HELICPTERS..DRILL SARGEANTS & CONSULTANTS WHICH PARENT ARE YOU?

Nicky - posted on 06/30/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi I recently have learned about the type of parent that I am and the other types that are out there. Only 1 is the one to be so you are not stressed out and making your childs problems your own as I did (until this past week). I will explain which and what they do. You can decide which one you are and share with me if you'd like. There is the "HELICOPTER" this is what I was until I learned it is not good for you or your child! The helicopter parent hovers over their child, they will rescue their child from all things (which isn't a bad thing, but can be) Example: Your child has an assignment to do for school and knows they have a certain amount of time to get it done. It comes down to the last night and they still have not done anything. You being the "helicopter hovers over your child constantly doing things for them as if they can't do it on there own step in and help them (pretty much do it for them!) Now this is bad.. your not saying it to them but the silent message you are sending is that they can't do things on their own, that they are uncapable of doing it! The helicopter parent is always hovering over their child doing things for them (making their problems yours and causing more stress on yourself than needed). Are you a "helicopter"? Next there is the "DRILL SARGEANT" this parent demands things. As you know when you yourself is demanded to do something your not going to do it. The same goes for your child. Now we will go with the assignment example again. As the "drill sargeant parent" you will spend more time demanding you child to get the work done NOW! Causing alot of stress on yourself spending all the time yelling at your child to do it when you say to do it. Again your making you childs problems your own.The drill sargeant yells always thinking that demanding will work. Well it may work when you child is small but as they get older it will not and they will rebel! Are you a "drill sargeant"? Lastly there is the "CONSULTANT" this parent does not make their childs problems there own and this is the way to be (it works)! Again we will use the assignment for the example again. Your child knows there is a due date for the assignment and the night before it is due they come to you saying it is not done. You being the "consultant parent" say " Oh my thats just aweful. You knew you had to have it done and you didn't do it. Looks like you should get it done or else you will have to deal with the bad grade you will get on it" Here you are giving you child a choice. get it done or deal with the bad grade. You are giving them responsibility and showing them they CAN do this on their own. I will give some other examples of a "consuiltant parent". You have a hard time getting you child up in the morning for school, daycare ect... You tell you child my car is leaving at 8am you can be dressed and ready to go by then or you will just go in your pajamas. You are giving your child the choice to get dressed and go to school in good clothes or look rediculous in their pajamas in school. At 8am if your child is not dressed you take them wherever it is they are going in their pj's. Guarentee the first time that happens they will be ready on time every morning. Are you the "consultant parent"? Now I used to be the "helicopter" making all my kids problems my own. Recently I have learned to be the"consultant"..Here is something my bf did with my son the other day. He told him "Josh I am going to the store real quick. You need to be showered, teeth brushed and dressed by the time I get home. My son being the rebel that he is, knowing there will be a consiquence if he didnt listen. So when my bf got home my son had done what he was told and was allowed to continue playing his xbox. It has worked for me and I can guarentee it will work for you! LET ME KNOW IF YOU TRY THIS AND WHAT THE OUTCOME WAS!! Let your children be their own people, allow them to make the right choices, allow them to be responsible!

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Nicky - posted on 06/30/2012

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I agree..somedays I fall under all categories also. I've learned though to not be the helicopter parent. Your children need to learn to do things on their own to become a responsible adult.

Katie - posted on 06/30/2012

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I read in an article this week there are all snowplow parents: those who try and remove every obstacle for their child...also not good for you or them. In my profession I find way to many helicopter parents and they are doing their children a terrible disservice. Just as i dont label my children, i dont think my parenting style falls into just one category, some days i AM the drill seargent, some days I AM the consultant. I think the trick is to keep your eye on the goal...raising happy, MINDFUL, and RESPECTFUL children, and to make sure the path we are on is the path that leads to those things!

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