Visitation

Erika - posted on 01/16/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend's son is only 1 month old so when he visits he travels from our home in Philadelphia to his ex's home in Virginia. My boyfriend says when his son is old enough to travel he won't go there to visit unless it's a special occasion like a birthday party or christmas. Needless to say I'm uncomfortable with him being at his ex's house especially because she still wants o be with him and because she absolutly doesn't want to be around me. I trust him so i'm being understanding about it for now but how old should the baby be before he makes the 6 hour journey to our house?

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Lanaya - posted on 01/17/2010

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yeah I wouldn't be comfortable with that. my bm tried that initially but I wasn't having that "we go" or "no go" ! because if you are gonna be with this man then that child is going to have to be around you to so the sooner the better. If you guys go down there together and rent a room nearby and let bm bring the child there for lets say 4hours for a few visits and then may 8hours after 3-4 visits then overnight till check out, but be sure to be an observer for awhile as not to step on any toes:-). this will also give bm a chance to acclimate to your presence as well. because bm do play games mine did. i won't even tell you the manip she tried to pull.

Brittany - posted on 01/17/2010

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i would think that the sooner the better. if you start it now...then it will just be a normal part of the baby's life and there shouldnt be problems. to reassure the mother maybe you and your husband could make sure that you have diapers and wipes and clothes at your house before you go get the baby so that she knows you have enough stuff. b/c as much as he needs to be with his father...i couldnt imagine having my baby gone that far away from me (and he is 7 months old now!). good luck!

[deleted account]

I think that's reasonable. You or maybe a family member may want to travel with him so one person is always sitting with the baby during the ride. The sooner he brings the baby to where you guys are, the better it will look to the courts if there are any issues later on.

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Erika - posted on 01/16/2010

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he visits every weekend baisically. He has only missed 1 weekend since the baby was born 5 wks ago. I wish he had somewhere else to say but he doesn't, Im trying to be understanding because I agree its far to travel but thats the only thing stoping the baby from coming here. Hes bottle fed and he gets his 1st shots in Febuary, I think after that he should be able to visit. Right?

[deleted account]

Also is there a court order for visitation? If not you may want to look into filing soon. Who knows when the ex will realize she can't get him and not be so nice about him seeing his son anymore.

[deleted account]

How often does your boyfriend visit and how long does he stay in Philadelphia? Does he have any other places to stay besides with his ex? Can he take his son out of her home in order to spend quality alone time with him? I think if your boyfriend is an active part in his son's life there shouldn't be any problems with him bringing his son to his home with you guys in Virginia. He's so young that it shouldn't be an issue with separation anxiety or anything like that. When my daughter was 2 months old we left her with family for the weekend in order to go up to court where my SD lives. She was also 4 months when we traveled 8 hours on a Friday and 8 hours back on a Sunday with her to see SD for a weekend visit in the state where she lives. Hope this helps.

Jenn - posted on 01/16/2010

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It really depends.... if the mother is breast feeding i would say after he is no longer breast feeding but at the same time the mother can always pump an bottle for the child to go to his fathers. I wold suggest before moving the child back an forth making sure he is accustomed to his father first. But I would say around 5-6 months. If he is not accustomed to his father completely i would wait a little longer so he gets more visits in there with his child. But by 1 year that is completely fine to start traveling.

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