To be a Bio or not to be a bio

Abby - posted on 05/09/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )




My husband had two sons when I met him. They are now 3 and 5. I adore them as my own, which I am sure I do not need to tell all of you!!!

I always wanted 4 children, so when we met I thought great I only have to birth 2 now!!! Well now that I have seen how much work being a mom is, not to say there are no joys to go along with it, but I am not sure weither or not to have more.

I have prayed about it and God was clear that it was not my call but I wish I could at least settle this in my own mind so I know what to pray for!!!

So here is my question to thouse who have been step moms alot longer than I: Where are you now and do you wish you would have done it differntly? There are only his, no mine or ours as of right now. Any stories will give me insite, thanks in advance for sharing!


View replies by

Brandy - posted on 05/16/2009




My husband has two boys from his first marriage. We started dating when the boys were 7 and 4. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, but 2 years into dating I found out that I would have a hard time carrying a child to full term. (and I knew from the beginning that he had had a vasectomy after his second son). The boys are now 14 and 11 and we have full custody of them. I feel as though I couldn't be more blessed by these beautiful children that God put into my life. I raise them as my own, I love them as my own, and I discipline them as my own. I know that they miss their mom and are upset that they don't get to spend much time with her (she is on the west coast, we are in Michigan), but I have been with them long enough that they don't ever pull the "your not my mom" bit. I feel as though I have my children and they are loved by so many people!!!!

Di - posted on 05/16/2009




When I was my husbands girlfriend I got on as best friends with his daughters (then aged 9 and 8). Then I fell pregnant and the relationship between them and I really struggled. It didn't help that just before that the bm suddenly decided that she wanted to put the marriage back together but my boyfriend didn't want to. So needless to say it was a real struggle for him and his daughters. It has been a hard road but things have turned around and the girls and I are back to being close. In between we have got married and have another child. I am lucky that my bio kids are boys and that my bonus (as I tell them they are now) kids are girls. I love my boys and experience the fullness of motherhood that I don't with the girls. I love them but I am not a full time mother to them and we only get them every 2 1/2 months for a couple of weeks. Whilst I love them and would sacrifice much for them, it is a different relationship with them then it is with my bio kids. But then I have only known them 6 years, not most of their lifetime, they don't live with us and they are differently raised to what we would. It is amazing to watch all our kids interacting. Yes it is hard work raising children. But in my case, I don't find it all that hard when raising my boys, but I find it really difficult at times to help raise my sds. Its far easier to be their friend then try to mother kids that already have a mother and don't need one. Only you can answer wether it is right for you or not to have your own bio kids, but my thoughts would be that you would be missing out on something really special on a few levels. Firstly it is an unique experience being a bio mum, secondly it is a different experience to be equal parents and thirdly the joy that you could bring to your step sons would be amazing. Just food for thought. Good luck.....I hope whatever you do it makes you complete.

Alysia - posted on 05/12/2009




I was a strp mom first and i swore i didnt want to become a mom Well now i love being a Bio mom

Francesca - posted on 05/09/2009




I have 2 ss's 4 and nearly 8, i also love them as if they were my own. i have always wanted children( since i was 16) its hard work but me and my husband decided we would try for our own baby, unfortunately it still hasn't happened but thats fine. when it does it will be special. im just enjoying the time i have with my ss's.

Amanda - posted on 05/09/2009




My husband has a son and daughter from a previous marriage. I, like you, love them as my own. No one will ever tell me I'm not their mommy just because I didn't give birth because I am the one that raises them everyday of their lives. My husband always said he didn't want more kids and as hard for me to handle as that was I dealt with it the best I could. Well apparently God had other plans because a year and a half into our relationship my husband and I welcomed our beautiful son into the world. Being a step mom really made it tough because I went from being 19 with no kids to a mother of 3 in a years time, but I would never change any of it. The bond of sharing a child with my husband has made us so much stronger together. It is something beyond comparison in our relationship. I am now expecting our second, again a surprise, and am so ready to share the experience again. Having my own children has really helped me with my sk's also because I try to involve them in every way and they love to be the big brother and sister. I highly recommend it if it's something you have even just considered. Looking at my son now I know that he is the best thing I have ever done.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms