Discipline of a terrible two!

Melissa - posted on 07/15/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 2 1/2. I recently quit my job and am a stay at home mom until something better comes along....I don't know how our baby-sitter does it all the time! One week and I feel like I'm doing something wrong, I find myself getting angry to the point I yelled at her....she is very smart and knows how to put her shoes on by herself. Lately, she whines that she needs help with it. When I tell her it's time to go bye-bye or time to clean up, she will yell no and then run around the island in the kitchen (which I orignially loved until these battles began). I give her a firm warning, I will count to three and then stick her in time out for not listening....after time out she is a little more willing to do what I ask, but it really doesn't phase her b/c she will sit in her spot and sing to herself....I guess what I want to know is how do you handle these situations instead of chasing her around the house? So frusterated after today!

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Betsy - posted on 07/21/2010

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I also have recently quit my job to stay at home with my 3 year old. The person below is right. Choose your battles and some are just not worth fighting. A two year old is next to impossible to argue with. I give the ultimatums all the time. "you need to get your shoes on or you can not go with mommy to the store" almost always works for me. Even when there is no one else here i just pretend I am going with or without her. I think she is starting to catch on though. I have not left her behind yet and will have a hard time doing so cause I am such a sucker.
Isn't staying at home with your daughter great. I love it. Every battle you fight and every hurdle you overcome is so worth it. I am sure your babysitter dealt with the same stuff, you are lucky that you have the opportunity to get frustrated with her is what I tell myself.
Good luck:)

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Carisa - posted on 07/21/2010

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She's probably testing you because she isn't used to you being home all the time. When you put her in time out, do you make her explain to you why she was in time out? I have been known to give my daughter (she's 4) a double time out if she isn't behaving in time out. It will probably get better with time. Hang in there.

Zara - posted on 07/21/2010

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i do the same as Emily, i just say to mine that you either put you shoes on (or whatever else is the prob) or i will be going and you will have to stay here, she soon get a move on. one thing to remember is at 2 they are still babies and don't realise that they are stressing you so much.xx

Anne - posted on 07/21/2010

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Dear mom,This really shows us the importance of house-helps.Think it is teaches all others to respect house-girls and not take them for granted.Though am not saying you took your house help for granted .With time all things will fall into place

Ashley - posted on 07/20/2010

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also i had a problem with him not minding me when i lost my job and decided to be a stay at home mom. i tried the time out thing and it seemed to work for me. now he doesnt know how to dress him self yet so i dont know how to deal with that.

Ashley - posted on 07/20/2010

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my son hit his terrible twos early and i spank him so that he knows he did something wrong and then i put him in time out in a corner by him self. when he talk, laughs or makes noise i tell him he is in trouble and he needs to hush. and he cries gets over it and sits there quietly like i asked him to. this usually works and works better than the counting thing and spanking all the time. well at least it does for my little man.. you can try this and see. and you can also watch supernanny and the style channel and see how she teaches the parents how to deal with their children. that is where i got my idea from with the exception of spanking.

Emily - posted on 07/20/2010

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If my son won't get his shoes, I say "okay, bye bye. Your brother and I are leaving now." Usually as we start heading out the door, he comes running with his shoes. I know this may not work with every child, but it works with mine-for right now. Parenting is so hard sometimes, and it seems like you're always adjusting to find what works...

Valory - posted on 07/17/2010

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oh, p.s. It seems to me she is acting up because you had been gone and now you're home and is clingy. Our son does that to me if I am gone for most of the day because I am a full time stay at home mom and he gets mad at me for being gone too long. Continue to help her be independent but also have special time with her too. She will grow out of it :)

Valory - posted on 07/17/2010

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Read Dare to Discipline. It is a great book. Each form of discipline is necessary and works when done properly and under control. I have a 2 and 1/2 yr old boy and understand your frustration. I use time outs and swats on the bottom, sometimes bare (gasp I know) but only 1 or 2 depending on the offense (as dare to discipline will address). Sometimes I even banish him to his crib (which will be of no use when he turns 3 lol). As others had said, stick to your guns when you count to three execute the consequence or the child will lose respect and battles will only be harder. Appropriate spanking, when done correctly, should not be needed after the age of 5 according to the book, and so far I agree. Involve dad in the discipline as well, making sure to be consistent or it will not be effective, back each other up. Time out is good and has its purposes, as does a swat on the behind. Let her be well informed of the consequences of her disobedience, as we do our son, they understand. This is a trying age where they will push every button you have to see what they can get away with. Best of wishes and I will keep you in my prayers Keep me posted.

Melissa - posted on 07/16/2010

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Thanks everyone, I will keep everyone's advice in my arsenal for when we are going into melt down mode! I think it is very true that we are both adjusting to me being home with her now. This morning she actually asked about her baby sitter. I arranged for her to go over one morning next week and see her again. I think it's just reassuring to know that other moms feel the way I do.

Maggie - posted on 07/16/2010

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One thing that usually works for my son is choices. "Would you like to put on your red shoes or tennis shoes?" Because basically, they know they can put on their own shoes, but they want attention and control. This give them both...and gets shoes on. I always tell him the ones I want him to wear are "looking pretty fast today". He always wants the fast shoes. When leaving I tell him he can either get in the car now and bring a toy or get I'll put him in the car with no toy. His choice. The key is both choices you have to be okay with, adn they really don't have to be too different from each other...carrots or corn...red shoes or blue shoes...really things that don't matter because you are still getting your way, but they are fooled into thinking they are getting theirs. I am a teacher and a few years ago I went to a workshop on children's behavior techniques. They really harped on the saying "Stop the behavior when you see it, not when you feel it". I always think this when I am getting frustrated...When you are feeling it, they know it, and you (and I) have a tendency to raise our voices. Just some thoughts...we missed our terrible twos, but caught up in the threes for sure!!!

Lamama - posted on 07/16/2010

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My three 3yrs old is the same but dnt tell me no cus he kno better u dnt really have to beat a child for them to listen u jus take away all their likes n that works n wen u sho them who's boss n let them know that's, oh they think u r so mad that they wnt move a beat it's not to have them afraid of u but if thats wat work go for it i have this thing where i tell him i need his face to mind so we're face to face n i let him kno i am not have it he go n get on someone else nerves or play by himself

Kimberly - posted on 07/15/2010

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i have a 2 1/2 yr old. he is wild as all get out so i am so feeling ur pain. some people will prob freak out but this is what i do when andrew doesnt listin... i dont bother counting to 3 cause i remember my mom doing it and i thought it was silly. i still do. andrew gets 1 warning. i get down on his level and i firmly but never yelling tell him that he needs 2 listin 2 me or i will...and here is where people r gonna freak...get a spanking. and if he doesnt listin then i dont go back on my word. but, this is the difference between abuse and good parenting. u never ever spank them when ur mad. u have 2 do it out of love and 2 teach them 2 listin. i will tell him, andrew. u did not listin 2 mommy so i am going to give u a spanking. and after i do i tell him that i love him and he is a good boy. but he needs to listin to mommy. and he listens so well now. he still has his days, but he does pretty well.

Jeneva - posted on 07/15/2010

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Give her options by using the when/then and either/or methods. If you are getting ready to go out, tell her to put on her shoes. If she says no tell her either she does it or you do it, it is her choice. And if she wants you to do it, why not? I usually repeat it a couple times and if she doesn't do it, then put her on your lap and start. More than likely she will want to do it then.

If she still refuses then tell her if she doesn't get her shoes on, you guys won't go out. End of story.

The key to all of this is to keep your word. And to pick your battles. You have to let her have some control and by giving her choices (even if they are controlled choices by you) she will feel like she has control.

As for the whining about needing help, she is probably looking for attention and not the yelling attention.

I know how frustrating it is but try and stay calm. I find when I talk to my daughter calmly it helps. I get down on her level literally, and ask her what she wants and we talk about it then we are usually good. Yelling just makes her mad and yell back.

Good luck, remember she is transitioning too so this is new for both of you.

Shaunna - posted on 07/15/2010

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well i swat my boy on the butt because i've tried everything else and it's the only thing that works. about the not wanting to clean up and put on her shoes, i'm using the sticker method for my son to get him potty trained and it seems to be working. every time he goes potty he gets a sticker. just tell her that if she puts on her shoes by herself like a big girl she'll get a sticker or if she picks up her toys.

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I tell my son to lay down insted of sitting up for a time out. I even have him lay down in the back seat of the car if we are parked some where on our errans. If I don't do this he uses his 2 yr old attention span to his advantage and doesn't care he's in trouble. He does care about having to lay there and do nothing, he doesn't care about having to sit in one spot for a time out. I don't bluff and it pays off.

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