Can't get over my (ex) husband

Natalie - posted on 08/26/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi,

I have 1 year old twin sons.

Me and my husband have been made to live in separate countries for the past 1 1/2 years. My green card was conditionally approved but I can't go back until he makes $30,000+ a year so we're hoping he gets promoted soon. He visited when I was pregnant and again when our twin sons were 7 months old. We fought because I had done everything for them alone for 7 months and now I was still doing the dishes, bottles, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, and the majority of caring for both our babies as well as waking in the night around 3 times each night. Usually he would wake with me but never by himself. The least he could have done was let me sleep the 3 weeks he was here. He let me sleep ONE night. He fought back with me because he said I didn't appreciate the things he did which made him not want to do anything. So he left a week early and cut his trip short. When he got back to America he cheated on me. He told me in the most horrible way, via text. He wasn't remorseful, he basically said "I cheated. I want to cheat again so let's get a divorce." We didn't talk for a month after that but I think about him every day. I let him Skype our boys last week on their 1st birthday. It was nice talking to him and I had really missed him and he kept saying how cheating one was his biggest regret in life and he would do anything to take it back and that he never slept with her but he did other things with this woman twice. And then she moved away. So I don't know whether he's sorry now because this slutty wh*re moved away and now he wants me back.. He said he wants to be with me. I said I couldn't be with someone who treats me like that. We still plan on going through with the green card so that we can live near him and the boys can see their dad. The thing is, I email him and then he takes 3 days to email back and it always seems like he doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't care. Usually I'm just telling him what's going on with the boys, like One of our sons first steps etc. he said he was proud. But I don't know I'm just confused. He's sending me mixed signals. I think about him everyday and I can't stop. I'm so hurt and depressed and confused. Help. It's one thing getting over someone, but even harder when you have two children who you are around everyday who literally are his mini me's.

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Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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Christina,
She has multiple posts going, so it make it difficult to get the whole story.
She's in England. Her husband is in the US.

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Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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Natalie, it will just take time to get through all this. But you can do it. Have faith in yourself, and just focus on taking care of those precious little ones.

Natalie - posted on 08/26/2015

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I know, he was faithful for a year while I was in a different country, more than some men. I agree we would have to start over so I can learn to trust him again. I just want to know how I can stop thinking about him :(

Natalie - posted on 08/26/2015

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I have multiple posts because I'm not sure how Circle of Moms work but I'm a member of lots of different communities for example Twins and Toddler Moms because I have twin toddlers

Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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Natalie,
Long distance relationships are very difficult, even under the best of circumstances. But yours is even more difficult because of the children. I don't want to make excuses for your husband, because there is no excuse for cheating, but with you not there for over a year, it would be understandable that he is lonely.

My advice would be for you to divorce. There are many levels of cheating, and even if he didn't have sex with the woman, he still fooled around with her, and it's still cheating. It's going to be so hard for you to trust him, especially since you're not even in the same country. If you still wish to move to the US to be near him, fine, but you would be giving up your support system of your family and friends.

If you did want to continue a relationship with him, then you need to start from scratch for him to rebuild the trust. He needs to prove to you that he can support you financially, emotionally, etc. and maintain that support over time. If you don't continue a romantic relationship with him, then devise a good co-parenting plan so he still can form relationships with his kids, and get child support established to help you out.

Christina - posted on 08/26/2015

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Honey I'm sorry!...............
I can't tell you how to fell but I can tell you to let him be!...... Raising 2 kids alone is a handful and there is no bs*** in that! Do you have family members close by who can help? OK let me get this right, your in the states correct? Where is he?
My love how old are you? First remember this, the struggles you have raising these boys now, lack of sleep ect... Will pass this I promise! Soon you will be entering a new phase thus making your life easier. I have 2 boys 5 n 1 making it hard to do anything and everything. I promise you, as he already showed you. With him in your life permanent, is not going to make things easier, I'm sure things will be harder! I'm not single however, it sure as hell feels like it! Simple little task like, keep the toilet lid down so your son does not play in your urine, ha can't be followed through! At the end of the day those boys are you! All you...........
Him saying he wishes he could take it back, the I didn't really cheat, BS! Just think to yourself, is this the man who you want your sons to be? I can go on for days responding to you but I won't. We as women love harder than a man can.
Please respond tell me where you are if you're in the United States or are you out of the country and I would love to know where your husband is from.
Who is getting papers?

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