Double Shift

Nicole - posted on 12/02/2008 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Does anyone else get laughed at when you tell them that you're a full-time mom and student? Many people, some of my family included, think that being a mom and a student is a piece of cake- well its not. And I am sick and tired of being demeaned and having my life oversimplified by people who never attended college.



I am not sure how to respond to these comments- any tips?



-njk

5 Comments

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Callie - posted on 01/01/2009

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Hi Nicole. Just want you to know that I work full time, go to Law school 3/4 time, run a dirct sales Partylite business & have a 3 month old. While most of my friends/family are extremely supportive & concerned, I occasionally get the "well you asked for it" comments. Yes, we are busy. Too busy to do anything but what is absolutely necessary sometimes. But here's what I think: I think that you are stronger for your efforts & you are being smart about your life by working towards a better one, for you & your family. When the nasty comments come around, just think, it is the ignorance talking. If they knew how reality was for you, they wouldn't make those comments. Or, like the one mom said above, maybe they are not one to keep around you very often.



All the best to you & don't give up. You are doing the right thing.

Marnae - posted on 12/30/2008

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It's funny, my sister, who is a full-time student in a PhD program says she is completely overwhelmed everyday. I am a full-time student and stay at home mom and this same sister comments that I have nothing to do all day long... My friend who works part-time and has 3 children (who I am completely in awe of) can't believe that on top of being a stay at home Mom, I can handle taking classes. It's a matter of perspective. My sister will never understand what it takes to be a full-time mommy unless one day she has kids of her own. The moms of the world know and understand. And the fact is, our reward is right there in front of us everyday. We get to feel great about improving ourselves and showing our kids the great things that can be accomplished AND we get to see the smiles when we walk in the room, the giggles when we tickle their tummies and the peace on their sleeping faces. I know it's difficult sometimes to deal with the people who comment on the things they don't understand, but I try to deal with that by remembering they also don't understand the satisfaction, contentment, and joy either....

Heidi - posted on 12/05/2008

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Yes, I do. I am taking classes toward my masters degree in special education. I feel like that is all I ever do is take classes, study, work part-time, and watch my kids when he is at work 60 hours per week. I am only able to take 6 credits at a time and I get questioned by family, who by the way do not have any college experience under their belt, when I will be done. They don't get that it is a process. I do get positive feedback from a lot of people but there are some moms that don't understand that my objective is to get out and work when I have small children. I belong to a mom and dad's playgroup where most of them stay home. I agree with Melanie about every load is different. I like the idea of having options when I am done with my degree. I will be able to work and be a mom. Women can do both and be in control of their lives.

Lina - posted on 12/05/2008

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Hey Nicole, I dont really think there is an appropriate response, no matter how much you tell people of your load and all you have to do, in reality, no one can really understand it because everyone deals with things in a different manner....really....not even your husband. So, I think you need to surround yourself with people who have more things in common with you. I am finishing my BA degree in Biological Science in a week and have attended school while pregnant and returned to school two weeks after birth...all ofcourse with the wonderful help of my husband and mother. but NEVER has anyone underestimated my efford...everyone always asks how in this world I make it happen. So I just feel you need to surround yourself with people that a bit more like you.

Melanie - posted on 12/03/2008

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I know it's difficult, but I try to let those comments roll off my back. No one knows what we as moms go through but us, especially if we are in school, or have to work or have special circumstances in our family, or all of the above. The best I can do is try to inform the offending party that everyone's load is different, and everyone carries their load in a different way.



For me, I am a mom of two, unemployed, but I have been looking for a year. I decided to go back to school when I couldn't find any work. Now I'm looking at carrying 18 units in the Spring, while TAing six classes, doing an internship and working (assuming I can find something). I'll be graduating with two AA degrees in June, but that doesn't ease the load that I bear at home -- taking care of a schizoaffective husband, a bipolar teen, an ADHD/severely depressed preteen, all while being bipolar myself.



Like I said, no one can know what we go through unless they are in our shoes. They will get theirs for thinking the way they do some day. As John Lennon said, "Instant Karma's gonna get you...."



Good luck with school, and remember, you'll be making more money than those jerks that demean you, and you'll have the satisfaction of having accomplished your goals and earned your degree. Continue to be a great example to your kids!



Go get 'em!

; ) Melanie

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