Forced sleeping at daycare

[deleted account] ( 51 moms have responded )

My son is 20 months old and at I home I nurse him to sleep. I have always asked my daycare provider if he goes down okay for his naps and she has stated yes. Yesterday I found out she is putting a blanket over the playpen he sleeps in so he can see out and he cry's himself to sleep. I kept him out today and my husband and I are going to confront her tonight. I'm so upset and don't know what to say, any suggestion or is the normal?

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Lisa - posted on 07/08/2010

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It sounds as thought the blanket was placed over the playpen, not over the child. I have done the same thing with my own son when traveling to help block the light and limit distractions to help him sleep. If you are not comfortable with that then I would talk with her about it. Unfortunately you are putting the daycare provider in a difficult position though by always nursing him to sleep and then sleeping with him. He is not able to have either of those at daycare. At 20 months children can be very set in their ways and if he is never allowed to learn to soothe himself at home he will have trouble figuring this out at daycare. I also understand her need to not have him in the room with the other children that are able to fall asleep on their own. How will they be able to fall asleep? You need to work with your son to teach him how to fall asleep on his own in a manner that makes him feel safe that the daycare will be able to implement. You could go the route of a nanny that would only take care of your son, but that will also most likely be more expensive and does not change the fact that he will need to learn to put himself to sleep.

Deborah - posted on 07/03/2010

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I work in a home daycare, we have had many different sleep issues with the babies and young children when nap time came around. We always do what we can for each individual child, they all have their own ways of falling asleep. I always work with the parents and find out how they put them to sleep and if it not an option for us we work on a way that would work at both home and daycare. Some kids just need to be held for a few minutes then they fall asleep with no problem. And at 20 months we have them on nap mats not playpens. The blanket over the playpen is incredibly dangerous and I have found that if a caregiver is doing something that is so obviously dangerous then they usually do other things that they shouldn't do. As a parent and a caregiver I would pull your son out of this daycare immediately, call in an anonymous complaint (they will do a spot inspection), and find a new daycare where the caregiver will work one on one with you and your son on a plan to make naptime more pleasant. When it comes to our children we need to make sure that they have only the best care. And unfortunately there are many caregivers out there that are horrible but just havn't been caught yet. Good luck.

[deleted account]

For those who are wondering....I spoke to my caregiver and she states that he does sleep in the kitchen away from the other kids because he likes to "talk" to the other children. She stated in no way does she place a blanket over the palypen as it is against the law, he will lay down with his blanket, put his thumb in his mouth and fall asleep. She said he's so tired from morning play that she has a hard time keeping him awake for lunch! I followed her routine on Saturday & Sunday, placed him in his crib, he fussed a little but went right to sleep. As my husband stated, if he were in any way traumatized he would not want to go over to her house or so willing go to her. Babies do tell you in there own way if something is wrong, you just have to watch and listen. I think there may have been a misconception of what occured as I found out the information came from a young child not an adult.

As far as the number of kids she has...she is within state law, there are two other caregivers working with her.

Now, as far as breastfeeding at night. I see nothing wrong with that even at his age. I'm a big beleiver in Dr. Sears and he highly recommends it and it works for us. I would never let him CIO. Studies have shown that babies who are nursed to sleep have no more cavities than children who are not. I don't understand people who want babies to start to be independent so soon, he will in his own time ween himself and learn to sleep all by himself. He's already started to nurse less and less at night and sometimes not at all. He will be my only child and I see no reason to rush him to be a big boy before he's ready, he's only a baby once.

Thanks to everyone for all the help!

[deleted account]

Children all learn to self soothe in their own time, when they are ready. There is nothing wrong with her nursing her son to sleep. Clearly this childcare provider isn't right for her family, if this is the way she treats a child who still needs a little soothing. We are all so eager for our children to learn how to do everything on their own. Every child is different, every child learns to sleep on their own comfortably in their own time, in their own way, some without being forced to cry themselves to sleep.

Marcy - posted on 07/02/2010

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Diana first off, this is a tough issue for lots of us BF moms as many of us nurse our kiddos to sleep. My son was at a great in home daycare for almost 2 years but he obviously couldn't be nursed to sleep so there was some crying in the beginning.

