Am I jealous or are my in-laws in the wrong?

Karla - posted on 10/14/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi there everyone... ok so Im a mother of a very outspoken energetic 4 year old little boy and i need advice am i jealous or do my in-laws have a problem do any other moms have this issue, my sons grandparents dont spend time with him at all don't ask for him don't play with him nothing at all. my in-laws have 2 younger kids of their own one is 7 and the youngest also 4 i understand that she is busy with her children but i think she should make an effort to spend at least 1 hr with my son, there is favorites with her she spoils her children but cant even buy my son one lollipop i need help should i have a talk with them or just drop it and let it be. i always make time for her children and play with them i could handle 3 kids but im just hurt i guess.

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Rita - posted on 10/22/2013

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i have been in trouble with my sister in law and my mother in law for years. I get hurt most when the mother in law didn`t tried my husband the same as they tried his sister. Sometime they make thing be hide his back but they always keep asking me and him what we are doing, how much we spend on home goods etc. The mother in law on day even told us the her hate the boy and she love only girls. I have a boy of 9 years now and I pregarnt again. I see the diffence even how my mother in law tried the husband of her daughter more well then my husband and family, sometime i get very angry with such situations. how can i tried these people.?

Michelle - posted on 10/17/2013

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My first thought was she's probably too busy being a Mum and it hasn't hit her that she's a Grandmother as well. Usually you become a Grandmother after all your children have left home, not when you still have 2 little ones to look after.
I would also just be thankful she's around. My children only have 1 grandparent in the same country as us, the rest are spread out around the world. Even then they don't get to see her that often as she lives an hour away.
If you feel that strongly about wanting her to be a Grandmother then tell her, maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. If you have and things haven't changed then cut back on the contact.

[deleted account]

I agree with Michelle. Maybe she is not doing it intentionally. But bringing it to her attention might help. If you never say anything it might take a long time for them to realize what they are doing or it may never happen. You husband is like mine. It seems like they don't discuss things with others. They like to accept or ignore it I don't understand them. But for me it kills me especially when it comes to my kids.

Jaime - posted on 10/15/2013

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Ummmmmmm.... Okay first I have crazy in laws and I married the black sheep in the family so I totally understand.... My in laws don't have young kids but there are many grandkids. There is a set of grandkids that my in laws just think are perfect and can do nothing wrong. My in laws would talk crap about my daughter to me. Ummm HELLO momma bear came out. My advice is ...... Get busy very busy... Don't make time for them, don't subject your son to it. It will only make you upset.. Watch what is said, you can't take things back. I would just not go around them, don't answer your phone the first time they call, when they do call them back 15 min later. Explain how you feel to your husband. Let him deal with it first, (as you know mothers will always love their child) daughter n laws not so much. I find my life so much easier, and less stressful now that I have my distance. It works, Just play the game and keep your cool.

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Karla - posted on 10/18/2013

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i have mentioned it to her a lot of times and she just says well i don't have time, and says well I'm sorry mijo ( to her son my husband) but my life is crazy right now for me to do it all ( but she has 3 hrs to go shopping and eat with her kids at the mall) . i understand that she had to start all over at 44 years old with a 7 year old and a 4 year old but she doesn't even try like at all. i understand that as a mother you will always choose your children first but he isn't just anyone is her grandson. Dont get me wrong i am thankful that my son does see his grandma and grandpa i will never deny them to be around him at all but they don't take advantage that he is here and when we move out then she wants to spend time with him. Im just tired of bringing it to her attention and then she gets mad at me when i don't pay attention to her kids im sorry but they are not related to me they are my sister and brother in law yes i spend time with them they see me as a big sister i take them out with me and play with them is just not fair she expects me to be their for her kids as a "big sister" but she can't do a little bit for her grandson. Im just really upset thank you lady's for listening i respect all of your answers and advice i just want to feel better like naomi says men just dont pay attention to it maybe thats why they don't get into so much family drama like us women do lol

Cutemommy - posted on 10/17/2013

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Live your life don't let it get you down. My in laws treat my daughter very poorly and my husband says the same that they are "that way". It makes me cry some days because of how great they treat the other grand child. At the same time if you notice they aren't properly treating him it's better you know instead of them doing it behind your back. Accept it and love your child that much more. That grandmother id missing out on a great kid that is something she has to live with. Stay strong and no you are not jealous you just want the best for your child there is nothing wrong with that.

Jaime - posted on 10/17/2013

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I wish I could say it gets better... Which it could... But I don't know. All I can say to some of the actions is her wanting to spend time with her kids. I find myself getting very defensive with my in- laws. We seem to be an after thought, like they call us the day of an event to see if we want to go, or forget they didn't invite us and continue to talk about things. I totally understand being hurt, especially for your child. Sometimes when we feel for our children it brings out the crazy in us all. So I would just keep distance and if they do offer to do something with him.. Let him... They can never say you kept him from them

Karla - posted on 10/16/2013

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thank you yes my husband knows exactly how i feel about it and tells me to just let it be not to pay attention to it because that is just how she is and will never change. it hurts because of course my son looks for his grandpa and grandma but i cant force them to be their for him. we moved back with them they needed help financially and they still wont try to be here they go out with out my son they take their kids bowling or to the park and wont even notice him. Im trying to just stay cool and say to my self that my mom is more than enough grandma love that he needs my mom is great with the both of her grand babies and maybe i just need to stop trying and caring.

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