how do I handle my 4 year old's questions?

Taylor - posted on 01/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 4 year old step-daughter has been asking grown-up's and children to touch her private parts. Her mother prior to us getting her has been a chronic dater (the type who has many men in and out of her house). I am worried that this is not normal behavior.

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Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

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No its not, I think maybe someone has touched her before and she is showing signs of this....like on another post similar to this one a suggestion was to give the child some barbies and see what she does with them and a ken doll and see if she mimics the acts,that may have been done to her...also let her draw pictures to see if she draws anything that may show this ....good luck with finding out...also when she does that try to redirect her to something else fun....have her also seen by a phycologist to see if they notice this aswell....

Clyde - posted on 01/06/2013

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This is how I would handle it.
So she comes from basically another world where she has found this is the goal of interaction, from the sounds of it. Derail that by enforcing it's not by painting a different picture every day. Like say, if the dad comes home after you do, tell him about something interesting, or ask him what he thinks of something. Just reinforcing that the goal on interacting is to have full conversations and learn from each other.
As far as handling it directly, I would first ask why, which I doubt a kid would have an answer to, but it gets her to think about it, instead of just doing.
If something happens you know of directly, or in general, I would ask something like, Wouldn't you rather color or race each other? That sounds like that would be alot more fun."

If it needs to be more direct, or serious. Explain to them that asking someone to do that is not fair to her or the other person. She has alot to offer as a friend and that she is smart and fun to be around, and should never feel the need to do that for attention because she is too special for that. And even explain that it's not nice to do that to other kids, and that they should be treated with respect, the same way she should love and respect herself

Liz - posted on 01/06/2013

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No, that is not normal. You need to explain to her that no one is allowed to touch her private parts. Ask her if anyone has, and who.

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