First off, She needs to remove the blanket. The room your son is in should be dark and calming. There is no need for a blanket OVER the playpen. Quiet music or a fan blowing helps as well.

In regards to the whole CIO/sleep issue.....you will have a really hard time finding a daycare that will "cater" to your sons needs in a way that allows him to fall asleep w/o fuss/crying. I am not saying that it should be acceptable for him to cry for a long period of time but unfortunately unless he is being watched by a family member, most providers have more than 1 child.

My suggestion would be to talk to her about the blanket first off...then see if she can offer any other solutions in regards to getting him to sleep with minimal crying/fussing on his part. If this is how she does things then honestly, I would look for another provider or try and find a SAHM who only has 1 other child and can provide more hands on sleep help. Good luck.

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Alberta - posted on 01/26/2013

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This is not normal and u should go to who is the owner of this daycare..

Kate - posted on 01/22/2013

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*Clarifications: I don't personally do the blanket thing but if your care giver is older that might just be how she is used to doing things. And yes, sometimes I do end up holding "my" toddler for the duration of her nap. I watch a movie, do school work...but it's just us. This obviously wouldn't work with even one other baby to attend to.

Kate - posted on 01/22/2013

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I would suggest finding someone new. The blanket over the eyes is to make it dark (I don't necessarily agree with it but I see my grandma and other older female relatives do it and that's why). Some kids it works. Some it doesnt-obviously if your son is hysterical then she needs to stop. With that being said, as a caregiver to a co-sleeper I would recommend either a. Weaning your son or b. Finding in your home care (which is what I do). Truthfully the toddler I watch (who is your son's age) takes up ALL my time when napping. Cosleeping is not your caregiver's business and if you want to do it that's fine as you know what is best for you. BUT if you are going to seek a non-parental caregiver please understand those limitations. A full fledged daycare is NOT something I would recommend for a cosleeper (unless it's half day or something they won't have to nap for). Again, simply time and manpower demands. I would recommend an in home caregiver (either yours or theirs) with limit of ONE toddler (I.e. yours) No other babies or other "nappers". Older kids are fine. I suggest this because as I said the toddler I watch gets my FULL attention at nap-I have to hold her, it's not a few pats on the back. Granted most daycare workers will sit with a fussy child but please be realistic as to the care limitations in a large setting. Our limit here (in Florida) is 1:4 for caregivers to children. Even that is not conducive to the environment of a child used to being held and having a caregiver by their side "at the ready". I wouldn't confront this woman but take a good and realistic look at what you want and what is best for your family and then find a caregiver to do that. Don't make demands on someone that isn't doing what you want to beging with because she will (most likely) yes you (you are a paycheck for her after all) and then just keep doing what she's doing. There are several different options in childcare so please don't get stuck in the kid is at daycare or at home. Good luck!

Tina - posted on 07/18/2010

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I am a mum of three i nursed my daughter 2 sleep until she was 18 months old as i was breast feeding. At 18 months i decided 2 stop breast feeding as i thought this was the right age to stop, so i just knock it on the head. She had never slept very long on her own but as soon as i stopped breast feeding she managed 2 get herself 2 sleep after a couple of restless nights. She is now 2 years old and is happy 2 go 2 bed on her own, my son was about the same age 2 he was fine to. so do it when its right for you and your child.

Claudia - posted on 07/18/2010

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15 kids is far too many for one lady. Here in Australia, in Qld at least, Family Day care Mums are only to have up to 5-7 children including they're own kids. My daughter is nearly 3 goes to a day care centre 2 days per week, although there are 16 kids there, there must always be 2 staff in the room. Thats the law. And when she was 20 months she was in the younger room with only 8 kids and 2 staff.

There is a school of thought that kids should learn to go down themselves, to settle themselves to sleep, but if its not something you have started in your home from scratch its going to be hard to start that out of the home without mum. I do still read and pat A for bed time, but I cant wait in there till she falls asleep because i wake her up more, she settles to sleep fine now. And I know at day care now she usually sleeps, but if she doesn't she is allowed to rest and read on her sleeptime mat.

the blanket is way out of order.

Good luck finding a lady you can trust in the future, they must be out there. You certainly dont need anymore reasons to worry about your little fella.

Mae - posted on 07/18/2010

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the blanket is not safe, however there are many moms with children your sons age that have started to let them cry it out, I am one of them. I think the easiest way to resolve the issue would be to talk it out and not confront her explain your concerns and discuss other ways to put him down for a nap. Also i would find out if she has a video monitor that she uses for the kids. I have one that we use and it allows me to let my daughter cry it out but still see if she is okay. If you are unable to work it out i suggest finding a new daycare. Good luck on that

Alaena - posted on 07/16/2010

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Hi i work in a nursery and have 3 children of my own, it is hard to nurse a child to sleep in a nursery setting but we rock cots (some of our cots have wheels) or pat children to sleep so we are actually sitting beside them till they fall asleep but our children sleep in same room as they play in so we are able to put children to sleep and watch the other children in the room at the same time. She should not be puttin a blanket over the cot i dont understand how they are getting away with this as we are not allowed to do things like that and im sure its the same for all nurseries as we have policies and procedures to follow. I would ask them if they could even gently pat him to sleep to see if that works and tell her there is no way she should be putting a blanket over the cot and she should not be putting a child in the kitchen to sleep. hope ive been of some help to you.xx

Laura - posted on 07/16/2010

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I agree with Megan-trust is the most important thing when interviewing for daycare.If you don't get a good vibe immediately-don't go there! I have an elementary ed degree with and early childhood minor, so kids are my passion :) When I went to the information class, I can pretty much say that I wouldn't take my daughter to the majority of the people there. Some providers decide to do daycare, just because they think it's "easy" and they can stay home. Look for someone who has a curriculum set up for the kids, because then you know that the provider has some knowlege dealing with kids at least.

Megan - posted on 07/15/2010

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The most important thing is that you have trust in you provider. I dont think i would be able to trust a provider that put a blanket over my childs bed like that. I think you should look for another provider that can work better with your child. I am a at home mother now but for the first year of my daughters life she was in home daycares and i had a really bad experience and had to report the first woman. The second in home day care was wonderful though. She was awesome i like her and my daughter loved her. Trust is so important you have to feel secure with the person that you are leaving your child with all day.

Laura - posted on 07/15/2010

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I do daycare in my home and yes that is totally wrong. At his age, he should be going down to sleep on his own, however. The co-sleeping does give him mixed messages about this and doing that can possibly create a need to always sleep with you-hence causing problems at daycare. I do let my older infants cry themselves to sleep, but if the crying goes on for a long period of time I obviously check on them and try consoling in some way. I do have two separate nap rooms-one for infants and one for toddlers/preschoolers on cots. Putting him in the kitchen is not ok-this is not a soothing environment. If she doesn't have the space for a separate calming nap room, then it should be able to work with all kids in one room. My daughter (9 months) and another child (11 months) go down at the same times for naps, sometimes they stand and play in their cribs, sometimes one or the other cries, but they both fall asleep within 15 minutes or less. Look at your childcare options-this lady sounds lazy and licensing would NOT be ok with that! You also need to try and start having your son sleep in his room-be firm and he will be doing it great in no time :)

Kimberly - posted on 07/15/2010

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if u dont feel comfortable with it i think u need 2 go with ur gut. i worked at a daycare and was taking my 2yr old with me. he started coming home telling me things and i wanted 2 confront them about it but was 2 scared 2. then i found out that he was telling the truth and it was not a daycare he needed 2 b at. now, i say, moms have feelings 4 a reason. and if it upsets u, then it needs 2 b confronted.hopefully she is a great teacher and loves ur son enough 2 respect what u ask of her.

Sequoia - posted on 07/15/2010

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It really isn't a question of it being normal or not.... is it what you want for your child? Sure I have heard of people, even the parents of the child, using the "cry it out" method. But if you arent comfortable with it that is the bottom line. Personally I think the blanket over the crib so he can't see out is alittle mean, poor guy is probably scared. I am sure that you can find a daycare provider that doesnt do this, or see to it that she stops

Angie - posted on 07/15/2010

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I honestly don't know that I would believe her, i'm doubtful that a daycare provider would admit to that even if directly asked. I do think I would randomly show up at naptime a few times just to see what is happening for myself. Or have your husband or a trusted friend drop in.

As for letting a baby cio. That is a PARENTING decision not a daycare providers decision. If a parent is against cio for their children and the daycare provider is too busy to properly soothe a baby to sleep then she needs to discontinue care of that child because she is unable to meet that child's needs. It isn't her choice to just put him in a room to cry.

As for nursing to sleep, another parenting decision. And just because he is used to being nursed to sleep for om doesn't mean he won't go to sleep for others without nursing. My girls both nurse to sleep well into their toddler years (almost 3 years old for my oldest) and while that's how they go to sleep for me they easily fall asleep for anyone else without nursing. Kid's are resiliant if they are cared for properly.

Breastmilk is also not cariogenic nor does it pool in the mouth and sit on the teeth so there is really no concern breastfeeding and oral health.

Ashley - posted on 07/14/2010

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no it is sooooo not normal for them to do that obviously and defiitly confront them. She should not be telling you he is going down fine when he's not. This could scare him..you know he iwll be scared to go to daycare. When you appoach them just do what your gut is telling you..my opinion; I would not send him back there. Good luck!

Alison - posted on 07/14/2010

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I wouldn't completely trust the provider's word over the child's. What reason would the child have to lie? The child's age is definitely something to consider, but your daycare provider has a BIG reason to lie. It is illegal for a daycare provider to place a blanket over a crib in my state. Yes, children do need to learn to self-soothe, BUT complete isolation and sensory deprivation is NOT the answer. That can be very damaging for a child. It's true that if your son is still happy to go, then it can't be super bad. At 20 months, they are aware of their surroundings enough to let you know when they feel danger. Soon he will be talking and be able to tell you if he's scared. Although, sometimes they kind of milk that one. My advice would just be to watch her very closely and keep your eyes open for any other signs of stress in your son.

I don't know why so many people give you a hard time about nursing. I only nursed my daughter for 7 months but would have gone longer if not for the dietary restrictions (could not eat vegetables or dairy because of her gas problems) and the fact that I was working full time at a place where I could not pump. It is actually recommended that babies be nursed for the first 2 years. The benefits are endless. As close as I want to be to my baby girl, I was always told by my pediatrician and believed to be true that co-sleeping is dangerous. HOWEVER how you choose to parent your child is your right. Far be it from anybody to judge your choices. It is obvious that you love your son and would not knowingly put him in danger. We all love our children immensely and are fortunate enough to live in a free country where we are allowed to make our own decisions about how to raise them (obviously with the exception of abuse, neglect, etc.) It always blows my mind how quickly people are to judge how we parent. I have actually been criticized for not allowing my very spirited 2 year-old to have candy. Somehow I am neglecting her because I insist on her diet consisting of organic fruits and vegetables, grass-fed organic meat and no artificial garbage. You do what you do and forget what they say. Good luck.

Anita - posted on 07/13/2010

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That should not have happened. Children are able to nap or sleep during quiet time, but should not be left crying or having them covered up. I would definately put an official complaint in and look for new care. You have to be comfortable leaving your child in daycare or it is just not worth it.

Jackie - posted on 07/13/2010

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Falling asleep drinking can harm teeth...it's not hard to find the research on it. I couldn't agree more wtih Deb again that blanket over a pac n play isn't even remotely close to dangerous. I would love to know how people thing it is. if it's over the top of the pac n play it's nowhere near the babies head (and a lot further away then all those blankets over the car seat I see so frequently in the winter).

THe only truly trouble problem was the lying..that is inexcusable. And as Laurie said if it is truly 15 to 2 the ratio's don't sound right for this to be an accredited location. I know in MA (USA) where I live it's 3 or 4 kids (under 3) to every 1 adult (depending on the age of the child).

Deb - posted on 07/13/2010

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all of you who think it is so bad to put a blanket over a pac N play crack me up! make sure that you don't put a blanket over your babies car seat and never over a table to make a tent, its to dangerous!!!! My opinion is if you are going to have anyone but yourself help you with raising your child DON'T do anything to cause that child distress when you are not there. It is'nt even just about childcare providers if you had the childs grandparent watch the child they wouldnt want that child distressed because it is used to co sleeping and nursing. Think of your child and how he is going to be when you are not there threw out the day. He is the one that suffers not you!! keep them a babie as long as you want, but at childcare sooner or later he wont be the babie at 20 months old.

Merry - posted on 07/12/2010

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nursing your child to sleep and co-sleeping is what we are designed to do biologically.
CIO, pacifiers, cribs- these are all substitutes to the natural way.
Toddlers are designed to nurse, and to nurse to sleep, this cant be harmful to their teeth as it is the natural way we are made.

Im glad you know your facts Diana and that you have come to a happy conclusion to this problem :)

Heather - posted on 07/11/2010

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The blanket could be dangerous... can you take a medical or family leave of absence? I

[deleted account]

There are 15 children with two adults? Unless there are mostly pre-school aged children with only two adults watching them, then that child to teacher ratio is awful. Our girls are in a NAEYC accredited place and there are strict ratios mandated by states based on the age of children. Anyhow, I think this is all irrelevant as the most telling statement in your initial posting is that she lied to you when directly asked about your son going down for naps...There is really nothing more you need to know.
Good luck!! I'm so sorry to hear when people run into trouble with daycare as it is always tough to adjust to new places,etc. I hope the conversation went well, but with that many kids, I don't see how any provider can offer you much assurance that they will personalize the attention of one child.

Cherish - posted on 07/10/2010

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Are you kidding me?? That is not normal. That is not even right! I would be so mad! Your daycare provider should be doing what you want them to do for your child. That is what you pay them for. That is why they are so expensive. I would find a new daycare provider. I know that I let my son cry it out sometimes but not with a blanket over the playpen. That is not their kid and they should discuss with you how they are going to put your child to sleep. That is just wrong!

Rachael - posted on 07/10/2010

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That is not right at all! If a child will not go to sleep they should not force them at all! Expecially at that age.. I think you should try to find another child care for your son for his safety and for your sanity and make sure that is one of the questions you ask before you ever take him there.. Good luck hun!

Laura - posted on 07/10/2010

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I would find another day care. that sounds absolutely horrible that not only would they get a child to sleep that way, but that they would lie about it to the parents.

Jackie - posted on 07/09/2010

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OK but wait...does he cry for 5 minutes or an hour. You are making it sound like she ignores him for an hour just b/c she lets him cry himself to sleep. There is nothing wrong with a child crying for 5, 10 even 15 minutes to go to sleep - whether you practice CIO or not, there is no harm in it. I would likely guess she doesn't put him in the sleeping room b/c then she would have all the kids awake and fussy. Which brings you to the blanket, most kids will fall asleep easier in the dark. If its over the playpen (versus over his head) it's not dangerous, no you may not like it, but that doesn't make it dangerous.

You def. need to confront her about why she didn't tell you all of this, but again, if my daughter cries for 5-10 minutes going down and someone asks me how did she go down...the answer would be "she went down fine"....because that is fine.

I do agree with LIsa though, he should have the ability to fall asleep on his own by that age...they need to develop healthy sleep habits from a young age, it has alot to do with how they sleep through the rest of childhood.

If you want 100% specific cater to your every needs care for your child, you need to pay for 1 on 1 care, you can expect a care provider to a group of kids to be able to cater to all of them in that way. At my daughters daycare they will actually conform to your childs schedule until they are 1 yr old...and that's the only daycare around that does that...the rest of them get all the kids on the same schedule from day 1.

Lisbeth - posted on 07/09/2010

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Diana- I am glade everything worked out goes to show you can't trust everything you hear through the grape vine.As for everything else you said I totally agree my little girl is 21 months and I still breast feed her she also bed shares with me and on days I am not around for instance when i went to the hospital b/c I broke my foot just what she fell asleep just fine for her father. And she is very slowly staring to wean her self although I would like her to breast feed well past 2. She is also going to be an only child and I am really not in a rush for her to grow up.

[deleted account]

It is so hard to know what happens at daycare when you are away..most of the daycares I've observed have not treated the infants the way a mother does..they hardly held them or fed them a bottle while holding them...a lot of them just put them in the crib and let them eat the bottle lying down and they spend a lot of time in their carriers or the crib....drop in unannounced next time on a lunch break or something and check it out for yourself that is the only way you will know for sure.

Lynn - posted on 07/08/2010

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it is against the law for her to put anything in the playpen with the child, especially covering the top! That definitely needs to be brought up with the director and if you don't see any changes, then with department of childcare resources for your state.

Melinda - posted on 07/08/2010

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Covering the child up is very wrong. It can make the child feel trapped and it can cause a suffocation hazard. On the other hand, letting a child cry their selves to sleep is totally normal and should be done. It teaches them to be independent. Only when they are sick or hurt, then I would comfort them to sleep.

Shanon - posted on 07/08/2010

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What did you end up doing? I hope you reported her! I recently heard a story of a child dying because the daycare put a cardboard box over the crib and the child suffocated. As far as you nursing your child to sleep, you are just hurting yourself, not to mention your baby's teeth! I watch 2 babies plus my own and they are all on the same nap schedule, because kids will do what you let them! When it's time for nap here, they understand that they need to go to sleep. At home their parents have a hard time putting them down for nap and for the night....because they aren't consistent.

Kawaiiana - posted on 07/08/2010

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diane speaking as a caregiver of 2 years olds and a mother of a 2 year old. your childcare provider is torn between a rock and a hard place. NOW THE BLANKET OVER THE CRIB IS WRONG AND BORDERLINE TOURTURE so i hope your talk about that went better and she will remove it ASAP. but as for putting him in a seperate room i can see her doing that because with him so used to nursing to go to sleep he is probalaly crying and keeping the other kids from taking there naps. now my 2 years was the child being placed in the other room because i had gotten her used to being rocked to sleep or having her back patted til she feel asleep and when she is in a class with two teachers and 16 other 2 years that was not gone happen so used to scream and holler and throw things, and she is a fighter of sleep it lasted quite some time until i started to change things at home.

the situation between you and your childcare provider will have to be a group effort to change the way your baby goes to sleep in a way that will be better for all three of you. if at his nap time your provider has 8 other kids then it is not very easy for her to put your son to sleep solo if he is use to nursing cause the only thing that would be comfortable for him is to be held. i know for me i had to start by putting my daughter down at home alone. no rocking and no back patting so it was more like taking her naps at daycare. and from doing that it gave me a better understanding of what her teachers were going through and she would scream and holler for about 45 inutes before she went to sleep, and it lasted for almost a month. and it tore my heart out everytime but now she goes down and with in 20 minutes she is sleeping and now she is back in the room with the other kids and everbody is doing better. so hope i was able to help and hope that you come up with a plan to better put you son down for naps. but know it is going to have to be a group effort. and before it can get better at daycare there will have to be a level normalcy all the around

Ann - posted on 07/07/2010

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The blanket is wrong. However, crying himself to sleep is not her fault. Quite frankly, IN MY OPINION, nursing a child of that age to sleep is doing them a disservice (not by breast feeding in general, but by using as a tool to soothe him). A child needs to learn to self soothe. By nursing him to sleep for so long, you have created a difficult situation for all of you. Clearly she can't nurse him to sleep. Being that it's not one on one care, she most likely doesn't even have the time to rock him to sleep. In our state by that age the adult to child ratio is 1 to 7. How can a caregiver that is responsible for 7 toddlers spend that amount of time putting just one to sleep?! Again, the blanket is wrong & dangerous. I think the bottom line is, if you feel that you want to continue nursing him to sleep, one on one care may be the best option for your family. That way the nanny/sitter can spend as much time as needed soothing him to sleep. I understand completely that thinking your child is crying himself to sleep must be absolutely heart wrenching; I really do. I just happen to have been on both sides of the fence. I was a child care provider & did have a child in my care with similar issues & I am a mom of an almost 3 yr. old that screamed, cried, & begged for me during her nap time. Luckily, she knows how to soothe herself & that only lasted for 2 days. The child I cared for that screamed before every nap kept every child in the room awake (16 toddlers) every day. It was a nightmare! We were exhausted, the kids were exhausted, & the other parents were furious. The mother openly admitted that it was because he was only off her hip to play (those were her exact words). She even warned me of what I was in for on his first day. She said to call if we couldn't handle it, but the director would not allow it. Eventually I spoke to her privately w/out the director's knowledge. She took him out & got a nanny.

[deleted account]

That is WRONG and I would be just as pissed off and worried as you are! She has no right to do that. No right at all. Confront her immediately, and tell her how you feel about it. Remember that YOU are paying HER to watch and care for your child. And she should be doing so in a manner that you are comfortable with, that isn't traumatizing your child.

[deleted account]

I would put the fear of God in that woman and assure her that if she continues that procedure that "she" will be in a box.
You should have been informed on her "techniques" the first time she felt she had to do it, THEN you as the parent could make the decision to allow, change or prohibit such behavior.
That is probably as nice as I can say it. I know that daycare is necessary for a lot of parents, these types of stories (and sadly worse) are the reason I am hesitant to use them. We plan on being very involved when our kids are at the age for preschool etc and I only hope that if mine are a (problem) then I hope I can help before someone else's ideas cause harm or distress to my child.
Stay strong and remember you are speaking for YOUR child and are there to protect them until they are able to do so for themselves. Don't let this person convince you that this is normal. Easier for HER maybe but not right. Period.

Jenna - posted on 07/04/2010

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I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. My short answer is that 15 children, or even only 8 at nap time is too many. You should really try to find someone else. Plain and simple your child needs more attention at nap time....AND while at the sitter/daycare provider. You should look into finding an in-home setting with a very small amount of children. We found our sitter on Craigs list, went for an interview, and fell in love. You can get back ground checks on everyone now a days, and ask for references. She has 5 children total (one is hers) during the day. Some days just 4. She sends home paperwork everyday with what they did, what they ate, any issues, and positive feedback, sends emails, updates all the time, we also still get the tax write-off since she does everything as a "real" business. I was so against finding someone in this fashion at the begining, but now I am so happy that we found her. Good luck.

Lin - posted on 07/03/2010

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I know this is a bit late, but I would not confront her. Call your local health department or whatever agency grants her a license. I'm sorry, but as a former daycare worker, what she did to your child is absolutely wrong, and not telling you about the problems, in fact lying, is downright unprofessional. Who knows what else is going on that is not healthy or safe for any of the children that you are unaware about? Report it; most departments will give an unannounced visit to the daycare worker.



That being said, the nursing him to sleep thing needs to end. Nursing him right before bed is fine, but the association between the breast and sleep needs to break. A routine that your child's daycare provider can incorporate into his/her naptime routine needs to be in place. A short and quiet song, telling the child good night, see you in a little while, offering a pacifier if he still takes one.



If you are going to switch providers (which I recommend), maybe try to find one that will have him nap on a low, toddler-sized, cot or mat, and maybe transition him into a toddler bed at home. The open sides may remove the anxiety he now has about being enclosed. (Obviously not all of these changes at once, but find a plan that works best for your family.)

Vickie - posted on 07/03/2010

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I would definitely confront her. I can semi understand letting them cry themselves to sleep, but the blanket is kinds scary. He could be doing anything in his bed and she would not know. That would definitely be a problem for me. as far as the crying, unfortunately a lot of kids fall asleep like that at daycare. They are used to be out to sleep by us and when another person comes into the picture for nap time it is generally confusing. Definitely talk to her about the blanket, its definitely not a good idea

Amanda - posted on 07/03/2010

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15 children to one person? I would check your state laws on that one. I know in my area day care providers can only have 5 children max under the age of 5, and a max of 2 children under the age of 2. So they can have 2 toddlers and 3 more children. Of course if there are more workers within the daycare the numbers go up.

You pay this woman money to keep care of your child the way you do. If they are not doing what you want, fire them and get a new daycare.

