30month old cries for nanny during the night, do I give in?

Shey - posted on 01/19/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I need some advice please. First off, I am a working mom and I can't resign for now. Second, I've read that kids do prefer the primary caregiver at some stages in their lives (right now, my awesome nanny who lives with us). Third, my 30month old have had these stages before where she would cry and cry until I give her to the nanny - it usually lasts a month. But now it's been around 5 months of battling sleep and it's getting worse. Now, she would only fall asleep with her nanny and refuses mommy making her fall asleep. She would sometimes wake in the middle of the night and be okay that she see me than she nurses (we still breastfeed and cosleep) but around 5am she would cry inconsolably and look for the nanny. Sometimes I can pacify her by playing videos on the background but lately it doesn't work anymore. I am scared that this would be her norm if I always give her to the nanny but it breaks my heart to hear her cry every night when I know that her comfort and trust is with the nanny and not me and that I want to prioritize her and not be selfish. I am just so helpless and frustrated for these past months. Just an hour ago (it's 2am here now) she started crying again and I tried to console her but couldn't, she was about to puke already when I gave her to the nanny, and she calmed down almost instantly :( She's okay with me during the day and would look for me and prefer me over the nanny sometimes. When I'm home I make it a point to be with her and play with her. I just don't know what else I could do, short of resigning(which I can't) I just hope this is a phase that would end now :( Help me please...

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Raye - posted on 01/19/2016

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This is natural for a child with multiple caregivers. Children can't get too much love, and they are capable of loving many people in different ways. And it may be that the child would rest better after seeing all the people she cares about. If it bothers you, talk with your Nanny and explain the pain it causes you. Ask her to reinforce who Mommy is at different times during the day ("Oh, your mommy will be so proud of you!", "Wait until I tell your mommy how good you've been!", etc.). Take some time in the evenings and strengthen your connection... get down on the floor and play a while. Chores can wait. The issue is not with your child but with you. It is your guilt and jealousy over a situation that you can't/won't change right now.

If you want to try to wean her from the behavior, think about what if the nanny didn't live with you? What would you do? She's old enough to know that when people are out of sight they are not gone forever. Tell her calmly that Nanny is sleeping and she will see the nanny tomorrow... It's bedtime right now. Then put her back to bed. Try not to make a big deal out of it, make it a matter of fact. Then see if she calms down after a few days.

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