Am I a bad mom?

Hannah - posted on 10/25/2011 ( 46 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My 3 year old son got up at 6am and did not wake me up and snuck outside because there was a puppy out there. He was out there playing with the dog for about a half hour and someone called the cops and the officer brought him to the door. He was in front of the vacant house next door. Neither me or his older sister heard him get up or go outside. I feel terrible. They are going to notify child protective services. I'm also angry at my husband because evry since my son figured out how to open and unlock the big door, I've been telling my husband to put chain locks on the front doors and leave for work out the back and lock the gate because I was afraid something like this would happen. Well 10 months later still no chain locks put up and this happens. My son is always into mischeif, so in a way I'm not surprised, but so mad because I've nagged my husband to get the locks for months. The police asked me for my husbands phone number, but he didnt tell me they would call my husband at work, but they did and my husnband calls me and says "you better take care of my son til I get home".This really upset me because I take good care of my son, this has never happened before and if I didnt take good care of him he would have been hurt or something along time ago because he is always into mischeif and I keep a constant eye on him because I know it. He has colored our dresser with crayons, put babypowder all over the house while I was in the shower, threw a block and it hit the tv(fragile LCD screen) and it broke, pored a whole bottle of baby bath on the carpet, colored the laptop with marker, put vaseline on the cat, and it goes on and on. My husband is always pointing the finger everytime one of these things happens and acts like I am not capable of taking care of my son. I've tried to explain to him that this stuff happens when I'm busy cleaning or in the shower. My daughter never did any of that kind of stuff. I've tried to explain that our son is just a handful and I do my best, but when he sees I'm busy cleaning or cooking thats when he does his mischeif. I dont feel like I'm a bad mom, but my husband makes me doubt myself and just feel terrible. Am I a bad mom? Does anyone else have kids that have done any of these things? Does that make you a bad mom, if so? I don't think so , I just think some kids are harder than others. Feedback is appreciated, I'm feeling horrible, a nervous wreck, and angry all at the same time.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jane - posted on 10/25/2011

2,390

262

487

Of course you are angry. Some kids ARE harder than others, and your husband is not only not helping, he is trying to lay all the blame on you.

But with that said, as a mom you need to make your child's safety a priority. If your husband won't do it, you need to.

If you know your son can open the front door and your husband is dragging his feet about installing the chain lock then either hire someone to install one or figure out a way to keep your son away from the door if he gets up early. We have a lockable screen door that we put on my son's room - because it is screen we can hear him, but because it locks he can't get out (he figured out how to climb baby gates so we needed something that filled the whole doorway). We also put a storm door on both doors to the outside and had the installer put the latch up high where my son couldn't reach it.

As to things your son gets into while you are cleaning or showering: first, go through the house and collect absolutely everything he might get into and put it where he can't get it. This is called childproofing and it is essential when you have an active child. I even installed locks on the medicine cabinets and on a closet and kept the keys with me at all times. That is where I had to put all the markers, the cleaning supplies, the medicines, electronics, knives, lighters, matches, and anything else he could either hurt himself with, destroy, or use to damage something else.

Second, make sure that while you are cleaning he is either "helping" you or otherwise engaged in the same place you are in, so he can't go off and do something without supervision. Third, with this child, let's face it, you cannot take a shower while he is awake or no other responsible adult is present. Wait until your husband gets home, turn the child over to him, and THEN take a shower. Or see if you can find a mother's day out program where he can go for a couple of hours, while you bathe and clean. Perhaps you can make a friend with someone who might be willing to come over and watch him while you bathe if you return the favor.

If your husband won't help look after his son for an hour or so, then he isn't much of a husband and needs to be put on notice that it takes two parents to raise an active child.

As to what he said to you on the phone, I suspect he knows he has been remiss, and is trying to cover his ass and blame you, instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.

Good luck! And remember, they are all cute when they are asleep, which is why we don't kill our children OR our husbands, even when they deserve it.

Catherine - posted on 10/29/2011

58

0

4

Surely, you can install the chain lock yourself. But on another note, turn it around on your husband. Let him stay home all day with your son and do all the cooking and cleaning you do and see what happens. Your husband may soon see that you can't watch him every second of the day and that he gets into things.

