how do you teach your in-laws to back off when trying to train your child?

Caroline - posted on 10/30/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my 3 year old co-sleeps with us. i am trying to get him to fall asleep without crying for me so i can have alone time, but it usually takes till midnight or later to get him to sleep with or without me. id like to get him on a schedule so he can go to pre-school in a few months....i know he can do this, and i know all the techniques, the problem is that we live with family and they tell me i am making him feel abandoned and hurting his feelings by leaving the room. (i do check on him every 5-10 mins) i knw he is safe, and i know im doing right, but how do i explain this to others, and how do i keep my son from seeing them undermind my authority in front of him?

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Pradnya - posted on 10/30/2013

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i m no expert but i know one thing . Mother knows what's best for her child . And so go with ur gut feeling .If u think he is ready by all means do what u feel is right to make him independent . What happens with inlaws is they forget their time as parents and so end up giving unnecessary advice sometimes . They may have good intentions . If they seem to undermine ur authority in front of ur kiddo , avoid getting into arguments with them . Keep ur cool n refrain from giving unnecessary explanations . Tell them let me do what i m doing and we can talk later . Later when kiddo is not there , find a good time and bring out the subject . Listen to what they hav to say n let them know that , their advice is valued but u would like to do it ur way . N u Would seek advice if needed. If the forget later again remind them . Do talk to ur partner n keep him in loop so that u both r on same page .It will be though n will require patience .I feel for u n hope this helps dear . Tk cr

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Caroline - posted on 10/30/2013

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thanks so much for the advice Pradnya. I think I'm going to wright my FIL a letter and use some of the things you said. Its hard standing up to the person that pays your bills, but he SHOULD understand that I am my son's mother, and I DO know what is best for him....i tried talking to my husband about it, but he would NEVER stand up to his dad. he will just sit there and be quiet, and i will take care of it.

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