Biting, Hitting and Pushing 21 Month Old- HELP!!

User - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm at my wits end! My 21 month old is STILL hitting, biting, and pushing other children, including his 3 year old sister. It happens when I'm present and playing with him/near him, and when I'm not watching (like in the other room). Today we were at the park, he was happily playing with another boy ( both I and the other boys mother were standing right there)...he suddenly went over and hit him! Then after a time out and stern talking to, he did it again about 10 minutes later. He shows no remorse, and sometimes laughs and says "Funny". I try to tell him, no, it's not funny it really hurts and makes us sad.



This behavior has been going on for nearly 5 months. He leaves huge bitemarks on his sister and will pull her hair. His vocabulary is amazing, very advanced, so it's not that he is incapable of "using his words". It worries me because I have tried everything...time outs, saying "ouch", pretend crying, even spanking when he bites her really hard.



I literally don't know what to do and feel embarrassed to take him out and worried about his behavior with other kids!



He is very spirited and can be ornery/stubborn/grumpy. When it's just me and him, he is sweet and affectionate. But that's not realistic for me to isolate him from other kids...I just seriously don't know what to do anymore.

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Louise - posted on 04/18/2012

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Many years ago if you had a biter the only way to stop it was to bite them back. I am not condoning this but I know some mums have done it.

It sounds to me life pure frustration when he is playing with other kids, or he does not know how to interact. At his age he should be parallel playing which is playing along side but not interacting, so he is beyond his years there. Try and play sharing games with him at home where he has to wait his turn. If he starts to get really upset then that is your area to work on.

When he does bite your daughter give her all the attention and just pick him up and remove him from the room completley. Place him either in a pen or in his bedroom. Spoil her with affection and ignore him for a while. Be firm when telling him off and make him say sorry. Repeatedly ask your daughter if she is ok and warn him to be nice. He will soon learn that he is not getting the attention and his sister is and hopefully he will stop.

It is really important to stamp down on this because he will be thrown out of nursery if he bites another child.

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