help

Ange - posted on 03/28/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my 2 year old will not listen to a word i say, he makes a mess , i ask him to tidy up he says no, he will not share his toys, is horrible to his niece , he is starting to run rings around us and i find myself close to tears, i have tried taking his favorite toy, time out but nothing is working, he simply will not listen to us at all

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Louise - posted on 03/28/2011

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He is still very young and probably does not comprehend alot of what you are asking him to do. You have to keep control of the situation though and to do this as Sarah says you have to be consistant.

Make tidying up a game on how fast you can do it, buy a simple stop watch and say ready steady go. but you will have to show him how to tidy and how the stop watch works. If you make it fun he will do it.

The same thing applies to sharing you have to teach him. With children the best example is with food. Buy a nice small cake and cut it into small peices put it on the table and begin to eat it. Ask him if he would like to share your cake. If he says yes then give him some. Tell him how nice it is to share. Ask him if he would like to share some more of your cake and so on. Reinforce the word share as something that is nice to do. So when you use the word share your toys he will have an understanding of the word as a positive nice thing to do not an order. You have to out smart kids and manipulate them into doing things you want them to do. If they think they are being told to do things all the time they will just dig there heals in and not budge. Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2011

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Part of what you are describing is just him being a normal 2 yr old. What I have found for listening is that you have to be VERY consistant and ALWAYS follow through. The minute you let something go you have to work 50 times harder to get back to where you were. For the making a mess that is just being 2 and is a normal thing....kids = mess. But at 2 they can also help clean up. Set a routine and a time when you clean up. In my house we pick up the toys right before we eat lunch. Make it fun and also help him. Make a race out of who can get to a certain toy first or who can get two toys put away the fastest. If he is into music there are also songs dealing with picking up you can sing while you are picking up. Not sharing is the age of 2 and sometimes 3. This is when they learn how to share. At this age you are going to be consistantly teaching them about sharing. At times you will have tantrums because they don't want to share, but that is all part of the learning process. Big thing here is to be consistant and follow through. Sometimes they might need a time out in order to learn that they need to listen and share. At this age you are going to probably have a constant battle with this, but also know if you keep with it they do learn and this stage does pass. At this age it is also when they are learning their social skills and the rules and boundries of the house/family. This is also probably going to be a constant battle and this is also when you have to be consistant and follow through. I watch three 2 yr old kids and there are many days that someone is always in time out. There are times when it seems like they are learning nothing from being in time out, but if I stick with it and stick with being consistant as to not giving 5 warnings one time and then two the next or only giving warnings but not following through then it works. If they know that last time they did not have to listen 5 times before they went into time out then they will try it again and again to see if they can go that long again. My rule is if it is a new thing and you don't already know the rule then first you get told the rule. If you continue then you get told a warning. If you still continue you are put in time out. If it is not something new and you already know the rule then you get a warning the first time. If you continue you get a time out. If the offense was serious enough you don't get a warning it is just straight to time out. Some examples would be hitting someone, throwing something, bitting, pushing. These tend to be more physical behaviors.
I have found as I have watched many 2 yr olds that at that age the time out corner is used many times throughout our day, but by time they hit 3 yrs. often times a warning is all I have to do. Not to say we don't have a time out here or there. They know that after a year of being consistant and following through that when I give them a warning if the behavior does not stop it will be a time out. They know I will follow through so they are more apt to listen.

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Reaner - posted on 03/29/2011

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well, my kids r a little older. thay r 11,9,n 6. boys ! i don't want to be hard on them,

Vicky - posted on 03/29/2011

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Hey Ange,
Don't be so hard on your little one, I do agree with Sarah and Louise on being consistant. But you are right into the no stage and at this age they don't fully understand what consequences are. Their memory span is very short. You have to remember that it is your job to remind them of what they are supposed to do, and be consistant. Remember to be patient they are children and they are in the learning process. I found for a sharing trick is 1 of 2 things. If he can talk he can gently say that he is playing with it right now but once he is done he can give it to her or we set a timer. Think about it, sharing is great and everything but would you be willing to hand over you phone or your ipod while you are using it? I hope this helps.

Reaner - posted on 03/28/2011

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i am a single mom of 3 boys, n thay listen to EVERYTHING I say. cause i take away anything thay like, like games, toyes, exta. that n more if i have to .

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