3 year old boy loves girl stuff

Tamara - posted on 03/29/2012 ( 36 moms have responded )

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My son is 3 and a half and he likes dressing up in my dresses and high heels, playing with barbies,etc. I dont see anything wrong with it, i think its just a phase. He's home with me everyday so he sees me putting on makeup and doing girly things so he just wants to copy me. But my husband thinks that he shouldnt be doing these things and that in fact he might turn out gay! I thought it was absolutely ridiculous but he really seems to believe this and he blames me for letting him do these things. Should I be worried or is this just a phase?

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Vicki - posted on 03/29/2012

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It's your husband that needs to grow out of it, your son is fine. Dressing up and role playing will not make him gay. If he is gay, why would that be something to be worried about?

[deleted account]

I think I can help here. My son is 5 1/2 and is gender variant, and has been since the age of 18 months or so. I was so concerned about it, I actually consulted a leading gender identity expert (psychiatrist) about my son's gendered behavior...as well as did a lot of my own reading. First, like the other mothers said, it could very well be a phase. Most children go through phases in which they engage in gender-variant play. If it only lasts a few weeks or a couple of months, it's a phase. If it's longer lasting, as it is with my son, then I think the best thing you can do is appreciate it as part of your child's unique personality and continue to support and love your child. You cannot make someone "gay" any more than you can make someone straight. Think about it--if your parents forbid you to play with dolls and only allowed you to play with cars, would YOU be gay? The gender identity expert I spoke with told me that the latest research strongly suggests sexual orientation has a primary biological component, and is "hard wired" in the brain in the womb and/or shortly after birth. Your son will either be gay, or straight, or bisexual, and nothing you do or don't do will change any of that. However, what you do or don't do CAN influence how he feels about himself (his self-esteem and sense of self-worth) and how comfortable he is talking with you about what he is feeling and experiencing. So, support your son as best you can and appreciate his uniqueness, love him unconditionally, and see what happens. Research does show that about 75% of boys who display gender-variant behaviors (and I'm talking long-term patterns of behavior, NOT a phase) grow up to be gay men. If you are still concerned, I would encourage you to visit the website: http://www.childrensnational.org/departm... they have a parent brochure which is very informative and provides suggestions for how to support your son (if indeed it is not a phase).

Erica - posted on 03/29/2012

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It's not like you can prevent him from being gay... It's a phase, if it were a 3 yr old girl and she wanted to play w trucks and footballs this would be a non-issue. If you fight it then he will learn to become ashamed of things that interest him. IMO I would tell dad he will probably out grow it and the bigger the fuss made the longer it will last!

Brittany - posted on 01/16/2013

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This last part of this conversation is just awful!
Let kids be kids, don't bring religion into it. 2 things in life u don't talk about religion & politics. My son is the dirty, power wheels ball, throwing, trampoline jumping, going down head first on the slide kinda kid. But he has a blue kitchen set bc he likes to help me cook so I figured why not. If he ends up being a chef that is fine by me, I didn't take it as he is gong to be gay. Kids are kids, I remember wearing my dads shirts & shoes that didn't make me a lesbian. Just let kids play!

Gigi - posted on 01/12/2013

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Oh my Sydney! Your arguments are very compelling, especially when delivered in such a well written way. In my previous comment I was saying that homosexuality is determined genetically-hence one would think that your God (if you believe that he created everything) created gays. Of course that doesn't fit with current church politics, but I noticed they tend to change over time. Maybe if you wait long enough, they will embrace homosexuals and where will that leave you?
My daughter plays mostly with cars and trains and I don't think it will make her gay any more it made me gay. However, if she is gay I would be proud of her for everything that she is, including being gay.

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36 Comments

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Amy - posted on 01/25/2013

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Gigi I agree with you however several of Sydney's posts have been deleted because of personal attacks, and violated THUMPS policies.

Gigi - posted on 01/25/2013

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While I agree that the conversation went completely off track, I don't agree that it was awful too have it. Forums are public places and people can write their opinion and in return, other people can respond to it.

While I am aware that religious discussions are not considered PC, I don't think ignoring her posts would be representing overall "opinions" on this forum. I also think that religious discussion should not be such a taboo - its a matter of choice and noone can/should push that "choice" on anyone.
I found Sydney's posts unhelpful and full of bigotry which prompted me to reply. Granted, I let myself be provoked by her posts, and took the topic on her turf (so to speak) which basically put a stop on any mature exchange of opinions.