Summer - posted on 11/16/2011

203

44

18

I have 2 questions.... ONE.... why does your son have easy acces to all these things ( vasoline, baby soap and powder??) those are all things tht should be in a locked cabinet???/

TWO: why on earth are you showering and letting a 3 yo run a muckin the house??? I have a 2 1/2 yr and I eithe shower when she NAPS or i bring her IN the shower with me.... I Will NOT give my toddler free rein of the house un supervised.... and as for when im cooking I shut all the doors in the house except the one to her bedroom... so that way she cant get any where i cant see her... also I pre occupy her with activities when im busy.... or i have her "help me" when im cooking... and she "helps" when im cleaning too...

Im just confused as to why you let certain things happen....Not saying you are a bad mom. hell we all could be called a bad mom at some point or another...it just seems that you are giving your 3 yo freedoms that would be better given to a 6 yo or something like that

Medic - posted on 11/06/2011

3,922

19

552

I don't know why you feel that someone else needs to make time to help you out. Your the mom YOU can childproof and safety proof your own house. There is no point in sitting and looking helpless, we are women and we can do everything a man can do....only better because we know how to read the directions.

Kelina - posted on 10/25/2011

2,018

9

235

No you're a stressed out nervous mom at tthe moment! i'd have freaked if something like that happened, the cop probably would have come to the door and then had to call me an ambulance cause i would have fainted. That being said-childproof! If your son can get out make sure he can't! put up baby gate-if he can get over those, try something else. If you need to put a lock on the inside of his door so he can't get out and put a baby monitor in your room so you hear when he wakes up. I had been saying to my husband for weeks after we moved in-we need to mount this gate to the wall at the top of the stairs. I didn't know how he wanted to do it cause he wanted to make it all pretty and make sure it really didn't come down. One day my son managed to push the gate over and come downstairs to watch me do laundry-i nearly had a heart attack! So many things could have happened. That night we were up until midnight mounting the baby gate to the wall. Our son is good with markers but our daughter is not so when she started crawling all the markers, chalk and crayons magically disappeared. Every so often i find random places they got hidden like my junk drawer or behind the stereo. Then they get put away and forgotten about for another couple of months. I'd also put locks on your bathroom doors to keep him from getting in there. The last thing you need is for him to start a waterfall in the bathtub, or flush something down the toilet-if he can't get in there, he can't do it! As for the tv, it should have been up on the wall. my husband wanted his fancy tv, and as soon as our son started crawling it went up on the wall where he couldn't reach it. I also agree with jane have your son help you when you're cleaning or cooking-he's old enough. Have him help yu mix things, give him a spray bottle full of water-it won't harm anything and he can be just like mommy. It's also helping teach him responsibility and keeping him out of trouble at the same time. I also agree with Jane on the showering-don't shower without someone there to watch your kids. Kids are like puppies-they shouldn't be left alone at all. With my son it meant I had to take him into the shower with me. He played with his toy in the bottom of the tub while i showered. Now i shower at naptime or after bedtime. The tub is just not big enough for mommy and 2 kids. Heck in 5 months I'll barely fit in there by myself! As for teh vaseline, funny story, right after I finished changing my son one day he dipped his hands into the tub and smeared it all over his head! lol, it took me 3 washes to get it out. Kids get into things, they get out of places, they figure out child locks, and you need to be prepared for these things. Baby proofing, and teaching them respect and safety and common sense. And just like you your husband is probably scared shitless by the fact that your son got out and CPS is being called in. You are! You're not incapable and you're not a bad mom because something like this happened once. Now that this has happened you need to figure out how to prevent it happening in the future.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

