I am going crazy, my 3 year old had recently started misbehaving and doing naughty things she knows she shouldn't and has not necessarily done before. She back answers and refuses to listen I am imbarresed by her behaviour as she is usually very well behaved I don't know what to do. Is the purly acting out because more of my time is taken up by her 7 month old brother? I am really trying to make an effort to make sure she gets special time aswell


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J - posted on 01/31/2013




Wow! I can't believe you said that, Valerie!! The problem with that is she will only learn that when she does or says something you think is wrong her buns hurt! Instead of explaining to her how these words or actions make you and other people feel.

Anyway, Katrina...I just wanted to add maybe have her help you care for her baby brother ie: bring you diapers or wipes, or have her "babysit" him for the 30 seconds it takes you to go grab something. It will make her feel like she is important and possible change her outlook on the baby. Hope that helps!

Valerie Evelyn - posted on 01/30/2013




beat that a** so it can learn its mother****** lesson d*** white folks act like they scared of they kids.

Rebecca - posted on 02/11/2009




it probably is related to new baby as well as having more ability with language. however you should stop feeling embarrassed by her as this will only worsen things -- there is nothing to be embarrassed about -- kids will be kids, and no human being is perfect, let alone kids who haven't learnt social norms of behaviour yet.

this is the beginning of her learning socialisation -- it is an opportunity for you to discuss with her (rather than just tell her) why we treat people particular ways, and how we need to talk to people if we want other people to like us. this conversation will probably continue until they are adults. rather sit her down next time she acts up (or as close to the acting up as reasonably possible) and remind her of her behaviour, and ask her how she would feel if someone said something like that to her. listen closely to her answer, then tell her how you feel when she says something like that to you. explain that it hurts. she must start getting a sense that words can hurt and that we need to think about what words we use with people.

after the long conversation with her, where you discuss it -- using simple language, but not talking down to her, but using the tone of voice you use with others (adults?) when you are trying to resolve a problem between you - after this, next time she says something rude you can say in a calm way: "ouch! that hurt! were you trying to hurt me?" if she claims to be wanting to hurt you then try to establish why with questions and discuss that. but normally (in my experience) they will feel bad that they hurt you because they do love you.

you will need to have these conversations with her about her actions throughout her life.

if you find the coversations and telling her how you feel are not enough, then you turn to the "consequences" strategy. for my daughter, the consequence of being rude to me is that i don't want to spend time with her, and she must go into time out until she can apologise for being rude and talk nicely. if you are in a public place, then tell her you don't want to talk to you until she apologises as she hurt your feelings, and then ignore anything she says until she apologises -- if she tries to get around it by being good and making a joke or something like that, reiterate that you will only talk to her when she has apologised for her bad behaviour.

i found the most incredible resource on getting to kids to listen was the books 'how to talk so your kids will listen, and how to listen so your kids will talk' and by the same authors 'liberated parents, liberated children'.

the talking solution is fantastic in that in encourages all of us (including our children) to talk through our problems, which is a skill you can give them that will serve for the rest of their lives. i have found it very effective in dealing with my daughter (she's now 5).

from time to time we do have to reiterate that she needs to talk to us nicely (hell, what human doesn't sometimes slip up and say the wrong thing sometimes?), but we don't have to have a long conversation about it, because she knows that we find this unacceptable... and its happening less and less over time.

i actually use this strategy not just for talking back, but for anything that involves behaviour i find unacceptable. i don't impose 'consequences' on her without first having a conversation with her about it, where she has chance to express herself, but thereafter i make very clear that there are consequences -- and invent consequences appropriate to the behaviour (i.e. every action has consequences and its best to create consequences that are as closely related to the behaviour as possible -- which sometimes involves quite some thinking as a parent -- but if we want our kids to show due consideration, i believe we must be thinking parents who give due consideration to our children).

good luck and i hope it helps.

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