How do you get through just having your second child with an active toddler

User - posted on 06/06/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am wanting to have a second baby. I adore my 2 yr old son, and he is super active all the time. I know at first it will be tough, keeping the balance but Im wondering like as soon as you get out of the hospital with newborn, what did you do to balance taking care of you, toddler and newborn?

My husband will be going back to work I know about a 3 or so days after baby is born, and I have a supportive family but they all work so they wont be able to come help me out. lol with my first I did it practically on my own. Of course the hubby helped when he could but he works and needed his sleep. I know it was really tough on me, really tough, I went through PPD and took a yr to recover. I am better now thank God, and know that I will make it through better second time around. Im just nervous about all the stress, I just want to avoid the emotions I had when I had my first.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks in advance!

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Luludi - posted on 06/09/2013

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I can tell you about my experience, I hope it will help you feel more relaxed. Although I think that all children are so different that it is difficult to compare situations... When my boy was born my girl was 17 months old. She was also very active and incapable of spending two minutes on her own. Well, things were tough at first. Especially the first few weeks, my daughter seemed to have lost all her sleeping habits, I spent the nights feeding one and then running to reassure the other... But my impression was that she wasn't so shocked by the new arrival as by the 4 days I spent in hospital. She was too young to really understand the situation, she could say only five words, and who knows what she thought about my absence... She spent a lot of time at my parents', and whenever she could get to the phone she would call "mama" in it. However things got better soon. Fortunately my boy either slept or sat peacefully in his seat, just needed to be put in the cradle still awake and promptly went to sleep without cuddling and singing for hours, very different from what his sister had been like. That meant I could still spend a lot of time with her. And you'll see how more efficient you'll be with the second one, in washing, feeding etc. I had no time left when I had only one, the thought of looking after 2 of them was appalling! Actually the second was a "surprise", I would never have chosen to get pregnant when my girl was 8 months old!! But I found the stress didn't double. It was a bit more at the beginning, before being able to coordinate their naps f.e. Now they both sleep from 2 to 4 or 5 pm - it's great!
Now my boy is 16 months old, and I can say I haven't noticed important signs of jealousy in either of them. My girl is very tender and affectionate to him, although she hasn't got the sweetest of tempers. She hugs and kisses him and uses the same words I use with her... they're really sth to see! They quarrel also, because each of them always wants to do what the other is doing, but it's never serious. I switch on tv more often, when I need my girl to be engaged bc I need to do sth with the boy, or when i need to keep them both quiet for ten minutes... And when I start to feel guilty I just look at them and see how they enjoy the presence of the other, and things will get even better when the little one will grow up more to play with his sister. Now I am so happy about the small age difference! When one of them is at granma's the other plays more quietly for a while, but then he/she starts to look bored and lonely. And I know that I have given each of them the greatest of presents!
Well, that's all for now. If you think you need more details on practical aspects, I hope I can be of some help.
Bye

Cmoline32 - posted on 06/09/2013

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Sounds like we are in a very similar situation. My daughter still isn't potty trained. We have tried, several times, with no luck at this point. Double diaper duty is not fun! lol. They both like to make poopy at the same time....lucky me! :)

This second time around I also learned to make up night time bottles ahead of time and have the formula and bottles next to me so that I don't have to stress and search in the middle of the night. I guess I just feel more organized, in general, this time around.

Having help from Daddy is huge when the second one comes along. My husband is a teacher, so he's home for the summer right now. It's so great to have him here every day and is giving me a chance to do a lot of things one on one with both of my girls.

Glad I could help ease your mind a bit. Fell free to contact me any time. It would be great to keep in touch.

Christy

Cmoline32 - posted on 06/08/2013

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I had my second child 3 months ago. My first is 2 1/2. I'm not going to lie it has been rough! I'm exhausted all of the time and I feel a lot of guilt. I love both of my girls dearly and I want to give both of them the attention that they crave, but it isn't always that easy. My daughter went through a period of being very clingy and then very upset with me. She didn't really want anything to do with me or the baby, she became a Daddy's girl. However, 3 months later, she is much happier, we have developed a routine, and she has opened back up with me. Just be sure that you plan time (while baby is asleep) to do things just with your son. His world will be turned upside and you need to try to make him feel like he is still an important part of your life. Give him jobs to help you with the baby. Read books or make up games while you are feeding baby....etc. You can do it and it's totally worth it, but it'll probably be difficult at first. Just takes a little time to adjust and figure out what your new normal will look like.

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User - posted on 06/09/2013

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About potty training lol I have introduced the potty and he knows what it is and what we do in it. He will even pee in the potty on occasion, I havent really tried to get him to go just when he shows an interest when we are already in the bathroom. He definently does not want to even come close to pooping in the potty yet but we will walk around the yard and he will talk about the different animals and tell me they poop. Its hilarious, Im just gonna give him time though, Im so afraid of pushing him so Im just gonna let him go at his own pace and just be there for when he needs me. Maybe he will be trained by the time we have another.
I do like the aspect that you can have children somewhat close in age. I have 5 sisters and a brother, most are alot older than I and the closest one is 4 yrs odler than me. During early age she would play with me, but once I got about 7 or 8 she stopped and I would always want her to play but she wouldnt, like she was too old. Maybe 3 yrs apart would make a little difference in mine.
I breast fed my first, only for 2 1/2 mo then I dried up. During the night though my hubby helped me with diapers but of course I had the rest feeding and getting him back to sleep. I would love to have him home for the summer, that really is a blessing! Im kinda on the fence to about trying to breastfeed again. I wanted to sooo bad and so thankful I had the chance, but could only for a short time. He had a hard time latching and I had to use a sheild almost the whole time, it was rough. I guess Im going to decide a little closer to when or if we have another. He didnt get sick until he was past 1 and i feel that breastmilk did help with his immune system and want the same for another other child.

One of my sisters got preg. with her second at 8 months, a suprise also. I dont really remember much of it because my dad had just passed away and I was in a fog. Id feel really bad to ask her a bunch of questions about my nephew which I should already know!

Both of you have really helped me and do make me feel like I can do this lol. God will bring a way. With my first I was too proud to ask for help too so I guess that caused alot of my anxiety but I have learned now Im gonna ask for as much as I need
Thank yall again, Ill try to keep in touch and let ya know if I may have another

User - posted on 06/09/2013

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Thanks Christy! I am hoping for a large family and hoping to have another soon. It does make me nervous though. Thats really what I worry about my son being jealous. He is a mommas baby. He loves doing stuff with me so hopefully Ill be able to make some good time with him while the baby is sleeping. I guess thats one good thing having multiple, the newborn does sleep alot. He is almost 2 1/2 and if I were to get pregnant soon he'll be about 3 so he'll be more able to help me with things and have more independance. Im also hoping he'll be potty trained by the time I have another, he's not yet but Im prob gonna start this yr.
Im also thinking about the tiredness. Hoping I can set a schedule with my hubby to let me go to bed early when our oldest falls asleep at night so I can catch some of a break. I felt like a zombie and remember finding bottles, and other stuff in closets, radom places lol.
Im glad that your oldest is coming back to you, I understand the guilt but always remember its normal and you are doing your best, it sure sounds like you have it all together well. its good it didnt take any longer than it did too.
Thanks for the advice that really helps and takes some worry off my shoulders

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