edited copy a happy mummy now

Katherine - posted on 06/13/2010 ( 29 moms have responded )

74

94

7

i have removed this post.....alot has happened in 2 and half years and i realised i was depressed as well as my daughter has autism and adhd....she did get better after the baby was born and she is amazing now with abit of parenting classes and stratgies to put in place for her...



plus alot of pregnacy hormones and no help made me a very emotional person back then.....i am very ashamed of what i wrote so i cant remove the post i can just edit what i wrote....



thanks to all the advise...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 03/31/2011

2,559

3

366

Im not going to sugar coat this because it wont do your daughter or you any good.



GET HELP. Go speak to a professional about your hate towards your daughters father, before your resentment becomes worse for your daughter!



These are not the comments from a mother who has her shit together…



...im over it all, why couldnt i get an easy child instead i got a child who is so demanding distruptive and i sware evil at times





....i feel i love her so much but at times i dont like her, she is so much like her real father, the attitude and her being so angry, where is my side going to come through, and i hate her father so much i dont want to not like her too, he was so horrible....i feel sometimes i wish i never had her as everyday i am reminded of him, and i hate feeling like this.....





You need to seriously speak to a profession instead of asking mothers online for help. This is NOT your daughters problem its YOURS.

Ella - posted on 06/17/2010

105

8

22

Sorry you are going through this but I agree with other posts. Maybe you need to get some help and just spend a few hours by yourself. Know that your child regardless of how she acts is a gift from God. I pray that things work out for you. As for the spanking thing, spanking and beating are different. Your child will not like it but it wont make her hate you. I spank my children, my mom spanked me and while I didnt like it at the time I love her and that has never changed. In fact, when I was young i preferred a spanking over time outs and punishment anyday, it was quicker, LOL. Good luck. Pray Hard and Breathe Harder.

Briana - posted on 06/15/2010

4

0

0

"why couldnt i get an easy child instead i got a child who is so demanding distruptive and i sware evil at times" REALLY? are you serious. Do you know what kind of things this could do to your daughter? Some children just are not easy to raise. But sometimes you need to realize that maybe thats not all their fault. "im ready to give up" As a parent i dont think its ever normal to feel like you want to give up on your child. So i find it weird while im reading some of these responses. And while reading your post my jaw dropped. When you react like this to things she does, it only makes it worse. It doesnt help anything. I really am not trying to be rude, but maybe you should talk to your doctor. Sometimes extreme frustration and anger can be a sign of depression. it never hurts to get checked out. It might help you cope more. My son has never been perfect, sometimes he colors on the walls with markers, or poors baby powder on the floor. And whenever he hears the word no he used to drop to the floor and throw a fit. But we taught him how to move past those things, and taught him right from wrong. Screaming at your child is going to do nothing but make her scared of you. And i really hope you do everything possible to fix all the issues around you before your new child comes. What happens when that child is crying so much. When they do something wrong and you get so frustrated that you shake them? Im not saying you would intentionally ever hurt your child. Most parents wouldnt. Im just saying as a readers standpoint you need to stop and reread what you wrote. Otherwise i dont know what your going to do when your newborn is crying every 4 hours, and your 3 year old is making a mess, and you have had no sleep. I wish you the best in your situation, and hope everything works out well for you.

Mom - posted on 08/27/2012

1

0

0

I have yelled at my daughter before like that and honestly.. there was a time I had feeling like yours a few years ago. It is so hard to not taking parenting personally. Your child is beautiful and sweet and also still has her own choices and agency. She also will learn differently too. It is hard to have the patience to wait till you have your child figured out. I now have two children and love them to death ( loved them before, but like you... the hard times were just too hard ). I actually ended up going to a psychologist because I was so stressed out that I was physically having problems. The best thing I ever did was go and talk with someone. My child's personality hasn't change, she isn't magically obedient now, but I've learned why I get so upset or why I take it so personally and what I'm really worried out.



