How to deal with people when they say your child doesnt look like you?

[deleted account] ( 19 moms have responded )

I have been dealing with this since she was born. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. I have brown hair and hazel eyes. It has been consuming me that I just get so hurt by it. I am tired of carrying my baby pictures around, and being so paranoid that people look at us funny all the time...

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Robin - posted on 09/10/2014

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My Son shared with me these girls ask him why don't you look like your brother he is fine.i have two handsome sons. I told him not to say he does not know... Ask them why they don't look like Beyonce, unbelievable these kids.

Courtney - posted on 03/08/2010

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My husband it hispanic and I am caucasian...our girls CLEARLY look hispanic!! I get asked all the time if I "like being a nanny" or if I'm the "step-mom". You just can't let it get to you. I'm sure that maybe it isn't 'slap you in the face" apparent that your daughter looks like you, but I'm sure that once pointed out that you are the mother, the resemblance is visible. My girls, for example, have my hair color...that's about it! Haha!! They have my reddish brown hair, but mine is still redder than theirs, and their daddy's hair is black. So, just blow them off. I sometimes tell people that "my husband claims they are mine, but I'm waiting on the DNA results". Lol :)

Keisha - posted on 03/09/2010

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My husband is Hispanic and my kids are much lighter than I am. Even though my oldest favors me a lot, the fact that he is much lighter in color you cant really tell. Just the other day I was with my son at his school and one of the other mothers that I had met many times before and talked to many times said "he must really look like his dad huh?" I said in a laughing tone.."yep he sure does you should see my youngest he's the spitting image." I have learned not to let this bother me because people tend to speak before thinking many times. I just let it go in one ear and out the other, smile and move on. Most people just dont knwo what to say. I dont think most of them are intentionally being rude, they're just not thinking about what they say before they say it and they're not realizing that it may be a soft subject with you. This is not to say its right...its just the world we live in. :o)

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Pryank - posted on 01/13/2015

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at least you all from same race. I am a light skinned black woman that have had it with people obsessively looking at me and my son as though he should be darker and assuming he must be half White. Why do people Think every black person has to be a certain dark complexion? People are so ignorant as to Think that you have to be half cast in order to be so cute. And countries like Belgium and France are the worst to travel to. people will go say'the mixed race baby'. just cause Im one shade darker, just one. does not mean my baby is half White. It Went to the Point where my midwives gave me extra iron during my second pregnancy saying my first Child is too pale to be of two black parents.

Amy - posted on 12/02/2014

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People are always saying to my baby 'is that your mommy?' Drives me crazy!!' Does this ever happen to you?

Elizabeth - posted on 03/11/2010

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I hate it also when MIL says my son looks like his dad when he was a baby!!!! but the comparison is way off!!!!!! Don't get me wrong they have some features, but our son does not look completely like the father side.....

Jo Lynn - posted on 03/10/2010

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Hi, I am new at this c o moms. thing. but i am very out spoken. honey, people are just stupid. i have been married 4 times and i have 4 lovely daughters. 3 of them have the same dad and the youngest one is by the man i am married to know. 2 of my oldest one act just like and look just like my husband. and they are not even his. and i hear all the time that its funny how them two look like him and the little one don't. Well they need to see baby pictures.

Liz - posted on 03/10/2010

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I hear the same all the time I just tell them... Really?? you are the 1st person told me that.

Maggie - posted on 03/10/2010

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Dont let it get to you. The coloring may be different, but just wait, her facial expressions and mannerisms could be identical to yours, or a smirk or the way her hair parts- whatever. She's yours, just enjoy knowing that much:)

Brittany - posted on 03/09/2010

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Ah, don't worry about what other people think! You know she is your daughter and thats all that matters. My mother still has to deal with that and I am 23 years old, both my brother and I have dark brown hair and eyes and she has light blonde hair and bright blue eyes. When people say she doesn't resemble you simply look at her and say something like: "Hm, well I'm in there somewhere :)" or "She's gorgeous". Shake it off Mama, you have more important things to worry about than other ppl's ignorant statements.