46 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 10/09/2012

616

0

87

I would be really angry too. No one needs to point fingers, your son is going to do things and you cant stop everything. My husband tends to take time doing things I ask him too, I have started to learn to do them myself, sometimes you just cant wait for em to do things, if you couldnt do it Id call someone who could when they werent busy. You should feel like a bad mom at all. kids this age are going to do alot of things and sometimes you just cant stop them. Mine is almost 2 and he sounds alot like your son, very mischevious. I dont like to keep having to move things around, but maybe you should put everything you know he can get into and lock them away even if it has to be. in the BR with you, just so you know that hes not going to destroy the house. This could be a blessing in disguise. Thankful he was found and not injured from this, but its definite eye opener that these things can and will happen. It might give your husband the initiative to help you out more. If I were you I would have a face to face with him and tell him how you feel and that you both have to equally work at keeping safety number 1, that there doesnt need to be no finger pointing. You are trying your best and bad moms dont fit into that catagory

Amanda - posted on 10/01/2012

1

0

0

i suggest getting a child proof door knob you can either put it on the front door or his bedroom door id put it on his bedroom door so he will be safe if your still sleeping but if you need him to wake you then put it on front door they prevent the child from being able to turn the knob

Tiffany - posted on 12/12/2011

20

133

1

I don't think you're a bad mom, i just think you need to make some changes. i haven't read all the comments to this but i did read one that said something about waking earlier to shower and i agree with that or even invest in some things to tie him down. and no i don't mean that literally, but like a high chair stroller or other thing he can't get out. i'm a mother of five boys and none of mine ever went out the door like that but believe me i had my days where i couldn't take a shower cause i thought they were going to do crazy things. What i do is when i need to clean, laundry, or whatever. i have a stroller that i put my two yr old in and he just moves with me from room to room. and when it comes to me needing my shower i normally do the stroller thing and just have him watching the tv and if i think he can manage to get out i put him in the bathroom with me in the stroller and just give him a toy but of course my shower has to be quicker then normal. It's very stressful when you have a husband who kind of blames you for everything so that definitely needs to stop. I agree with other, leave him home with the kids and dont give him a list just make it known what needs to be done and you go for a day or two cause they can learn or see nothign we go through in a few hours. i'm telling you i did it and when i got home i got a foot rub and the whole nine cause my husband couldn't understand how i did it. I know its hard but keep your head up and be the good mother that you are and as far as waiting for your husband to put the lock on, do it yourself or if yall have other friends have them come help you, cause waiting for him it will never get done. and dont let child protective service or whomever scare you.

Michelle - posted on 12/11/2011

16

26

1

I am curious about an update to this post. On one hand I can see how you are frustrated and very defensive- on the other hand it seems like there is a complete lack of supervision occurring on a regular basis. There is no legitimate reason for you to be showering mid day while your son runs around the house destroying everything. You can bring him in the shower with you, wake up before him or shower when he is in bed. When you are cleaning he can assist or sit for a planned activity. It might be a good idea to get him on a schedule so he knows what is going to happen at each time of the day and is not left alone, bored and mischievous. I think you received a lot of sound advice in this thread and I hope you are taking it to heart!

Dolce - posted on 12/10/2011

12

6

0

Jane has some good advice there! Before you change anything leave your husband @ home for a whole day leave a list of things that need to be done such as laundry, dishes etc & then see if he gets it done & is able to juggle looking after the kids he will fail miserably. Then you may have a bit more to get your point across :)

Tina - posted on 12/04/2011

1,314

28

301

My son is very much the same. I have a child safety gate on his bedroom door so when I am having a shower or cleaning he can play in his room with his toys and I can still hear him and I also have to put everything that could be harmful like creams, powers etc out of site and out of mind so the bathroom door stay closed stuff is put up high. I know it can be really difficult because it only takes a split second for him to get into something. Like other people have said if you're husband wont get his butt into gear find a way of doing it yourself even if that means putting a latch right at the top corner of the door where he can reach it even if he got a chair or something. Maybe your parnter needs to play Mr mum for a day so he can understand what it's like that includes cleaning, showering and cooking meanwhile trying to look after kids.

Claressa - posted on 12/01/2011

17

53

2

You are not a bad mom just because your son is into mischief. Dont stress kids will be kids and little boys are always doing something. Ihave eight nephews, Iknow how busy they can get. In the future try giving your son small task to do when you have things to do as well. If your in the shower try giving him some toys to play with on the foor inside the bathroom that way you can hear him and see what he is doing if need be. Dont play the blame game it wont change how your son acts so work together as a team to toddler proof the house trust me the gates and locks are worth it.

Sophie-Maire - posted on 12/01/2011

10

0

2

no are you heck a bad mom, my son the other day walk straight out of my front door, and onto a road me and my other half where in the kitchen making the tea and a young girl knocked onto the door to tell me my son was in the road trying to get into our car, its the worse feeling every but every child is going to wonder at somepoint, so long as your son is a happy little lad youll be fine, when child services get involed ask them about a chain for your door and they will fit opne, they do not try to take your child they want to keep the children with the parents they are there to help no matter what, maybe buy your son a puppy so he doesnt want to go outside to play with one :) dont let anyone call you a bad mum

Olivia - posted on 11/28/2011

32

11

1

NO you are NOT a bad mom from what you have said on here. The simple fact is as much as us moms would love to be able to have an eye on our active little boys/girls all the time.. WE CANT! we have so many other things to do you cant watch them every second of everyday. My son has colored on walls, climbed the kitchen cabinets, spilled chocolate milk (intentionaly) all over his room, once he even some how managed to sneek right past my husband and i while we were cooking dinner in the kitchen and get out the front door. now luckily we know he is sneaky and the second we stop hearing noise from him we go to check on him so he didnt make it very far. But you need to atleast buy the little round plastic doornob covers that keep them from being able to turn the nob. it has worked wonders for our son, and just about any other person that comes over has trouble getting out of them. lol My sister in law once call my door a "stuppid space door" but it keeps my son from getting outside so i dont care. Dont be so hard on yourself. Just take care of the door, sounds like your a good mom that has an active, hard to keep up with toddler. who sounds just like my 3 year old son.

Barbara - posted on 11/22/2011

44

14

8

You can't always count on your husband to do things. You should've put a lock on the door as soon as you knew your child could open it. My son can open the door but I purposely allow the door to be so squeaky it can be hear through the whole house. Not only that, I have a dog who always alerts me when our children wake up and come out of their rooms. Put a lock on your door as soon as possible and when child services comes to your house, show them you put the lock on and maybe they will realize it was a mistake. If you are really a good mom, they will.

Bekie - posted on 11/21/2011

8

2

0

Your husband sounds like a real winner! I am sorry had it been My kido I would have put the new locks in my self! You are not a bad mom shit happens. My 8 year old aspergers son told me he was going to play at one kids house and when I went to check on him no one was home turns out he was next door with the other kid. I had a search party out for him too. LOL don't be so hard on your self and don't let any on else be hard on you either. Stand up for you and your kids!

Jessica - posted on 11/20/2011

114

31

9

Nope not a bad mom. But do not wait for your husband to do anything I give up on asking mine to fix/build/add onto anything. So i look it up and do it myself. Never wait for anyone when your child's safety is at stake My children I have 2 boys 1 is 5 1 is 2 and they both have been handfuls in different ways. My oldest one got into the knife drawer while i was washing dishes in the kitchen when he was 2 and stabbed me in the back of the leg lucky me it was a dull knife that day drawer locks went on and a baby gate across the door way double safe. My youngest likes to see what all he can flush down the potty , every wall in my house has been colored on, he tried to climb the ladder to his brother bunk bed and fell 3 times in a row, his older brother gets up every weekend lets his brother out of the baby gated room and they watch tv until they are hungry then they either wake me and their father up or the 5 year old makes sausage biscuits in the microwave not sure where he learned that. I have also told him over and over again do not do this wake mommy up. Now let me tell you I am over protective of my boys everything is up sealed and locked and they still get into stuff anyway. They are smart if it is out of reach they will get a chair to get it down. so no we are not bad mommies just very very tired. .

Deanna - posted on 11/16/2011

280

32

0

Your husband sounds like a clown.
Most kids do that kind of stuff. Does not make you a bad Mom, not even a neglectful one. My daughter used to sneak outside and go see her Aunt, thankfully a stones-throw away. She also once put fabric softener on her cousin's rat, toilet cleaner (no idea how she found that) on the cat, drew a beautiful picture on the walls, nail polish on the dish washer, called her Dad on my cell phone, the list keeps going.
If your husband won't put the chain lock on the door, you do it yourself. My Dad never did anything, but also never called my Mom a bad mother, so Mom would do it.
I look over at my TV and see the crayon she put on it and think it could have been worse. I think you need to sit your husband down and explain to him how his accusations make you feel. Don't confront, but explain how you feel. And offer to go to counselling (there seems to be more underlying issues there) to help fix them.
Also, maybe try not doing dishes until the husband gets home. But, he seems like the type to bitch at you for that too.
I will tell you again, you are not a bad Mom!!!

Angel - posted on 11/15/2011

24

22

2

No, not a bad mom at all...if you were you wouldn't be on here worrying about it you poor thing. So sorry your having to go through this.

That said, there are some things that need to get taken care of. First, the lock on the door.....my 2 year old could open the front door and the day I discovered this, I called hubby and asked him what we can do about the door......we ended up getting one of those flap lock things that go as high as you want and that has stopped her and now she doesn't even touch the door. If you can't get your husband to do it, find someone who can or figure it out yourself. Waiting 8 months (and still waiting) for your husband to do it will not be a good excuse for the CPS worker when they ask you why you didn't get an extra child lock on the door.

Also, you mention all these things he gets into while you are cleaning or showering...like vaseline and baby wash and markers....i suggest taking EVERYTHING away that can cause any kind of mess/damage. It's the only way to regain your sanity....it's irritating and tough and a hassle but really the only way to avoid those situations. I had to take away markers and crayons all together for a period of time and ONLY bring them out when I could actually sit down with my daughter and color together...she couldn't be trusted to color while I took a quick shower or did the dishes....

Good luck to you and I hope everything gets better....oh and you need to have a heart to heart with that husband of yours....for him to treat you that way is inexcusable.

Angel in CA

Raisa - posted on 11/08/2011

13

0

0

My brother once woke up and couldn't find my nephew. He searched the house and then saw my nephew through the back window. He was outside, completely naked, chasing a cat with a stick. It happens! It really does. It sounds like you also need more support from a certain person! They really don't understand what it's like. We DON'T get time off! We have to raise the kids, clean the house, cook dinner, and do other nameless and Thankless things just so we won't have to hear them bitch when they get home!

Michelle - posted on 11/07/2011

253

5

5

When I was a baby my mum had to go onto the roof to get my 18mth old brother off (no idea how he got up there), he also escaped while my mum was having a nap and the police found him, If your husband isnt going to do it I think that was the last straw and you should do it yourself ask once more give him a little while if you want and if he says anything just say you asked him and you thought youd help him out and just do it for him, Look into day care at least once a week maybe he needs a little more stimulation, I no my daughter does and shes on sooo many waiting lists to get into day care, Your husband sounds like he doesnt understand have you ever had a girls day while he is home and asked him to pick up the slack while you are out. Just write him a list of what you usually do, (make it a schedule including what you do with your son) and just ask if he minds doing it



I no my partner is slack I asked him more than 6months ago to bring the box for my daughters walker up so I could dismantle it and he still hasnt (ended up putting it under her cot cuz the box has spiders in it and im not dealing with them) same with our hallway light which needs to be changed and still isnt

Ashley - posted on 11/06/2011

206

12

12

Put up the lock yourself! If you don't know what to do, ask someone who knows how to do it, and do it! If he complains about it not being done the right way then tell him that if he would have done it when you asked then it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Kids are wild and crazy at times and it seems your son just likes to get into trouble like most do! Its not your fault, stuff happens. You can't just not shower or clean during the day.. So I would suggest maybe doing a half day preschool or something too. That way he gets out of the house and can play with other kids his age, get out some of his energy and then you can take the time to clean and shower or just plain relax when he isn't home! Good Luck!

Pam - posted on 11/06/2011

33

62

3

Your not a bad mom!!! You are overwhelmed and may need to put your little one in a moms day out program for a couple of days a week. It seems he's easily bored and could use outside the home activities. I would recommend a local church that as a program like this. So while he is away, mommy can shower, clean and do her daily chores without the constant wonder of what is little man up to?

Karen - posted on 11/03/2011

229

23

26

My 3yr old and 17mth old are SUPER busy! Today I just put on a saftey door knob thingy that clips on the door knob for the front door because even if I lock the thing my baby can somehow still get it open. Boys are just busier. It doesn't mean they have a behavioural problem. Mine push chairs around the house and climb on counters, tables ect. I feel like I'm on disaster control 24/7. If they are bored, they will find something to do (usually something they aren't suppose to be doing). I try and take them places and get out of the house, the seem to be better behaved then at home. I don't get a shower until my hubby gets home, I don't even want to chance it.

It might help to see if you can put him in storytime or preschool for a few hours a week, just so he can have his 'away' fun time and you some quiet time.

Andrea - posted on 11/03/2011

11

0

1

You are not a bad mom. I would def. put a lock on myself. When my husband sees me trying to do something like that he takes over anyway. I would get a baby monitor for his bedroom so you know when he gets up. I make my girls sit in the bathroom floor with books, games, dolls, whatever, until I get out of the shower. If they leave the bathroom they are in big trouble. I always fear of the worst things happening so I try to prevent from it. Don't worry about CPS, if anyone calls them they have to investigate. They will see you and your son and can be helpful to you. Good luck!

Lucinda - posted on 11/02/2011

14

18

1

y didn't u put a chane lock on the door? when my son was little i put a bell on the door so i always herd it open just a suggestion

Genevieve - posted on 11/01/2011

10

0

0

I don't think you are a bad mom with what you sad, if anything to a certain extend your husband lacked in being preventive by putting off putting that chain. Does he have time alone with his son at all for a day sometimes? If he never is alone with him he probably doesn't see what you mean, maybe that could be a good exercise to make him see that a toddler can be very demanding and that you can't always have both eyes on him. Lots of time partners who are outside of the house all day don't understand what it is until they live the situation. As for your son, if I may try to give you a hint, maybe you can try getting him onvolved more in what you do. For example when you cook dinner you can have him help you by doing simple tasks. Or have him play in the kitchen beside you. And I know at one point I was myself always waiting to the last minute to start dinner and I found myself stressed out to do it on time so I would just send my son playing in another room and that is when he would get into things he knew would get him in trouble so he can get attention from you, so if you avoid those things it might help you and your son not to get in those situation where your husbands makes you feel you are not doing a good job. Hang in there :)

Leah - posted on 10/28/2011

2

0

0

My two year old little boy is into everything I have bought every childproof latch out there and he figures everyone of them out. He is just curious and does not understand danger yet. I can't take a shower if I'm home alone with him, which really sucks, if I absoulutly have to I just try to go super fast and keep calling him into the bathroom. You are not at all a bad Mom. Just the Mom of a toddler.

Rebecca - posted on 10/28/2011

1

13

0

You are NOT a bad mom, All kids do these things. However, NEVER EVER WAIT on a husband to do what we women can do ourselves. THat is our first mistake (trying to have our husbands fix what we need done and, we can surely do them ourselves.

VANESSA - posted on 10/28/2011

15

2

2

kids are going to do this stuff!!! for you even worrying about it , i can tell you are a good mom! please dont bet yourself up. my hubby is the same way. my daughter left our hs too. he ws down the block while i was cooking. im here for you if u wanna talk more im sorry i gotta run to the schoolbattle these problems daily. you are only human and only 1 person at that! your hubby needs to b more understanding. your a great mom!!!

Janessa - posted on 10/28/2011

289

10

0

You're not a bad mom, and anyone who thinks so hasn't had to be in your shoes. Things happen the worst thing you and your husband can do is point fingers at each other. Neither one of you should blame each other. Your relationship is more important than that. Things happen. One time my almost 4 year old when he was 1 year and a half discovered a partially opened door, and went out. When we discovered he was not inside and the door open, we panicked and went out to look for him, my brother-in-law was the one who found him across the street with his blanket and pacifier knocking on our neighbors door. These things happen no matter how hard you try and avoid it. No one should question you as a mother, especially at 6 am when you didn't even hear him. That isn't fair. I guess I live in a good neighborhood, because I can't think of anyone that would do that to me, most of the time it is their kids, not mine that end up wandering. We have an understanding, and we would take the kids back to the respective parents. Its just what we do, if it happens, not that it does all the time, but if it does no one is pointing fingers. I think the only ones who do are the ones who don't understand. I hope that makes you feel better.

Sheerah - posted on 10/28/2011

1

16

0

no i dnt think that your a bad mom, have you ever heard of mistaken behavior? look it up, youll learn alot from it. all children can be a handful, my daughters the same way, totally understand the vaseline on the cat thing been there. ive started having her help me like if im cleaning i hand her a bright colorfull rag or sumthing and make a big deal out of it. she loves it makes her feel like shes doing good and i can get my work done and keep an eye on her. same way with the cooking, i dnt know if thatll work on ur little guy but its worth a try.

Bridget - posted on 10/28/2011

9

0

0

There's a great easy to install fold-over clip that you can put at the top of your door. When my grandson stays over, we just flip it over. You can put it on easily.
Sounds like (I'm no doctor) he may have ADD/ADHD - talk to your doctor. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! Take him to a doctor.

Suealice - posted on 10/27/2011

3

20

0

I honestly dnt think ur a bad mom things happen accidents happen get the lock on ur door and everything and if ur husband dnt help then what good is he

Katherine - posted on 10/27/2011

65,420

232

5195

Another reason to child proof. Although mine didn't work. I can't for the life of me figure out how she got the door open.

Suealice - posted on 10/27/2011

3

20

0

My 3 year old son has done that he has actually stayed the night with his aunt and around 1 or 2 n the morning he got up and opened there house and found his way home by himself I'm just glad we were just the next trailer over and I called and asked if they brought him home and they said he was still n bed and I told them I had him take him 2 the dr and have them test him 4 add or something cuz my son has several disorders that has been diagnosed withand child proof ur house

Katherine - posted on 10/27/2011

65,420

232

5195

I was so tired from my second pregnancy I didn't hear my 3 year old wake up. All of the sudden I heard pounding on the front door. It was her. She had gotten herself out but couldn't get back in. And I DID have a child safety lock on!

Belinda - posted on 10/27/2011

53

16

0

I don't think you're a bad mom. I think you just have to adjust your parenting methods to deal with him. It seems that you can't leave him for a few minutes to take a shower so instead, you'll need to get up early before he wakes up or shower during his nap or after bedtime. Baby proof, or rather toddler proof the entire house. Get on your knees and look around and see what you think he could get into. And anything he's already gotten into, keep it out of his reach. My 3 year old never wrote on our walls so it never crossed my mind that my 23 month old would think of doing so. But he did. So now I keep the crayons out of reach and only bring them out when I'm supervising him. Go through your house and do that so minimize the mischief he can get into. Also, adjust how and when you clean so that he isn't unsupervised. Use the child proof door knobs on all doors to the outside and keep bugging your husband about the chain locks. Let him know you need his help in caring for your son and that's specifically what you need right now for his safety. Sometimes parenthood brings us experiences that are hard or scary but we have to learn to adjust and do what's best for our families.

Rosetta - posted on 10/27/2011

6

14

0

all the child proofing and support system things are easier said than done believe me. i live in MN with no family very few friends im a part of mops and a great church but most ppl have their only lives and arent willing to step up and help out

Rosetta - posted on 10/27/2011

6

14

0

wow!! i went thru a similar situation and no ur not a bad mom. children are very different and its a challenge when they are to young to understand the natural consequences of thier actions. your husband needs to empathize with you. how often is he left to walk in your shoes. my kids get out the house all the time a @year old boy and his 4 year old brother goes to fetch him. all the while i was in shower the neighbors see so now im that unfit unwed mom. its crazy and it hurts for somebody u love to deem u incapable when they have no idea what it takes to keep house and composure!! good luck u are in my prayers

Kathleen - posted on 10/26/2011

311

26

31

As others have said you are not a bad mom. You have an active toddler. You have told your husband to help. He needs to, or at least sit with him when he comes home from work every night for a week or two while you are doing something like make dinner so he can see what he gets into. since he will not put a lock on your door, you go get one and put it on. the chains are easier to install yourself. my son has done some of that stuff, colored on things, thrown toys and broke things, hubby fell asleep by accident i came in literally 2m later and son had gone under the sink and poured out the carpet powder everywhere. these things do not make you a bad mother, it is not like you are allowing the behavior it's more that he is an active curious toddler. Except for the door, many of those are normal for a lot of toddlers. CPS if called will make a visit. Let them, breath, they are only coming to evaluate because the police called. Get the lock, and then take one step at a time. Your daughter may not have done any of that stuff, one because she is a girl, and two she's an entirely different person with a seperate personality. Just breath it will be ok. You know you take care of your children as best as you can, you do not sound like you are a neglectful parent. It just sounds like you are a mom of a toddler so it sounds to me at least from the info provided CPS will not find a whole lot. So breath, and remember you are not a bad mommy.

Christy - posted on 10/26/2011

2,218

41

438

You are not a bad mom! Have your husband sit with him a couple of days while you do something else to give him an idea. Also, when you get busy doing other things (cleaning, showering, etc) maybe put a TV show or movie on for him to keep him busy, or give him some books, or hell, put him down in his room for a nap. Also I would suggest a deadbolt lock only locking from the inside with a key. Keep the key on a long chord around your neck and lock the doors at all times.

Emily - posted on 10/26/2011

28

24

2

NO you are not a bad mom!!! As said below, if your husband won't help with keeping your son safe, you will have to take actions into your own hands and do it yourself. I am not sure how much it costs, but go buy a chain lock and put it on the door. It would be alot cheaper to do it yourself than to hire someone. and if you have to, put them on all doors in your house so that your son can't get into things he shouldn't be. If you can, do your cleaning during nap time.

My son gets into things all the time while i am trying to clean or cook, so I know what you are going thru for the most part. Luckily he can't get outside yet, because we have stairs! I hope everything works out for you!

Casey - posted on 10/26/2011

264

2

21

From the sounds of it CPS hasnt been there. They will more then like visit you. Dont worry. Its their policy. I would get those locks put on as soon as possible. Even if it means you have to do it. They will see that you did and more then likely it will be unfounded. If they want you to do anything else then I would. Just play their game and everything will be ok.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! Kids get into things. Some more then others. I would talk to him about what happened. And get those doors locked. Dont feel bad and flat out tell your husband that he makes you feel like sh*t when he says stuff like that.
Keep your head up. Prove to CPS that you are a good parent, and be yourself. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 10/25/2011

3

0

0

No! This does not make you a bad mom! My daughter is the same way. She gets into everything, explores everything and everywhere and isn't afraid of much. She is always coloring the walls and herself and she even poured finger nail polish on the white sofa while I was in the restroom. Accidents happen. I do suggest securing all of the doors to the outside, with our without your husband! I hope everything works out for you. I know that's scary.

Amanda - posted on 10/25/2011

1,677

13

310

My 3 yr old is a huge handful too, he always has been. It doesn't mean you are a bad mum.
My son drew over the white walls with a black marker pen, he blocked the toilet with a whole roll of toilet paper, when his sister was crawling he let himself out into our courtyard, tipped over the wheelie bin and made her crawl inside. Baby gates did nothing for him either, he would either climb over them or shake them so hard that they would start to fall off, we ended up bolting it to the walls.
You do need to figure out a way to baby proof and keep him in the house. When my son figured out how to let him self out of the house and through our side gate, dead bolts were put on all doors that lead outside and a padlock is on the side gate and they are used all the time.
I will sometimes take my son in the shower with me, or I get him to bring a few toys in the bathroom with me and he has to talk to me the whole time we are in there.
Get him involved in cooking and cleaning. We make tidying up a game.

Get your husband to spend a day with your son, I'm sure his opinion will change.
Also he doesn't need to know every detail of your day, you'll just stress yourself out at the reaction you get

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms