help! my three yr old daughter is mean!

Amber - posted on 01/05/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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i have a very beautiful, very intelligent. and very precocious toddler who speaks and acts much older than she is... the problem is that she can be mean! she has always been very demanding and it is a constant battle to get her to recognize authority. i am hellbent on enforcing boundaries. could i be causing her to act out?! she seems to believe we are on equal terms, although i insist otherwise 'til i am blue in the face. i do not consider myself a doormat parent, so i am completely dumbfounded as to how this bullcrap is being reinforced. she bosses my husband one minute and then refuses to let him do things for her the next, stating "i want my mommy to do it" . she won't even let him hug her unless it is on her terms, which really hurts his feelings, and she has the attitude of a spoiled brat teenager. we have tried pops on the bottom, time outs, and taking away toys. nothing has worked! we now have a new baby in the house, and the attitude is worse than ever. however it was pretty bad before the baby so i know this is not the root cause! how do you teach respect? advice please!!

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Amber - posted on 01/06/2011

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My 3 yr old is doing the same things and i am far from a push over everyone thinks i'm to strick with my daughter and my husband is on the same page as me. we also just had a baby and our oldest became more bossy i call her little mama cuz she acts just like one. but she is a 3yr old girl so i do believe its normal trying to be in control like she always has before being an only child. I am a stay at home mom, so for a long time she has been able to rely on me. when i got pregnant if she wanted me to do somthing i told her to go ask daddy, i would do any activity tell her i'm busy right now please go ask daddy, when my husband steped in asking her what she wanted or needed she replied the same i want mommy to do it. hopping refusing to do the things she wanted all the time and making her rely on the other parent in the house would help after baby came
. At christmas i noticed how bossy she really was she would tell her cousins no put that down come sit her dont touch that play this and then started noticing it with her aunt, and papa the two people that has never told her NO! Has always done everything she asked when she asked but started refusing to do so because she is older and they expect her to be able to wait but it wasnt untill we had baby two they started acting this way. they said i was doing things differently with her making her act like a spoiled brat, or blaming her starting school but in reality it was them trying to stand up to her wanting to still get her way.

You have to remember that she is 3 and its regular that girls do have attitudes. when she wants you to do somthing instead of daddy, do you do it? i dont believe by the things you have said your daughter doesnt have respect she just wants YOUR full attention that she was use to getting. She knows that you have to take care of a baby and she isnt getting your attention like she use to. BUT its still not your fault in time she will come to terms and let her dad back in but try to refuse her when he's home so you can help her faster. i worked with my daughter for months before baby and continued after baby was here and 3 months after baby got here she started to ask her dad first or not throw a fit when i told her to wait or ask dad. you cant take a young child refusing hugs or kisses personal like i said she's a girl and girls have attitudes and sometimes they just dont want hugs or kisses. good luck

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