Please help me!

Baby Girl - posted on 04/21/2010 ( 97 moms have responded )

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So i will be 20 years old in October and my baby is expected in November all my friends have pushed me away they think i am a slut i feel so alone please help me

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Heidi - posted on 05/15/2010

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Hmm....I'm really sorry to hear that hun. I'm 20 and had my baby in December and I don't have ANY friends. Once Kiyo was born it was like they didn't want anything to do with me. I'm really sorry. I don't know why our so called friends do that.

Lindsay - posted on 04/24/2010

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sucks to say but you will probably loose more once the baby is born.
I just had my boy 8 weeks ago, before that i lost a whole group of friends and got really stressed and depressed to the point that I couldnt sleep or eat..
so i got a new group.. they were ok untill my son was born, and now they ignore me too..
the only ones worth it will show you they are worth it.

97 Comments

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Meow - posted on 09/06/2012

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why a slut? youre and adult. its your life and this is youre decision. bc yu have sex you are a slut? get real.

Julia - posted on 09/01/2012

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hi honey! then they are not real friends, real friends would be there to help support and encourage you, and be there to lean on when times are rough.. not put you down at the most vunerable time in a womans life. if you have a stable loving family around you thats all you need/

Holla if need to talk xx

Bonnie - posted on 09/01/2012

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i know how ya feel girl had that feeling then after i met other moms didn't feel so alone .. your welcome to add me as a friend :-)

Laura - posted on 08/30/2012

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Any true friend would stick by u and support u. 20 isnt too young to have a baby depending on your maturity. I was 19 when I had my eldest he's 8 now.

Bobbie - posted on 08/25/2012

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I suspect that one person made a remark and the others just know about her saying. Just repeating what one person thinks or said can give the wrong impression that they all think that way. There is always one bad apple in every crowd. But I feel your friends just feel they have nothing in common with you right now. Friends back away from all changes because they are very aware of what they want and how your changes effect them. They aren't looking at how you feel or what you want and honestly, all people think of themselves first so don't hold that against them. You made the changes to your relationship with them when your interests changed. They can't expect you to check out guys or party just like you can't expect them to talk baby stuff.

My daughter is 30 and married for 6 years but doesn't want kids. Every time a good friend became pregnant she backed away from them, stating they no longer had anything in common. But after the baby she would find common ground with them again and that strengthened their relationship.

[deleted account]

If they were "REAL" friends, they would accept everything about you, including your baby and wouldn't think that you are a slut. Mistakes happen and if that is how they are, then get some new friends. Ones that accept and love everything about you and the new journey that you are about to begin.

Monique - posted on 07/14/2011

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if your "friends" think that then they are not true friends the same thing happened to me but i didnt let it bother me you can meet young mums. no1 needs friends like that im not friends with my old ones all my friends now are young mums.

Millie - posted on 07/13/2011

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you don't need friends like those....... go to church, go to the local library......... meet other moms.......... see if your local library holds storytime for the children........ That is where I have met my friends, other moms who go through exactly what i go through.........

Christa - posted on 10/19/2010

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Having a baby young dose not deem you a slut..and the people who think this are ill informed. You are not alone. I can promise you that. I was 18 when I had my little girl and I felt the same way. There may be a support group in your area..or we have a program here called ECFE. It runs one day a week classes for mom and baby and the are separated by baby's age..there may be a program similar to this in your area where you can go and meet other moms..they may not be your age, or they might be, but no matter what they have good advice. :) Keep your chin up, you will find a new circle of friends or some of your old friends may eventually warm up to the idea.

Kimberley - posted on 05/18/2010

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you sertanly do find out who ya real friends are i was 16 and my friends were all gud though the hole fing came and seen me when was in hospital but when i went home one of my friends would go ill come see you and the next txt would be aw is hayley awake i got to the point dat wen she says that i just say no she not the rest of da gurls i see

Jenn - posted on 05/17/2010

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your not a slut. they are either just immature, jelouse or are just bitches.. don't listen to them and i JUST turned 20 and my daughter is almost 5 months! definitly meet some ppl in your area who also have children! i did the same thing. on facebook i made an event and planned a day in the park to meet other moms and get in touch with ppl i know that have kids that i just have lost touch with. good luck and remember all you really need is your baby. and your baby really needs you!

