How do i hold my ground to my mother trying to impose her parenting style on me?

User - posted on 05/31/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My parenting style is much more relaxed than my mothers, im constantly being told im not firm enough, or i'm letting my son walk all over me. But my son is a fantastic little boy, he's sweet, and gentle, and listens rather well. Although there are times, quite often lately, that he pushes boundaries, and my sweetness isnt working as well as it usually does. i dont like to yell, or raise my voice at him. i dont like to spank, although for serious things he will get a light tap on the hand(such as biting). im pretty sure that the method i have been using with him will continue to work as it has been, and that i just need to be much more persistent as he continues to test his boundaries (he's 20 months and entering terrible 2s). the last couple days i have found myself raising my voice, and being firm, and in my mind what constitutes as a drill sergeant. and i dont like it, at all, especially when he looks at me scared. i want him to obey me out of respect, not fear. How do i hold my ground to my mother trying to impose her parenting style on me? especially when i start getting frustrated and fall into her tactics??

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Joy - posted on 06/02/2012

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Could do what I did and move out of immediate vicinity of your mom. Unfortunately, a lot of my mom is starting to show in my parenting too even though she's not constantly around to rag on my parenting style.

I've heard each year becomes a bit more on pushing boundaries with children. -not entirely sure. My daughter's not 3 years old yet either.

Katherine - posted on 06/01/2012

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The 3's are much worse lol. Ignore her. Don't get so upset. You can be firm without letting her push your buttons. I have spanked out of frustration, not one of my best mommy moments and I felt horrible afterwards. Don't listen to others, you're doing a great job. Keep on doing it.

This is about the time for time-outs. 2 minutes. They HATE it and usually won't sit there. Gently hold her there or let her read a book. Don't use it as a punishment but rather some time to relax. That's what I do with my kids. I read it somewhere, I don't remember where exactly....but it works. It's better than punishment.

I also use a rewards chart for both of my kids, 3 and 6. They get so many stickers a week, they get to do something special. I try to make it fail proof. With my three year old it's potty training and my 6 year old listening.

Janice - posted on 06/01/2012

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You can be firm and consistent with out yelling. Make a plan of action for misbehavior and then stick to it. My 2.5 year old started getting time outs shortly before her 2nd B-day. It doesn't matter where we are, if she misbehaves after a warning I will find a spot for her to sit for 2-3 minutes and then she must say what she did wrong (I told her when she was your son's age) and then apologize to me for not listening and then to anyone else involved.

I have issues with depression so unfortunately I have lost my cool with my "button-pusher" and she is yelled at and has been spanked, but like you its not what I want to do.

As for your mom, let her know your discipline plan and then just ignore her comments. If she is trying to spank your son then you will need to step in and insist she tries your method.

Once your son is a bit older you can start with logical consequences.

Bethany - posted on 06/01/2012

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you are lucky, my darling son hit the terrible "2s" at 18 mths and in the last 3 weeks its been hell on wheels (hes now almost 28 mths) i dont have the patience i want with him and a smack on the butt is usually the way i control him as well as a yell if needed!! (yeah bad parenting i know) the difference with my is i relish my mothers advise on parenting, my brother was a very adhd (correctly diagnosed by all sorts of doctors)... i do think tho that you just need to keep ur beliefs close and if the thought crosses ur mind that ur like ur mum then stop take a deep breath, i know its not easy in the heat of the moment, and if ur mum says anything just say to her that hes ur son not her daughter... this has worked very well several times on my fil who has said various things bout my parenting.... just recently it was cos my son is constantly saying maccas cheeseburger, he gets it on the VERY rare occasion, but when they took him to mcdonalds for breakfast and then told me it wasnt good that he had it so offten, i firmly told him he has it so often cos you take him! (and hes not ur son to say so there!!)

sorry im rambeling but just stand ur ground any which way she will respect you for it in her heart even if she doesnt show it :)

good luck with the terrible 2's n as i'm alsways being told, it will pass ;)

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