psych assessment... the list goes on forever. All of this for nothing.

So after 6 weeks of constant temper tantrums (including calling his father everything but a Canadian) and drama, my husband sent his son to his mothers. That was 2 weeks ago and we haven't heard from him since. He seems to have even gotten worse. 2 days after he went to his mothers, we got a call from his school that he skipped all but 1 class. (we informed his mother and a day later, he posted on facebook all about his new blackberry that his mother bought him-holy great parenting there mom)

I'm not sure how to go forward. After years of hate resenating out of this kid, all I can feel is relief and a sense of peace that he's not here. I'm terrified about the idea of seeing this kid or even hearing from him. I've had such anxiety over the past couple of years whenever he gets home from his mothers or from school because we never know when or if he's going to flip out. I am due to have my daughter in July and because of the unpredictability of my step son, I don't even want him around my baby.

What do I do?????????? I can't seem to turn off the anger or anxiety over this.


Larissa - posted on 04/05/2012




You are not wrong to feel this way at all. What you need to realize is it is not your responsibility to fix him. It is your DH and his BM. If your DH can't figure it out, then let BM do it. Sometimes you can't fix a teenager, he is making all his own decisions, he is old enough to think for himself. I'm not saying your DH is doing anything wrong, it's probably all the BMs fault, but your DH can not control BM so there's nothing he can do. Let BM handle him, and she will begin to be at her wits end soon. But you have to worry abou tthis little baby thats coming soon. Anxiety is not helping her. Let the parents be the parents and you just focus on you and that baby. It would probably do you guys some good to stay away from you SS for a little bit, who knows, he'll probably end up missing your house and start acting right to get back in. Just breath and take one day at a time. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so only worry about one day at a time, and if tomorrow comes, you can take on those problems then. :)

Lisa - posted on 04/11/2012




I agree with post above, having step kids isn't easy, and it's not our responsibility as step moms to "fix" them if they don't want the help. Clearly he is a teenage boy who is trying to rebel against you, and succeeding. If he doesn't want to live with you, then let him be at his mothers. Eventually he will either thank you for the help and for the freedom, or he will not. Either way you have to be ok with it. None of us enjoy the worry of what any kid will become or not become. But when you have to fight so hard for cooperation it becomes resentment and a bad situation. He is young, and doesn't realize that life isn't always a bowl of cherries. The best thing you and hubby and birth mom can do, is agree that once he is old enough to get a job, that he does. This kid needs some tough love from you and hubby, and if that includes not bailing him out and not constantly correcting him or his mistakes, eventually he will learn that his life is indeed his own. And his choices are his own consequences. Children like boundaries, but sometimes they have to realize for themselves that the boundaries are actually good for them. If birth mommy wants to make a bed of disaster, let it be her bed and let her lay in it. You just need to focus on your new baby and help facilitate a good upbringing with her. There is a chance that one day, she too will rebel, and that will be your problem to fix. All kids despite their actions need to know they are loved, but love doesn't come from money, show your concerns in a gentle way, when you have the chance, and when you are all ready, including the son. If he is not ready, it won't work. Good luck to you, and much love.


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No you are not wrong to feel this way I used to feel like that with my ss.I know what your going thru prayers to you !

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