hey! i feel defeated!

Angie - posted on 05/08/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hubby tries but cant underrstand, his mom was pioneer(non drinker) farmers wife that did everything in the home without complainig still next door and stirring shit! can never live up! 2 kids 20 months and 1 month finding it awful!PLEASE help!

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Tina - posted on 05/15/2012

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tell her to help out or butt out. If she has nothing nice to say then say nothing

Janessa - posted on 05/12/2012

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Before I address the issue I want to say, I am a stay at home mom and love it and feel it is my one purpose in life, and it gives me the most fulfillment and I am proud to be that. I do have a college degree but if I didn't I wouldn't think me any less of a woman. My mother-in-law doesn't and is one of the most amazing women I have ever met and has done wonders for her children. All of which have gotten degrees or are in the process. But one thing I have had to learn is to not care what others think at all, because you cannot control them in fact I wrote about it in my blog if you want to check it out. http://standingtall-jml.blogspot.com/ You cannot let it get to you. You are you. As I said I am a stay at home mom, I cook, but I do not sew, iron, or wash windows. I do clean house, and do do laundry. I do not make a huge breakfast every morning, in fact I only cook one meal a day and that is dinner, everything else is easy and light. My point in saying this is being a stay at home mom, doesn't mean you have to do everything domestic. Find what works for you and what makes you happy and things will run smoother. Now you said your husband is trying to understand, that is a good start. I'm sure you are trying to understand where he is coming from too, neither of you can be perfect, a lot of the time our unhappiness with the our spouses stems more from what we worry other people are thinking rather than what we ourselves feel. Try to talk to him about that, try to help him see you both need to stop worrying about what his mother thinks. Believe me my parents have very different opinions from mine, and I have had to learn to just nod and smile and brush it off. I hope that helps. Good-luck and you are doing wonderful.

Christina - posted on 05/10/2012

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Being the mother of a newborn and a baby would be hard enough without people implying you are not doing enough.
Being a parent now is different than those of older generations. Mom's today spend on average more one on one time with their children than mom's of the past. Have you ever heard the old fashioned saying "if you pick up your newborn every time they cry you are going to spoil them". We know now that is a bunch of BS, you cannot spoil a newborn by attending to their needs. And toddlers of the past spent their days in a playpen, not being allowed to explore their world. I'm not saying there isn't a time and place for a playpen we have all used them when the dishes need to be done.
Most importantly enjoy your children. Are you going to look back on your life and wish that you would have made sure your house was always clutter free? I seriously doubt it.
He married you because you are you, not his mother. Don't try to measure up, you will only make yourself miserable trying to be someone else. Talk to your husband, he needs to be standing up for you.
I read in a article one time that when dealing with a family member of an older generation that instead of arguing parenting styles. That you should tell them something like " My pediatrician, AMA, etc. recommends that putting babies to sleep on their back is the safest way to avoid SIDS. It avoids a fight and shows that you are doing what is best for your child.
I used to get a lot of crap by my MIL for not putting my son on antibiotics every time he had cold. To my husbands credit when she would call him, he would tell her I was a good mom and i was taking very good care of our child. Now with new information out about over use of antibiotics, I am now applauded for not giving him antibiotics except when needed for a bacterial infection or earache, etc.
I wish you the best :-) Hang in there

Cc - posted on 05/09/2012

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Do not compare yourself to the mother-in-law! She is from a different generation, she was raised by different parents, she had a different husband, she was raising different children....AKA....She is a completely different person!
Be proud of all the wonderful things you do, mom, on a daily basis.
Do things that you will be proud of so you can be proud of what you do.

If Hubby tries to compare you with his mommy (directly or indirectly), make sure you let him know that EVERY mother struggles sometimes and I'm sure that when he was an infant, she had her weak moments too.

Besides, you are a new mom for goodness sake! If you are the birth mother of that one month old than you need to keep in mind that your body is still healing. Take a deep breath, you are doing just fine.

Louise - posted on 05/09/2012

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You were raised to want more from life than wipe noses and bums! If you enjoy raising the kids then ignore her, if you feel you want to escape then look for a job and put the kids in day care part time. Not every mum wants to be at home, not every mum feels the need to be Mary Poppins! Talk to your husband and get him off your back, then decide what you want to do for a change. A bit of you time is in order, so get the mother in law around (after all she is a farmers wife) and go out and have some adult time with your husband. He did not marry you to rear children he married you because he loves you. Remember pre children relationship and let loose once in a while.

You might not feel so trapped then. Never try and live up to the mother in laws expectations you will never get there. Just do your best, you are a mere mortal!!!

Katherine - posted on 05/08/2012

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All you can do is ignore it......nod your head, say uh huh, but ignore it. Don't let it get to you like that. Our lifestyles aren't that way anymore.

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