how do i stop my 2 yr olds obsession with his 10 year old brother??

Kristin - posted on 07/07/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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i need some help desperately.

my son is 2, my step son is 10, and my step daughter is 13.
my son loves his brother and sister sooooooo much! it's adorable. but the problem is, my son is always up my step son's butt and it annoys him. when he come back from being with his mom, my son almost never leaves his side. my ss will go into his room to play the xbox and my son is right beside him. he gives him a broken controller to play with and my son will sit beside him and pretend he is playing too. it's so cute! but what is not cute and annoying to my ss is when my he tries to do something and my son is always in the way or wanting to play. like when he sits down and we are all watching tv together. my son will start to jump on him and throw things at him to make him play when my ss doesn't want to play. when we eat, my son moves himself over to my ss plate and starts throwing his food and tries to eat it. when my ss is playing his psp, my son will come up and want to play too so he grabs it and throws it across the room.
now i understand that my son is just over the moon about his big brother and loves him so much. when he goes to his moms, my son misses him and calls for him. when he comes back home, my son just wants to play all day long with him but my ss doesn't. i understand that my 10 year old ss doesn't want to play with a 2 year old all day long, but i do expect him to show him attention and not just be annoyed with him.
i just don't know what to do!!!!! i can't seem to distract my son with anything else when my ss is around. my 2 year old son will even throw things at my ss and hurt him. he thinks he is playing and it's funny. we correct him immediately. i put him on time out and i smack his butt. when time out is over, my son will go over and say sorry to him and give him a hug and kiss. but then he will do it again!
he just doesn't seem to listen when my ss is around. he doesn't really act this way with his sister. i think it's because she shows him more attention when she is there and my ss doesn't. also, when my ss does play with my son, they rough house and he thinks that is funner than playing with his sister.
i just need some suggestions or something. i can see my ss being so annoyed with my son and with me because i think he thinks i just allow this to happen. how can i get my son to stop being like this with my ss?????????? i'm sure he will eventually grow out of this, but for now, i need HELP!

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Michelle - posted on 07/08/2012

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My daughter does the same thing to her brother if he has been away for any amount of time my rule is that when my son gets home from his dads he gets an hour to himself to readjust to being home, then he has to spend an hour with his sister doing whatever they usually watch tv, then since he gets home in the evening it is time for her bath and bedtime. My son will usually come up and kiss her goodnight on the day he gets home. The rest of the time I will insist he spend at least an hour with her each day normally we send them outside they jump on the trampoline or go in the pool. My daughter is 3 and he is 11, so he has no use for playing anymore but he puts in the effort as if he gives her a little of his time she stops trying to get his attention all of the time.

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Tina - posted on 07/10/2012

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I've learnt with my son. Because he has a safetly gate on his bedroom door. Was originally put there so i could do chores and know he wasn't getting into anything. He's 2. Today he chucked one of those tantrums I put him in his room. I tell him you act like that you miss out. And he goes in his room. Without any tv or anything. When he's comes out he's in a better mood. Not always but he learns if he does it again he goes back. Or tv's and favourite things get turned off. There's nothing wrong with him looking up to big brother and playing but when he gets to full on he needs to know. And it's good you're trying to show him that. Just need to find a way that he'll take notice or just be persistant. It takes time sometimes.

Kelina - posted on 07/10/2012

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perhaps if you tried different consequences? Instead of a spank for throwing and hitting(talk about contradiction, I used to do it myself till I realized that hitting him for hitting probably wasn;t the best lesson) maybe try taking away a toy or something. Maybe the toy he throws? With my son, timeouts worked really well at that age, but my daughter responds better to being put in her room for timeout. there are no toys in there and her blanket gets taken out on timeout. It could be useful in letting your son know that when he acts like that he doesn't get to play with his step brother anymore. Also maybe putting a safety lock on your stepsons door handle so that he has a safe haven in the house, somewhere that he can use for alone time.

Kristin - posted on 07/08/2012

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louise,
we do do this. i tell my ss to say sternly to my son "all done." that doesn't work a bit lol. he still jumps all over him and throws things at him and wants to play. we do this several times but just doesn't work.

Louise - posted on 07/08/2012

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You just have to say to your step son that when he has had enough he has to tell him firmly no. Give him time to adjust to this and then try and get his attention from his brother for a while. He will learn over time that he can play sometimes but not all. As long as your SS is comfortable and feels able to say go away to him, its ok.

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