[deleted account]

If they are two faced they were never really your friends. You should make friends with other young parents and focus on raising your child.

Casey-kathryn - posted on 05/15/2010

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your not a slut, i'm going threw the same crap so ijust got fed up and told them all to F off because im going to be a mother and im growing up and i really dont need alife full of immature crap. being pregnant is the best blessing plus if they were "realfriends " they would just be happy for you or telling you how they feel but still stick by you.
goodluck.

Jordan Ashleigh - posted on 05/14/2010

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You'll learn who your real friends are. And that's a good thing. It's happened to all of us. When I got pregnant at 16, the two people who had been my best friends since first grade completely stopped talking to me and treated my like absolute crap when we were together - whether in class or on the marching field (one was my co-field commander). But I had the support of my boyfriend (now husband) and another couple of friends and they're the ones who matter now. Your priority is your baby and people who can't respect you or your decisions don't deserve your respect. Good luck being a mommy! It's sooo worth all the crap you're going through now.

Amarilis - posted on 05/14/2010

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they think your a slut because in order to have a baby u need to have sex...but i bet they are the sluts...so go on wit your life cauze when you need help that is when you know who your true friends are...so pick better friends

Brianne - posted on 05/10/2010

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Oh goodness, think about it this way.. If they don't want to have a part in the process of you bringing such a beautiful form of life into this world, then they didn't deserve to be your friends in the first place. A lot of my friends and I somehow or another ended up pregnant about the same time.. Most of us were 20.. and living in all different areas of Texas. So with this being said I didn't really have to deal so much with "friends" but I did have to deal with crazy stares and when my husband (now) and I moved back to my hometown (most of us did) I did have to deal with people that I knew saying things like that about me and just making up really terrible things about myself and my family. I was a very hotheaded pregnant person and that is just because I am hot headed anyways =) So, I didn't put up with people's shit and just let myself know that I was doing what was best for myself and my unborn child. I am due to have my second one in October and my first is almost 2. I am 22 now and will be 23 in July. People who don't understand or are afraid are those who are going to be so crappy to you. Don't worry about them, you will find other people who will love you for who you are and you'll be SO SUPER BUSY with the new baby. I sill haven't slowed down and he's almost 2!! I have lots of people I knew and have even met who have children about the same age and still find myself not having time to go hang out on play dates with them. I go to school 5 days a week from 9 to 4.. so it's a busy life. Don't let anyone tell you that you are a slut.. At least you are willing to actually take responsibility for your actions, maybe your so-called friends should be asked if they have sex.. which I'm sure they do.. and then they should be told, ok, so you are therefore considered a slut in your book too, you just haven't gotten caught. =) It will catch up to them when they realize how immature and childish they have been.. SHAME ON YOUR FRIENDS!!!! You have a good day and don't let them change your perspective of yourself or your decision!

Kelly - posted on 05/10/2010

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dont worry about those ppl;
bcuz if they were your real friends they wouldve stayed by your side through this big change;
thats as simple as it is.

just bcuz you got pregnant doesnt make you a slut;
things happen for a reason

Raeleigh - posted on 05/10/2010

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ok so dont feel bad i am 20 with a 23 month old and a 6 month old. I got pregnant when iwas 17 and delivered when i was 18. If they want to push u away cuz u are expecting let them.

Alexa - posted on 05/10/2010

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I think that a lot of people don't know how to handle a situation when a friend is pregnant. They think that they are losing you I guess you could say, so they respond is weird ways. They don't invite you to parties or out like they used to because they know you can't drink and they don't know what to talk about with you. It's just how a lot of people are you lose friends but you will gain many! Try going to a birthing class to meet people who are pregnant as well and share that with you or a pregnancy yoga class. Something to get out and meet other women! Don't feel alone, when this baby comes your world becomes very busy!! So take the time to rest and prepare everything you can for this child! Don't feel alone you have all of us on here for support as well! Good luck children bring a lot of love and change to your life! Hang in there!

Rose - posted on 05/10/2010

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Unfortunately you will more then likely loose most of your friends, i lost all but 1! my best friend stuck by me, and she is now my sons godmother. when you have a child/pregnant, u realize who your true friends are. screw them, its all about you and your baby now =)

Kayla - posted on 05/09/2010

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No way r u a slut and if these ppl r treating u like this they r not your friends. I had 2 babies at the age of 16 and I would get so many foul looks. As long as you r happy that is all that matters. Have you tried looking into some mums groups they can be a huge help.

Kelsea - posted on 05/05/2010

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I have the same problem. It's like when you become pregnant people think you have a contagious disease. Hang in there. You'll make new friends, true ones. Who accept your age and decision to have your child. I'm not sure where you live, but if you want you can look into free mommy and me classes for your child and you after s/he's here. It's a good way to make new friends in a similar situation as you. There's also fee young mom meetings and things like that. Those are good ideas to meet new people who will be respectful of your decision to be a mother. I'm due September 4th and won't be 20 untill Septmeber 28th. Hope you find someone that appreciates motherhood! =]

Carmen - posted on 05/05/2010

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I was 15 years old when I had my first child. I lost most of my friends, but when we all got older which I am now 21 years old. Most of my friends started having kids of their own and realized that they need their friends for support.

Lauren - posted on 05/05/2010

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When I had my lil boy I found who my true friends are, you will gain loads more friends and you will properly find that you have more in common with the friends you meet. I go to mother and toddlers and other groups and I’ve gained more friends through my lil boy, then I did going through school and collage.

Candyce - posted on 05/05/2010

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Wow, really? I was preggo at 18, and most of my friends were stoked! You're an adult, you'll find a way to care for your kid, and I'm sure your friends are all doing the same thing you did to get that baby, lol. Screw the hypocrites and find a new group of friends, preferably those with kids who know what you're going through. Kudos on the LO

Blessed Be

Kelley - posted on 05/04/2010

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If your friends are saying and thinking that they are not your friends... find some new friends cuz the ones you have mentioned arent worth you time or energy! I had my son when I was 19 and I have never felt like I was a bad person and I didnt care what other thought! You arent alone! Just hang in there!!! find me on FB we can talk when you feel alone! kelleymo89@me.com

Kyla - posted on 05/02/2010

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Forget your friends! if they were real friend they would be right by your side supporting you. I know its hard to just forget them but guess what, you have someone in your tummy that will love you FOREVER... You are NOT a slut, and you are not alone. I too am 20 and I NEVER regret for 1 second having my son. I love him to death & he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's all i'll ever need & your baby is all you'll need. He/ she will be better then back turning untrue friends, better then going to parties, better then anything in this world. Don't worry hunny, the circle of moms, us, we are your friends... you need a friend, m.kyla03@yahoo.com, find me on facebook. Don't feel alone, feel your tummy

Erica - posted on 05/01/2010

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♥ for all u mommies out there im sure most of u can appreciate this facebook group dedicated to DEAD BEAT DADDIES!! so become a fan! or if ur one of the lucky ones that have a good dad by ur side but hate dead beats as much as we do please become a fan also! tell ur stories, post photos, and make their faces known so the dont have a chance to reproduce again!! ♥ link is below ♥
its one thing for a man to help conceive a child, its another thing for them to be a father!
we need to stick together! join! every single momma needs someone to talk to and vent!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/DEAD-BEAT-DADS-SHOULD-BE-CASTRATED/112665405440410?ref=sgm

[deleted account]

hey i am always here for u all my friends and family did the same thing but then they got over it and came to help. so i'm always here

Ashleigh - posted on 05/01/2010

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Part of becoming a mommy is finding out who your true friends are. I found this out the same way. After your baby is born, your real friends will come and visit, your real friends will check on you to make sure that youre feeling okay after labor and a few days after. Anyone else may not really be a friend at all. I had a big group of friends, and after I had my daughter I was down to maybe 4 or 5 friends total. No one else seemed to care. They ones who talked crap about me and still, to this day not met my daughter, no matter how much they have asked to come over and see her. If they can't support you when youre pregnant and all alone, then chances are, you don't need them because you made it through 9 months without them.

[deleted account]

First of, get new friends. Any friend who would treat you like that is not a friend you want. Find some people around you that can be supportive and help you through the hard times. I am 21 and pregnant with our third and most all of my family and friends are supportive of this. We wanted another child, we just didn't think it would happen already, but we love our little son and we are so excited.

Kathy - posted on 05/01/2010

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There is no accidents in life, your baby is here because God wants him to be here for a reason and is a blessing, fight for your baby and make new friends because. They r not true friends to you. We are all different, they don't understand you, don't resent against them just ignore them and be very happy for your new baby. Go to a church, make friends, God bless you!!!!!

Laura - posted on 04/30/2010

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you are never alone and they aint true friends i foundt out my true friends when i fell pregnant at 15 and had my baby at 16.....i think they are also jealous if you have a partner they are jealous because you are settling down to have a family my friends were well some of them ive now got 3 children now all girls a 3 yr old 2 yr old and 19 week old now my friends still call me stuff behind my back but i ignore them now there acting like kids themselves there not worth it go out to pregnanc groups and make new friends and get out there and hold your head high your not a slut you are doing an amazing thing carrying a life which is the most amazing thing in the world and congratulations by the way xxx

Cassie - posted on 04/30/2010

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ur never alone when u have a baby i just had my baby boy on the 24th of april and i only turned 18 in march. this is the time when u find out who ur true friends are, only ur true friends will stick by u and help u and be excited 4 u like the few friends i have left, u cant be a slut 4 having a baby thats just stupid so dont listen to ur friends that have ditched u coz ur bringing a little life into this world just focos on u, ur little bundle of joy wating to come out and make ur life happy and the friends that are stiking by u and are happy 4 u and baby.

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2010

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well first off hunni big congratulations on the expected new arrival xx and i hope all goes well with the pregnancy and birth :)

second of all the friends that have pushed you away obviously arnt true friends of yours, i know it will be hard cause you do need support from family and friends, trust me i know, but look at it this way at least u can see who your real friends are now and that you know who you can count on, i know its horrible and must be very upsetting, but i would just ignore them,

if you do feel like doing something maybe sit some of them down and ask them exactally why they are being this way, and point out that if it was one of them that was about to have a baby how would they feel, you are not a slut hunni so do not think of yourself that way, look forward to the future and that special moment you get to hold your precious baby for the 1st time :) concentrate on your health and your baby's and you will be fine :) wish you all the best for the future xx

Liza - posted on 04/29/2010

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your def not alone. im 18 and hardly any of my friends talk to me anymore. now its like a random hey how you doing. i dont see any of my old friends from school or nothing. but i have my baby and thats all that should matter. and if their going to be bitches (quiet frankly) then forget them, there not your true friends.

Stephanie - posted on 04/29/2010

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Honey this happens to many young women. To myself included, you will be fine, make new friends who have things in common, young mom, young child out of high school ect. It was painful to find out all my friends cared about was living life in the fast lane and totally ditched me because i was having to grow up before them. You will be capable to know what is right and do what it right for you and that beautiful baby inside you. Juts because you got pregnant at such a young age does not make you a slut or whatever they want to call you, only you truly know what you did, and from it you will have something so beautiful, something you can dedicate your life to, live for, and dream with. your baby will drive you, help you and sometimes make you cry both for good and sad reasons. With motherhood comes a million other women who are in your shoes at this moment. Many who will help you, give you advise, and let you see who you really are without judgment...GIRL YOU CAN DO IT!!! DO NOT LET THOSE OTHER TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT!!!!!!!

Zara - posted on 04/29/2010

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I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your friends. I had my son when I was 19. When I told most of my friends they were so excited then after I had him they didn't talk to me much. Everyone else is right you find out who your real friends are. Thats what this place is good for find new friends!!! Who knows after you have that baby they might not be able to keep their hands off it! Good Luck Girl!! It may take a while but you will be other moms and it will all be wonderful!!

Zara Nichols
Helping Moms Work From Home
www.4AHappyLife.com

Devin - posted on 04/28/2010

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thye weren't ur friends like every one else said...true friends would be there for u no matter what...Being pregnant doesnt make u a slut...i was 18 when i got pregnant and 19 when i had my daughter...i lost a "friends" but the ones that mattered were at the hospital as soon as i called and said im in labor and they have been here for the last 4 1/2 months since i had her...True friends are there for all ur screw ups, accomplishments and blessings(pregnancy) u have. also remember ur baby's love is unconditional..and that makes you one of the luckiest ppl in the world to know a love like that...

[deleted account]

im presuming your friends are also 19-20ish. thats so imature to say a pregnant girl is a slut. your pregnant not strutting the streets in stilettos and miniskirts. dont u worry about anyone else. you are going to be an AWESOME mum! If you ever need to talk add me gisborne_girl@hotmail.com, im on facebook. or add me in ur circle of mums etc. I dont have very many friends. i had to move lots as a kid so never got to really connect with people. it can get very lonely spesh wen my partner goes out with his boys. well im hear to listen if you want :)

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2010

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i know how you feel.. i was 16 when i got pregnant so i went to school as long as i could.. as soon as i had the baby people stoped talking to me and everytime i would try to make plans with someone they would ditch me.. sadly to say i havent had anyone to hang out with in 3 years besides my son and his dad.. it can be very lonly.. try making friends with parents your own age is the advice i have..

Brooke - posted on 04/28/2010

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you meet new people along the way, don't worry about who is your friend or not... People who don't stick by you are not friends

Samantha - posted on 04/28/2010

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Hello,

I am 22, and I have a 5 week old baby boy named Taj. I believe that you find out who your true friends are when you are pregnant. I found that my friend circle changed and alot of people didnt even talk to me cause I couldn't party! You will I believe find a new circle of friends, ones that you have more in common with... other mummys! You need to not worry about what people are calling you! At least you have a purpose in life, these pathetic people obviously don't!

Amelia - posted on 04/28/2010

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if there going to act like that then there not worth ur time, or loyal friends i was 16 wen i had my son and things have turned out fine for me..
I'm not friends with any of my old mates as they acted the same i suggest you shut them out and when there realising what there doing is wrong they will come to u and apologize if not leave them to it. its not worth the stress

[deleted account]

i had my baby at 18 and she is the love of of my life all those so called friends arent even going to cross ur mind when ur holding ur baby in ur arms! ur not a slut because ur having a baby. becoming a mom is the best thing ever to happen to any one.. im here if u want to talk..

Whitney - posted on 04/28/2010

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First of all having a baby is NOT what makes someone a slut.
I had my daughter a month after my twentieth birthday she will be a year old in June. I ended up losing all of my friends, they just didn't understand that I cant and wont drop everything to go party with them. Sorry but I have a responsibility to my little girl to be the best mom that I can be.
I loved my baby group most of the moms were in the same situation as me and now we get our kids together. If you ever need to talk or just want someone to listen send me a message Suga_n_Spice_7@hotmail.com
There are lots of people out there in your situation its just a matter of finding them and reaching out.

Kylie - posted on 04/28/2010

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You are not a slut... and their reactions shouldnt make you feel like one! even if it does hurt as you can see, from almost every single one of the replies youve got, we've all been there ! :) I had my kids pretty young, preg at 15 and then had my first daughter just after turning 16, and then had my second daughter two years later. When you have kids, you have to mature. you suddenly have a new responsibility that other people our age do not, and they just dont get it :) some people come around once they have kids, ie)" wow I had no idea" and some people just never grow up. My girls turn 5 and 3 this year, and I've lost alot of my old friends, but have made new ones :) such is life and you'll be okay, just hang in there.

Kendra - posted on 04/28/2010

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they must not be real friends if they didn't stick around all my friends did that to and it took me a while to gain some do the best your can to be a mother and a friend to your baby cause your baby is always going to be there and love you

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