Taylor - posted on 03/08/2010

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i hate this also. my son looks exactly like his dad. everytime we are out people always have to make comments. it is frustrating but i just blow it off now. i know hes mine.

Ashley - posted on 03/08/2010

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Umm, duhr! She has a dad too! Has it ever dawned on them that she may look like her father?!! My son came out looking just like his dad & black hair. All his hair fell out & it came back blonde! Both me & his daddy have dark hair, BUT when we were small we both had blond-ish hair! I've even had ppl tell me he looks like my bf's 15yr old brother! You cnt let it bother you! Every child is not going to be a spitting image of their parent, everyone has their own unique look!

[deleted account]

I agree w/Stacy, tell them she looks every bit like HERSELF! She is an individual and we are sooo proud that she got her own special blend :D My boys both looked like me until they were about 7mos or soo...and then their brown hair went blond, curls kicked in, and w/their blue eyes our outer appearances seemed different...they still look like me & my side of the family people are just dumb! If you look past the hair color and eye color you might find something! My sister & I look ALOT alike, but she dyes her hair ALOT!!! So when she comes around w/odd colors ppl NEVER think we look alike, but as soon as she goes earth tones BAM! Then we hear crap like "you guys could be twins" Its udderly rediculous! Amazing what a little color will do! Try dying your hair to match the babies and you'll see what I mean!

Stacy - posted on 03/07/2010

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To compair a child and a parent is a common thing. I look at kids and try to see who they look like to. Sometimes they don't look like niether parent. My oldest son looks just like my brother.
My opinion is to don't stress over what other people think. She don't look like you, maybe she looks like someone else in your family. When people say something about her not looking like you, tell them no she doesn't, she looks like herself. A beautiful little girl. You carried her for 9 months, you know she is yours.

Jamie - posted on 03/05/2010

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I get this a lot! Both my daughters favor my husband. My oldest daughter has red hair, the only thing she has like me is brown eyes which are more multi colored like her dad's he has blue with brown streaks. My youngest got my hair color which was blond when I was her age and turned brown when I got older. She has blue eyes, really bright blue. I just shrug it off most the time or joke " hey I'll never need a paternity test". Sometimes it hurts but I know they are my girls they have my attitude haha! They are both petite like me I'm only 5'1". The only thing that scares me is I'm afraid that one day we will be out and they'll refuse to go with me and yell something like you're not my mommy and then I'll have to find a way other than looks to prove that they are mine. Hopefully that never happens though.

April - posted on 03/05/2010

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I've had people tell me this too...random people in public usually. If these people have children of their own with them then I just say "really? I was thinking the same about your kids" People don't realize that some things they say can be hurtful until it's said to them. I used to do the same thing when i was preggo and people would touch my belly (random people) ....I'd tough theirs back....Got some of the weirdest looks and I think they realized what they did was not appropriate.

Erin - posted on 03/05/2010

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Let me know if you find a good way of dealing! I've had this since DD was born, jokes like "We know who the father is but not sure of the mother" etc I also find it terribly hurtful. Just know you're not alone...HUGS!

Meghan - posted on 03/05/2010

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when my son was born I heard this all the time..and it did kinda upset me. There where a lot of jokes from my ex's side of the family. Now, he looks exactly like me, strangers point it out even. (And I am sure, knowing my ex's side of the family there may eventually be things said about this) So try not to let it bother you and hold on to the fact that as she gets older, more and more of your physical (and characteristic) traits will come out!

Marcy - posted on 03/05/2010

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I get it all the time also....especially from my MIL who thinks that my son got all his looks from her side of the family. When people say to me "Oh, he doesn't look anything like you." just respond back "Really, you are the very first person to say that." then walk away. Honestly, who cares right? You know she is yours and so do all of your close friends and family.

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