how can explain to my daughter why we can not do what we planned ?

Celia - posted on 01/31/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

8

0

0

My nephew decided because he is off school with a small cold he wanted to have a sleepover. before you ask he always gets his own way due to him having a temper-tantrum if he doesn't. So I had to cancel my plans for this reason.

I can not get this through my three year olds head and still thinks she's goes for the plans..how can I explain to her in words she'll understand ?

14 Comments

View replies by

Reshma - posted on 02/02/2013

7

0

0

This might not be the right situation to explain your daughter that plans might change at the last moment. This is a situation where you could have stuck with your plan. Easier said than done but maybe this was a situation where your nephew should have learned a lesson rather than your daughter learning a misguided lesson. In a situation when you do want to teach your daughter about plans not always being written in stone. You can teach them about priority. When given with a choice , all kids surprisingly take it up and chose one. Similarly you need to teach them to prioritize responsibilities , do everything eventually but do it according to priority. Homework comes before play. Handwash before dinner. Similarly spend time with great grandma before she leaves has higher priority than a promised trip to the park.

Elfrieda - posted on 02/01/2013

2,620

0

462

I'm not going to touch the whole being-controlled-by-a-small-boy issue, but when I have to explain a change of plans or a disappointment to my three year old, I just say very simply that we are not going to do whatever, or I forgot the potty treats at home, and "That's too bad." and then he's disappointed and I agree with him and say again, "I know, Landon is sick and now he won't come over. That's too bad." and usually my son will parrot those words back to me "that's too bad" several times that day and I think it makes him feel a little better. I think it's good that he sees that I'm disappointed, too, and so it's not a betrayal. Of course, he carries on saying that Landon will come over soon, but I think he's just WISHING that Landon would come over, not that he doesn't understand. After a while of shouting "Landon YES come over!" he'll mutter to himself "Landon no come over. That's too bad."

Amanda - posted on 02/01/2013

245

2

21

Stop this now or it will get worse. Let him throw fit then call his parents and say he can't stay. If they wont come get him take him home yourself. Its your house your rules. Just because he gets away with it at home doesn't mean he can get away with it at your house. My niece is that way. She is one and throws a fit to try and get what she wants. Even though they give in at home I don't not give in here. I don't want a spoiled brat as a niece. If he can't control is temper then don't watch him. Your daughter will pick up on this and start to see that if she cries she can get what she wants. You are the one in charge now ACT LIKE AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!

Gouvea - posted on 02/01/2013

9

0

0

I don't think you should change your plans unless your nephew is really sick and your sister need your help.

Lori - posted on 02/01/2013

8

0

1

we are all making this seem so easy to deal with. I think everyone has forgotten that there are family dynamic at play here. I completely agree that it's not in that child's best interest to get his way all the time but I think we aren't helping her address the fact that she still has to function within this family. Maybe having a gentle talk with her sister or sister in law would be a kinder place to start. In the end the decisions that affect her daughter are the ones she is responsible for but maybe her sister/sister in law hasn't ever thought about the long term consequences of raising a child in a way that makes them think there is something wrong with them and everyone must give him his way all the time. Not a very healthy self esteem building choice for a parent to make.

Michelle - posted on 02/01/2013

5,046

8

3249

So just because he was born at 29 weeks he takes preference over EVERYONE else? That seems like a very strange way to bring up a child to be independent and know right from wrong but if your family wants that for him then carry on.

Desiree - posted on 01/31/2013

35

15

0

If I were you I'd stick to my plans with my kid instead of disappointing her for the nephew.. what kind of health probs does he have that everyone has to cater to his whims? I'm sorry, but except in cases of emergency (and in my book, sleepovers do not even come close to an emergency), it's not advisable to grant his every little wish, otherwise if something happens that's not to his liking he'd not have the ability to handle his own emotions and disappointment..
I have a younger cousin born at 28 weeks with down syndrome, and she does not get to have everything she asks for. Sure she is treated special, but we don't spoil her like that and she is not "loved less" because of that.

That being said, if you can't get out of the sleepover plan, maybe you could try reasoning with your daughter, to do the thing she was promised the very next day, or next weekend, or the soonest you can promise her? Try to tell her that she'll still get what she's promised, only a little bit later.. If that doesn't get through, maybe you can distract her during the sleepover with things she likes that are related to what she's been promised (like, maybe if she was promised a trip to the ice cream store, you could bring a bucket of ice cream and eat it with her during the sleepover. Or if a disneyland or some other theme park visit was the thing cancelled, you could get some toys or related trinkets for her, like maybe a disney princess pajama to wear on the sleepover, or a storybook to read?).

Celia - posted on 01/31/2013

8

0

0

that is the way I was raised, if a family member has baby with health problems everyone has too accommodate them even though them may have a child of their own..

Amy - posted on 01/31/2013

6,467

33

2386

Again though why do you have to accommodate them? He's not your kid, if that's how they want to raise him fine but that doesn't mean everyone else is going to cater to him.

Michelle - posted on 01/31/2013

5,046

8

3249

I wouldn't be changing plans for your nephew. Why do you think he throws tantrums? He know he's going to get his own way. He has to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him and you had other plans that your child is looking forward to.

Why does your daughter have to be disappointed to accommodate him?

Amy - posted on 01/31/2013

6,467

33

2386

Why did you have to cancel your plans because of your nephew? Why couldn't you have told your nephew's parents that you couldn't watch him that you had already made plans with your daughter?

In the future this is why I never commit to anything with my children until we arrive because you just don't know what can come up.

Lori - posted on 01/31/2013

8

0

1

Hi Celia,
Sorry to hear your having to deal with this tough situation but this could be a great opportunity to help your nephew learn that he can't always get his way. If you didn't go and instead let him just have the temper tantrum, it might help in the long run.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms