Both of my boys are in my bed!

Christina - posted on 08/26/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi I need some help here.
I have 2 boys 5 n 1. My 5yr old has been in my need since birth, now my 1 yr old is following suit!
I put them both to sleep in their room but during the night they both end up in my bed. Okay I get it my older son has been in my room forever so this transition is very difficult for him. My one year old and has been placed in a toddler bed because he's a climber, I didn't want to take any chances with him falling out of the crib. Now he wakes up and just walked into my bedroom verses before he would wake up and just put himself back to sleep in his crib. I thought about putting up the gate at their bedroom door but my older son had a panic attack! I call him my stalker, he must know my whereabouts every moment of the day, so you can imagine how difficult it is for me to keep him in his room never mind the baby! I am ears wide open for any suggestions. This of course does not seem to affect my husband only in the sex area. As long as the kids are asleep in their room when he need some love, then he's fine. If the kids wake up during the night and I am constantly waking up during the night to put them back in their bed... this just doesn't bother him. He works I am stay home mommy so I'm expected to be super mommy and lack of sleep should not bother me. Also my son just started school and he's tired. Help!!

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Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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I would say that, whenever you find them in your bed, yes, you should put them back in theirs. I know it's hard and the lack of sleep is a killer. If you find them in your bed, and you only have like an hour or so left to sleep, and they didn't wake up when you woke up, then it's up to you. They won't know you caught them earlier, but you should still tell when you get up that you're not happy to find them there. But if they are there and awake when you wake at 5am, don't let them stay. Every time you give in reassures them that you will keep giving in if given enough pressure.

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Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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I agree with Sarah, but if you're asleep and they sneak in there's nothing you can do until you wake up.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2015

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For best results you really need to be putting them back in their bed RIGHT AWAY. The moment they come into your room is when they should be redirected to their room. That is really the constancy and follow through that needs to happen. Otherwise they will keep coming,to your room because they are allowed to sleep there no matter if it is 15 mins or 3 hrs.

Christina - posted on 08/26/2015

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I do all of the above when he's too demanding of my attention I do ignore him until I'm ready to give him what he needed once I'm done doing what I was doing. Consistency is a problem that I have I can admit that. During the earlier part of the night when I find my older son coming into my room I get up and I'll bring him right back to his room tears fighting crying I do it I put him back in the room. Would you suggest that if I find him in my bed sleeping at 5 o'clock in the morning then I get him up and put him back in his room even if you have school the next day or I should say the same day. Routine consistency I just really need to work on once I get that down I guess I'll probably have it a lot easier for myself thanks for responding

Christina - posted on 08/26/2015

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Thanks!
Consistency is something that I have to actually work on. I woke up this morning around 5 a.m. and both of my boys were in my bed they have learned to come in quietly. Should I not feel guilty to wake up them and put them back in their room

Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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You need to teach your kids some independence, especially the 5 year old. It will take a little time, and you will have some nights you have to put him back to bed, but you need to be consistent. Always put him back to bed and stay with him a few minutes and then go back to bed yourself. Having a regular routine (meals, naps, bedtime, playtime, etc.) would help also, so the child gets used to doing things at a certain time.

We keep our bedroom door locked, and the kids must knock and ask for what they want. If they're scared from a nightmare or storm, we sometimes let them in. If they need water, or just want to sleep with us, my husband gets their water, puts them back to bed and snuggles them a bit before he comes back to bed himself. You said your kid had a panic attack, so maybe you can't lock the door, but you still need to do the same thing every time. IF my husband decides earlier in the evening to let the kids sleep with us, then they can, but if he has said no, then no amount of begging gets him to change his mind. You have to be consistent.

Any time your oldest demands your attention (unless he's hurt, etc.), you need to tell him that you will get to him in a minute. If he bothers you during that minute, then tell him you won't pay attention to him until 1 minute after he has been sitting quietly then ignore him as best as you can until after he's calm. Also, when you catch him being good and not hanging on you, then praise him for being a big boy. He will learn that you will come to him but only when he's calm, and not beg and follow you around everywhere. As I mentioned before, having scheduled play time with him might help him know that at a certain time he will always get your undivided attention.

As for your husband, I guess I have it a little easier, because the kids are my step-kids and my husband takes more responsibility for them. But you should have some support from your husband. Stay at home mom is a job, and you do deserve breaks every once in a while. Sit and talk to your husband when you can give each other undivided attention, and let him know you're sometimes overwhelmed and needs his help occasionally. Don't accuse him, use statements like "I understand your days are busy, and you want time to relax, but it would really help me if you watched the kids for 30 minutes while I ..." (take a bath, or do something else that needs to be done) or something like that.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2015

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The only way to stop them from being in your bed is to not allow it. So when they wake and come into your room you are bringing them right back to their bed. Once they realize that EVERY TIME they go to your bed they will be put back into theirs they will stop coming to yours. It is going to take constancy and following through EVERY TIME. Yes that is going to mean at first you won't get much sleep. You have allowed them to come to your bed, so it is going to be an adjustment to change that routine.

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