Will my daughter hate me??

Kirsty - posted on 09/21/2011 ( no moms have responded yet )




My daughter is 3 years old, I met her dad when I was just 16 and fell pregnant incredibly quickly. I was quite immature but her father stayed around, I always got the impression he had stayed for out daughter. We had our daughter in 2008 just as I had gotten my new flat for us, I was on income support and was a 'single parent' but he was always around as if we were in a relationship. I had quite bad post natal depression and he didn't support me at all, he used to work 12 hour shifts most days to avoid us and then spent the rest of the time putting me down. I had an abortion in that time aswell, when my daughter had turned 1 I had eventually got the confidence to properly break up with him. The usual happened i.e pple i thought cared bout me turned against me etc etc. I started a relationship with my now fiance who I've known since I was 12/13 and he supported me through my post natal depression and helped build my self esteem and confidence up. We had involved solictors because we were living in Yorkshire and all our family and friends were in Wiltshire, the idea was solictors would have a contact plan for us to move back because legally we couldn't move without a proper contact agreement with her dad. And that was fine I never want her to miss out on her dad. During that time I had fallen pregnant and me and my partner were struggling finicially, i had debts, he had debts and our outgoings was more than our ingoings. My partner was intensely looking for work but then our baby at 33 weeks pregnant was dianosed with fetal taci cardiac her heartbeat was 300bpm when it's supposed to be max 60bpm. Now i have to give her dad credit the rest of my pregnant i was in hospital every day having heart traces and even spent a week in hospital and he looked after our little girl flitting between her and my partner. Although he was abusive to us and caused me alot of stress he stood by our daughter. After mine and my partners daughter was born I bottomed it with depression etc and we rushed to Wiltshire putting ourselves in more debt to get support off our familes. The agreement we had in place was he had her last weekend of every month and I had her 2nd bday he had her xmas, he had her 3rd bday and i had dat xmas. We moved just before her 2nd bday, we had our bday with her as planned and then he had her during the week for a couple days after her bday. September he couldn't afford it despite working full time, we drove to his to drop her off, drove home and my partner drove 3 days later to pick her up and drive home. It's 4 hours one-way. Me and my parent didn't eat that weekend. Unfortunatly that is incredibly true, our finicans were so tight we barely had pennies free and would rashon how much we would eat to make sure our kids ate. October he couldn't do, the only time he wanted to have her meant picking her up at 9pm one night and i refused. So he saw her in November and when she had gotten back she was so unhappy and destructive for 2 weeks. The plan was he was to have her for xmas, he started ignoring her the start of December and 2 weeks before xmas he rung me up and said he doesnt want her to ring him anymore and he couldn't do xmas could he have her the week after xmas. Guess what his excuse was? His girlfriends parents had booked them to go somewhere for xmas and there was no way he could cancel. In other words, he put his girlfriend before his own child. I was furious (as expected) and basically he started asking for unreasonable demands, my partner had lost his job in January just after her dad canceling xmas. Our finicans had plummented again but worse! We had debt demands coming out of our ears, no CSA was being paid anymore and I explained to her father that there was no way we could afford to travel. I had long term post tramatic stress disorder and sevre depression and my partner was in the process of being my carer, I later found out in December he found out his gf was pregnant, probably around the time he cancelled on my daughter. Because of how upset she was in November I didn't feel comfortable putting her in that situation again and said I felt happier if he built on their relationship away from her staying overnight in a strangers house. He wouldn't agree to it and said unless I did what he wanted he was going to walk away. And so he did. Since all of that I went to solictors to try and sort it out but then didn't see the point because we were busy with our own problems and truthfully he should be the one chasing me for contact as he is her father.

I have txtd him with things going on in her life and he never replies, not just normal things but i.e her starting pre-school etc. He doesn't even ask me how she is etc. He sent her a bday card for her 3rd bday and that was it. According to the card he was going to send her a gift, that was just under a month ago by like 3 days. I suspect he won't bother.

I now have 3 children including my eldest, me and my partner are engaged and hoping to get married next August. Everyone tells me to forget about him and not bother anymore, but as a girl who grew up with no mum I don't feel like I can just 'forget about it.' My partner does a great job at being her 'daddy' he does everything a dad does, in her eyes he is her dad. But that's what bothers me, whilst she's growing up how do i make her aware that my partner isn't really her real dad without making her feel discluded or different? I know my partner has had moments of materal feelings towards her and when we marry he'll be getting parental responsiblity of her but I don't know how she'll feel towards us when she's older and understands why her father isn't around? What am i supposed to tell my little innocent girl? 'Ur dad didnt wanna know u cus he got someone else pregnant' I just was wondering what other peoples view was on it, I can't imagine her dad will bother now but how do i aproach that to my daughter? And will she end up haing me? Hating my partner?

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