Deborah - posted on 07/03/2010

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One of the children in the home daycare I work in came to us at a year and a half. His mom found out that his old daycare was keeping him locked in a highchair for most of the day because he was having behavior issues. When he started he was scared to go into the highchair but after months of working with him, he is alot better now. I would say if your child screams at cribs and playpens, she has probably done more than the naptime thing, for a child to be that scared I would say something else has been going on.

Marcy - posted on 07/02/2010

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15 is way to many...especially when there are young ones. my daycare provider was licensed for a total of 6 with only 3 of them under the age of 2. It doesn't matter what the law states, IMO that is way to many even for 2 people to handle. Do yuorself a favor and find a small in home provider for your child that has 3-5 kiddos. With that many of course she has to have them all doing the same things at the same time..

[deleted account]

Marcy..she has a total of 15 kids but not all are there durning naptime (school), it's her and her daughter. She does put them all down at the same time, I believe at naptime there are 8 children. She does allow the older ones to lay quitely in her living room to watch videos, he is one of the youngest there.
I must say, there were signs I should have paid attention to. A freind of mine watched him one day and she stated that as soon as he saw the playpen he started crying. While we do co-sleep with him, he used to take his naps in his crib but now when I try and put him in it for a nap..no way, it's our bed now for naps too. Not sure if what's going on at daycare has caused that. I'm hoping what I have been told is being exagerated or if not she is willing to work with us but I think my trust might have been lost...we'll see.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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I do in home day care. I would not do the blanket over the bed. That to me sounds too dangerous and I would hate for something to happen. I do keep the blinds closed to help keep the light out. I do also have some pack n plays that have sides that have fabric on the sides instead of the mesh, so there is only one side with the mesh. I will then put the side with the mesh against the wall to help with the amount of light that is let in.

As for the cry it out that I do do. When they are little I will work on transitioning them by rocking them or feeding them before I lay them down for a little bit, but I will try to lay them down before they have fallen asleep. I have found that in the long run nursing/bottle/or rocking them to sleep creates more problems as they become older and don't know how to put themselves to sleep then if you start when they are little teaching them how to put themselves to sleep on their own. As they become older it is also not good for their teeth to have milk sit in their mouth or on their teeth as they sleep. Most times the transistion period only takes a few weeks.

Marcy - posted on 07/02/2010

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Diana if she is doing that then chances are he is having issues getting to sleep by himself. You are 100% correct in regards to the blanket. Is she putting them ALL down for a nap at the same time? How many kids does she have? my old daycare provider used to do her nap times in shifts. Younger kids went first then the older ones went down. For the kiddoes who were having a rough time sleeping she would put them in her living room, turn on a video and turn the light down...usually they fell asleep on top of a blanket on the floor. I guess I will stick with what I said before which is that she needs to find a better way to help your son fall asleep....if she works with you on this you have a great daycare provider. However, if she is unwilling to try and do something else then I would really re-evaluate your needs/desires and what she provides. I am so sorry...know that it does get easier though. My son is almost 4 and he falls asleep no problems at school....

[deleted account]

I think what upsets me the most it that there is a quiet room that she puts the other kids in that is dark & with music. I have been there durning nap time and have seen the set-up. From what I understand she puts him in the kitchen away from them (I'm thinking because he won't settle down). My biggest concern is that she uses a blanket where he can't see out, it's like putting him in a box! I also understand he's going to cry and fuss but not to respond to him at all really concerns me. Of course this is all second hand information and I have speak with her. I really thought there were no issues with her and loved his daycare.
Thank you all for your responses and we'll see how it goes tonight with her.

Lisbeth - posted on 07/02/2010

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For daycares it is sort of normal to put the kids down to have quite time but I don't like the fact that she is covering his play pen and letting him cry himself to sleep that would bother me too. I would confront her and tell her straight up that this is not the way you want your child to be put to sleep and that either you guys need to find a better way for your child to fall asleep or you will have to pull your child out of the day care.

Nyree - posted on 07/02/2010

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That is wrong!! and Dangerous! I would ask her why she did not tell you there was an issue and let her know that if it continues you will report her and remove your child! Good luck!

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