2 year old tantrums when she can't do it HERSELF

Chana - posted on 03/06/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My youngest daughter is almost 2 1/2. She is very independent, she pretty much potty trained herself, she will dress and undress herself, will get herself a snack stuff like that. Don't get me wrong I love and support her independent nature. Here is my problem, when she can't do something by herself either for safety reasons or she is just too little she gets very upset and throws tantrums. She is not a tantrum thrower under normal circumstances like if she is told no or doesn't want to do something. I have tried reasoning with her but you can't reason with toddler, I have tried to explain, in simple terms, why she can't do it and I have even sent her to her room when she does it but it just gets worse in there. Any suggestions on how to curb these tantrums?

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Sarah - posted on 03/06/2015

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My daughter is like that too in many ways. She is very independent and likes to do things herself. She will get frustrated when she can't get something and will start to throw a fit. She does not want help, but she can't get it either. Here is what I have done. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. What I do is I will ask her if she wants some help. If she continues to cry (which is usually the case) or says no then I will calmly say to her that I will help her when she is ready for my help. Then I walk out. Sometimes the fit gets worse and sometimes she continues on for awhile but the fit is about the same. Depending, there are times when I do go back in after awhile and ask her if she is ready for my help. If I get the same result I walk out again. Many times if I wait long enough she will come out calmly and ask for help. The hardest is when we don't have time for the unexpected fit. Then I can't always wait for her to be ready and it becomes a battle. I don't have an answer for that one as we still battle that. When we do have the time then just letting her come to terms and be ready for the help has worked well. I think it is a learning tool. In someways their determination advances them to the next milestones, but it can add frustration for them when they can't get it easily or rather quickly. By just waiting out the fit I think they also learn that others are willing to help when you need help, but you have to be willing to take their help and ask for it.

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Chana - posted on 03/09/2015

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I tried your advice starting on Saturday and for the most part it worked. We only had two MAJOR meltdowns all weekend which was an improvement. It wasn't even a major struggle to get out the door for church which I was truly expecting due to the time change. I am not going to lie, there were a few MINOR meltdowns but they didn't last long. Thanks again.

Chana - posted on 03/06/2015

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You both have been very helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much! My oldest, who's 4, was nothing like this she would and still will let me do pretty much anything. I have done the "it's mommy's turn" when we are in a time constraint and it usually isn't fun unless I do make a game of it but sometimes I have no choice other than to do it with her kicking and screaming because she just wants to do it herself.

Chana - posted on 03/06/2015

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Thanks I will try it, it can't hurt because I have tried everything that I could think of that might work. I don't mind letting her do things for herself but it can be frustrating for both of us when she can't do it herself. This will be yet another learning experience for both of us.

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