unable to get Child support

Connie - posted on 03/04/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband has custody of his 3 daughters for the past 4 years. We have been battleing with her to help pay child support but she refuses to get a job. She was told at the first conference that she was going to have to pay a certain amount and she did not agree. Her excuse at that time was she was going through a divorce(with her latest husband) and she did not have a car to get to work. She filed to have it brought in front of a judge. She then harrassed us about making her pay for support and even stated that she would give up all rights to the kids before she would pay support. By the next time we went to court in front of the judge she had filed to go on SSI and this suspended any monies she would have to pay. She claimed she could not work due to post traumatic stress disorder( aload of crap). Now 4 years later after being in conferences every 4-5 months she is now finally as of december off SSI but still refuses to work. She does not go for any counseling she has enrolled in college full time and now is telling the kids she can't work because she has agoraphobia( which will be he next excuse at the conference). We are scheduled for another conference on april 7 to re-evaluate her status. My husband refuses to take a lawyer so we are on our own. She needs to be stopped with her excuses and get a job and help take care of her kids. My husband even said he would stop this if she would just contribute something to the kids once an a while. She recieved a $90,000 cash divorce settlement with her previous husband and when we went to the last conference she claimed she spent it all (in 6 months) and they let her go. we got nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions for when we go to the conference on how to approach this again. There is no reason she cannot work except for the fact that she is lazy. If she can attend college and be fine with that why can't she have a job?


View replies by

Connie - posted on 03/06/2009




to answer your questions Kerri when you are on SSI it automatically suspends any support order. It is a supplemental income. If she were to be recieving disability then we could have collected support. She did not qualify for disability due to not ever really working all her life. I could have them supeona her bank accounts but they are joint with her boyfriend so I don't know what is going in there. My husband does not even want to do this but I kind of keep him going to hearings hopefully to wear her down and maybe the courts will see her multiple excuses and maybe they will put more pressure on her. She is just a lazy women and by the way her real problem is that she is an alcoholic and this is why she won't get a job. She won't be able to go 8 hrs without a drink.

Kerri - posted on 03/05/2009




You will be fine doing it on your own without any attorney.  I took my ex husband back to court for child support about 6 years ago on my own and got his support increased and also got a withholding order.  I was lucky enough to have a judge with zero tolerance for parents not supporting their kids.  An idea here:  Hire a private investigator.  Have him follow her and record what she does.  If you get film of her going back and forth to class, going out at night, shopping, hanging out with friends, anything she is doing or spending money on for herself that proves she CAN work.  Show these things to the judge it might make a difference.  At the least it will prove that she is capable of doing everything EXCEPT supporting her children.  DO NOT film or take pictures of her on your own - it is considered stalking.  Hire an investigator to do it.  If you do get a support order, get a withholding order signed by the judge.  This allows you go to straight to her source of income and have the money taken directly out of her check before she gets it and sent to either you or the department of human services. 

Another question, if she was on SSI, why didn't her children also receive some form of support from SSI.  Wouldn't they have qualified also since they are her biological children? 

The fact is this - You cannot make a parent be a parent.  Either she is or she is not.  Even if you get a court order for the child support you are going to continue to have problems with her actually paying it.  If you get an order and she does not pay - keep up with the amount she is behind.  You can garnish her IRS tax refund.  You can file it with the state to keep her from getting a driver's license and/or going on trips out of the country.  Good luck to you and your family.   My best advice would be to not count on the money because chances are even if you get a court order, the checks are not going to be steady or reliable.   

Also, attempt to subpoena her checking account and/or savings account information if she has either.  Also request a copy of her income tax returns for the last 2 to 3 years to show income patterns.


Jamie - posted on 03/04/2009




Your right, there is no reason she cant work if she attends school. Also, you dont have to have a car to get a job, many people dont. I would file in court again. I know it seems hopless but you have to keep at it. It took me 3 yrs to get my ex to pay his support. On another note, Im not sure what state you live in but can you file for foodstamps and such, i know you probably dont want to but if you are able to get it and mom is not paying childsupport more then likely they will go after her. And you dont neccesaruliy need a lawyer,  but you can get advice, check with your local court, there are lawyers that offer advice and guidance at a discounted rate, they just wont represent you in court. Hope this helps.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms