Grandparents completely undermine me!!!

Sacrednerve - posted on 03/26/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My parents drive me crazy. It's getting so bad, I'm wondering if I should even let them around my kids anymore.

First of all, my relationship with mom isn't great. I hate that things are like that, but my mother lies to my face, talks behind my back.. she's incredibly fake. My mom has no reason to be fake with me. It breaks my heart. When she's around my daughter, my daughter changes completely into this snobby kid that never listens. Why? Well my mom constantly hovers around her. All. The. Time. She completely takes over my house and I don't even feel like the mom anymore. I get it, she loves her grandchild, but it gets to be ridiculous.

My mom feels like she is the mother of all mothers and thinks saying no is abuse. Discipline is abuse. Not letting my daughter do everything she wants is abuse. My mom applauds every time my daughter takes a bite at dinner. She lets her eats candy all day long. Feels the need to make each visit like Christmas with bags and bags of toys and then keeps fishing for compliments from me. She praises every little thing she does. I believe in encouragement too, but when she finishes a slice of banana I don't feel the need to applaud and go on about it for hours. When I say no, mom looks at me with this disgusted look on her face and gets all snotty and quiet. Anytime I do anything with my own children my mom is right there staring, observing and judging what I'm doing. I can't even change my baby's diaper without her staring! Or when I'm getting ready to nurse she just gawks. It's so strange and awkward.

My mom will close the door when she plays with my daughter in her room. (??) Who knows what she's telling my daughter or feeding her. My daughter looks forward to dance class all week and after being with my mom alone for a few hours, she had her convinced that dance class wasn't any fun and the kids were "snobby" and the teacher's "mean". Words that have never ever come out of her mouth. When my father's reactions aren't as over the top as hers are, she gets mad at him and he quickly "corrects" himself. My daughter completely changes when she's around and acts so mean towards me cuz my mom turns me into the bad guy. Any time I talk to my mom over the phone, she asks me whether my daughter's happy over and over and over again, like she doesn't believe me. Then constantly feels the need to defend her for no reason!! "Aww she's a good girl." Then she's always telling me she feels sorry for her, which is basically a slap in my face for being a shitty parent in her eyes.

She tells me I'm the best mom. Then she does all the things I mention above. I take parenting very seriously and constantly try to be the best mom I can be. I don't appreciate being treated this way at all! But this is my mom! What do I do!

2 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 03/31/2017

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I would be limiting the time she comes over. It's your house and you don't have to let her visit all the time.
You also need to set the rules and let her know what they are. You also need to to tell her that if she can't respect your rules in your house then she can leave. Just because she is your Mother doesn't mean you have to accept her behaviour.
You need to be strong and stand up for yourself.

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