How can I stop this loneliness?

Darla - posted on 01/06/2013 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hi. I am a single mom and am very lonely. How do I not be so lonely and cope with the loneliness and take wonderful care of my daughter?

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Ana - posted on 01/21/2013

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Pray...

Take a look at what makes you happy and spend your time and energy doing that. Surround yourself with only people who give into your life and rid yourself of the takers. Take time out to find friends and maybe even a husband (if you are not married and lonley)....

When I went through this years ago, it was because I didn't have the right kind of people in my personal life. And trust me, not just anyone can fill the position of close and personal. But once I found someone, it was like it never happend. I remember how heavy and empty it felt to be alone in a room full of people that I knew at work, or even at my family members house.. But when you are comforted and fulfilled, it just goes away...

I pray you find fulfillment soon...

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Adrienne - posted on 02/08/2013

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Play groups if you don't work full time during the day. If so try one on the weekends or a parenting group that gets together in your area, i guarentee there is one. Honestly you should just forget about dating right now and focus on yourself and your babe, getting a network of friends that you really vibe with and feel like family. The right guy will come along eventually and you won't have to worry over him cause it will just feel right and be easy..if it ain't easy it never will be- skip the drama i say. Support groups yes for sure they have ones just for single mommies. I know it sounds cliche but church helped me too. . As your daughter grows up you will have more fun together and that will take a little of the bite out but still.... and remember, almost everyone out there you see is lonely in there own way, just know your not alone.

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I'm kinda in the same boat. My hubby works 3200 km away for months at a time. We have two beautiful kids Evan 2.5, and Sophia 4months. I'm always alone and were we live is very rural. I have found the best thing to do is get out and about, go to moms and tots program or visit with family and friends. Even starting a program at a fitness center like mommy and baby yoga it's a good way to meet new people:)

Melissa - posted on 02/04/2013

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Meetup.com has TONS of mommy groups, playgroups, baby groups, you name it anyway you like you will find it there. It's a GREAT way to meet other moms and kids and keep plenty busy. There are even some for single parents like yourself!!! I'd recommend joining alot of them and going to see if you like the dynamics. It should be free even if a particular group charges a small dues to cover their annual cost you can usually attend one or two free to see if you are a good fit, although I never charged dues in my groups. I still belong to several groups and randomly check the calendar and go to fun things and have met ALOT of good friends over the past 4 years. I belong to a few non kid related groups too, like bunco, a fun girls group that goes out without men to do fun stuff like movies, clubs, fondue restaurant, you name it... check it out and before you know it you'll be a busy non-lonely little bee too!

Jennifer - posted on 01/14/2013

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i don't know where you live but look for a support group for single parents and other mommy groups to see if you can set play dates up for her and give you someone to talk to you can try 211 they might be where you are try Facebook and yahoo too

Aline - posted on 01/10/2013

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Hello Darla!
Don't feel that loneliness, you're blessed with a beautiful little girl, see on her, the strength to move on!
I agree that it's often difficult not to feel alone, but, put you up with all this!
If you met this nice guy, captivates him, make him see that you are a good company, and a mature woman who knows what she wants from life!
Try to do something that keeps your mind occupied, learn how to make cupcakes, or hair bows for your princess! I'm sure that you'll kick the loneliness far away from you!
There is a saying that says "Take care of your garden and the butterflies will surely come"..Take care of yourself, you have to be fine to show it to the others!
Xoxo
Aline

Mary - posted on 01/06/2013

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I think you're very courageous for admitting honestly some not so fun stuff. You really are a humble and mature girl. That sucks that he was good with your daughter and it didn't develop into a lasting relationship. He's blowing you off because he doesn't know how to tell you he needs to back off a little. He probably cares very much for you and your daughter and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If you're under 30 it can really be harder to find a mate if you have a child. A lot of men simply aren't ready to have a family. It is harder to meet someone that wants kids when you're younger. Getting unhappy and feeling your daughter might be keeping you from finding someone DOES NOT make you a bad person. If you recognize those feelings, you can tell yourself what is right. (That she is your life and it's not her fault. She is the best thing that ever happened to you.) I know you do that. It just hurts. You have to take it one day at a time.

To find someone that it could work with and have it fall apart just sucks. :( Let this guy have some space. He might just need to sort things out. If he feels pressured he is just gonna run. It's hard I know. You can still care for him while giving him some space. You're gonna feel loss and grieve. There is no way around that. But you seem like a sweet sensible girl. I'm sure your daughter is a sweetheart too. You might be surprised at the nice man out there for you.

Keep busy to take your mind off this for the next week or two. You'll feel better soon. :)

Darla - posted on 01/06/2013

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Hes an awesome guy when he is around and were not dating exclusively. and i understand that. we dated last year and both our exs got in the way. I know im falling for him. hes great with my daughter. i just don't know how to cope with him not calling back or blowing me off right now.

Darla - posted on 01/06/2013

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I totally get what your saying. Im scared that at night when Im at home with y daughter I get so lonely that sometimes it feels like Im mad at her for me being alone. How do I cope with that?

Mary - posted on 01/06/2013

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Momhood is busy. I know what you mean. We get caught up with our kids and man and have no time for anything else. I'm a little bit different because I'm 41 with a toddler. It seems to me most moms are a lot younger. My boyfriend does not have a great job right now. I don't have the income to do a lot of stuff. Plus there are a lot of weird freaky people out there right now lol. It's hard to find a groove with socializing is what I'm saying. I personally am going to start taking my daughter to story time at the library. She needs the socialization and it would be good for me too. We have a zoo membership and take her there a lot. That helps.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But about that man. Run for the hills! Don't pursue someone that isn't considerate of you!!! The worst part is you might get him. You deserve someone that treats you well. Leave that immature man alone and wait for one that treats you like you deserve to be treated. I'm sure the man you like is a wonderful person. If he wasn't a neat person you wouldn't like him. But if he blows you off that's means it's not gonna work. Let it go before you're in too deep.

When people act like that it's really hurtful. It has nothing to do with you being a good person or not. It has nothing to do with you being desirable or not. You are a neat and worthy person I am sure. It's just that he is saying I'm not ready right now for this. The silly thing is some people keep us on the line because they like attention. That is unfair. It takes a lot of self control and self esteem to walk away. Wait for someone that is really excited about you.

I was single for three years before I met my baby's dad. I tried dating. It sucked. I either felt nothing or was like yuck you're annoying. I wondered if I should be a lesbian lol. I don't like women like that but I thought maybe that will work lol. I was so depressed about men. I felt like I had nothing to offer. I was like forget this I'm not dating anymore. Then I met my boyfriend. It was love at first sight. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth working for. We had a baby together and made a family for ourselves. We've been together almost four years. Neither of us have forgotten how lonely we were before we met.

Enjoy being you and enjoy your daughter. Hold out for what is good for you! I'm sorry that guy acted silly. :)

Darla - posted on 01/06/2013

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Most of the other girls I know who are about my age and mothers as well are partyers or they have many kids and no time. My other thing is that I met this guy who I tuely adored and I don't know how to take him not texting or calling me back. He also blows me off alot. How do I combat those blues?

Mary - posted on 01/06/2013

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Hi Darla! I'm sorry you're feeling down! I'm not an expert at anything lol but as a fellow mom I think your problem stems from one of three things. Perhaps you're too isolated. By that I mean you don't talk to others for enjoyment and socialization often enough. We come into contact with others through work and what life needs. That's not the same as a connection made for enjoyment's sake. Also, you might need to carve out time for a hobby or something you find pleasurable. For me it's making quilts, sewing little stuff for my daughter and vegetarian cooking. I don't get as much time at the sewing machine as I would like. But what time I do carve out to sew is very rewarding. My last thought is maybe your self esteem needs a little boost. Maybe life got busy and you forgot how wonderful you are. Remind yourself! Wear some lipstick today. Put your hair up a new way. Take a minute to look in the mirror and say "Damn I'm pretty and a wonderful person too!". Cheer up Ma! These blues will pass! :)

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