Something interested my psychologist said was that he has lots of moms in his office with these feelings too and they actually tend to be some of the most caring and loving moms that just take too much on them selves and take their children's flaws as their owns and such. Plus I think the first child is the hardest. Things got a lot easier with the second child I feel like.I hope things get better for you... parenting is hard, not because of the child but the constant crushing self doubt that comes with it, the guilt, the worry, and the wondering if you are doing it all wrong. Have a little faith in your self and maybe talk with someone...it was the best thing I did for myself and my kids.

Brooke - posted on 04/02/2011

134

3

5

I think we've all been there! Your story reminded me of the other day with my three, almost 4 year old. I was so sick of her temper tantrums, crabbiness, and throwing a fit to get her way that day. I ended up just walking away and going to my room for a minute. I knew I was going to flip out if I didn't leave the room and she was having a full blown meltdown and needed to relax as well. Later when my finance got home I went out and ran errands for awhile by myself! I try to take a few hours for myself every week to get a break and talk to other adults. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs out there and I think we all need a break from time to time!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

29 Comments

View replies by

Luhida - posted on 09/24/2012

3

0

0

I know how you feel ....And i hope that there is a way that i can just get throught the day with out it ....but my son is ADHD an i mean exstreem hyper and he can just make me go mad....so if you get help in how to deel with it pop me a mail luhidag@gmail.com



i mean it help me to not yelle at my children...

Lanette - posted on 04/05/2011

16

43

1

I agree that being a parent is extremely hard..... but all children have a little of both parents on them....just try and take a deep breath and I always go to a room and shut the door and say a little prayer and ask for patience...it helps me, I have 2 year old twins boy/girl... and very new to this staying a home mom good luck

Steph - posted on 04/04/2011

16

10

3

all kids can be little devilsand i think all mums lose it sometimes, and we all feel bad about it. i have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 19 month old daughter and from my experience girls are much harder to deal with than boys. im never really sure what to do with my daughter when she is naughty but my son is now at the age where he understands most of what im saying so when he is naughty i get him to explain to me exactly what he has done wrong and ask him why he done it. he doesn't like looking at me when when im talkin to him so im constanly saying "look at me when im talking to you". it proves that he feels bad about it and makes him realise that im really disapointed with him. but unfortunatly it doesn't stop him doin bad things in the 1st place but it does get the tantrum over and done with quickly. somedays we will stay in the house all day because i dont want to treat him when he has been naughty. to release my anger i like to got out every few weeks for a drink and i go to zumba (fitness dance workout) on mondays, it helps to releave the stresses of day to day motherhood :)

Brandy - posted on 04/04/2011

553

23

87

it might be normal to lose your temper once in awhile we all do but i agree that some of the comments that you made about her father was a little strange. do you say things about her father in front of her and then later say shes just like him? because it sounds like she is acting out for a reason and im not so sure its just for attention from what you wrote, kids may not be able to identify their feelings appropriatly but they are capable of feeling resentment shame etc... i agree that you should go to counceling and this is not meant as an insult, i see a therapist myself, and i really think it would be beneficial to you, you sound like you are beyond stressed and you need to get yourself calm enough to teach your child how to relax, i dont think youre a bad mom but i really hope you get some help dealing with things before it gets any harder.

Jessie - posted on 03/31/2011

2

0

0

Well to respond to your comment, "parenting is bloody hard..." No One said that it was easy, that's why we have an option whether or not we want to have kids. Also, in response to the comment you made about your daughter reminding you of her father...it is this simple, she didm't choose to be in this world, you chose to bring her in, she is only a child, innocent and anything you have done before and after she was born affects her. Try to remember that it is never the kids' fault. They are just children and they rely on you to teach them, they go through phases of life where they test your patience and it is up to you to show her thatyou can correct her, mean it, and do it in a way that will show her how she should correct her own children one day.Im truely sorry that you feel this way about your own daughter, i can understand the feeling, but I don't think you should let it reflect the way you raise her, after all, it's not her fault that she looks like her dad. And she needs you to teach her the right and wrong way of acting...even if sometimes you have to be more firm or seem meaner than other times. She will end up thanking you later in life for not allowing her to get away with breaking boundaries, trust me. good luck, and hopefully this was a kind reminder that kid's have so much to learn and rely on your giudence to get them there, even if it is frusttrating at times!!

Jessie - posted on 03/31/2011

2

0

0

Well to respond to your comment, "parenting is bloody hard..." No One said that it was easy, that's why we have an option whether or not we want to have kids. Also, in response to the comment you made about your daughter reminding you of her father...it is this simple, she didm't choose to be in this world, you chose to bring her in, she is only a child, innocent and anything you have done before and after she was born affects her. Try to remember that it is never the kids' fault. They are just children and they rely on you to teach them, they go through phases of life where they test your patience and it is up to you to show her thatyou can correct her, mean it, and do it in a way that will show her how she should correct her own children one day.Im truely sorry that you feel this way about your own daughter, i can understand the feeling, but I don't think you should let it reflect the way you raise her, after all, it's not her fault that she looks like her dad. And she needs you to teach her the right and wrong way of acting...even if sometimes you have to be more firm or seem meaner than other times. She will end up thanking you later in life for not allowing her to get away with breaking boundaries, trust me. good luck, and hopefully this was a kind reminder that kid's have so much to learn and rely on your giudence to get them there, even if it is frusttrating at times!!

Emily - posted on 06/18/2010

32

29

4

Parenting IS hard. And we all mess up from time to time-we're not perfect parents, and if we have the humility to say we're sorry it will set a great example to our kids. I've had to apologize to my 2 year old already for yelling at him. I say, "even though you were wrong to do _______, mommy was wrong to yell at you and I'm so sorry and I love you." Sometimes they can push us to our limit, especially when we are trying soo hard to do right by them! I don't always like my son, but I love him a ton. even if your daughter is like her daddy in ways that you don't like, a good mom can shape her to become a caring, resepectful adult. It's okay that you don't always like her or her behavior-I can tell that you love her very much.

Laura - posted on 06/18/2010

26

19

0

Oh mommy, we've all been there...when you get that frustrated...well, what I do, is give MYSELF a timeout. I put my son somewhere safe, like in his crib with the rail up, and then go to the other end of the house, or outside (right by the door) and just take 5 minutes of me time. If you can still hear your child crying or whatever, but know the child is safe (that's the key), pull back, get yourself together, and then deal with the child. Remember, part of being a parent is modeling good behavior to our kids...I wish you the best of luck and pray that God will give you the strength that you need!

Carmel - posted on 06/18/2010

24

29

0

Well, you are not by yourself. I think you just have to take a step back. You said life has changed so she is affected by that change. Stay positive and we all at some point yell. I have learned to count when I feel myself going over the edge. Sometimes with kids when you get real quiet is when they realize that I need to stop. Although she is young talkto her about what happened and let her know why you yelled. It is ok to say sorry they need to hear us say it too and let her know that it is not ok but she is two and it will happen again. Take care you are not alone.

[deleted account]

I recently did that as well....felt terrible, the look on my daughter's face is what hurt the most. I guess we all loose our cool sometimes and taking 3 deep breaths does not always work. Parenting is very hard, just take it one day at time.

Nichola - posted on 06/16/2010

27

35

0

sounds like you need a break and some more help. I think all parents have felt like this at one point or another. You say new baby...how far gone are you? Maybe all these emotions could be from your pregnancy?? Maybe you should look into geting some help from family, or your doctor??

Lisa - posted on 06/16/2010

201

12

45

There is some great advice here but please, please, don't resort to spanking her. It will not teach her any lasting lessons; it will, however, make her resent you and that will grow over time.

Timeouts work great but you have to be there for the first few to keep putting her back in her timeout spot. If you stick with it, the timeouts will work.

My son is very strong willed and very sensitive. He hates change and melts down a lot. We spent a week establishing timouts and it was exhausting, putting him back in the corner over and over again but now, he stays and we rarely have to put him there. Once in a while, he actually asks for a timeout "I need a timeout now," and it gives him time to calm down.

Maggie - posted on 06/16/2010

818

24

47

first of all YOU aren't to blame for your child's natural disposition. (It sounds a little like you are disliking her because she's so much like her father and you can't stand him - she is her own person!) You said, "am i really that bad of a mother that my child can be like this" - well you aren't a bad mother at all!
I think most parents have at some point or another yelled at their child. As long as it's not a daily occurence then she's not going to be scarred for life.
You can still appologize - let her know that you were wrong to yell but whatever you were yelling about is still unacceptable. That way she sees that you can make mistakes and that it's ok.

Set firm boundaries and stick to them. If you decide to use timeout then put her somewhere that she can't get out and can't get anything to play with. We use a little stool in the corner of a room. It faces the wall so there's nothing to look at and there are no toys or really anything to play with. Stay consistent.

You didn't do anything wrong by taking her out of her "comfortable surroundings" if it was a unhealthy environment so stop feeling guilty about it! She will adjust to her new place it just takes time.

Make sure you're praising her when she does something good and give her lots of positive attention. Find out what she likes to do and encourage her to do it - and do it with her!

Just FYI, she probably will not get better when the new baby is born. Get it under control now! If she is jealous or feels like she's not getting enough attention she will act out even worse!

Ebby - posted on 06/15/2010

44

34

11

I did the very same thing today to my son, I had to tell him over and over and over and over and over with time outs in between each time and he still would not stop trying to touch something (that I can't take out of the area) and I finally just yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" So loud it hurt my throat.... so I hear you. I feel you. I have heard whining all day today from my children despite everything I do (finally I just tuned it all out and kinda went zombie with mommy brain)... the way you feel in my opinion is completely normal and you shouldn't feel ostracized from the "good mommy" club because of yelling once, you feel the guilt and that says your a good person, that says your reflecting on your own actions, I was at the same point last year for weeks straight, because my girl kept biting her baby brother and whined and fussed all day.... she got better, so I am a firm believer its all phases. Some days my kids are gold, some days they are 100% rotten and I feel like a zombie, they are a year apart and my oldest is 2.5 and my youngest 18 months. I can tell you that there are times where I'll just put one of them into their room and they will scream and scream and scream and theres no talking, rationalizing with them, and there is no way in hell I'm giving in and making all that screaming they did a waste. From my parents stories I was the same way, with the tantrums, I try to be calm, I read parenting books, I do the super nanny approach too, I work on myself through self betterment, reflection, books, reading... your right, parenting is bloody hard and today I couldn't agree with you more, hence why I'm here! I just needed someone to lean on, you deserve the vent, to let it all out and have a zone to just be free with your words, we are constantly learning from each and every day they throw at us, don't let anyone make you feel like less of a person for this. Just wake up tomorrow and start again.... thats what parenting is, trying trying trying, never give up, never let them get away with this garbage and eventually it will all pan out. Big hugs... *as I say this while my toddler is in her room screaming* I call her the "Nilky Monster" because she asks for a glass of milk even though we've done the bedtime routine/nap time routine and she'll decide to try and manipulate me while I lay her into her bed, and says "I want a glass of nilky momma" and I say to her "You already had your glass of nilky so no, its time for nap" and she then persists to whine and whine... tonight I walked away and twice I have gone and laid her back in her bed and I used to give in just to get her to stop and go to sleep!! But tonight I'm just PO'ed and not giving in... tonight it all changes and I'm not letting the nilky monster win! LOL, Power to the mommas, mad props! We do a hard 24/7 job.

Diane - posted on 06/15/2010

187

24

27

hmm...I was wondering if you spank her, and if you dont you might want to reconsider it. My son is 2 and if he wont listen or doing somthing bad that i know he knows he shoulden't do it I spank him then send him to his room or make him sit on the potty chair..its do what i say or get in trouble end of story. You might also want to have a talk with her if u havent already, good luck hun =]

Heather - posted on 06/15/2010

10

27

1

It's ok. I've done that before...and felt horrible afterward too. My little girl is almost 3 1/2. She can really press my buttons and she doesn't listen well. She can be the sweetest thing or a holy terror. I just have to take a deep breath.

Kristen - posted on 06/14/2010

300

15

100

You are not a bad parent for getting upset at her poor behavior. It does not make you a bad person or mother for losing your temper every once in awhile. The problem would be if that was MOSTLY how you parented. If she is that oppositional, I would try taking her to a child psychologist who can give you some great tips on discipline that will work for her particular issues that are aggravating you. Don't beat yourself up too much. Its good that you recognize that you shouldn't get that angry, but everyone is going to lose it sometimes and its ludacris for anyone to claim that you NEVER should get upset. Good luck

[deleted account]

aww hun im really sorry you are having such a terrible time. i have a little girl who is almost 6, a litte boy who just turned 2 and another boy who is almost 4 months. my daughter thank god has ALWAYS been amazing with her younger brothers. she does have a bit of an attitude with me and her step dad who has raised her since she was 2 years old, but when she spends time with her sperm donor she comes back and is soooo mean to my husband. and he'll sit with her and talk to her and remind her that no matter what heloves her more than anything. shes never shown resentment towards my boys. my two year old is not so nice lol. he can be SOOO bad sometimes! ive yelled at him so much it makes me sad. i'll pick him up and put him in his room and when i shut the door and he cries all i wanna do is comfort him. but i know im showing him that this is what happens when he does something bad. sometimes he'll fall asleep and feel better when he wakes up. other times he just calms down and then knocks on his door asking for me or daddy. hes pretty good with the baby. but sometimes he'll try to see how much he can do. like in the car he likes to put his feet up into the carseat which is beside him. and we tell him no countless times. with him though, he doesnt care if hes in trouble, you can yell and scream at him and his anger comes out and just screams back! most times hes a good boy though. i know how you feel when you say you want to give up. going back to my daughter, sometimes shes just soo bad i contemplate telling her to go live with her dad. but than i think, she just needs me to be here no matter how bad it gets. its my job its how its supposed to be. keep your chin up girl just remember, it cant stay like this forever

Katherine - posted on 06/13/2010

74

94

7

hi jenn, yes i am expecting again. another girl.....god help me lol.....im hoping this one is mellow, fingers crossed,
you honestly sound like what im going through, my daughter is the same with the pregnacy she doesnt want to know, and she does try to kick me when i do the night nappy, she never wants to touch the belly, i try to involve her all the time, she doesnt want to know....it hurts, but for her first 2 years of life it was me and her only and i lived with flatmates but she got very attached to my male flatmate as he treated her like his own....but treated me not so good, i thought this wasnt healthy for her as she needed a real dad figure in her life and thats where i ended up with my partner and she just changed.....she hated it, and she turned terrible, she then mellowed out after 8 months and accepted everything now its flared up again....im scared for when the baby comes as i cant trust her in a room now by herself let alone with a baby there too....if i goto toilet she is into something she isnt allowed to touch and she knows she isnt allowed to do it yet she still does it, gets my blood boiling...lol
kiddies,
y do we have them again....
thank you for the wonderful advice im glad someone else was going through what im going through and i might take up your advice and get her into a kindie gym or dance classes, thank you......good luck with your boys too...

Jenn - posted on 06/13/2010

20

44

6

parenting is extremely hard and i have a two yr old boy who has major anger issues so i know how you feel... i have had the thought of just wanting to give up too and have yelled at him and felt horrible about it afterwards... and i think i did apologize later and most likely cried too. Everything you have expressed about your daughter i have felt about my son.. he can be so mean at times... but soo sweet other times. And when i was pregn with our second boy it was like he knew what was in my belly and didn't want it to come out.. we used to get so upset with him cause when i went to change his diaper he would kick my belly.. or run up to me and hit my stomach.. the little one is three months now and the older one is starting to get a little better with the baby being around. Still have some terrible fits with me though, sometimes.. Today was one of those hair pulling out days. But not all days will be like that. I saw you wrote "when the baby is born" did you ever think she may know what is coming and already feeling jealous and scared she will be second choice now.. We put our boy in a parent and child gym class to try to help him, and have more one on one times with him and we are starting to see a little change with him..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms