WHY IS THAT OLDER PARENTS THINK TEEN MOMS SHOULDNT BE HAVING BABYS?

Victoria - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 214 moms have responded )

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Well i have a 4 1/2 month old son named ayden james and all i ever hear is oh my gosh you have a baby already how old are you? so what i got pregnant at 14 and had him 2 weeks before my 15 birthday. im so tired of older parents thinking that teen moms are such bad parents.I speak for many teen moms when i say this age does not determine how good of a parent you can be.i know plenty of older parents whom neglect and abuse children.Yes we are young parents but most of us are BETTER parents then some 30 yr old woman with kids.We teen parents can handle our own.i do not consider my son a mistake he is the best thing to have ever happened to me! so for all the talkers whom think im such a bad parent how about you look in the mirror and look at your self not supporting and not letting teen moms voice their opinon and degrading them!

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Holly - posted on 03/15/2010

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They are just judgemental because of other teens acting out of control and not being mature enough for the responsibility. So just like everything else, the bad ones ruin it for the good ones. I think a lot of their problem is about income. They feel as though a 30 year old would be more financially stable then a 14 or 15 year old. It is just an unnecessary form of discrimination and hate. Take racism for example. Just ignore it and take care of your son, because we are all too good for this to bring us down. WE ARE TEEN MOMS, HEAR US ROAR ! = )

C. - posted on 03/16/2010

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I found out I was pregnant right before my 19th birthday.. I'm 21 now and my son is 20 months old. But I kind of have to side with the older parents. There's an age old saying "With age, comes wisdom". It's very true. And not only do you become more knowledgeable about life, but you gain maturity as you get older as well. Hence, you spouting off about what an older parent told you.. Not all that mature. If you were a little older, then perhaps you would take what they said and simply prove them wrong or even take into consideration whatever advice they gave you (if they gave you any at all). I am not trying to put you down in any way, please realize that. I am just trying to get you to understand what some of the "older parents" could be referring to. Now, for the ones that all they want to do is bring you down.. Shame on them. But the ones that may be trying to get you to understand something, then maybe have an open mind and think about what it is they said and really take it to heart. It takes a great deal of maturity to do that. You may think you are mature enough now, but [if you do think that way] you will soon realize that you still have a lot of growing up to do.. We all do.

Brittany - posted on 03/16/2010

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Teens shouldn't be having babies. I did, but it doesn't mean I SHOULD have had a baby. I do agree that there are a lot of teen moms that are better parents then some older ones but at the same time I believe it would've been beneficial for us to live out our crazy partying years. I know I've been starting to resent my boyfriend because he got to experience his teen and young adult years and I will never be able to, I'll never get that back. I guess all in all it's like this, just because your body is ready to have a baby doesn't mean you are. (I think that covers all females, not specifically young or older.)

[deleted account]

Granted, most people out there are more financially stable when they're older. Sure, some teenage mothers can't provide that concrete stability that perhaps an older couple could. But older doesn't mean anything unless you've done something with your life. It's not a lot of teenage mothers, it's teenagers. A small percentage of the teens are mothers, and most of the teens who happen to be moms don't act like teenagers. If you have a conversation with some of these ladies you realise that many of them are extremely intelligent, caring a mature beyond their years. It happens that some aren't, and those people give young parents a bad name. I have an 8 month old myself, my girlfriend (22 yrs old) has a 9 month old, and I know another 19 yr old with a 1yo girl. In all of these cases, these babies are treated like gold. I can honestly say that these three children have better homes than most of my friends did growing up (myself included). The human brain retains information best starting at a young age. Some teen moms choose this, some don't, but the bottom line is; we have to. We have the children, we love them, we want them to grow up happy and healthy, so we learn. I personally think my son is at an advantage with mine and my fiance's ages (19 and 21). Honestly, people now adays are waiting to have babies. When you are 40, can you guarantee that you will be able to keep up with you toddler? Of course, many of them can. But lots can't. My son has lived in the same home since he has been born, and it's not a little apartment or anything, I mean a home. There is no lack of stability in his life. His father and I are engaged to be married, he works for the city and I work for the government. If that's not stable I don't know what is. There is no arguing in my home, no violence; both of which are often present. Mo drugs or alcohol, my son comes first.
Lots of people do ask me though how it is having a baby young. At first it is a bit tough to get used to, luckily I have an amazing family more than willing to help out. I look at it this way: When my son turns 20; I will have just turned 39. He will be more than old enough to take care of himself, I will still be young and (hopefully) healthy. There are those who say I threw my life away; I don't. I see parents waiting to finish school, get a job secured, waiting til 30 and then having families. I have a secure job, as does daddy, I've got quite a headstart on the people I went to school with, but when they are at home as their children enter their teens, I will be halfway accross the world, travelling. Because I had my son young, I will be able to do everything I've ever wanted to when he grows up. It's only a matter of waiting a few years. And they're more than worth it.

Brooke - posted on 07/17/2013

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The lady that has the 'decency' to post about TAX DOLLARS. I am a teen mom, I'm 17 years old & I DO indeed have my own home & I pay my own bills. Your 'tax dollars' pay for NOTHING! So you should definitely NOT point fingers at every teen mom. Me or my baby are neither on ANY government funded programs. Very good proof that all older women are not more mature!

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Summer - posted on 03/03/2014

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I've been both & I can speak from experience that as an older mother I am much more prepared than when I was 17!!! My daughter and I have a very close bond which has a lot to do with us basically growing up together! However, the mother I am today is much more responsible and together then that 17-year-old girl. The love that I have for my children has never wavered no matter what age! So best of luck to you young and older mothers!! Motherhood is what life's about!

Victoria - posted on 02/22/2014

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Having abortion is worse than being a young mother, killing a poor innocent life, seriously Eva i wish someone would have aborted you -_-

JANIS ANN - posted on 08/20/2013

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VICTORIA, OLDER PARENTS THINK WE TEEN MOMS SHOULDN'T BE HAVING BABIES BECAUSE I THINK IT REMINDS THEM OF THEMSELVES WHEN THEY WERE LIKE US, AND JUST LOOK HOW MANY OF THOSE PARENTS HAD CHILDREN AT A YOUNG AGE, THEY WERE PROBABLY AS YOUNG AS WE WERE WHEN WE HAD OUR KIDS, I TOO WAS FORTEEN WHEN I HAD FOUR CHILDREN, BUT ONE DIED LATER THAT DAY AND I STILL HAVE TEIPLETS AND THEY ARE THE JOY OF MY LIFE, IF PARENTS WANT TO PUT US YOUNGER GIRLS DOWN, ASK THEM '' OH, AND HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU GOT PREGNANT, FIFTEEN, DON'T TELL ME I'M TOO YOUNG UNLESS YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, BU BE CAREFUL, WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, YOU'LL SEE YOURSELF ''

Alicia - posted on 08/18/2013

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Dear Victoria...there is so much going on in your post I dont even know where to start. Firstly, honestly, teenagers shouldnt be having babies. I mean no offense to you or to anyone else on this forum. I myself was a teen mom, but honestly...and in about 10 or 15 years youll understand, when your a teen your just not ready. On all important levels. What I mean by that is, while you can definitely secure financial assistance, and have access to great job training programs as well as housing and other abundant "helpers" the one thing you do not have, and can not obtain while a teenager is knowledge. Of yourself. I dont doubt your ability to love your son in any way, I can tell from your post that you love him dearly. What Im trying to explain to you is somewhat difficult, because its a state of mental clarity and stability that no matter how mature you are, or how great of a mother you are at 15.. you dont reach until your mid to late 20's. I can honestly tell you, I was ill equipped for my sons, who came back to back. And though I did everything I should do, and didnt give any one any room to say anything negitave about my parenting, what I was lacking is time and experience. That you just cant replace or ignore. I wish I could talk to you in 15 more years, and see if you would say the same thing to girls your age now. I have no doubt youll be an amazing mother as Ayden grows, but Im sure too that youll realize in time what I meant by this posting. Good luck Victoria Chmura, not that youll need it as a parent, but your going to face alot of adversity as you get older...and it wont quit once your a woman either. Dont let society dictate what kind of parent you will be, break the mold, educate yourself and do something great with what youve been given. In all things, praise Him...He knows what Hes doing

JPatrick - posted on 08/06/2013

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To answer the headline question (and it's not just 'older parents,' but many in society in general who think teen parenthood should be discouraged), here goes. NOTE: this does not apply to all, but statistically it applies to many teen moms:
1. Many teens who have babies drop out of school or substantially delay graduating or getting GED's, thus limiting their options, their odds at getting a higher education, and their earning capacity. This impacts their quality of life and their children's as well (if you're struggling to make ends meet, you arent' able to start a college fund for your kid or provide other enriching experiences for them that you could if you waited). This also affects young fathers who may have to work instead of going to school.
2. Related to #1, many teen moms cannot make ends meet without assistance, whether from relatives, governmental agencies, community programs, etc., which is a drain on societal resources (especially those that could be used for people with illnesses, disabilities, or other issues that are not discretionary like having children).
3. Teen moms are often still developing physically themselves and the rigors of pregnancy and childbirth have an impact on them, and their babies, moreso than moms in their 20's or 30's (of course, then older moms have similar troubles). I am in the U.S. where infant mortality rates for a first-world country are shockingly high.
4. Many teen moms lack life experiences that could be beneficial in raising kids (in general, the more you live, the more you learn), so you may be able to teach a child more and offer better advice as an older parent.
5. Teens often have children out of wedlock or unplanned, which puts a strain on the family (e.g. if the father takes off, now the child has to go between 2 households, or go without 1 parent, which decreases overall resources compared to an intact family).
Then there is all the usual stereotypes about young parents wanting to go out and party, not being mature enough, etc. But I think it's mainly 1-5 and related concerns. Overall, no one can generalize that 'all teens are bad parents' because many do admirable jobs in a tough situation, but that doesn't mean it isn't a practice that should be generally discouraged.

Sequoia - posted on 07/30/2013

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I would never want my child to be a teen mom. I am proud to be a mother. But i can see both sides. Some young mothers are busy wanting to party and do stuff mothers should not(at least all the time). That makes the young mothers who are there and taking care of there child get a bad reputation. But i do believe its also that people cant believe that young people are doing stuff that creates babys. Just stand up and be proud to be a mother. It doesn't matter age of a mother to be a good mom. Its being there for your child. They dont always see that.

Donna - posted on 07/21/2013

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Hi there, keep your chin up and your head up high. I was 17 and my boyfriend at the time was 20. He is now my husband. We have bee married for almost 27 years. I know we are rare. Most of our friends are now divorced and they got married later on and had kids later on. I'm not saying it's okay to go and have a baby as young as us. Just saying that it happens. and I agree, a baby is never a mistake - the actual action is in my opinion.If I had a choice I would have had him later just to make it easier. But when it does it all depends on the support system around you, which I am guessing it very good for you to sound so happy and positive. So, congratulations to you and your baby and if the baby's dad is in the picture, even nicer. Later, I even got my associates degree in human services and my husband an MBA in finance. I will be honest and say money was very tight the first few years of our marriage but we worked together and did not use credit cards, had a strict budget and did not go out much. It was actually easier when our son was smaller since he did not know any better. By the time he was older, we had extra money and got to enjoy a vacation here and there and go out to eat here and there, buy a house. Just finish high school if you can, go to a community college, get a degree and get a good job. Nothing can stop you, just go for it!! :)

Lorinda - posted on 07/16/2013

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There is no reason to say these things to a person who has a child. Maybe before, when you can point out what may be difficulties in being so young, but after you have a child everyone should just be quiet. What will the children think, those that are old enough to understand? It might help a little to know that other mothers get some of this from even older ones. I was 30 when I had my first -- my teen years were long gone! -- but I would still get remarks about my child sucking her thumb or still wearing diapers or whatever.

A LOT of people HAVE to be right. And they can say really stupid and cruel things in order to boost their own egos. They are most likely sorry messes inside and totally unable to empathize. You can say, as cooly as possible, "Thank you for your interest," but you don't have to say anything at all. They may think that they care, but truly caring would be to either not mention it, or, if you know them well, to say, "Would you like me to come stay with the baby so you can go to the movies?" or something like that. Or "It's nice to be young! I know I couldn't keep up with a toddler any more!" (but only in a nice way, not a pointed way that still says, "You are too young."

I guess the real thing we can learn is how not to talk when we are older!

Clorissa - posted on 02/27/2013

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Amen to that, it drives me up a wall that people go crazy saying basically how i should not being going out or getting a babysitter ever but yet its ok for an older mom to have a break every now and then (i dont do it often, my daughter is 2 and a half and we have had a babysitter less than 10 times) and other things along those lines like because im young i have to try harder to prove myself to strangers. No i do not. I love my daughter and the people who need to know it, know im a good mom. People need to stop stereotyping young moms.

Tammy - posted on 02/22/2013

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I don't think that "older parents" think you might not be a good Mum at all, we think that perhaps you should mature some, finish out your childhood and enjoy your life as any child should, before taking on the responsibility of having and caring for your own children!

Yesenia - posted on 02/16/2013

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Because our tax dollars dont feel like supporting your baby !!!! Helloooo im sure you dont own your own house or pay your own rent or provide your own insurance for your baby ..... THATS WHY !!!!

Irene - posted on 11/03/2012

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I had my son almost 2 Weeks after I turned 19, I have worked since I was 14 and had saved most of my earnings. No one paid for me or my son.

I was constantly harassed and abused by strangers for being too young (I looked about 16) but I didn't let that stop me.

My parents wanted me to give my son to them to raise and for years I was obsessed with making,sure everything was perfect so they couldn't take him from me.

I'm 34 now, my son is 15 he has never wanted for anything. He is getting amazing grades and is in exasperated maths and science, he was one of a few students chosen to do a pre entry program to get him ready for university.

I own my own business have a beautiful 3 bedroom house in an affluent neighbourhood and I have 2 beautiful, loving, mostly well behaved children.

People still think if I'm out with my son I'm with my little brother- so what?

Don't let other people tell you who you are or what you can do, and don't let their lies that you have limited or disadvantaged you children make you feel bad.

There



I did it on my own and I did it well and so can all of you! Don't let other people

Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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becuase teen moms are not being youths!

You are only young once - why saddle yourself with a child who is s 24/7 responsibility - right?

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2012

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Thanks to MTV's Teen Mom, we do tend to get a horriable rap. But also the sad thing is, all you hear about are the bad teen moms,ever the good ones. I have raise my kids on my own,had CPS called on me more times than I care to count all because of the fact that some 'older parent' called claiming that there was no possiable way that I could take care of my children properly based on my age and what they assumed my maturity level was. On the good side of that, I became really good friends with the social worker that would show upat my house,and would pretty much shoot the breeze with me for an hour, and I also found out how to go about ( because sadly enough I knew who was making the reports) getting this person to stop making false accusations.

But I thank those people who assume that we can't be good parents, because in the end we become better parents because we HAVE to prove them wrong

Carmen - posted on 10/23/2012

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Yuma, thank you for your response. I am so glad that you didn't mean to be judgmental. I must have been mistaken, however, when I read, "If you take this poorly,, even though I am just trying to be honest-you may not be as mature as you think you are. :)," and "Frankly, I do resent you guys sometimes, sorry to say. :). It may not be fair, but it is life. I did not even begin having sex until 18, and always used protection," and then, "Yet I have to pay about 12,000 out of pocket (with private insurance!) to have my child. Most of you teen moms have not had to pay this. Why? Because the government paid for you. Meaning, I made good decisions in my 20s, yet my taxpayer money has to pay for your poor choices!" It sounded like you were being judgmental, not just playing the devil's advocate. Now, if you had stated the facts plainly, it wouldn't have sounded judgmental at all. You would simply have been informing this poster about why you think it's not a good thing for young people to be having babies. Now, the other thing that came across loud and clear is that you assume that because you were using protection and did not get pregnant you were responsible. In fact, the only responsible decision would have been not to have sex at all. You could have just as easily ended up pregnant. I waited until I was nearly 18 to have sex and I got pregnant one week after turning 18. I was on birth control. I, most likely very much like you, thought it would never happen to me since I was being "responsible." I've spoken with many teen parents, and none of them ever thought that it would happen to them.



Anyway, I do hope that you truly support young parents, because it really could make the biggest difference in their's and their children's lives. However, financial support isn't enough, there needs to be more government funding for better sex ed and education based support programs (Like Alley's House in Dallas, TX) for young parents.



Also, in response to this thread in general. Having walked in your shoes, I don't think it's right for young people to intentionally get pregnant. However, I know that usually isn't the case. I still struggle with the horrendous stigma's of society. Remember though, society's thoughts are always changing. While teen pregnancy should never be seen as ok, appropriate support should be. Judgement and ridicule won't make make teens stop getting pregnant. Parental guidance, talking about sex from the age of 10 at home (since they are already talking about it on the playgrounds) appropriate sex education, and having birth control readily available will. Keep your heads up and work your butts off to get through school. Luck and good fortune comes with hard work and dedication. You will never find it unless you try. Don't play the poor me card, which can be very easy to do. You are all capable! :o) Once a young parent grows up we tell our stories not as a way of encouraging young people to get pregnant, but as encouragement of other young parents to get through. Also, many of us encourage teens to wait by letting people know that it's hard!!

Carmen - posted on 10/23/2012

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Eva, I can understand why you might think that way, however I would like to direct you to Australia's success with reducing their teen pregnancy rate. In 2009-2010 they reported their birth rate as 16.7 per 1000 teens, where as the US's rate is 39.1 per 1000 teens. Now, let me direct you to a nationally recognized network of support for young moms in Australia, http://www.abc.net.au/news/2010-10-25/na... The other aspect of their success has been a comprehensive sex education program, where they teach abstinence right along side safe sex practices. By hitting these two aspects, they are working on helping two generations of people to make better choices. My way of thinking seems to be pretty successful in the countries who implement it. I am sure that there might be some girls who planned a pregnancy, but they are rare. Most don't expect it to happen to them.



Since that link doesn't seem to work, here is another that talks about the program a little bit, http://familiesaustralia.wordpress.com/2...

Yuma - posted on 10/23/2012

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Carmen,

You sound like a great mom. I doubt our definition of a free ride is all that different. I am quite liberal, actually. I just don't think it should be used indefinitely.

You used the resources appropriately, and now are giving back. Good for you. Unfortunately, not everyone does the same.

As far as being judgmental, I'm actually not. But the original purpose of the post was to answer a question a teen mom asked-why do older parents judge? That's exactly what I addressed.

If they don't like the answer, well, then don't ask the question.

Many teens DO NOT have to pay the consequences of their actions. As a society , though, we do.

If the original poster just asked for support, help, said she felt lost and scared,and THEN I posted as I did, I agree, my post would have been inappropriate. But she is asking why society judges her, and I gave her an answer.

Many kids actually DO wait until they are older to have sex.They are probably just the 'uncool' ones no one looked at twice. But for those that don't, we'll, we need to provide better, more affordable birth control.

Teen moms DO need resources, help and support. With all due respect, between, WICC, Medicaid, and welfare, we are able to give it to them. In most other countries in the worlds, this does not happen. I think we should also expand on this and provide easier ways for obtaining higher education.

You can know these resources are for the greater good and still feel resentful when you are not benefitted-nor rewarded-for your actions in life. Paying 12,000 for a baby does suck-many of you did not have to do so, though I am sure not all of this is true.

It may not be right, fair, or PC to say so, but yes, this is exactly why others judge.

I do agree, NOW that your baby is here, love them and do the very best you can in this world. But understand that the world WILL judge you for the above reasons, even if that's not necessarily fair. Well, what's done is done, so try to learn from you mistakes, ignore the haters, and rise above it. Just truly make sure you've learned from your mistakes.

Yuma - posted on 10/23/2012

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Carmen,

You sound like a great mom. I doubt our definition of a free ride is all that different. I am quite liberal, actually. I just don't think it should be used indefinitely.

You used the resources appropriately, and now are giving back. Good for you. Unfortunately, not everyone does the same.

As far as being judgmental, I'm actually not. But the original purpose of the post was to answer a question a teen mom asked-why do older parents judge? That's exactly what I addressed.

If they don't like the answer, well, then don't ask the question.

Many teens DO NOT have to pay the consequences of their actions. As a society , though, we do.

If the original poster just asked for support, help, said she felt lost and scared,and THEN I posted as I did, I agree, my post would have been inappropriate. But she is asking why society judges her, and I gave her an answer.

Many kids actually DO wait until they are older to have sex.They are probably just the 'uncool' ones no one looked at twice. But for those that don't, we'll, we need to provide better, more affordable birth control.

Teen moms DO need resources, help and support. With all due respect, between, WICC, Medicaid, and welfare, we are able to give it to them. In most other countries in the worlds, this does not happen. I think we should also expand on this and provide easier ways for obtaining higher education.

You can know these resources are for the greater good and still feel resentful when you are not benefitted-nor rewarded-for your actions in life. Paying 12,000 for a baby does suck-many of you did not have to do so, though I am sure not all of this is true.

It may not be right, fair, or PC to say so, but yes, this is exactly why others judge.

I do agree, NOW that your baby is here, love them and do the very best you can in this world. But understand that the world WILL judge you for the above reasons, even if that's not necessarily fair. Well, what's done is done, so try to learn from you mistakes, ignore the haters, and rise above it. Just truly make sure you've learned from your mistakes.

Eva - posted on 10/23/2012

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I get what you are saying however, that kind of attitude is precisely why these young girls figure they can engage in irresponsible, unprotected sex that leads to unwanted pregnancy. The mentality here is: "It will be fine people will help me, society will help me, my parents/family will help me." Since no real consequences for their actions exist they just go for it. I engaged in Sex for the first time at the age of 17 and we used a condom. As a result of the condom being carried around in his wallet it was damaged and broke when we used it. I became pregnant after my first sexual encounter. I wasn't trying to get pregnant, I took precaution, I tried preventing it. Because I was so young, poor, naive, and had nothing to offer I aborted the pregnancy very soon into it I was about 5 weeks along. I don't regret my decision it was the right one to make at the time and my attitude wasn't, "I'll just have it and let society, the government, and taxpayers pay for it". Now I am the proud mother if three beautiful, talented, gifted, generous and thoughtful children whom I had in my thirties. Some of these girls are just plain spoiled brats who are so bored and have no ambition and have parents that pay for their every stupid mistake and they deliberately have unprotected sex!!

Monica Nicole - posted on 10/23/2012

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gurll ikr im 16 and had my baby at 15 years old girl older ppl shouldnt say shyt cus they did it there self some of them..

Carmen - posted on 10/22/2012

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How long would you like to keep paying for them? By helping financially in the beginning through education based programs and medical insurance, you are contributing to a greater society. You are giving not only them, but their children a chance at becoming useful and productive citizens. Will it always work? No, but for many it will. While you and others would like to judge, and I do not necessarily agree with all that has been said from the young moms on this thread, resentment and judgement is not going to make it better. I am the college educated former teen mom. I am the one who refused to abort my baby, and it does not make me inferior to you or anyone else. I am the one who used government insurance for a year. I am also the one who is now contributing to society and is completely independent. I may have taken, but I have given back tenfold by volunteering my time to good causes, paying my taxes every year since I was 15, and producing three children who are not only brilliant (A honor roll students), but kind hearted and giving. There are so many bad teen parents (and parents in general) because they weren't given the chance. They most likely came from a bad home themselves. It's a vicious cycle and it keeps happening because there hasn't been enough support that leads to education and self reliance. If you are resentful, then do something about it. YUMA, you may be a pediatrician who pays her taxes, but that isn't enough. You think they deserve support, but not a free ride. I happen to agree, although I am sure that my definition of "free ride" is different than yours. Tell me, what are you doing to make that support happen? This kind of "devils advocate" isn't what these moms need, they experience the exact thing that you conveyed through your tone on a daily basis. Facts are facts, but you didn't just convey the facts, you conveyed your judgement. Here is a fact: A helpful, supporting hand that guides them to a better life is what they need. Sometimes that will require government money. Many will grow up, just like I did, and understand that teen pregnancy is not something to promote, but the support for these moms is worth promoting. Healthy, positive support is what makes them or breaks them.

Yuma - posted on 08/20/2012

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Furthermore, many of you state ' oh, money doesn't matter'. You are young and idealistic. Unfortunately, it very much matters in this world. I wish you guys were right, but you are not.
Many see teen moms the same way one looks at those on welfare........with resentment.
I am speaking as a devils advocate. Many of you are good moms, and I do think you deserve support,it is hard enough to do on your own. However, I am not sure you should always be given a free ride for your choices.

Yuma - posted on 08/20/2012

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I am a 31 year old pediatrician, expecting my first child. Thus, by most of your definitions, an 'old' mom. I have seen some teen moms who are very good moms. Having a baby definitely forces a lot of young girls to mature very quickly. In some cases, I actually prefer the company of these women to their same age counterparts without kids.

As a Pediatrician, though, I have also seen many, many more cases of abuse/neglect, also. I am sad to report that many of these cases involve the partners many young moms choose, if not young moms themselves. Why? Because having a baby is hard effing work. If you don't have a good support structure/help, you are more likely to take it out on your kid. Or, pick an unworthy partner because you want help.

Frankly, your brain is not completely finished maturing until your early 20s, either. If you are a good mom at 16, you'll probably be just as good, if not better, at age 25+. So why not experience life before having a child? You will be more mature AND more able to afford it. Plus, you won't feel like you missed out on partying with your friends. Which, if you're a good mom, you really can't do all that often.

Frankly, I do resent you guys sometimes, sorry to say. :). It may not be fair, but it is life. I did not even begin having sex until 18, and always used protection. I had sex only a handful of times also until I met my husband in my mid twenties. I was not a virgin, but for the most part, I studied hard, used my brain, took out loans, and became a doctor-during the years you were raising your kids.

Yet I have to pay about 12,000 out of pocket (with private insurance!) to have my child. Most of you teen moms have not had to pay this. Why? Because the government paid for you. Meaning, I made good decisions in my 20s, yet my taxpayer money has to pay for your poor choices! How is that fair? I am certain those who judge often feel the same way.

You may argue that I was luckier than you, but my condom broke, I was raped, i eventually got an education, etc. I give you credence for that. And if you were raped, i am so very very sorry. The difference between you and I? If I got pregnant at your age, I would have aborted the baby. For those religious ones who say it is immoral, I have one question for you-was it moral to have sex before marriage, as 99% of you did? By any religious text, it was just as bad. I would not have drained government resources as you were doing.

