How can i correct bad behavoir with my nephew?

Brittany - posted on 01/27/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Ok so this is how it is plain and simple, my nephews are out of control! They are always taking toys from my children, the oldest who is 4 (the same age as my son) is mean, he curses, hits, jumps off funiture on to others, yells, tells my son that im not his mother and that my daughter is not his sister, is constantly trying to break my kids stuff and has also peed in my kids toy box, yes you read right he peed in it!!!! I have tried many time before to correct the behavior at my house but it never works he wont listen to me at all!!! He acts like he owns the place where ever he goes and that he rulesthe roost!!! I only really mention the 4yr old cuz when its jst my kids and my 2 yr old nephew everything is fine until he comes around.



I knw there is not much i can do when im at their house but how can i correct him at my house if he absolutly jst dont listen to me? I love this boy to death but his behavior is jst unacceptable! Its sad to say but his mother nor his gparents or my husband will do anything abt it and i jst cnt have this happening to my kids or around my kids. Im not sure how to inforce rules on him when my husband and the others say thats jst how he acts and has always been and you cnt change it. So im askin all of you other moms to please help me.

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Elfrieda - posted on 01/27/2012

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That sounds really bad. I guess the only control you have is that you love him and that you can control if he is in your house or not.

Just an idea: sit him down, tell him the rules, and tell him that if he doesn't listen to you he will be brought home.

When he acts up, warn him once, then take him home, and explain why he was brought back. (to him and his mom)



Next time he comes over, do the same. Not that you hate him, but he needs to listen to you if he can be at your house.



It's really drastic, but what else can you do? Maybe that little bit of stability and boundaries will really benefit him.

Inga - posted on 06/27/2013

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Even though it is awkward, I would suggest having a genuine heart to heart with your sister/brother (whoever ur related to) and express concern that when a child has that much anger in their heart it isn't good for them and that they're son will feel better if he behaves properly or at least a little more controlled, children CRAVE structure, they don't know any better and only learn what they see or are taught or allowed to do. It is better that he is disciplined for everyone. Let the parents know that they should PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE and distract when he is acting like a turd and try putting him in the corner when he is misbehaving. And if he acts up during the corner time (a minute per year of age/ or even 2 minutes will do) then they should just place him back in the corner and not say a word. Also what you can do is PRAY, because if your nephew doesnt get the discipline he needs it could be trouble. I have a one year old and 2 year old who have been getting the best of me and I finally realized that okay yea they are cute now and not very strong but if I allow them to continue being turds they will only get bigger and stronger. And I want my children to have a sense of self control and worth. Kids who act out feel like crap. It does nothing for their character. Good luck. And also you can praise him for everything he does that is correct behavior! PRAISE HIM he will enjoy that !

Raquel - posted on 06/24/2013

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How horrible!
My cousin is like this, but my aunt decided to build a praise chart.
She built a poster with "steps", he starts at the middle step on the beginning of the month, if he is on good behavior for a week, does chores and does good in school, he gets to climb one step, at the end of the month, if he reaches the top step, he gets ten dollars in his "stash jar" lol
This started when he was 8, he is now 13.
Oh!
If he does bad, he goes down 2 steps.
But you can accommodate praising the way you like..

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Julie - posted on 01/28/2012

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Talk to his parents OUT O F EARSHOT of the child -



Tell them that you are doing your best to raise happy obedient children.



Tell the you are best at spending time visiting with them in their home rather than yours ... Then keep your children by your side - on your lap, or whatever.



I have seen this before where even grandmothers had to ask their own daughter to not come over any more - if she wants tom she may come but not to bring the children -



I would talk to others about this situation as they very possibly may be abuse going on in that home and as pecking order set in motion - this nephew may be acting out all that goes on in his home - at your home!



If parents cannot control their own child you may offer a name of a good child psychiatrist - It sounds as tho the whole family is in crisis and is not strong enough to deal with it -



Your job is not to keep your relatives happy but to protect your child and your home and your SON! seriously!

Lyssa - posted on 01/27/2012

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at 4 years old you certainly can start to change it! they obviously have just given up on him, which is kinda sad. honestly, i wouldn't allow him at my house until his parents started to do something. i understand your frustration about not knowing how to handle it at your house, although if he's a nephew from your husbands side, he should be all over that kid! and his mother! god help my children if they ever acted that way! i honestly would tell his mother and my husband he's not allowed at the house anymore. but that's just me. being a sahm, if i say he's not allowed, then he's not allowed. i don't know your family dynamics, but someone needs to work with him, should be his parents but we all know sometimes that's just talking to a brick wall. but definately talk to your husband and tell him you've had enough and if he's not going to start doing something about it then you are. and start treating him as you would your own child if they acted that way. but, like i said, that's just what i would do. good luck!

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