Brittany - posted on 01/24/2013

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I'm sorry but SYDNEY you are just getting plain funny. This is just non sense. Go read your bible or something besides telling people to go to hell. This is an open post so that kind of wording is immature & unnecessary. I will pray for you ♥

Cleaver - posted on 01/24/2013

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i agree with you Brittany it shouldn't have even been brought and a lot of it is awful (i am including some of what i said as well and do apologize for how i came off i just word things wrong sometimes)

Cleaver - posted on 01/16/2013

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i find it funny that now once here you mention your religion. and if your religion will send people to hell for being who they are then i am glad i am not part of your religion. totally roman catholic and damn proud (if you wanna get techinical born again catholic) i also find it funny that you decided to bring religion into this people are worried about their kids enough that you dont need to scare them into thinking their kid is going to hell if you dont have supportive words to say or something to say other then 'your going to hell' you should just shut your trap.

Cleaver - posted on 01/14/2013

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by the way i dont mean to go insult people who are worried just the ignorant person who thinks its a terrible thing

Cleaver - posted on 01/14/2013

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how did i come into it? well because i am trying to comfort someone not scare them... toddlers cannot play football the only ball my toddler can play is chasing one down the hall yelling 'i love the ball'. i do not have a 'rough and tough' toddler he isn't loud, isnt tough, and no way in hell rough i have the toddler most mothers dream of hes calm, smart, always happy, and eats everything. just because a toddler, or i need to say it again TODDLER wants to put on a dress instead of play with a football is normal and there is a time to worry about sexual orientation but not when they are 3 years old at that age they are innocent and don't understand the difference between boy stuff and girl stuff. when you have a boy that's playing dress up with girl that isn't something to worry about he loves the attention he is happy to put on that dress to that attention.

and by the way there is nothing in the bible (catholic atleast) that says that homosexuality is a sin.

Cleaver - posted on 01/14/2013

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its not my opinion its fact that a barbie is more humanistic then an action figure and kids see that. my 2 year old boy loves to play dress up with his cousin and I'm not worried about my sons sexuality hes 2 years old ill worry about that when hes a teenager. i was babysitting my cousins and the oldest is a boy he was letting his sisters put make up on him should we be worried about his sexual orientation because he was being a great big brother? i don't think so. they were all having fun so i left it. it is perfectly 100% healthy for kids of either sex want to play with toys no matter who its designed for what is my opinion is that toys should be a lot more gender neutral.

if you Tamara Saulnier are still reading this (i personally would have stopped as soon as religion came into the discussion) it is normal and even healthy if you are worried you can always talk to your pediatrician

Cleaver - posted on 01/14/2013

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wow where did this turn into religion debate but anyway back to her problem?? to Sydney i read a few comments and i don't want my toddler playing football. and my son is home with me all day and loooves trains he is obsessed with Thomas the train but he also has a few 'girls' toys a barbie car, a doll house etc... i actually don't like that things like play kitchens and play cleaning stuff are so girlie because my son loves to 'help' he clean (he usually ends up making more of a mess but he thinks hes helping and that's what matters to me) i do wish there were more gender neutral toys like that i ended up making him a kitchen so he can 'cook'.

i would like to end this with stating that i am Roman Catholic. i do believe in god but my sister-in-law is gay and has 2 wonderful kids with her girlfriend (artificial insemination) and i dont believe that shes going to hell

Gigi - posted on 01/14/2013

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Quote:
"Sydney - posted 1 day ago
He loves everyone more than they love their selves."

Excellent!
Why do you then allow yourself to be so hateful? I'd be a bit more careful about this if I were you and always keep in mind that bible has been written by people, not God. It would be a pity if due to your personal vendetta God got pissed off with you and you ended up in hell.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2013

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I like how everyone else is ridiculous when they challenge your religion. I think you're ridiculous believing there's some mystical being watching you and bestowing blessing while in the same breath he's allowing children to die due to drone attacks by our own country, watching women being raped so violently that they die from their wounds, and watches entire countries struggle with warlords. Please, tell me again how god has blessed them, how he would NEVER give these people more than they can handle. Then please I'd love to listen to you blame the devil instead of actually giving half a shit about anything going on in the real world. SMH

Also if you plan to use the Old Testament as your platform for gay hate, then you should probably follow *all* the prohibitions instead of just choosing the one to follow. It makes you hypocrite otherwise. Just sayin...

S. - posted on 01/11/2013

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Well I am shocked that people like you still walk the earth!
Genetics determine your sexuality NOT your religion, toy and clothes gender and being talked too!

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2013

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I can't take my morals from a book that offers up terms to take one of their own as slaves and was used to keep a people as slaves for hundreds of years. I hope your son isn't gay, it would be sad if you lost him because he felt unloved for who he really is. Have a nice one.

S. - posted on 01/11/2013

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Sydney do you think your son wont turn out to be gay just because you brought him up to be play rough and tumble?

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2013

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Actually it is genetic. So there is a fair chance one of my children could be gay.

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2013

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Actually... I grew up in an entirely gay environment. I'm prepared. Thanks ;oD

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2013

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"Yes you should be worried and this is a phase and if you don't change it your son will continue and it will make him gay."

If it's a phase why should the OP worry?

"well thats ur kid, just have him prepared that he will go to hell, im not judging, and no i happen to see these dum ass bum taking dum as shit."

What dumb ass bum is taking dumb as shit? I don't understand this in the least.

As for going to Hell, whatever helps you to sleep better at night. I have better things to worry about than make believe stories that are thousands of years old. My *gay ass son* is not one of those worries. ;)

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2013

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Thanks. :oD But I've decided to prepare my children for LIFE, since when they die they'll be.. well dead. I think I'll be sure to work on proper grammar and vocabulary as well with them. That way when they try to make an intelligent rebuttal it can be understood by all who speak English.

Brittni - posted on 01/10/2013

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It could be a phase or maybe not....I know gay males and they all started playing dress up and with barbies of course every person is different just dont sweat the small stuff let him be happy

Gigi - posted on 01/09/2013

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Sydney, did you register just to post on a months old post? I am surprised that you don't use your time on the internet to educate yourself about play behaviour of children and modern findings on homosexuality. Or do you think that your God didn't create the ones who are gay?

I would be more happy if my kid is gay with open mind and respect for other people, than hetrosexual who spreads bigotry.

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2012

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My 3yr old like unicorns because they're pretty. He's even asked me to make him a toy unicorn. I'll be honest, I adore it, and I don't find anything worrying about it. Will liking unicorns make him homosexual? Of course not, if my Grandmother had never bought him a unicorn and he never learned that he liked them it wouldn't make a difference at all on his sexuality. My husband and I could care less whether he ends up sexually attracted to boys or girls, it's his actions as he grows and as a man that will define him, not his bed partner.

Niketa - posted on 10/27/2012

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Hi, My name is Niki Bhatia and I am the author o a childrens book, PINK IS JUST A COLOR AND SO IS BLUE. It is about letting go of our old gender stereotypes about colors (pink and blue) and toys kids choose to play with. The main character is a little boy who is not too athleti and his best friend is a feisty little girl who

tomboyish". Our ultimate goal is to assure that our kids grow upto be confident, productive individuals, without placing so much emphasis on color and toys when they are sooo young.



http://www.amazon.com/Pink-Just-Color-So...

Medic - posted on 04/01/2012

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@Vicki- I totally agree with you there. I don't get how they do that either. So by those terms any girl that plays with "boy" toys would be gender variant??? Or does this only apply to boys?

Vicki - posted on 04/01/2012

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Am I the only one who finds that leaflet a bit weird?! Takes the whole thing waaaay too seriously. How the fuck do they leap from boy playing with barbies to 'gender-variant' like it's a diagnosis? It's just kids playing.

Medic - posted on 03/31/2012

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I would tell your hubs to stop stressing. My son is 5 and plays house and kitchen, he is in tap, ballet, and jazz dance classes but he also takes karate, loves his cars and trains, and is a computer genius. Why worry so freaking much over what your son MIGHT be and just enjoy what he is NOW. A little boy who is having fun being himself, he is not worried about the predetermined little box society thinks everyone should fit into, he is not worried about what this might make him, show your son you are happy with him exactly how he is. I also do not think you should treat kids any differently based on what some website says about their gender identity.

Linda - posted on 03/30/2012

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My almost 5 yr old son loves to play dress up with princess cloths. The big problem with him is the two people he spends the most time playing with is the neighbor girl and his older sister. But when they are both gone he still likes his trains and trucks. Little boys simply like to feel part of the crowd. If everyone else is doing it, why can't they. My husband gets a little weird too when he sees his mini me wearing a pink princess costume. Your husband will get past it, mine eventually did. If your son is still doing this when he gets closer to 10 then maybe you can start to worry about him being gay, but until then I say let him have his fun.

Ajoy1818 - posted on 03/30/2012

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My sister had a girl then a boy and that boy played with dress up cloths , make up , shoes , dolls , hair bows , you name it he loved it . His dad had the same worry ... but he grew out of it and now that same dad is worried because now his girl is a Tom boy and they say moms worry lol.

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