I also commend those who went on to get a higher education. Good for you, it is possible. But yes, at some point,you still depended on others to finance your child.

No one is saying you are bad parents. But teen pregnancy should not happen. Why not wait until your older, more likely to have a stable partner, and financially secure?

If you take this poorly,, even though I am just trying to be honest-you may not be as mature as you think you are. :). Which is why being older is generally better.....though I agree certain moms are bad, regardless of age....

Mali's - posted on 08/11/2012

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You are amazing, totally agree, I am 16, had my daughter 1month before I turned 16. I hate how people judge me because I had a baby young, my daughter is such a happy healthy baby, I am so lucky to have been blessed with her. Yeah I still live with my mum but thats what she wanted, it has made it easier having her there but me and my partner do the parenting, waking up in the middle of the night, changing her etc, not my mum and thats the way it should be, she is OUR daughter. I love my girl so much. And I think there is a lot worse things in this world than young women having babies.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2012

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Ignore it! I had my first born 3 months after I turned 17, and people were sooooo rude! I"m 30 now with three kids total, and still, being a parent is everything to me... always was. People ARE stupid, just ignore them, and let that energy and strength you have drive you to be the best mother you ever could. The truth is becomming a parent will mature you. Its the idiots that have babies at 15 then pawn them off to the first willing adult as soon as they want to persue their old lifestyle, that give teen parents a bad name. You realize what a gift you have been given and treat it as such. May God bless you for this always :)

Ashley - posted on 07/05/2012

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i totally get what you are saying i am 17 i got pregnant at 16 and everybody judged me, everytime all i heard from older people was why? I fell out with my mom and my dad they looked at me different when i got pregnant. They thought i was not going to finish school, they fought financially i was not gone be able to do it, my dad was mad because i did not get a abortion like he told me. The being of my pregnancy was emotional even when my son first came home, well guesswhat after dealing with everbody in my face i moved out with my parents when my son was 3 months because they were not helping me they gave up on me. Every since then i have been staying with my babies father who is only 18, i have just graduated from high this year while my boyfriend works two jobs and go to college and i am about to start college class online pretty soon. Every since i graduated my parents have been calling me none stop trying to be back close with me because they see my life is headed in the right direction and they were wrong about me, my piontis the best way to get revenge and to make someone look stupid is to prove them wrong. My son is 6 months he about to turn 7 months on the 14th, i am a good mother so i didnt care what others think anymore because only god can judge me!

Emma - posted on 07/04/2012

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Im a teen mom as of april 2012 . I love my son so much & i love being a mom . Im 16 & was 15 when i got pregnant . Im still with the babys dad & we are doing very well . Teens shouldnt be having babies because it is very tough . However just because im young doesnt mean i cant be a good mom to my son cameron . A lot of older moms make rude comments to me like " ohh you a baby with a baby , dont act like you know what your doing " but i mean my son has a purpose in life & i was meant to be his mom even so soon . I dont think older moms should talk bad though because some teen moms like me are doing the bestthey can & are great mommys :D

Skyye - posted on 07/02/2012

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It is because at that age most teenagers are not mentally, physically or financially prepare to have a child.

Angela - posted on 06/30/2012

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i was 16 when i had my first then had a still born when i was 21 and had my last baby at 22 im now 23 im a fab mother and always have been! i know alot of mothers 30+ that are lazy put there needs first and have no time for there kids i know not all teen mothers are great but thats not to say were all bad.plus my sons have everything they need and wont we always take them on trips and are very invold in the schooling/preschool at the end of the day some people are good parents others are not but that has nothing to do with age what so ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2012

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I think that although there are many women that blatently just think you are too young because of your age, there are others out there that think you are too young because you havent had a chance to experience life first (well that's what they believe anyway). I personally couldn't imagine having a child that young so good on you. but having my daughter at 18 I feel that i have missed out on things but wouldn't change it for anything. Just ignore their comments, you know you are a good mum and thats what matters for the most part.

Gianni - posted on 06/22/2012

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Well I had my firstborn (now 6) relatively young at age 20, but I think the judgment comes from the stereotypical image that teens are wild, out-there, and irresponsible. Of course there are the few who are responsible and all that, but you can't deny that several are out there partying, having unprotected sex (again, despite the consequences that they well know about), and leaving their kids with their parents or other relatives to raise instead.

User - posted on 06/18/2012

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I think its because they heard about the 5% of young parents who do drug and dont care about their kids. They need to hear about the rest of us. Like im 18 with a 1yr old Daughter, im still studying and buying my first house. But yet all people see is that im young with a daughter. Its ridiculous!!

ANISHA - posted on 06/12/2012

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I dont believe that age determines the ability to parent, however even though I was a young parent, I think its better when children are born into selfsustained stability, meaning to those able to support themselves maybe not completely but at least have a job

Jena - posted on 06/10/2012

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I had my baby when I was 19 and I am raising her just fine. I am actually lucky to have a fiancee who is older than me by 8 years to support my baby & I. I honestly think it is those stupid shows like "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" give young moms a bad name. But people also have to be smart enough to realize not ALL moms are the same duh.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help from grandparents. My mother loves my baby and whenever my hubby & I need to go on a date, she will always say yes. People say that once you have a baby your sex life will go downhill, but that's not the case for us.

Being a young couple has its pros & cons. It just depends on how dedicated you are to your little one.

Eva - posted on 06/09/2012

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I think it's not fair to lump all teen mothers together they are different and individuals and so are their parenting and choices but you can't ignore the facts and the statistics they are stacked up pretty high against young, uneducated, inexperienced mothers. You can't deny and ignore facts. They also need a lot of support from their parents, families, the baby-daddys family and sometimes from welfare and public programs. I can't imagine either one of my daughters being able to support and raise a baby without my help or public assistance and that can sometimes be seen as shameful or a let down. I'm a 40 yr old with 3 kids ages 10, 7, and 4. I have NEVER and I mean ever asked for help or assistance in raising them not from my parent or anyone else and i am DAM proud of that and getting my education before having my first at and I disagree with you I'm a better parent for it not perfect in any way but better and ready my kids have many advantages I didn't have being born to a young, naive mother!!!!

Patricia - posted on 04/02/2012

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Victoria, where was the babys father.. Was he like every other dad just left.. Teen moms get put down or looked down on when they are the ones who at least stood up and took responsibilities.. unlike the dad who gets to be that normal person with his freinds and no worries.. no1 can say youra bad parent unless they know how you parent your kid.. Theres alot of risks having a baby at a young age, but theres alot of risks having a baby at an older age too.. Anyone who didnt have kids as a teen is gonna be against it.. i was 12 when my sister had my nephew i took care of him all the time.. i didnt want a kid at 16 i knew how it would be but it happend.. wouldnt change it for nothing..

Sarah - posted on 04/02/2012

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I'm all for teens having children if it's an accident. They can be great moms. I'm a teen mom. But unfortunately in your case you're not really the only "parent" . I doubt that at 15 you have a job, place to stay, food on your table and enough money to pay for everything else. No your parents pay for all that, that is why I think teens should noy be having babies.

I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son, so I will not judge anyone in athe situation of being a teen mom, but I moved out and was able to support my son, not my parents.



So like I said there is probably four parents to your child. You, the loving mother, the father and your parents who pay for everything (which is one of the main rolls of being a parent is paying for your children)

Sabrina - posted on 04/01/2012

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Sweetie, I think it's more along the lines of "Oh my gosh a baby is having babies!" I was 17 when I got pregnant with my oldest and married, still am, almost 5 years now. :) He wasn't born till after my 18th birthday, but even with that I still didn't get to fully enjoy being a teen. There were/are many things that I miss/missed out on. Most of those people probably aren't thinking that your a horrible mom, they probably are just thinking about how hard your future is going to be. Teen moms do not live an easy life. And honestly, teens shouldn't be having babies. And to think that it was no big deal for you to have a baby at 14 is kinda ridiculous. Your body wasn't even done growing. And on top of that there is no way you can even fully support that baby on your own, at least not at that age. So maybe don't assume that all older people are thinking your a bad mom, that is definitely not the first thing that came to my mind.

Patricia - posted on 03/31/2012

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teen mom no more but was.. 15 and pregnant the whole 9 months of school.. they tried to make me go to a school with other pregnant moms but i sat down and said how are my grades...my counseler said they are good i wasnt below so i said can you make me go hr reply was no beacuse your grade are good.. so i stood in school until they induced my labor 2 weeks after my due date.. we are always gonna be frowned upon we just gott take it from the source it comes from... i am a very good mother even at 16 i was... they need to judge the moms who abuse their kids and neglect them, im so proud to have my kids and my kids are so proud im thir mommy.. im always confused as the sister not the mom it dont bother me my son thinks its kinda funny.. he says its ok mom at least you dont look all old and he smiles...

Genesis - posted on 03/31/2012

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I know right it get's so annoying! But you should be like, "who asked you if I were a good mother or not, I'm actaully a preety good mom just cuz im young doesn't mean I can't take care of my child!" I told that to my dad and he just said your right. Take your pride and show it to them.

Kira - posted on 03/31/2012

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Oh please, just 40 years ago it was the norm to have a baby @ 17 or 18. Most Great-grandparents and grandparents are still in their 60s and 70s with 50-something year old children. Don't assume that just because something is the norm that it is all right either but I certainly wouldn't take it to heart what people say about teen mothers. They don't know you personally to assume that you aren't a good parent just because you are young. You won't be young forever and everyone grows up. My advice to you is to live life regardless of the negativity that you receive from these "ageist" because 9 times out of 10, their moms were teen moms as well. Take care of your baby and stay in school. My mother did it and now she is a professor and lives in lavish. Its hard but its worth it.

Patricia - posted on 03/27/2012

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omg i fully agree with u.. i dont know if you would think im crazy but i think now i should of had my kids more close together they all are 4 yrs apart.. all 3 of my kids plus 2 of my sisters are all on different levels lol i see myself doing 50 different things all day long... but when u say dont judge no1 ur so right.. some girls have babies either planned at a young age or not.. your comment has been the best ive read so far:)

Misty - posted on 03/26/2012

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OK...I can personally speak on behalf of both sides cause I've been there. I graduated high school at 17 and had my first son at 18, daughter at 21 & second son at 35. There are pros and cons either way. Obviously, I was more active with my first 2 kids. I was younger and more fit than I am now. Financially, I had a job, my own home, automobile, etc. My oldest son was definitely the center of attention because he was the first grandson. He got ALL of my time and attention. 3 1/3 years later, his sister came along. Along with that came a division of time and attention but he adjusted well. Now at 36, I have an almost 2 year old. My husband and I both own our own businesses. Luckily, mine allows me to work alot from home. I know this is my last child so does he get spoiled a little? NO...ALOT! However, due to the obligations that come along with our jobs, family committments, etc., I still don't think even though my youngest gets more time with me that he gets the same one on one attention the older 2 did. The only thing I have more of at 36 than 18 is PATIENCE! I will also be the first to say that pregnancy at 35 was much harder. I am not able to be quite as active with him as I was with the other kids. That said, I believe ALL of our kids know WITHOUT A DOUBT how much they are loved and treasured. Obviously, I don't promote having a baby prior to high school graduation but I still understand it happens. I pray that any "teen mom" has a good support system because that can make all the difference as it can be very trying at times. I am just a firm believer that you shouldn't judge if you haven't walked in someones shoes...

Jen - posted on 03/26/2012

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i got pregnant 2 weeks after my 16th birthday with my beautiful son and have never regretted it he is my world. im now expecting my 2nd boy this june. there is nothing wrong with being a teen parent

Helen - posted on 03/25/2012

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im 25 and i have a 8yr 6yr 4yr and 3yr old and so what i wanted my children i have my own house support my self i am now single mom ( waster of a dad ) but i chose to do it alone yes people sure do stare wen they ask my age but im glad i had my babies young ill still be around to watch them live their lives yes some teens are so childish wen they give birth leave them with their parents ect and end up very bad mums some like myself grow up although i have always been far too mature for my age hehe i dont party hard at nite i snuggle up on sofa with a mug of horlicks every nite and my slippers lol my piont is age doesnt matter at all how many story in the news do we here that mum have been in court for nglect of their kids most are all in 30 ect yet they are suposed to be the btter age to parent its all bull in my opinon i know a 40something women who lives near me with kids the same age as mine and im so digusted in the state of her and the kids i used to befriends out of sympathy i gave her allsorts clothes shoes toys has she had none every bit of government money she gets goes on ire purchase items big tv games consoles ect not food for her empty cupborads or bed ( her kids sleep on a dirty matress on bear floorboards given her age its so wrong every bit of money i have goes on my kids and my lovely home if they need something i go with out

Patricia - posted on 03/25/2012

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no1 is ever ready to be a parent even ppl that plan it theyre never trully ready theyre usually the ones who have no idea on what theyre doing...most of the ppl these days are teen moms but what about the teen dads.. us girls take all the heat for being a teen parent and the dad is never looked down on... why would another woman put a mother down period regardless of her age.. the point is we take the responsibility for what we did and except our lives with our kids and wouldnt change it for the world... i would tell young girls to wait but its theyre choice and theyre lives ive been put down alot for bein a young mom but my kids are proud of me.. they love me and thats all that matters... some ppl are never happy with themselves and they need someone to pick on and hey us teen moms are a easy target.... And teen mom on tv so dramatic plz they make it so hard... they need to put real teen moms the ones who dont have the nice house and theyre parents money.......thats hard...

Sharna - posted on 03/22/2012

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Teen moms are often regarded as "babys having babys" I believe this to be false because if we were babies how in the world did we fall pregnant in the first place? What is it to an older mother if we have had children. We have fallen pregnant and kept our child NOT taken the easy way out and aborted our child. Also shows like "Teen Mom" don't help the situation in the slightest! All that show has done for us is show older societies members that we can't handle our own babies. Well I got news for them. I am 17 years old (18 in June) and I live on my own qwith my partner, doing all the housework and cooking, pay all my bills on time AND I still have time to go to Playgroups etc. JUST BECAUSE WE ARE YOUNGER DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T PARENT!!!!

Patricia - posted on 03/21/2012

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I THINK MOST OLDER PPL THINK LIKE OLD SKOO.. U GOTA BE MARRIED BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I HAVE 3 KIDS JUST TURNED 29 AND I THINK IM DOIN GREAT.. I BECAME A MOM BEFORE I EVEN HAD SEX.. MY SISTER HAD MY NEPHEW WHEN I WAS 12 GUESS WHO TOOK CARE OF HIM I DID.. HE WAS WITH ME MORE THAN HER. AGE DONT MATTER ITS IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.. I TOOK CARE OF HER DAUGHTER ALSO WHICH CALLS ME MOM, SO NOW I CLAIM 5 KIDS EVEN THO 3 ARE MINE.. YOU CAN BE 15 OR 30 NO1 CAN TELL YOU WHEN UR READY OR IF ITS A BAD THING WHO ARE THEY TO TELL US ANYTHING... I JUST KNOW THAT I CAN KEEP UP WITH MY KIDS MORE THAN ALOT OF MOTHERS....

Linda - posted on 03/16/2012

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Once you are old enough to have a job, support yourself and your child, live on your own and make a decent living to take care of all these responsibilities THAN you are old enough to have children. But if you expect someone else to pay for things, including your parents, or take care of the baby, or pay for day care, than you are NOT old enough to be responsible for someone else to depend on you and take care of them! That is just common sense.

Barb - posted on 02/11/2012

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Don't judge teen moms at all my bestfriends sister a wounderful teen mom and I know young moms can do. All women and moms seem do judge people who don't quite fit the mold of what they think a mom should be if you single, on assistance believe me that judge you if you pregnant and not married yet too. I am 26 and I still get looked at weird by the "perfect little house wife and mom." People judge your all strong enough.Sorry I know I know I am not that young, but I saw this post had to type something.

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