Anyone else in school with kids and has a husband who won't help???

Krystal - posted on 10/10/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )




I am a 24 yr old mother of 5 yr old twin boys and a 4 yr old son. I am going to school to be a nurse. Up until this fall semester I have mainly been a stay at home mom. Now I feel like I am trying to better myself to better my family. My typical day starts at 630 am so I can shower/ feed the boys breakfast then get them dressed. Then I have to take the twins to kindergarten then Devin, my youngest to daycare, then go to school to 11am pick up Devin where I can try to study or clean then 3pm get the twins, let them play til usually 4pm, go home cook dinner, work with kids on homework/clean and then bathtime for boys then bedtime by 8pm. This is usually the only time I can clean or study while the boys are asleep. Because even during the day with a 4 yr old I cant get much done. My husband is literally no help at all. He is self employed and opened his own tattoo shop so he makes his own hours. Yet he usually sleeps in til 10 or 11am then goes to the shop where the majority of his time he spends just sitting up there waiting to see if anyone will come in. He usually stays there til at least 11pm to 2am. He works there M through Sa and supposedly takes Sundays off to be with his family. But lately when he is here he sleeps, and just doesnt play with the boys. Or he will say ( like tonight) that he needs to run up to do a quick tattoo and be gone 7 or 8 hours on his only day off. I try to ask him to help out more and it really drives me crazy when he complains about the house being messy or not having a particular shirt clean. I am like you are here til noon every day with no kids you can get up and do a load of clothes or pick up some stuff. It is so annoying I am basically a single mom but he supports us financially. Lately I am begun to think it might be best for me to leave since I am doing it all by myself but I feel bad for my boys. We currently live in ND and if I leave we will move to TN where all my family and friends are. So if he doesnt see the boys now when he is living with us, I doubt he will make an effort when we are across the country. So confused and sick of thinking he will change and help out when he never does.


[deleted account]

i know how u feel i have 5 kids total my 2 older girls live with their dad but i have my 4 yr old son and my 2 yr old twins and i was going to school for massage therapy... my husband doesnt help he is only home for 3 days a month so i am really doing it myself but when he was home he didnt help out so this is what i did i left the kids with him for a weekend and told him i needen a break... i got a hotel room with a couple of girlfriends and had a girls only no kids weekend... he realized what i did everyday cuz he couldnt handle it he had to go to a friend of ours for her help... u need to walk up to him and god forbid this should happenbut it worked on my husband...... ask him what he would do if something happened to u and u were no longer in this world see what his response is to it but the biggest thing is communication u have to be open and honest and if he doesnt like it then leave... ask ur self who is hurting the most with his lack of help u or the kids??? does he have a relationship with the boys??? what is better in the long run.... dont make the decision on how u feel at the moment... weigh the options... good luck and keep me posted


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Natalie - posted on 11/14/2010




I have that same problem! I am in nursing school and supposed to graduate in May! So excited, but am failing my lecture class right now and I am depressed about it. I have a 4 year old and a husband that works nights M-F. He is an AVID video game player of Call of Duty. He will come home at start playing his games at 3 and goes to bed between 5 and 7. Sleeps til anywhere from 12-2:30 and then gets up and plays depending on how much time he has before he goes to work. He leaves for work at 3:30 and then works from 4- 2:30. This cycle happens everyday he works. He doesn't do anything with our son unless it's playing video games. It's sad to say, but our son is already addicted to playing video games. I hate going to clinicals for school knowing that that's all they really do all day or that's what it resorts to. I have told my husband that I was going to leave him, but he always tells me that he will change....I've heard that at least 5 times now. I also told him that if he puts the time and effort into our marriage as he does his video games then everything would be better. If I do leave him, I have no job, no money, nowhere to really go for a while, but then I think about my son and the good, quality attention he needs from a man that he's not getting. He also can't handle how he is and doesn't think that if you give a kid a lot of candy, he will be hyper and thinks he needs to grow up already. He hasn't been there really since he was born. I might just wait til I graduate and pass my boards before I definitely leave. Good luck to you!

Jaime - posted on 10/17/2010




`he will change only if he wants to sadly not for you or your children but only for him he has to want to be better person I have four children 15-5 my husband didn't work for 2 years and now is playing my role doesn't likeit too well work full time go to school time and help maintain the house and our oldest has a different bilogical mother who he doesn't want to deal with and now 5 years later is ready to step in the pitcure I am telling him to quit ignoring his daughters needs because he will push her away while I am stayng home for the first time in 13 years because me and my son have our own emotional issues that need to be addressed and this is something he has never dealt with before so emotionally he is processing alot but just like you I have to decide if I want to accept him for who he is or do I go down a different path tough choices but not easy ones think things through very thoroughly before you make any rash decisions inthe end it is always about the children good luck to you

Jacqueline - posted on 10/17/2010




I have a similar situation...i am studying for my Bachelor in accounting and have a 10mo boy and a 3yo boy, they keep me very busy most of the day and when my husband gets home he expects dinner to be ready after he has a shower, after dinner he will sit on the couch playing on his phone or go to our room and watch telly and fall asleep. meanwhile i am left to clean up after dinner, bath the boys, put my youngest to bed, spend some one on one with my eldest who is usually upset cause his dad hasn't even acknowledged him, put him to bed at 8pm. after that i clean up the toys, do the bottles, make my husbands lunch, and manage to sit down for a glass of wine at around 9:30-10pm. I will relax for 20min or so and then i must get into my study...somedays i feel like throwing in the towel on my studies but i just remind myself that it is all worth it. Robyn has a good idea with the leaving him with the kiddies for an extended period by himself, I might wait til isaac is at east 1yo before i try that though cause he still requires bottles and his own food to be made, etc. Its nice to know that i am not the only one who feels like they are doing it alone. we talk about it and his excuse is that he supports us financially, which is true but he also thinks i have fun all day??? cause tantrums are awesome fun....NOT!

[deleted account]

Before you move you should check your states laws. I know in my state (NJ) i cannot leave the state and move with my children even though i have legal custody of them, without permission from their father since he is named on the birth certificate, whether he sees or supports them or not. Another thing is, talk to him again before you do. Let him no that you are thinking about leaving. You should make your feelings known to him kind of like warning him that if he cant put himself in the relationship than your going to take yourself out of it. I know you care about your boys and their happiness but mommy needs to be happy too. If mommy is not happy then she is not going to be much use as a mommy. I mean like your happiness is the most important because you are what is needed for the family to function. If you cant function then well, your families not going to function? Im sorry if that doesnt make sense, I am a sociology major and I just wrote a paper on how families function and what is need for them to work. You cant force someone to change that doesnt want to. And trying to is going to make you more tired than you already are and you dont need that

Franchesca - posted on 10/14/2010




yea im in school working and have a husben its hard he keeps me together

Emily - posted on 10/11/2010




Don't clean his stuff. He's a big boy, he can do it.

Also, arrange for your 4 yr old to stay at daycare maybe an hour longer?

But again, if you're back in school, welcome to the life of a college kid, I'm up until 2 or 3 in the morning studying so I can play with my little girl after daycare.

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