Hard decision about sending 3 year old with family

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I was able to find a job in my career 5 hours away from home. Now I am having a problem. I work non traditional hours 6:30am till 7 in a hospital and they are two child care facilities my 3 year old would have to go to because 1 opens at 6 which i need and the other stays open late and he would go to school in between. I really dont want to but my parents have offered to let my son live with him and it would help me alot but I am having a hard time trying to decide to let him go. It would beneficial and i would know that he is safe but I would miss him. My parents and sister thinks i am taking on too much as a single mom, paying 2 different childcare facilities, and just starting my career. What would you do?

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September - posted on 01/08/2013

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Personally I would find a childcare that fits my needs. I could never allow my child to live away from me. Does the school provide before and after school programs?

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Gigi - posted on 01/09/2013

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It depends whether or not I would be taking this job as permanent thing or not. If it was just for few months, then I might leave him with granparents. However if I would be taking this job and planning to make a career of it, then I would consider that this is how its going to be and therefore take my child with me and make a home and life in the new place. Whats the alternative - for him to permanently live with granparents and you to see him only on the weekends? And thats another point - if you would be living 5 hours from you child, it would take you half a weekend to drive there and back and longterm that would be exhausting (not to mention you would not have much time with him).
For me it would come down to longterm plan - is this a temporary situation or permanent?

Elfrieda - posted on 01/09/2013

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If this job is what you need to do, I think if your parents are good with him it might be better to stay with them. That way he's with family instead of in daycare, and you would see him about the same amount, because with those hours you might see him 15 minutes of the day before he needed to sleep. You could do Skype or something on your lunchbreak and get more quality time with him if he stayed with your parents. A 3yearold needs to sleep about 12 hours a night, so that leaves no time with you if you work for the other 12 hours.

You could rush over and stay there on your days off, and talk on the phone or over Skype every day. It would be hard, but maybe best for your son. Because what do you think those few minutes a day would be like? He sees you, he has a tantrum because you're his safe place and he's had a long day, and then it's off to bed. It would be a very negative experience, and if that's the ONLY time you spend together, I can see that damaging your relationship.

It might be best to make a plan for the next year or two, with the goal of having better hours and bringing your son back to live with you. But in my opinion, he's better off spending his waking hours with family (IF they are good to him, loving but setting limits, etc) than in a daycare.

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